yes i remembered that today is danielles birthday too.

how can i forget?

every day that i go to work and shes not there its like a nightmare.

for a while there we would spend all lunch and each of our breaks hanging out.

sometimes we would watch tv at my house and eat thai food

sometimes we would just fly around with chopper one on autopilot and look down on the stars.

ive only gone to san diego for two reasons. because my first girlfriend ever wanted to see me. and to go visit danielle two months ago.

some people you meet and you click perfectly. nothing needs to be altered.

some people you meet and no matter what you do its all fucked up.

danielle and i are a great team, we’re good friends, and i miss her terribly.

shes about 5 times better looking in person than in her pictures.

and about ten times more fun than i could ever describe.

once before she even really knew me she met me at a tsar show in venice and she danced even though everyone was standing around trying to be cool.

she wasnt worried about being cool.

in a perfect world i would have won the lottery and bought her a condo down there, one with a landing pad and a hot tub.

somewhere theres some college students who are very fortunate to have our girl as their TA.

lord knows i never had a TA like her.

happy 23rd birthday danielle k.

my life is empty without you.

last days of danielle + a good pic of her + danielles blog keeping it real

flagrant thinks i forgot her birthday.

yeah right.

to honor her on her birthday i gave her the second anna award of all time. i also took the day off so if she wanted to chat she could.

secretly i want her to interview me about my book. maybe someone else will volunteer when they get theirs.

to honor her i sent britney spears over to the malibu pet store to pick up a paris hilton taco bell doggie to hand deliver.

mostly hairless to prevent any allergic reactions.

to honor her i had the webster dictionary people wait until today to announce that “blog” is number one word of the year.

to honor our favorite valley girl, sk smith updated her damn page to show us all how we can give the gift of a goat to people.

thank you sara.

flagrant is one of my favorite writers.

if her site wasnt down right now shed be saying something like, “why does Sports Illustrated think you can call it a blog when it’s really just five guys writing individual columns once a week?”

“the sports ‘daily blog‘” she would say, “is neither.”

and thats why i love her.

that and her devilish sneer at dumb people.

she says shes moving to portland and that makes me sad.

she says that shes getting better, physically, and that makes me happy.

no matter where she is or what she does i hope that she keeps blogging and i hope she takes it easy with her penchant to delete posts.

its exciting, but ultimately exhausting. and its a bad precident for the kids. of whom i know she loves.

if i knew her address i would send her two books. the first being mine, and the second being the most fucked up person alive tells all

which i am glad to see is still in print

cuz it’s funny.

happy 25th birthday ms fragrant disregard.

move your blog to nothing special and when you do tell em tony sent you and os will cut you a deal.

the kids ask me my advice all the time.

rarely do they listen.

recently ive heard more than a few of the college-aged kids talking about marriage, even though theyve been with their true loves for a year or less.

it makes me wonder what the fuck theyre teaching at these universities of higher learning.

history will tell you that marriage pretty much doesnt work no matter who you are.

current events will show you that the divorce rate is the highest its ever been.

and literature will show you that all the poetry and song and creativity and lalalalalove happens during the chase, not after

so if you love love and romance and butterflies,

why would you ever go down the dark road of failure

just like the other suckers?

and the answer is always the same.

because we’re different.

because you dont know us tony.

because this guy is the best there ever was.

we’re so perfect together, omg.

and its so sad that most of the kids are girls, and therefore wouldnt understand the analogy, probably, but i want to say

the yankees had jeter, sheffield, matsui, posada, brown, rivera, mussina, bernie willams, and a-rod and they still lost.

the lakers had kobe, shaq, malone, and the glove and they lost too.

i want to say, dont you understand, everyone loses.

i want to say, what did you learn from romeo and juliet?

i want to say, i learned that people generally have no clue what love is and will usually self destruct if they get it. and that goes double for kids.

remember when i told you about me and bob and how we had to sit in the back of the class during school cuz we were so gifted? heres what i knew in high school, thanks to the aid of hindsight:

how to beat off without getting caught

my locker combination

the names of every baseball player on every team

my way to the busstop

heres everything i knew at 21:

who would pay me to go on beer runs

every word of every springsteen song

how to touch a girl under a blanket while watching twin peaks with her friends

how to make a bong out of anything

how to eat and drink all day with three dollars

basically i knew nothing.

and imagine if i had actually dated some different girls, and one thing led to another and i ended up marrying them in my early twenties. when i knew nothing.

people should get married like how they realize their socks are old. you just know.

there should be a moment when the one looks at the other and says, fucking a ive known you how long? shit. fine, lets just do it then.

courts should decide who should get hitched. certainly not the participants.

i love love. dont get me wrong. that feeling is like no other.

it’s like drugs plus drugs

which is what makes it legal.

but just barely.

and ive been intoxicated before. and ive been out of my mind before. wonderfully so.

and i have been out of my mind in love before.

you blow all your money, you say and do stupid things, pretty much everyone around you is annoyed by you, and you look funny.

its cute.

the telling part though is that when people are scared out of their minds all the above fit as well.

and many times, ive noticed that people when theyre thinking about marriage saying things like, i want to keep this man, i want to hold on to this feeling, etc. they say things that sound like its coming from fear and not love.

when people vote from a place of fear they settle for george bush.

and then they get mad at you when you keep bringing him up.

only gays have earned the right to get married.

if i was president it would be a five year process to get married.

youd have to register when you became “engaged.” then youd have to start living together. then once a month the neighborhood cop would be required to check in on you and ask some personal questions.

very personal questions.

after their first year together the man would have to be responsible for the dishes, and learn how to cook.

the woman would have to watch sports and read bukowski.

once a month they would be required to babysit for a local family.

after the second year they would be required to take basic accounting classes at the junior college, gardening, and home repair.

the cop would come by now twice a month but his questions would become more personal. and if you lie to him, no marriage for you.

sometime during this year they are also required to move to a new apartment.

and yes, condom use will be manditory.

after the third year together the couple would be required to volunteer at a battered womans center, at an emergency room, at an orphanage, and at a homeless shelter. once a week, ingrates.

the man will be tested on his ability to make a homemade chicken noodle soup, a casserole of some sort, a rare steak, a filet of fish, and ice cream from scratch.

the woman will be required to win in at least one fantasy football league.

if they succeed then they will have to move into seperate apartments for the next year. and only three sleepovers a week.

after the fourth year, if they still want to go through with it, they can move back in with each other and they can send out the invitations to the wedding.

if marriage is so central to american life that the president would think its so necessary to push a constitutional ammendment to protect it, you’d think that theyd go a little further than just say, no gays.

people should also have higher taxes during their engagement.


anti has a blook out + so does ryan mcgee + the gorilla flask awards + oliver willis sent me the trojan ad

2004 anna awards

best vacation pictures

flagrant disregard, santa barbara, california

my vacation was absolutely perfect except for one blunder.

after a sleepless night in yangon with time spent in the dim worrying whether the arrest of the burmese prime minister would immediately unravel the country’s banking and transportation infrastructure, i subsequently had a strenuous day flying out of myanmar… add another sleepless and rushed night in thailand, 110 mile an hour 3:30am cab ride to the airport, seven hour flight from bangkok to tokyo, a super boring four hour typhoon related delay at narita, and then a nine hour leg swelling connection to the usa, i was supposed to remain alert enough to use an 11 hour layover in portland to go house hunting- but i neglected to bring my driver’s license with me.

specifically, it had been left at home as unnecessary with only the potential to get lost or stolen in asia. an ocean of emotions followed, how could i be so forgetful, and what a wasted trip, but the truth is that the layover in portland never increased my airfare so nothing was truly lost.

“but even if i have used your company before and am in the system, do i still need the actual document to rent a car from you or is my id number good enough? i have a passport for identification and the credit card used to make the reservation.”

“nope,” said the telephone agent. “sorry.”

how i was to now spend 11 hours in the chilly portland rain without a car, and without walking for hours in the weather (in sandals/cropped pants) was definitely an issue.

her vacation photo essay (click “myanmar”) + get lost, the blog + other great photos by the fine photographer