before the web, before i ever went to canada, i wrote poems.

poems got me through college, they got me published first, they got me laid first.

and for some reason ive given up on them in the same way ive given up personal blogging.

probably because i dont want girls to get topless for me because of my poems or blogging any more.

i want them to get topless because theyre incredibly horny

and will settle for anyone.

yes, i want to be their rock bottom.

the other day i was talking to someone about the mendoza line. im sure wikipedia knows the dude’s first name, but there was a baseball player who was Just good enough to make the pros. if you were worse than him youd get dropped to the minors. if you played better than him you could stay in the bigs. his name was mendoza.

i want to be the dude that the super hot chick in free fall comes stumbling home some morning and says, i fucked the hell outta tony pierce.

and their super model roommate goes NO!

and she starts crying.

and they silently drive to rehab

holding hands.

there was a time when i was so depressed after having moved away from isla vista that all i could do was write sad poems and title them whatever i was listening to on the boom box at that moment.

one of my favorites was called acdc let there be rock

its also prince’s birthday, but anti has made better videos this century

happy birthday bro!

i know my job there is a happy thing to everyone except the readers of the busblog, but it is my dream job, it has made me very very very content, it has given me unbelievable opportunities (like being able to drive around the country to meet some of you), and i have done some pretty cool things over there.

in a year we’ve tripled the size of the staff and quadrupled the hits. all at a minimal amount of financial expense. and magically the ads have multiplied in price and number of sponsors.

the only loser in the mix has been the busblog, my true love.

but sometimes you have to sacrifice your foreskin to prove that youre part of the team.

and then slice off the foreskins of your enemies.

which ive gladly done.

and will present to you next year at this time.

in the meantime heres a super long interview that i just did with former LAist editor Carolyn who grills me about my year, the busblog, and my schedule

even if its good plans.

its 242am and ive been procrastinating going to bed because i have to go to bed early tonight (anything before 420am) because i have a big day tomorrow because i have to be at capital records by 11am to see poison play in this little famous studio they have there.

its going to be a live broadcast over the web. might be new songs, might be old ones. who cares. its poison, but better its the capital building. even though ive lived here forever ive never been in that building and i cant wait.

theyll be pictures have no fear.

and then later i have to interview andy dick at the rainbow room.

my body is a cage.

last month on LAist was our second biggest month ever. and because it wasnt the best ever i didnt really appreciate it. also i believe some chads were miscounted. all in all it wasnt a pleasant victory even though it should have been.

im so ridiculous. i should be happy. fine, i am happy then.

im happy the cubs won, and the ducks won. im happy i had good chinese food at this place that always reminds me of chris. im happy i saw joe on saturday and callie on sunday, which is very strange, but life is weird like that.

but most of all im happy that paris hilton is in jail because we can all reflect a little on our lives during this time that paris has to suffer.

i think we should all suffer along with her. not go into solitary confinement for three weeks and eat baloney sandwhiches, but maybe do something that we really dont like doing.

for example, im going to go to bed early and before i go to bed im going to read a book.

somewhere along the line i stopped reading books, oh thats right when the internet came out and was basically the greatest collection of reading materials in the world.

ive been eating chocolate creme pie every day for a week.

im going to eat it right now too.

even though i brushed my teeth.

why? because paris hilton cant.

and when have you ever been able to do something that she couldnt do.

a writer bitchslaps mtv, we interview albert hammond jr., chad continues covering the stanley cup, we tell you how to write to paris hilton in the slammer, we write a letter to london about their olympic logo that looks like lisa simpson giving head, and yours truly interviewed the plane that crashed in Upland.

i think i will eat lunch now.

which is the only reason im playing this
because its sorta gross.

although i bet raymi would like it

for our freedoms

because people who still support this war have tiny minds
and tinier penises
the only people who are considered ok to protest this war are iraq war vets
but because people who still support this war have tiny minds
and hate america
one of the most-loved new anti war voices is a buff marine
who now is being investigated by the Marines who are making him go to Kansas City
so they can strip him of his Honorable Discharge and give him a Dishonorable Discharge,
because he dared use the Freedoms that he fought for to protest this war.
what are some of the ways he has protested?
he participated in a mock funeral, he silently kept count of how many times the Attorney General lied to congress, and he was one of the vets who took part in the vid above held in Times Square.
hes a real american.
but the war hawks hate him because he knows what hes talking about.
they, you see, only like people who dont know shit. which is why they keep voting the way they do.
and secretly, they hate our troops. which is why they want them to die for nothing.

and the wax on wax off of life is just motion no movement, spirit no action?

ever get grades in class where theyd give you the real grade but have a second column for effort to either ridicule you or condescend? dont give me a “b” but an “a” for effort.

i had the hardest time getting good grades in school.

my senior year of highschool was the best, i got a c in computers, a d in photography and an f in english.

my mom was all, this is very dissapointing, what are you going to do with your future

and i said waste it of course.

yesterday i bought the most expensive camera ive ever bought.

for what it does it oughtta cost twice the price and its funny i walked into the store and you know what forget it.

saw the hold steady at the el rey with the music editor of LAist. they were pretty good. like if woody allen replaced paul westerberg in the replacements and they did all of greetings from asburry park.

sold out. full house. woody seemed really excited by the whole situation.

like me, he had a beard and moustache going. i told leah that since everyone in Quiet Company has that you have to pretend that in order to supprt Quiet Company, her husbands band, you have to grow a beard and moustache.

and there should be posters of ulysees s grant that say grant loved quiet company, and one of abe licoln that say honest abe only sorta loved quiet company.

and of course a poster of bill buckner with his big thick moustashe and it should say something like f bill buckner.

tomorrow i get to have drinks with the co-founder of gothamist, jen chung, aka my executive editor, aka the young woman who had a full page picture of herself in last months wired as one of the 10 most interesting people alive or something.

she is spectacular and of course its 346am and im pooped from being out almost every day this week to tidy up LAist for tomorrow. all i wanna do is go to the couch and pass out while watching Thank You For Not Smoking but suddenly someone who is biting and scratching her way into this blog wants to come over and i said 15 minutes with tony and she said fine and i said no i mean it and she laughed and i said seriously

but i doubt it.

all day all i do is answer email. very similar to my job at e! where i handled hundreds of emails a day, all i do is get offers from people (writers, bands, producers, publicists, scammers, authors, photographers, everyone) and most of the time all i wanna say is hell no.

sometimes i will see something terrific, if not perfect, and i will say yes. but because the world tries to compete with me in being weird it will say oh you are saying yes, well what we really mean is no we’re not into giving you what we said. we dont really want your attention.

girls are no different.

theres nothing i like better than catholic girl skirts on dark haired girls. other day just my sort of girl showed up wearing a catholic skirt and i was all this girl has read my books, but no, as soon as we started driving and i put my hand on her leg she was all excuse me?

and i was like, sorry your totally exposed legs seemed cold.

and lonely

and oh so sad.

tonight i was invited to an mtv wrap party. i wanted to go and now i dont.

last night i was in this same seat thinking the same thing about the arcade fire. the thought being i dont wanna go.

knowing full well that i would love going whereever it was that i need to be at.

and it would be good for my job.

my arcade fire review and video and pics got linked by lots of places including the arcade fire fan club site. so clearly going last night was the right thing to do. and what idiots job includes having fun and meeting cool people and talking about fun things like music blogging and la. with beautiful girls.

i lost my mind a long time ago when i sold all my things in frisco and broke up with the girl of my dreams. this girl had bazooms for ba-days. and you can say oh well im an ass man but you could not be into soft serve ice cream lets say, but if the best soft serve ice cream machine all of a sudden got installed in your kitchen and bedroom and bathroom and stairs and passenger side you might develop an appreciation, lets say.

i dont know how cobrasnake does it. hes out every night. i know how he does it, hes a teenager. sometimes i think damn if i had this job twenty years ago i could totally do this. but the truth is if i had this job twenty years ago id be making all the mistakes that the kids are making today: drinking too much, drugging too much, being dumb.

im taking the subway cuz its a free bar

yesterday i thought about my first california girlfriend michele cuz the accordian player drummer keyboardist hurdy gurdy chick of arcade fire looks exactly like her.