this is an old dummy at this place where i got my new hat gloves and scarf
ah yes, we were at Honest Ed’s
this is fil videotaping me photographing him
this is duane and his drunk induced stain
this is raymi fed up with the shenanigans
theres a little snow still on the ground but not much. its 1 degree celcius
this is christie at this cool thai place we ate at
i took the subway home after thai food. i ended up here.
now off to watch maple leaf hockey with pitt and le kids
because she saw me take pics of the beautiful snowfall as we were driving
indeed here is her email
Hi Tony. Why don’t you put up some of those beautiful pictures of the snow you took on the way to the airport?? Then people will see that it really did snow!!!! Biased reporting if you ask me.
You left your sunglasses here. Look for a cheap pair.
Love,
Mom
so heres the townhouse development that i grew up in
heres the house i grew up in
heres where used to be a playground that apparently the association could no longer maintain
i invented an odd baseball game involving a neighbors wall. odd because the goal was to bounce the ball over the wall for a “homer”. odd because the neighbor never gave us back our balls.
its good to see the puke green is still being forced on this row of homes
this is where my sister moved to right up the hill from where we grew up, but then bailed
this place only used to sell corvettes, but now SUVs are more in fashion i guess
this is what it looks like near my old highschool
you never dont know what village or township or city youre in – plenty of signage
in the land of obama, i saw zero signs, but many for the congressman from texas
still thats only 1 inch of white stuff. maybe two if yr lucky. and yet my plane is delayed two hours. bah humbug!
looks like your boy picked a shitty day to fly out of the worlds busiest airport and up to canada where the lakes are frozen and the ladies are warm.
only problem is, all those flights were canceled cuz of ONE inch of snow.
one inch = “storm”? thats quite an angry inch.
in my day we walked to school up hill both ways barefoot in way more than ONE inch of snow.
backwards.
without gloves.
we didnt know any gay people but if we saw a kid with gloves we would have called him gay, stolen his gloves, broken a hole in the ice and thrown the gloves in the damn hole.
dont believe me? my mom gave me gloves today cuz i lost the $3 gloves i brought with me, and two kids jumped out of the bushes, beat my ass, called me a queer, and ran off with my mittens to the nearest lake where they would properly get deposited.
sure sometimes when you threw rocks at the lake the lake threw rocks back at you in the way of splitting in half while you were on the lake but that taught you to respect nature.
still we rose from the lake frozen but wiser.
and men.
whoever’s running O’Hare today are clearly terrorists because ONE INCH of snow does not cancel flights, if you ax me. even the gays know this.
how do i know this? because theres a gay guy next to me who just said, “omg this is so gay.” and a lesbian nodded in agreement. i shit you naught. then we all made out cuz we are b-o-r-e-d.
if someone produces some iPod speakers we’re gonna have a damn Soul Train dance line competition cuz everyones loving my Sharon Jones and the Dap Kings mp3s.
because blogging is the finest form of reporting of all time, next to the MSM of course, here is an action shot of what the airport looks like right out side of Terminal 2, gate E1 at THIS VERY MOMENT
tell me that that looks like the type of weather that could/should/would cause 400+ flights to get canceled.
go ahead tell me that.
terrorists win and win and win and win. and if you axe me, i blame the water lobby. fuckers “caught” me trying to smuggle in a nice fresh bottle of water through the xray machines and then 10 feet later they sell me a new bottle of water for $2.75. all these flights were canceled to sell more quarter water for $2.75.
i blame bush.
when i was in high school there were very few girls who i had the hots for who werent cheerleaders. one of those girls was named laura.
laura played tennis and had a sister who smoked pot and turned me on to led zeppelin and if i remember correctly went with me to the movies and we saw sixteen candles and kissed me afterwards and when my mom saw the look in my eyes after the date thought that i was on drugs.
as you know im 101 years old. so when i arranged for she and i to go out tonight i was terrified that she was 400 lbs. because of course after you have 2 kids and make it to 101 years old youre going to be – healthy.
because illinois is filled with special magic, laura looked almost exactly the same, which is alot like chickie from fast times at ridgemont high.
back in high school i had a terribly huge crush on laura but i knew she was out of my league so after she broke up with her bf right before prom i hooked her up with my buddy jack. they ended up getting married a few years later, when they were both 22. theyd been married the whole time. until recently.
so tonight we talked about life, high school, and what had happened in our lives since we last saw each other, some 87 years ago.
needless to say we shut down the fancy restaurant that we dined in, and the TGIF where we had tall Stellas, shots of Bailey’s, and a ice cream topped brownie.
we probably could have talked all night because very few people today knew who i was way back then. but laura did. and its so odd that the same girl who was all, dude heres led zep 1 and 2 is now an elementary school librarian. and just as hot.
but the best is that that spark from the night we saw sixteen candles was still there and everything that i liked about her then still remained. and then some.
and if i come back to chicago before she gets married again, i hope she will go to a cubs game with me, like she promised tonight. and then a lil game of stopwatch.
ps tomorrow at 11:30am i will be having lunch with my bro Bobby D at the Harry Caray’s by O’Hare. if i havent seen you yet and you wanna knock back a few Old Styles with me, come and look around. but i cant be there too long cuz i hafta catch a plane before the snow comes down. but come!
and smart, and lovely
but because theyre children theyre also insane.
when i was younger i wanted 10-12 kids. now im very happy that i have zero.
the animals in my sisters house are also insane.
once upon a time i wanted a farm full of animals. now im very glad that i dont even have a goldfish.
youd never know that with the little movies that i produce with my little family members, but it’s true.
today i told my niece that in some cultures they throw the little children off a cliff. but in my case, if i had to live with kids and animals that i would jump off a cliff. we went into great detail about what a cliff was because, after all, this is illinios, and theres not a wide variety of terrain here.
before she skipped up the stairs to her bed she said, have fun on the cliff uncle tony!
here is video of me and my 3 year old nephew who isnt the biggest boy, but he sure knows how to use a computer and really hates to share, especially when it comes to Elf Bowling, the most kid unfriendly game ive ever seen. thus loved by he and my niece.
from the busblog
funny that you and i would meet each other here at LAX.
funny no one text messages you when yr plane gets canceled.
all the technology in the world and yet after you valey your hooptie at the Wally Park and give the van driver an extra fiver to floor it, you get greeted by the automatic ticket machine that says hi your shit is totally canceled! why couldnt my iphone be the one who told me?
so my plane was canceled and the machine said hi heres another plane in two hours. no biggie. but then it said hi heres a middle seat. which was a biggie cuz im flying to chicago. then it said hi if you want six more inches its $44 and you can have a window seat.
now ask a man if he can have an extra six inches and we will say hell to the yes regardless of the price. but im a principled man. they had just canceled me shit and were gonna charge me $44 for the convenience?
so i told the dude behind the deal wtf and he said, be happy they coulda put you on the midnight flight.
no smile, no concern, no nice united style.
so i said fine, heres my money
but then the computer said hi we’re sold out. enjoy the middle seat sucker.
as i waited at the gate i walked all the way to the international gate and asked the bro if he could help a brotha out on christmas eve
he said how about a window seat in the exit row?
and tick tock the Christmas Miracles dont stop.
pictured, a paris hilton wanna be lady who was not at all pleased with anything.
ps Christie has been an angel on gchat. and raymi put a black penis on her penis tree to represent the busblog. and look my flights boarding. laters!
i just received today
because im the cheapest of all cheapskates, years ago i ordered a “lot” of sunglasses off ebay. i had gotten lucky off a “bukowski lot” where i got like 9 books for $50. something ridiculous.
so i tried my luck at lighters, condoms, and disposable toilet scrubbers. no problems.
then i went for it with sunglasses.
i got this big box of sunglasses, most of which were freakin kids glasses. it was so lame. the box stayed in my kitchen for years. literally years.
until i talked to the best girl everz, ms chris de la uganda. the problem with sending any of her kids presents is its just like The Gods Must Be Crazy – no one can share properly so you have to find something that all 50 kids can have.
lo, there were 60 kids sunglasses in this box so i tossed them into a bigger box and hid some stuff for Chris (chocolate, batteries, memory cards) and sent them over. i think that was a year ago. today i got this letter from someone i never heard of from uganda telling me about the glasses. and she gave me several pics!
read the letter here and here. it seriously made me verklempt.
yay Christmas Miracles!
that shes determined to get me kicked out of my swanky hotel room. ah what the heck… only live once, eh
but the best is the comments in her post. particularily from raymster’s mom, who seriously wants to crash the bash
voici les comments:
word.
Christie | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 1:47 pm | #
so exciting…
Duane Storey | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 1:58 pm | #
dude youre going to get spam posting addys like that.
Merry christmas!
Canopenner | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:24 pm | #
That would make for a really long cab ride for me.
Butchie | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:28 pm | #
oh canopenner you’re such a cliche.
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:31 pm | #
That is a really good idea…cabs are what bugs me most about NYE.
Binsk | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:33 pm | #
so are you saying i’m not allowed to wear tinsel if i come?
monkey | 12.22.07 – 2:41 pm | #
totally wear tinsel!
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 2:48 pm | #
heh heh, now THAT’S a sewing project challenge!
monkey | 12.22.07 – 2:51 pm | #
can’t way too poor and hitchhiking is not an option. i will try to come in to see yer artshow tho.
Krista | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 3:58 pm | #
I plan on wearing an outfit that will surely wind up soaked in martinis.
Because I spill everything.
That’s where I was going with that…
Christie | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 4:12 pm | #
May I come with my tinsel covered Cougars? Paramedic is already working in TO that night and Mermaid is coming down with her skates…
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 4:38 pm | #
I’m wearing bells.
Only bells.
Duane Storey | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 4:49 pm | #
If I would have seen this 24 hours ago I would have said yes but now I’m going to Chicago to get wasted in a city where no body knows my name and where I can throw up in one of the grand historic hotels of America.
sheena | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 5:01 pm | #
no mom
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 5:06 pm | #
feel free to bring the party to dundas shouldst thu desire a change of location…
a | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 7:33 pm | #
thou not thu
a | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 7:33 pm | #
okhai
raymi | Homepage | 12.22.07 – 7:35 pm | #
herro thar
a | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 7:54 am | #
go look at Chrystals party post and you will see who the cougars are.
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 2:31 pm | #
So can we come?
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 3:20 pm | #
I SAID NO
raymi | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 3:25 pm | #
what could possibly go wrong?
Pitt | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 6:02 pm | #
have a highly entertaining yule”tide”
and a superior 2008!
i’m doing f-all for nye as I’m too old but i hope you 2 have a good ‘un
Gledwood | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 8:29 pm | #
actually if i was in toronto i would make an exception and go to ur nite but where i live if we want to stay out late we have to register our request with the warden and sign a disclaimer saying the Home shall not be responsible if we fall off our zimmer frames etc etc i do feel about 90 yrs old today it is so FREEZIN COLD here hmmm…
Gledwood | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 8:37 pm | #
What could go wrong is that the cougars will show up!!!!
tkkerouac | Homepage | 12.23.07 – 10:27 pm | #
MOm YOU ARE NOT INVITED OR ALLOWED TO COME TO MY FUCKING NYE PARTY
raymi | Homepage | 12.24.07 – 10:58 am | #
which lead to this email that greeted me this morn:
from: raymi lauren
to: dumbass, inc.
subject: if
if you give my mom the address and room number of this hotel party i will murder you then leave the party on the spot
i mean it
—
http://raymitheminx.com