Category Archives: Uncategorized

today is charles bukowski’s birthday, hes 101

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i went away for 5 days and when i did i took two books. one was a bukowski book.

number of books i even opened: 0

maybe i should just sell all my books because seriously, who am i kidding?

i am feeling good today. for two reasons. i made some shrimp and scallops, rice, and very large broccoli

i may have undercooked the seafood and thats why im feeling buzzed and light headed.

if i die know that i loved every girl ive ever kissed and i felt lucky every time.

found a pic of an old gf the other day, standing nude in the rain.

how have i been blessed this much? me? was i really that funny? is that all it takes?

i ask these questions now because i have no prospects for any love in the future and that might be fine because i dont have any job prospects either.

will i die poor and heartbroken?

bukowski didnt and i feel i have as much to bring to the table as that guy.

for starters im not an alkie. not that theres anything wrong with that, but im not gonna get into fights and blow a ton of cash on $17 beers at the Rams games

but will i write a novel like Post Office?

probs not either.

so maybe i will die heartbroken

and poor.

fine.

 

im one of those people who feel lucky to go to shows

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my first 13 concerts were

the jackson 5
ac/dc – back in black tour
the scorpions – love at first sting
the police -synchronicity
motley crüe – shout at the devil
billy idol – rebel yell
day on the green: journey, night ranger, triumph, eddie money, bryan adams
bruce springsteen – born in the usa
u2 -joshua tree
elvis costello – king of america
beastie boys – licensed to ill
iron maiden – live after death
miles davis – hollywood bowl

how did you think id turn out?

learning is such a beautiful natural high

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this video means a lot to me

ive been learning video editing all summer and it’s coming together

this thing is flawed in so many ways but

BUT

flawed in the best way

because just a few months ago if you said tony you have five hours to make something cool

no way could i have made this

i am learning. i am making. i am being creative.

the tony who i love is in this.

the tony no bologna but full of macaroni is in this.

and i did it all night and fell asleep at 5am

and woke up at 10 so i could see it

and when i did and i laughed i coudlnt get back to sleep

because im getting there.

 

i gave up on worrying the other day

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i realized we are all doomed

the world isnt gonna fix itself

and the politicians dont even care about covid so no way are they gonna care about global warming

has that realization made me happier?

has it made me more confident in the dance clubs when i ask young ladies onto the floor

to cut the proverbial rug?

i can say, no, no it hasnt

im the same old nobody i always was

with the courage of a flea

and the dance skills of

a flea

and the prospects of

well thats to be determined later

i did play the super dooper lottery today

so i got that going for me, which is nice

i will never be able to tell you

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how grateful i am for this life

this crazy life ive had

for all the wonderful, weird, beautiful things ive gotten to see

incredible, exotic, fascinating girls ive gotten to kiss

and wild music ive gotten to hear

all of that

while also getting to watch

so much tv.

i am truly blessed and i want to spend the rest of my life

on hookers n blow

i mean… giving back.

sometimes things go better than you think they will

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i feel like my podcast with Richard went beautifully

it was fun to catch up

it’s always nice to talk about both the LA Times and the Oscars

and Richard is one of those guys who knows both of them intimately.

i think our convo was enlightening to people who want to know what Hollywood insiders are like

and it doesnt hurt that he was brutally honest because after a while who really cares?

may as well keep it real.

also i like the portrait i took of him

i got a sudden boost of happiness

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not sure why. and this happens several times a day most days.

i read about people who get swept by gloom regularly and i feel bad for them

nothings 100% positive. For example the screen i am typing this into shows my letters very very small and i have not figured out how to fix that. which makes me feel stupid.

do i have an inferiority complex? no. i know im not stupid. i may be very poor right now. i may be alone. i may be 20 pounds overweight and bald and without any decent job prospects that you would expect a college grad to have, especially one with the success i usually bring to my work place.

but i am not dumb. how do i know this?

i read twitter.

(wink)

lets go back to good feelings. its not a humble brag because theres nothing to brag about.

it is either the asprin i ate or the half of a bottle of warm Coke. maybe all of this is a sugar rush.

maybe i am happy because i am finally transcribing Mondays thing. which might be Sundays thing because i dont wanna wait until Monday.

some things are just luck, they just happen to you, like the time i went to a party and got dressed up and somehow kissed 7 beautiful girls. good kisses too.

that had nothing to do with me. it was luck. it was the angels saying, lets give tony something he will never forget. lets give him a taste of what Heavens like: sure you gotta wear a suit, but its just one pretty girl after another kissing you while good music plays.

i dont know much about heaven but i know this: the letters in the blogging screens up there are NORMAL SIZED

and theres rivers of cold Coke classic.

last night i spent a few hours making this

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it taught me a few things:

i need some musical instruments in here.

i need to tear down a few walls in this apartment.

i need to do these things on every podcast i do.

i need to spend more time learning how to work this software.

i need a mouse.

i need love.

i need a vacation.

i need to do these earlier in the process.

i have two looks, and that’s it

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i have one that does not give one fuck.

and i have another that wants to sell out in the biggest way.

ive done things that go against my ideals.

ive done them for money or because i want to see if the rumors are true.

and i cant say i regretted them, but i knew it was the wrong choice

and it turned out to be just as bad if not worse.

right now i am doing exactly what i want.

for the first time in a long time.

i wake up when i want. i work allllll the time.

medium paid me $5 for all those posts i put up last month.

still, i wish you knew how happy i am.

even you who writes me mean emails and plants untruths.

and you who wanted the best for me, and i dragged my feet.

i will never drag my feet again.

learned some things

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i dont know why i didnt think i was smart enough to learn

actually i do

in school i was given mixed messages.

they said i “tested well” but then they’d give me crappy grades.

but when i did well, they put me in a special room or on the back of the class

with the smart kids

which to me was just as terrible as being in a place deemed Dumb Kids

i wanted to be with everyone.

id dabbled with this piece of software and that one now and then and i just couldnt work it

but for some reason, and i know im cheating because im doing wacky things with screen shots

and iphones and Instagram Stories and air drop and

not entirely Davinci Resolve

but today i made that video, and i did the Grammy Award transition so i wouldnt get dinged by the Grammys

and then i did the Rihanna bang at the end

plus i took that picture at the beginning and the end of Jeffs book shelf

and then tonight

because jordan was on a jet plane

i did some audio editing

i didnt like a sentence i said and a few words in another place

id been playing around with the In n Outs but it didnt really come together until i did it

just

in the audio track and voila

which is french for tony,

the apes have learned how to use weapons.

this couldnt have come at a better time.

speaking of time, that video up there took me 20 minutes.

the one a few days ago took me 6 hours.

also im back using my magic office room

which Emmanuelle called “le makeout closet”

for years it was amber’s man cave and can you believe it took me 8 months to claim it back,

WHAT WOULD THE SHRINK SAY ABOUT THAT?

i feel so incredibly good that i am learning things

i feel so grateful that i have the tools that i need

and youtube

and a little time.