in canada that i said i was gonna do

but when i got home and she saw that smile on my face and it didnt wash away

and when she saw the shaved pubes and the deeper voice and skip to my step she knew that a little piece of her man was still back in the great white north

plus who the fuck told her i was her man.

not i said the blind man to his deaf dog.

so we cut a deal. i would be available to her either from 10:30pm – 11pm or from midnight to 1am. her issue with me is that im never finished working. that i never have time to ravish her young and willing nubile treasures.

and even though shes whiny, shes right. i am always working. mostly cuz theres always more to do.

i love the Gene Simmons reality show because hes the same way. if theres work to do, then do it. but unlike Gene i havent banged half the globe so if i giftho is looking me in the mouth i should kiss it or something.

so i agreed with her that i would be available for what she wants at those appointed hours. for sure. no backing out. pinky swear and all that gay shit.

the reason that i needed 11pm to midnight open is because i want to start reviewing cds. i want to review them because i have a terrible feeling that im going to be pulled away from LAist before i know it and i wont be able to review records the way i want in front of hundreds of thousands of people.

i have this feeling because a few of my writers got plucked away last month, some more will probably leave me this month for greener pastures, and eventually the sites or papers or magazines with deep pockets will give me an offer that i cannot refuse and poof there will vanish all of my freedom and creativity and reason to etre.

and you know how much i love to fuckin etre.

so from 11pm to midnight every night im going to write a record review and at midnight im gonna hit Publish and it will be on LAist.

because today is the day that Matt Good’s latest album comes out i decided to start the Midnight CD Review with “Hospital Music“, an album that i was able to listen to last month in vegas with matt himself so this review is going to be a gazillion times different than the next ones because how often do you get to spend a week with the dude who wrote the damn thing

and then how often do you get to just let that marinate for a few weeks before you go up to canada and get licked by irish girls as the disc is being played in the background? and then how often do you get to let that marinate for a week before you have to review it?

after a nice long shower, accompanied by a valley girl whose hair is always different and you wonder if you lust her because of her gravity defying c cups or her wacky hair.

i love the smell of dye in my pillow i told her last night which is why she didnt leave my house all day today.

and if the cubs lose again its over between us.