but then
usually i feel like ive seen it all
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Author Archives: tony
this lack of blogging is a bit concerning
i’m fine, no really, very good.
the small business association wants to give me some money for free, which is weird and nice and i dont really understand it
but in a world where ppl take for no good reason. sometimes its nice when others wanna give for equally no good reason other than they dont want you to revert to a life of crime.
i was asked by a company to work for them. someone told me one of their biggest supporters told them to hire me.
because i have had some very bad luck this year of either not being paid (Boston dude) or having to ask over and over and over to get paid by other companies i said, heres what i want. i want a typical salary for the position you are offering but i want half up front and half at the fourth of july.
because im a weirdo i look at the year this way:
Super Bowl
Opening Day
Fourth of July
Halloween
Christmas
will i die lonely and penniless?
probs
but my treasure, as is yours,
is in the kingdom of Heaven
do you know i love you? i do.
over the last few months ive been burning the candle at both ends.
working and working on two very different things, both hard, but rewarding.
yesterday on the subway i was told that i would have more time to work on the other thing
which is fine, but a lot of what i had been working on for them was figuring out how to figure it out.
we had an SEO guy at the Times come in for a while and he was fantastic and i think in the room of 50, i was one of the very few who totally understood what he was saying because i am a super nerd for that sort of thing.
so when i went to KPCC, he was the first guy i had them consult with.
it was there that i realized why everyone spaced out to him at the Times: no one wants to hear the magic doesnt work overnight.
the internet and search and social media, combined, is the most finicky, unpredictable wyld stallion who does not want to be figured out or gamed or mastered because once that happens
spamming will ruin it all.
even when you figure out something you’re probably better off not exploiting it in major ways because the other thing about the internet is theres scoreboards everywhere
you want a slow, steady, reasonable, understandable climb.
it took a good year at the Academy to get the ball rolling. and that was an extremely familiar and rightfully beloved brand. top of the heap. and still it was an aircraft carrier that resisted turning and speeding up.
time takes time, ringo.
if youre gonna play a pinball machine for a year, you should, for sure, tilt it in the first game to see where the sidelines are. but then people call you the tilter.
if i could go back in time, i would, so i could learn a few things
one: kpcc to find out what i coulda done there to make it work
because that scoreboard barely moved.
im dying to find out why.
hi blog that ive abandoned (not really)
i get conflicted bc being Gen X i’m not supposed to care, im supposed to be a slacker, and i cant remember the other thing bc i dont care
but i do care
however i have this crazy struggle between idealism and what i “SHOULD” be doing
idealism says do whatever you want
SHOULD says you should be doing xyz
so at night when i have gone the day without blogging, New Tony has been saying fuck that shit, watch netflix you pay for it
but Should Tony says, you were doing so well this year, you had a few months where you wrote every day.
but Some Things In This Blog Are True Tony says the reason you cant write is because you dont want to make public all the things you are Actually thinking about and tip toeing around some serious, life changing, emotional parts of your current life is fucking exhausting and ultimately boring, I thought you were the muthafuckin busblog
at its heart is this
life right now is crazy enough i dont wanna lie on this blog even though…
and crazy meaning good. i love my podcast. i was so nervous about making one but after years of seeing idiots do things poorly i figured fuckit, i couldnt be any worse than them.
turns out i am not any worse than they are
in fact i am pleasantly surprised at how well theyve turned out
due in no small part to mr jordan katz
who i could not have done this without and i am so lucky
and who is in store for an excellent hanukkah gift because seriously
there is a huge Evel Knievel Snake River gorge between thinkin up something
and getting it out into the world.
i had been thinking about Hear in LA for years.
Jordan made it happen.
[rock on in yiddish]
i would never quit you blog
how else would i be able to show my mom videos of her favorite singer
belting out a classic with a phenomenal background singer?
my problem is i want to be free
whatever blood is coursing through my veins from my ancestors
who for hundreds and hundreds of years in this country were slaves
has been yelling at me since i was a kid to be free
and for the last two months that has mean free from this blog too
20 years has been a lot
this year has been a lot
breaking up with amber was a lot
we were joined at the hip for years
and ive been not thriving for years neither, if we are to be honest with each other
ive done a lot of work but what came of it?
i still got one guy who thinks he doesnt ever need to pay me for making miracles for him
i will be paid
and i will thrive
those things will come, have no fear
but ive noticed one thing – when its about me, it gets very uncomfortable
the thing that i love right now, more than i ever expected, is this podcast
this week i did an interview that might end up being the best one
meanwhile tomorrow i need to edit a really long one i did a few weeks ago that jordan
for the first time ever
asked me for help on.
Tonight was unseasonably warm
80s in the day and mid 70s at night
so i walked around at night listening to it and it too is fantastic
and for once i said some things im proud of
i am exhausted, i need this thanksgiving break, im not sure if imma get it because i am working until the end of the year with a non profit that is world wide
so im not sure if they get the holidays off.
but even if they dont imma get a bunch of podcasting done because
its good for the people.
and im bringing it to them
and im excited because without me and jordan
these stories of good people
wouldnt be out in the world
and thats a whole lot better feeling than
whatever the opposite of free is,
the great marc canter asks, which miles movie did it best
even though i am a glutton for information
there’s a wildly unexplainable part of me that does not want to know certain things
lets make a list
- my mothers health ailments
- my savings account totals
- what the owners of the cubs intend to do with my favorite players
- how much better my life would be if i went all vegan
- how often Sammy Sosa used a corked bat
- if robert johnson sold his soul to the devil
- what the kitchens look like of my favorite restaurants
- what my cats think of me
- if an actor could totally nail down miles davis
some myths i prefer
i saw miles play at the hollywood bowl when i was brand new to los angeles and
to this day he was the coolest performer ive ever seen
did not give one fuck about what anyone thought about anything
he was there to do his thing
and he did not over do it
it was so perfect and i dont think theres anyone around today even close
unconscious giant walking among us
the closest thing ive seen to it was mr kurdt kobain but it could have been the heroin
nirvana at the forum kurt was just so blaise about everything
like punk bands can just sell out the forum like nbd
but at that point they were also the biggest pop band so they coulda probably done it three nights in a row
a move theyd have done
if they cared.
in the middle of the acoustic set, kurdt is just sitting there on a stool
doing a few songs alone
and this guy throws a shoe at him and it almost hits him
kurdt pretended like it didnt happen
i need to get to that level.
yes it’s punk to throw a shoe at yr idol
but its more punk to not even react.
i need to be more like miles davis
but who are we kidding.
miles davis would never blawwwwg
i have had a lot of good days
five years ago today was one of the best because the Cubs won the world series
a phrase that i still dont really believe but i was in Chicago when it happened.
i went to game 4, then the parade, i saw it all.
and yet still.
if you read this blog closely you’ll see that a lot of it is positive.
i do that because i do tend to obsess over bad things when they happen
and on here i wanna make sure i am also giving focus to the good things
of which there are many.
sunday i took Michael to the Animal Hospital to get the feeding tube out of her neck
the doc said everythings cool.
today i called Spectrum to ask them why my internet keeps going in and out
they told me to call the Router company and i said fine, begungendly
and they fixed it.
had a nice long talk with mom as i got my steps in.
gave a homeless dude a buck.
ate an all vegetable dinner: mashed potatoes, broccoli. beyond sausage. and avocado.
asked a guy to put in a good word for Hear in LA
and got back to blogging.
thats a good day.
the best part was i felt crappy today around 4pm because of the covid booster shot i got yesterday
i cuddled up with Prince and passed out for a whopping 10 minutes
and i felt like a new man.
thanks Lord
i get my annual physical tomorrow.
the kinks is mine
Is there a song that instantly turns you melancholy and maybe brings you back to high school immediately?
Mine is the Kinks’ “Don’t Forget to Dance.”
My senior year of high school my girlfriend moved away and I needed to find a date for prom.
One of my friends had recently broken up with a girl who was pretty but I barely knew her. We went on a date. I think I took her to Rocky III or something.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to ask her so I said a little prayer. “Dear God, if the next song on the radio is good, I’ll pull over and ask her to prom.”
It was this Kinks tune and I figured wow, what a *sign* – not only was it a rare good song on the radio but it was about dancing.
I asked her, she said yes, we kissed. But prom with her was bad. Turned out auntie flo arrived and she didn’t know how to tell me because we barely knew each other and she didn’t really feel up to dancing.
So I danced with my friends, all the while thinking of my ex gf who wrote me every day from far away… California.
So any time I ask Alexa to play the Kinks I sorta want her to play this but I sorta don’t.
Today I learned she was in the Miss Illinois competition and the year after our prom she was the Rose Queen
