Monthly Archives: March 2021

what im doing is writing first then seeing who wants it

Posted on by
Reply

if no one wants it, then i put it on Medium.

the good thing about Medium is lets say it takes off in a month, you get paid.

lets say it takes off in a year. you get paid.

if you give it to someone else you only get paid then and never again.

one thing i learned from record labels is: the majority of the money they reap is on the back catalogue.

even though the attention and hype is about the new releases, they actually make more on the long tail. all those classic records still get sold. maybe not hundreds of thousands a week, but enough that when you add them all up it keeps the lights on, for sure.

why shouldnt writing be the same way?

have you ever gotten super close to getting a few jobs

Posted on by
Reply

while on unemployment

while dudes with face tattoos are sporting brand new jackets and $300 shoes?

dont cry for me argentina. unlike my nephew who plays xbox on easy mode

because he hates to lose

i go straight to the expert mode

because i hate charity.

today i was on hollywood blvd. my home. and everyone was so photogentic

and everyone lets me, a perfect stranger, take their picture

they tell me where theyre from they tell me the greatest stories

one guy wanted to share a joint with me

invited me twice as he sat at this little table rolling a thin one for himself.

you want some of this spliff dont you?

i was all, whats that round your neck?

he said, a mask?

i said yes, we are wearing masks because of the wickety wickety 19

he was all, thats ok, this shit cures it.

and if i was an angel thats exactly what i would do

id fly down to earth with a cure in a joint and see who goes for it.

then when i flew back home id get grounded probs for fuckign with the butterfly effect.

but being grounded in heaven is like having your best day ever in cincinnati.

sometimes sometimes sometimes

Posted on by
Reply

youd think someone who puts out, so to speak, as much as i do, wouldnt worry about productivity

but i know how much i am capable of and i know how much actually comes out

and that giant difference worries me.

it’s not even procrastination, it’s attention span.

i want to do interviews, i want to write but so much of it bores me

maybe because ive done it so many times.

i really should just have a damn radio show because that part is the only part that interests me. as soon as its over i wanna do the next thing.

i can go anywhere and talk to people and learn the best things

i was in the Ralphs in Beverly Hills yesterday talking to a woman from Western Africa

hell if i know the first thing about Africa, let alone Western Africa

so i looked at her up and down and gave out a wild guess

GHANA!?

she looked at me like i was a ghost. she said Close! Nigeria!

when i got home i looked at a map and sure as shit i was close.

we could have talked for hours. but heres the thing, if i had to record it, transcribe it and put it down on a website it would take me forever because all i can think of is the next three people i wanna talk to.

and thats how companies are built. because clearly i need to hire someone to do all the minutiae i don’t wanna do. but that cost money. which is why i just have to do these things i dont wanna do, get rich and start paying the people to do the things that stop me.

i interviewed this awesome dude last month and then i finished this huge project and now that im done i have to transcribe the dude and ask him a few more questions and get some pictures.

but now im distracted with the story i went to beverly hills for. DO YOU SEE MY PROBLEM? is this why people have children? so they can make them do the things you dont wanna do when you’re half a century old?

i wonder if my niece could do this work? bet she could.

ok done.

theres a lot of asian hate going on

Posted on by
Reply

i dont get it.

these asswipes are freaking out.

they’re panicking for some reason.

maybe they havent traveled much but the world looks a lot different than their local walmart parking lot

and YET there are some similarities.

depeche mode said it perfect – people are people so why should it be you and i should get along so awfully?

one thing id like to do when things are back to normal and i have irons on the fires so to speak

id like to go to a different thai joint in thai town every day for a month

with a different person who really knows what to order

and every day write about it.

maybe people wont tune in every day and maybe some days the person doesnt know shit about thai food, fuck rules

but people would def read some of it.

last night i watched Coming 2 America and laughed a lot

Posted on by
Reply

i dont think ive laughed at something that much in a very long time

AND it had many great messages.

the one i loved the most was

i don’t need you to tell me who i am. 

ironic since Black folk in the US have struggled with identity ever since we were forced to live here, and often told to go back to Africa

well here in this film and in the original which was released 30 years ago, it is by voluntarily going back and forth from the motherland to America does Eddie Murphy’s character discover who he really is.

showing that sometimes it helps to be a stranger in a strange land to see the light.

another theme i learned was about Power, another thing Blacks have struggled with in the US.

in the previous film Murphy plays a prince, here he becomes king, and yet many of the idealistic beliefs that he held when he wasn’t on the hot seat, disappeared once he reached the throne.

how often have we seen this with leaders be they in politics or in the boardroom?

how often have we seen our peers rise from the ranks talking bout change but when they actually have the ability to make change, rarely do

out of fear that the structure that provided them privilege would be upset if they followed through with their original plans.

it’s wild when the great comedians of our day like Sasha Baron Cohen and now Eddie Murphy are leading the way, in subtle and not so subtle ways to show us how hypocritical we are when we say we want things to be different but then fight to keep the status quo.

great film. true to its original, and then some.

finished this thing

Posted on by
Reply

the feeling of relief is real.

lessons i learned:

  • no social media for 90 minutes if im not making progress.
  • no walks, showers, or “cleaning” if i havent added even one sentence to the Thing yet that day
  • the devil doesnt want you to do it and will do everything to stop you
  • the Lord does want you to do it but He just chillin seeing if you the real deal
  • white castle fries only come in one size.

when i was done i sent it a boss i had 21 years ago!

i figured that since she has kids, it was late, and my thing was over 50 pages she would blow off even skimming it until tomorrow.

but in no time she had written me this:

Tony, this is AMAZING! I absolutely enjoyed every page of it, and I learned a lot!

I have a couple of (super minor) editorial suggestions for you, but it’s just little stuff.  We can chat tomorrow morning if you like, but this is a fantastic, creative, informative, entertaining piece, and I think that it will be very well received!

that is what i needed!

so then i looked back at it to see if it had transformed into something incredible and boom right at the top i see a mistake. so hopefully that was one of the things she was talking about.

but wow. i have a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and i got positive reinforcement from someone who is an expert in the field and whose advice i totally value.

what was it?

i wrote a thing about social media, brand building and recruiting in a global industry with lots of competitors.

i kept it real because who cares any more.

like really.

lou reed’s birthday was yesterday and arent we happy that he kept it real?

i need to learn why he was so angry so often even though he was always surrounded by great artists, musicians, music, and life

but whatever. maybe people will ask why was i so happy when so many things didnt turn out for me.

BECAUSE SO MANY DID, future people!

i wish you knew how much i wanna do

Posted on by
Reply

but i get trapped in quick sands

either people are stopping me or im stopping myself.

it’s the most frustrating thing. i want to do everything. you name it.

i want to write i want to interview people. i wanna take pictures. i want to make things. i want to do things.

but if it takes more than 1 day i get soooo bored.

im an avocado.

not yet

not yet

not yet

not yet

not yet

not yet

not yet

not yet

NOW

too late

too late

i think i did it

Posted on by
Reply

sometimes, even if i have a lot to say

or a lot to write

and even if it is coming along nicely,

i will stop myself.

i forget that i am my worst enemy and then remember and get back to being an enemy.

ive been working on this thing for a little over a month that i was doing a great job on, and then last week i was all, wait a damn second who do you think you are?

and i applied the brakes.

but then i talked with this person and that one and another and combined everyone basically told me that they loved me and they want to see me kick some serious ass because in a way it inspires THEM to kick serious ass because when they see i have no distractions of kids wife war mental illness etc and i cant do it then they say they feel like they cant do their thing.

and the last thing id wanna be is a bad influence on the people i love.

so tonight i ate some quesadilla a friend left on my doorstep, told alexa to play Philip Glass and i got on it.

and just like as before, the shit just flowed out.

i dont even know whats wrong with me.

tonight is the first of march. and thanks to Joe Biden i now have healthcare. he tweeted it out about two weeks ago and i signed up. and because im a poor i get full blown healthcare for like $25. now dont cry for me argentina, this thing i think im finished with is gonna pay me pretty well and i still get a little unemployment and that stimulus is headed our way, they say,

and i just paid off my hoopty

and even though this other place that has employed me from time to time hasnt called back for some reason, i have a check coming in from old work for them soon.

which means maybe i can just say fuckit and start that podcast i wanna do for the next six years of my life.

just christopher columbus this shit and hop on the boat and raise the anchor

heave away, boys, heave away.

i doubt i’ll do it because i wont be able to be my worst enemy

but

but

but

maybe i will.

because the main reason i wanted this healthcare, besides being able to get my old man pills

is i wanna get in therapy to find out why i sabotage myself so often

even though no one would ever accuse me of sitting on my hands

they are so wrong.