once with a girl with very long legs who kept saying FUCK ME as a way to say “NO WAY!” it was very confusing

and once with a girl who kept saying “see if you marry me you’ll be canadian and you wont have to deal with this shit” and i was very tempted for the first time ever.

i vote for people, not parties

and i make those people earn my vote.

you dont get my vote because of your skin color or whats between your legs or what letter is in the parenthesis next to your name.

you get my vote because of your ideas and your actions and your promises and your smarts.

because im a man and not an angel i judge people for who they support.

people who voted for bush several years ago were either racist or sexist or classist or just fucking ignorant. and people who voted for him again are worse because they knew better and didnt fucking care.

those people are not just part of the problem, they are the problem.

and you people know who you are and maybe you have other reasons for having your head up your ass not once but twice, and maybe you should reconsider why you vote for letters in parentheses instead of ideas

or you can continue to cockblock progress

but if you are that stiffnecked, as the bible calls it, then heres someone with the letter in the parentheses that you bow to, who is actually a small government conservative like many of you swear that you are, who actually puts to action what he talks about. he doesnt just say read my lips no new taxes, he really doesnt vote for them.

and he doesnt need karl rove whispering in his ear, he can think for himself.

and its why if i had to vote today id be voting for ron paul for president.

because i like people who think.

not sheep.

i love that everyones fighting with the catcher.

and i especially love that derek shot first.

what i believe was said was this

derek lee: you know that was bullshit right?

padre assmunch: say what?

d lee: you know that was bullshit right?

padre: just keep walking

d lee: pardon me what did you fucking say?

padre: i said – ow

go cubbies.

by tony pierce, 110

1. write every day.

2. if you think youre a good writer, write twice a day.

3. dont be afraid to do anything. infact if youre afraid of something, do it. then do it again. and again.

4. cuss like a sailor.

5. dont tell your mom, your work, your friends, the people you want to date, or the people you want to work for about your blog. if they find out and you’d rather they didnt read it, ask them nicely to grant you your privacy.

6. have comments. dont be upset if no one writes in your comments for a long time. eventually they’ll write in there. if people start acting mean in your comments, ask them to stop, they probably will.

7. have an email address clearly displayed on your blog. sometimes people want to tell you that you rock in private.

8. dont worry very much about the design of your blog. image is a fakeout.

9. use Blogger. it’s easy, it’s free; and because they are owned by Google, your blog will get spidered better, you will show up in more search results, and more people will end up at your blog. besides, all the other blogging software & alternatives pretty much suck.

10. use spellcheck unless youre completely totally keeping it real. but even then you might want to use it if you think you wrote something really good.

11. say exactly what you want to say no matter what it looks like on the screen. then say something else. then keep going. and when youre done, re-read it, and edit it and hit publish and forget about it.

12. link like crazy. link anyone who links you, link your favorites, link your friends. dont be a prude. linking is what seperates bloggers from apes. and especially link if you’re trying to prove a point and someone else said it first. it lends credibility even if youre full of shit.

13. if you havent written about sex, religion, and politics in a week youre probably playing it too safe, which means you probably fucked up on #5, in which case start a second blog and keep your big mouth shut about it this time.

14. remember: nobody cares which N*Sync member you are, what State you are, which Party of Five kid you are, or which Weezer song you are. the second you put one of those things on your blog you need to delete your blog and try out for the marching band. similarilly, nobody gives a shit what the weather is like in your town, nobody wants you to change their cursor into a butterfly, nobody wants to vote on whether your blog is hot or not, and nobody gives a rat ass what song youre listening to. write something Real for you, about you, every day.

15. dont be afraid if you think something has been said before. it has. and better. big whoop. say it anyway using your own words as honestly as you can. just let it out.

16. get Site Meter and make it available for everyone to see. if you’re embarrassed that not a lot of people are clicking over to your page, dont be embarrassed by the number, be embarrassed that you actually give a crap about hits to your gay blog. it really is just a blog. and hits really dont mean anything. you want Site Meter, though, to see who is linking you so you can thank them and so you can link them back. similarilly, use Technorati, but dont obsess. write.

17. people like pictures. use them. save them to your own server. or use Blogger’s free service. if you dont know how to do it, learn. also get a Buzznet account. several things will happen once you start blogging, one of them is you will learn new things. thats a good thing.

18. before you hit Save as Draft or Publish Post, select all and copy your masterpiece. you are using a computer and the internet, shit can happen. no need to lose a good post.

19. push the envelope in what youre writing about and how youre saying it. be more and more honest. get to the root of things. start at the root of things and get deeper. dig. think out loud. keep typing. keep going. eventually you’ll find a little treasure chest. every time you blog this can happen if you let it.

20. change your style. mimic people. write beautiful lies. dream in public. kiss and tell. finger and tell. cry scream fight sing fuck and dont be afraid to be funny. the easiest thing to do is whine when you write. dont be lazy. audblog at least once a week.

21. write open letters. make lists. call people out on their bullshit. lead by example. invent and reinvent yourself. start by writing about what happened to you today. for example today i told a hot girl how wonderfully hot she is.

22. when in doubt review something. theres not enough reviews on blogs. review a movie you just saw, a tv show, a cd, a kiss you just got, a restaurant, a hike you just took, anything.

23. constantly write about the town that you live in.

24. out yourself. tell your secrets. you can always delete them later.

25. dont use your real name. dont write about your work unless you dont care about getting fired.

26. dont be afraid to come across as an asswipe. own your asswipeness.

27. nobody likes poems. dont put your poems on your blog. not even if theyre incredible. especially if theyre incredible. odds are theyre not incredible. bad poems are funny sometimes though, so fine, put your dumb poems on there. whatever.

28. tell us about your friends.

29. dont apologize about not blogging. nobody cares. just start blogging again.

30. read tons of blogs and leave nice comments.

if you’re going to ripoff/mimic/be inspired by one blogger make it raymi, shes perfect.

and earlier i interviewed Jackie the Jokeman

but now im drunk. byeeeee

i saw menomena last night at the troubadour and i forgot that you can just sit in the bar in the back and see the band perfectly and thats exactly what me and this writer for laist did, we just drank beers and watched these dudes sorta play sorta experimental music but not really.

it was sold out and the fans sorta seemed in to it, maybe they were all like me, there to see what the hype was all about and waiting for something but if you ask me nothing happened.

i liked the baritone sax and eating shrimp tacos afterwards

but the music wasnt experimental enough for me and the tacos werent spicy enough

maybe i have seen it all and done it all already.

fortunatly we had a third writer there who reviewed the show so i spared the world my headline which would have been

meh-nomena

if they really wanted to be experimental they would have brought this dude on to sing with them.

page 21, next to a picture of JACK!

are the kids talking about sea wolf in your town? jenn sherry talked to me about them at sxsw and theres nothin wrong with that girl.

i got their ep soon after and i put it at the end of the new dinosaur and it nice to hit shuffle and write and write and write.

yesterday i took a lost young spirit on a walk around los feliz, atwater, and echo park.

the only time i leave my house is when there are girls over. is that what you call a paradox?

this girl has lived in la her whole life and had never ridden the bus so we took the 181 from los feliz to echo park and she was completely shocked that a bus ran past the bigfoot lodge.

“ive been to this bar countless times and ive never seen a bus go by”.

countless? the bitch is 20.

we walked through the nighborhood and its windy roads and diverse architecture and she was all, walkings weird.

and i held her hand because you know what, walking is weird.

we went to the atwater village street fair and ate free cookies and played with free puppies and ate fifty cent snow cones created by the Teen Club, no kidding, and i worried that she might know someone in the tent

and we took the bus towards echo park and it dropped us off under sunset and we walked up the stairs to sunset and walked past Taix and i said this is the most walking ive done in quite a while and she was all i dont think ive ever walked this much ever

i said didnt you guys run when you were a cheerleader?

and she was all i was never a cheerleader.

which was weird because for some reason i thought she had been one. very perky. very supportive.

and she pulled up the back of the her skirt and flashed a nice bit of ass revealing a scary tattoo of the devil smoking a cigarrette

she said, you couldnt cheer at our school if you had a tattoo.

and i never wanted my name under something more before ever.

she doesnt like being called that but she no longer lives in america thus her freedoms have been stripped from her.

the first thing you would probably notice when you first see her are her big blue eyes. they will entrance you so you look down.

but then you cant really look down, as a gentleman, so you look back up and there they go mezmorizing you.

so you look at her lips.

worst mistake of all.

im pretty sure her parents are reading the busblog today so how do you do mr and mrs s im now going to type very dirty things about your daughter

you might want to look away

i have a photograph of the birthday girl on my wall in my bedroom (not pictured)

its one of my favorite pictures

surrounded by other of my favorite pictures.

theyre in my bedroom because theyre some of the first things that i see every morning and i like it that way.

at the foot of my bed i have a big drew barrymore poster, one of isla vista, and a painting i made on wood with watercolor called bruce sutter plays catch in his back yard.

but next to my door are photos of my friends and some of my exes.

in this picture that i love so is our girl looking up from a menu.

we are about to eat an early dinner next to a canal in amsterdam.

she couldnt look more lovely.

and if you knew her, you could probably detect a slight blush.

shes so demonstrative that the words literally spell themselves out on her forhead

im wasted, bone me

hey tony watch that lady eat

religions for assholes

there was nothing we wouldnt tell each other which is why i think we remain so close.

actually the reason i think we are so close is because all the forces in the universe want it to be that way and theres nothing we can do about it.

she is stuck with me, worlds biggest loser

and im stuck with her, sweetest ass in america africa.

shes blushing because i asked her a very dirty question and shes answering it.