bunny mcintosh last night announced on her blog

that she is now engaged to be married to mr richard delicious.

there is a picture of her beautiful ring on her buzznet page.

i knew how in love these krazy kids are when ms mcintosh flew out here to get a job on a cartoon network cartoon show. her favorite, if i remember correctly. one that i watched and did not understand at all.

someone said, you werent stoned enough.

so then one day i accidentally ate a half tray of hippie brownies. i didnt know they were hippie brownies. i just thought they were really bad.

i found myself pacing in my living room. then i saw that i was doing little laps around my place, so i sat down and turned on the tivo. i recalled the cartoon show and the advice my friend had given me so i turned on that cartoon show again.

it was still way over my head.

bunnys ahead of the game. thats one reason i love her. she is the cool artschool girl who ends up at athens living in an old folks home to save on rent. shes the one who was on the mtv game show where they went to her house and when they showed her kitchen she pointed to the eviction notice that she swears was just taken care of.

shes the one who has musical equipment in her room and lipstick on the mirror and 80s clothes and socks on her arms and a naked sister in the company sink.

the redheaded mormon got the gig at the cartoon show in la and decided that she loved her man too much to move away from him as he finished his final year of college and i said why did you interview then? and she was all blah blah blah which is latin for im in love dont bother yourself with silly details. and thats sweet.

if i was president of the united states id seriously make engagements five years long. if gays cant be married then there is no sanctity of marriage, therefore the government should be allowed to put all sorts of restrictions on marriage and therefore engagements should be five years.

im sure richard is perfect for her, but still, half of marriages end in failure and if the Right tell us that the bedrock of our country is the family and at the root of that is the sanctity of marriage. if half of our bedrock splits apart then wtf with the current rules?

by the way i agree that the bedrock of civilization is the family, and im far more hopeful for the likes of bunny and richard than i am for oh say ben and jen who would have to be engaged for seven years under my reign due to their celebrity status. and i would take away tax benefits for having children. unless they have mohawks. or really good blogs.

i finally found a housesitter so i am on my way to las vegas.

im going there to write a secret chapter for the upcoming book Stiff.

for your ass.

and to sit in a hot tub with a seventy five cent becks and see if enlightenment will bless me with a kiss on the cheek.

its very special place that place.

which is why id outlaw quickie weddings there.

congrats to bunny and richard, i’ll have a becks for each of you tonight.

melting dolls + verbungle + oakparkmaster + welch has a great story about to come out [UPDATE: it’s up, and thats how you write, kids]

i drive so slow.

i lean the seat back and lay low as i cruise through the streets of la with my beanie just below the eyebrow. my car has a tape deck so ive been playing my old tapes. tonight was the first suicidal tendencies.

normally id be listening to howard via the ipod, but hes on vacation and i hate his best ofs.

i have a perfectly good burrito place right near me thats open 24/7 and you have to order in espanol but you get a big fat juicy pollo burrito si vous plait for three dolores.

no taxo.

and no tip jar, which is very interesting because i would totally tip these people.

but i hadnt been out all day and there it was 8pm and i drove right past there and just went west down santa monica on my way to chipotle at the beverly center.

because yesterday was a holiday the streets are pretty nice. plus i caught all the lights from vermont to fairfax so i got there in like 15 minutes which is a dream. seriously. if i actually could choose my dreams they would include cheerleader orgies and driving in la with sweet tunes and no traffic.

and then my cell phone rang and it was tennis star anna kournikova on the other end

of all people.

bitch im getting my chipotle on.

i eat very slowly.

i eat so slowly its 442a and im still nibbling on it.

dude asked black beans or pinto beans

as if theres a choice.

now that bret boone was cut by the mariners, ive seen two generations of boones come and go. thats old.

its so old that i got a massage the other day.

i was walking down the street and saw a sign that said free massages.

turned out you had to listen to them talk about a timeshare situation on the beautiful island of aruba.

it was actually a pretty awesome value.

but i told them that id been to aruba and it was boring, and i was an unemployed xbi agent so stick em up youre under arrest gimme all yr money.

but just the change.

anna asked do you miss me

i was all i got a massage today

she said you miss me

i was all yeah

and we didnt say anything really interesting on the phone

or maybe she did you never know with shitty ass cell phones i cant believe its 2005 and i cant speak wirelessly to a girl who officially is still not married

you have to be sick of him by now

shuttup i love him.

o god.

you have no feelings for me what so ever?


if you are lying i’ll allow you to come over to get spanked.

allow. ha.

i said come here so i can show you something.

but she didnt fall for it.

ive lost my mojo and i dont even care.

maybe thats when people should get hitched and breed, when they dont give a fuck any more.

i became addicted to this drink at the xbi called apathy juice. it killed all fear and tasted like grape juice. the problem though was it also killed anger which sometimes you need to get the adrenaline pumping properly.

whatever, i hadnt had any in a while, and i will say that although duh its ridiculous and dangerous, the good thing was, some of the streets we were walking in alone required it since so much of that life is about playing chicken and if some dude saying hes xbi whatever the fuck that is has a look about him that he seriously couldnt give a fuck then he will get what he wants for a limited time.

anna gets whatever she wants at any time including 3:45am when she called me and i was passed out and she said why did you get a massage anyhow you hate them

i said i know but i was hoping to get the not give a fuck rubbed out of me

to which she said something so funny that i decided to turn on the computer and write it down.

but now of course i cant remember it.

congratulations bunny! + fuck natalee holloway + more nike ripoffs + brooks