today is my sister’s 23rd birthday.

trust me when i tell you that it’s not easy being my little sister.

throughout the years i did things like chase her around with knives, i threw her keys on the roof of the house, i vandalized her posters and magazines, i may have killed one of her dogs, hid a variety of things, listened in on a few conversations of her talking to her friends to find out if they had crushes on me, and continually lobbied to my mother that she was being far too generous with her. normal brother stuff.

but the worst thing i did was get born. and worse, i did it a year before she did.

i steamrolled through elementary school, junior high, and high school like a tornado. every teacher, student, and principal knew my name and either totally hated my ass or fell in love. and because we didn’t look very much alike, people would constantly say, “you’re tony’s sister?”

what little kid wants to be known as somebody’s sister? especially when she was an angel and i was far from that. look at that body language!

angie and i could not be more different. i was super good at sports and terrible at getting good grades, my sister was an honor roll student and a cheerleader. because of that there were a lot of clashes within the pierce household, and when my mom got a stereo the common war zone was the living room and the soundtrack was ac/dc’s back in black, which angie got for a gift and which i instantly purloined and cranked as loudly as possible every day for many years while she practiced her flute.

if there was a career in how to torture your sister i would be a zillionaire. i believe there were incidents of locking her into basements, closets, neighbors houses, cop cars. i remember certain moments where fellas would come over to court her and i told them they were at the wrong house. and of course there were the firefights.

and yet my sister stuck by me. probably because i never narced on her during some of the many stealth parties that she threw when my mom was out of town. and i was always there to protect her in the shadows of school, like any brother. not that she needed my protection, there was very little that anyone could have done to torture her that she didn’t experience in the safety of her own home.

years later my sister met the man of her dreams. and the funny thing was, i liked him right away. dave is mild mannered, smart, patient and still calls my mom mrs. pierce. thats respect. they bought a huge house. filled it with all the animals that angie loves, comfy couches, pretty much everything that she had in the barbie dreamhouse that i turned x-rated and then lit on fire but now it was full-sized and wonderful.

so what has my sister done lately? no offense to my friends with kids, but she and dave brought to the world the cutest little girl in the world. kyla joanne.

when they were out here last month, kyla was sick but never cried. it was amazing. i dont know what they put in her bottle but all that little girl ever did was look at you and smile and point at you and hold your finger and laugh. if she closed her eyes and started to get irritated, my sister and my brother in law knew exactly what to do. it was crazy. full on esp. they should write a book.

so heres to my sister, bears fan, bulls fan, cubs fan, def lepard fan. her first concert, with me, was the jackson five, but then i think her second one was rick springfield at great america. if i was a good brother and ever called her, id know.

happy 23rd angie. i love you so very much. i love that you call mom “mother”, i love that you still live in the silly suburb that we grew up in. i love that you are your own person and nothing like me and a much better soul. and i love that you are my sister.

anti + iron mouth + terra

one and a half days and theres already a controversy

the fine company that is publishing How To Blog has put the original cover under review to see if i am breaking any copyright law by using it.

it would have been nice if they had emailed me to let me know of their concerns, but, you know, whatev.

the way i see it the artist who puts out all of the graffit-based obey/giant art wants his image everywhere which is why he provides it for free for people to download and stick on things.

in a way im sticking it on the best thing that ive made in years.

ive emailed the guy and hopefully it will reach him and if im lucky he will give me permission to use the image, which i consider to be typical of what youre bound to see on a corner here in hollywood.

i have always appreciated his street art and the anarchistic feeling and its questioning and its punk rock asthetics and i think it jibes perfectly with what id like to see more of in blogging.

until i get his permission, however, the books will be printed with the cover above.

im sorry for any inconvenience any of this may have caused you.

if, say, the dude says its cool and the publishing company accepts his email as proof, anyone who gets the cover you see in this post will have a rare book indeed.

so order now.

i dont even have that cover.

hot utah prison guard + just a girl + tink

anna’s coming over.

we’re going to sort through the nominations.

she said, want me to pick up anything on the way? have you eaten?

i was all, oh man, get a bucket and some mashed potatoes at kfc.

but she hates the smell of kfc so shes about to pick me up so i can go in and get the finest american delicacy next to blonde immigrants.

and today i have to tip my hat to all the americans who have to work today.

thank you.

why is it that im more thankful the day after thanksgiving than on thanksgiving?

but im very grateful that there are people who are all, yeah, sucks, but lets go.

for many years i sold retail electronics and today is the superbowl for commission salespeople.

by now, 2pm, heres hoping that youve already broken crazy records.

on a great day people are waiting for you to help them. on a great day the sales are just one after another. everythings smooth. everythings in stock. everything is perfect for the person and they get it and they pay quick and theyre out.

one day after thanksgiving at sears we had this four head hifi vcr for $288 that paid us 8%. $20 a pop.

at one point it got a little slow, so i took a stack of them off the floor and into the back room and five minutes later i rolled them right next to the big screens and said, “look! i found the last ten!”

and then they were gone.

right now im listening to the new gwen stefani record.

it fluctuates between being a super annoying cd into pretty good.

“Luxurious” is my favorite jam. a ripoff of biggie smalls and dr. dre. the type of song that i expected when i heard that gwen was putting out her first solo record.

this is the sort of slowjam that was so successful when she dueted with eve back in the day.

unfortunately she dabbles far too much in cheesy 80s synth crap and panders to euro and asian pop sensibilities best left in the alley behind the roxbury – not coming from the hottest chick in showbiz.

for the first time ever it makes you really appreciate no doubt records and their goofy guitar player who writes all the songs.

hes painfully missing from this collection.

there are parts of the 80s that were miserable. mrs rossdale found every single one and put a lot of them in “The Real One”.

whats good about the new gwen stefani record is it makes the new u2 record not suck so much.

ray guarrd + flagrant + who said ev could go to europe?

today is buy nothing day.

if i knew this earlier i would have named my book Nothing

and put it out today.

i’ll have to remember that for next year.

i wonder if ebay would let me sell nothing.

i wonder how much people would pay for it.

i wonder how much i should charge for shipping.

i wonder if it would be ok if i just sent an envelope.

if you even send an envelope havent you sent them something (an envelope) and therefore lied?

i dont wanna lie.

maybe i should just make a paypal button and cut out the damn middleman.

maybe i should do it before treacher beats me to it.

since im an accused contrarian youd think if i was id be totally into buy nothing day.

i think its cool, but what else are people supposed to do the day after thanksgiving?

you cant expect them to hang out with their relatives for two full days. enough is enough already.

they did a newscast from the best buy in burbank last night at 11pm and people were already standing in line for some shit that they were going to buy at 6am.

like $139 24″ flat screens at wal*mart.

anytime you can get people to spend the night in line, im for it.

but yes, Christmas is overcommercialized, and the religiousness has been sucked out of it. but at the heart of todays shopping is giving. which is a good thing.

even though i have a feeling that alot of the giving that will be happening today is people giving to themselves. and thats fine too.

the funny thing about buy nothing day is if i was like the president of it

and if i really wanted people to stop participating in the “frantic consumer-binge that’s become our culture” i would pull the reverse psychology on them and tell them to go shopping today

with all the crowds

and the crappy parking

and the long lines

and traffic

cuz then next year theyd be all, yeah fuck day after thanksgiving shopping.

infact maybe they’ll be all mmmmmm online shopping.

brand democrat has a nice little online store, for example.

or maybe today should be donate something day.

i never thought donating could be so controversial, but today i flowed the profits of yesterdays book sales to the world food programme which is currently struggling to feed the refugees of darfur.

the truth is people are programmed to buy things and give things.

no need to fight it.

it’s what seperates us from the terrorists.

that, and blogging.

sean bonner + lost in a lunchbox + rick abbott