i hate mornings. i love my job but i hate the mornings because i cant write to you really. ive got 11 minutes and then i must hit the shower, shave the head, brush the teeth, and dig through my tshirt collection.

i do love the job but its amazing how when you love something all these other offers come out from nowhere. but the weird thing theres only a few other jobs that i would accept.

manager of the cubs, of course, because dusty baker might be a brotha, but he’s taken a mountain and turned it into a molehill. there was a time when we had a great pitching staff and now… fuck. i cant even think about the cubs.

i know i sounded happy yesterday but oh what a few hours can do to someone.

tomorrow im getting paid to go to a huge rock concert. i know that some of you will read what i have to say and think geeze tony theres people starving in china and youre about to bitch. and what can i do, ive gotta keep it real.

so yeah, im getting paid tomorrow to go to devore which is french for de-crap to see a rock show. heres the lineup

11:00-11:40 AM Kasabian
11:55-12:35 PM Fishbone
12:50-1:30 PM Bloc Party
1:00-1:40 PM The Bravery
1:40-2:20 PM Cake
2:25-3:05 PM Arcade Fire
3:10-3:55 PM Live
4:00-4:45 PM Garbage
4:50-5:30 PM Jet
5:35-6:20 PM Madness
6:25-7:20 PM 311
7:25-8:20 PM Beck
8:25-9:25 PM Weezer
9:30-10:30 PM Oasis

now devore was created by some asswipe who thought, hmm, i can build an outdoor ampitheatre way outside of LA and i will offer clearchannel or whoever wants to run their shows through there a fraction of what the Staples Center would charge or the Forum or the Hollywood Bowl and guess what, lots of shows end up way out there in buttfuck

ozzfest is always there, ac/dc played there last time they were in town, no doubt with blink was out there. and somehow if you play there they sign you up to a contract that says if you play there you cant play anywhere in regular LA for three months or six or something.

anyways i have great tickets to that show and press passes and i think i even get a beer and head from the laker girls or something.

but the reason that im depressed this morning is cuz last night i got home and i got a phone call from my date who said yeah, nah, i think id rather go to dinner with this one girl and then go to a party with someone else.

and some people take rejection pretty well, and i guess im one of those people. however there are a few people who when they reject me it totally destroys me. and now i dont even want to go to the damn thing because first of all its in buttfuck but secondly because now i have to go with this dudes stripper wife probably cuz she who knows the situation and is just gonna be annoying.

yes thats nothing to be depressed about, but i am.

i know i should be more pissed/bummed/angry about the fact that BushCo are destroying fucktons of 9/11 evidence and establishing Karl Rove to head up the Katrina recovery (because he’s just so damn qualified for patching up natural disasters – just look what he did with W)

but im not.

im a selfish winey dude who just wants a few things to go the way they should.

i want the right people to be nice to me, i want other people to show up places that they say they will, and i want others to just fucking choose me over these random people.

but i guess its friday and i should just be happy that i live in la and have a cool job and im finally able to sock away a few bucks, and i get to go to a concert with a stripper.

but for some reason im not.

i need to make a tshirt that says “id rather be blogging”, as fucked up as that is.

i know things will get better.

just probably not by monday.

google maps plus census + i miss danielle + sk smith + zulieka

someone came up to my table and asked, “didnt i see you here a few years ago with anna kournikova?”

ah memories

three years ago today on the busblog, where of course, nothing in here is true…

kill me now, tony.

not unless you kill me first anna.

i thought you were a gentleman.

gentlemen dont get laid, anna.

au contraire, i’ve known gentlemen.

betcha theyre not any more.

shoot me in the face, baby.

it’s just tennis, honeybunch.

you have no idea how it feels.

to be rich, gorgeous, blonde, twenty one, and famous? sure i do. ive had orgasms.

it’s terrible. losing. its the opposite of your joke. it’s like being impotent. the goal is right in front of you and you cannot acheive it. and you never acheive it.

have you been drinking anna?

no.

you should, you sound terrible. monotone. insane. youre twenty one. capriatti got it together, and what is she 40?

i look at bridges in a much different way, recently.

thats a mighty pretty plate they gave ya.

yeah, but the winner got a real ming vase.

youre kidding me.

nope.

fuck.

i was thinking about elbowing it.

i woulda married you.

whoops.

if it makes you feel any better, i found a guy who does what i do better than i do.

nobody writes like you.

nobody loses like you.

does that make me the best at something, or something?

only in a dumb way.

oh well.

are you gonna come to la and play at staples?

maybe, but probably not.

if you dont, lets go up to isla vista and get high.

k

stay away from bridges, second place girl.

stay away from the girls, my favorite boy.

zhi yang + mr miyagi + xiaxue + mr brown

and by a 2:1 margin you are now looking at the official new cover of Stiff.

congrats to jaime of theknownuniverse.net who wins the monthlong link, his name in the book, and the $66.66.

thank you to all of you who voted, now way in hell did i think that so many of you would participate.

i know it wasnt the most scientific vote, but it did the trick.

also thank you to everyone who contributed.

there were so many good entries that it was hard to narrow them down to six.

and because of that, and because of how many votes all of the others received, i am pleased to announce that i will have all of these covers available for sale when Stiff comes out next week, 9/22.

now the thing is this will cause some confusion and it will cause some delays because people, for some reason, like for me to autograph their purchases.

dont get me wrong, its extremely flattering to not only get people to buy this stuff but to have them pay a little extra to have it signed

so i have to spend the next few days figuring out how to do this.

but definately if people dont care if theyre signed they can just go to my CafePress store and get them directly from them.

the tricky part is to have them signed from me. people will either have to be super patient cuz it might take a few weeks, or they will have to pick a book that i have in stock.

whatever, we’ll figure it out.

either way you guys are the best and congrats to everyone. this was such a pleasure to do. all of you turned this into something that is a pain in my ass into something cool and creative and fun.

from now on i will always do this.

unsom + matt + rifka + vortexia

the other day, not even on this blog, told me that i should quit talking politics and stick to what “made” me, writing about chicks.

i hate idiots.

the busblog started a month before 9/11. there was a post or two that july, a post or two that august, and for some reason i started getting into the groove early september, and then when 9/11 happened i made a few photo essays including “dear kids of afghanistan” whose anniversary is today or tomorrow or sometime, fuck i dont know.

i wanted to tell the chump, “dude ive been writing politics since youve been sucking your mommas dick.”

but you cant argue with these people.

why even bother.

the sad truth is, id love to write about pussy again. who wouldnt? id love to tell you about hanging out at the rokbar patio just waiting for the friends of the friends to get sloppy and knowing that everything is about being in the right place at the right time, knowing that when youre around twenty fratboys with good clothes who wont stop talking that you have to stop talking and pussy will just fall in your lap.

you dont think ive got stories to tell? of course i have stories to tell.

the reason hannity jr wants me to change the subject is the same reason the professor wont bring up the subject and the exact same reason

every single republican senator yesterday voted Against having a bipartisan independent Katrina Commission to find out who goofed and when.

and this is after the president admitted that he goofed.

and after Brownie stepped downie.

and after the Louisiana governor accepted responsibility.

everyone is doing the right thing except Senate and the instapundit and the people who support this sort of partisan bullshit.

all the righties are so gungho about John Roberts, and everyone thinks theyre so cute with all their gayass baseball metaphors, and everyone is climbing all over themselves to kiss each others asses about how “fair” he’s going to be

but these are the same motherfuckers who yesterday were asked, basically, “hey Katrina is gonna cost America $200 billion, and a killer town. a half million americans if not more are displaced, lives are ruined, neighboring cities will be changed forever, and at the center of it was a three-way orgy of fuckups where one group was clearly trying to outfuckup the other two – lets find out with a bipartisan 9/11-Commission-type group why this bizarre phenomenom happened and how we can prevent it from happening ever again because next time it might not be a hurricane that creates it, it might be a dirty bomb, or a nuke, or some crazy shit that we dont see coming two days out.”

and every single Republican said, “we dont want a fair commission, Mrs. Clinton. fuck you, and fuck America. we’re terrified what you might find out. you might become president, but we sure as hell arent going to help you get there. sheeet.”

and drudge isnt talking about the cockblock, and little green footballs isnt talking about the cockblock, and my favorite blogger is instead talking about the conspiracy theory between the washington post and the new york times.

what are these fucking pussies worried about? the good shit wont come out till four years after the event anyways – and by then nobody gives a crap. did anyone today stand up and say, “so wait, Condi totally lied to us when she said in 5/02: “I don’t think anybody could have predicted that these people would take an airplane and slam it into the World Trade Center.” and thats why the president has been trying to hide these facts. as if the pdb wasnt enough to grill them.

why vote against a bipartisan independent commission? nothing grills these people. and noone gets voted out, and noone gets fired, and the spin machine either spins or simply ignores things that theyd rather not pay attention to.

theyd rather talk about britneys new son. pms federloin. theyd rather talk about the fact that the president needs to take a leak sometimes. theyd rather talk about anyone else to blame except for the homeland security asswipe or the president, or themselves.

i wanna talk about pussy just as much as the next guy, but if i do, then im just as bad as the dittoheads who bury their heads.

everyone i know donated money and clothes and time and effort to help these evacuees. why we wouldnt want to get to the bottom of this is beyond me. and the fact that the republicans dont want to do it in a fair manner should tell you that its because they know the truth, and just like all the pages that remain redacted, they dont want to show us the truth.

which is funny cuz it appears that talking about todays republicans and those who support them is talking about pussy.

so i guess ive accepted your request dipshit.

question silence + terra + 4rilla + this dude stoked me + if you havent voted, vote

i do.

not only did you design some killer covers for the new book that im going to come out with next week, but you are voting like crazy (btw keep voting, the polls are open till tomorrow afternoon)

but you are also buying the Brownie, you’re doing a heck of a job tshirts and mugs like crazy!

sure Wonkette sent a little traffic over here yesterday – ok ALOT of traffic – but people are actually purchasing this stuff!

i only have four items for sale, the ladie’s tee, a baseball undershirt, a regular tee, and a mug – the profit on average is about $4-$5 – and so far because of your generoisity i have raised about $200 profit to give to the Red Cross!

thats amazing to me!

i mean really, one night i was just laughing at Bushie being Bushie and after about 10 minutes on Photoshop i was able to make something that ended up getting linked and bam, money for a great cause.

this interweb shit is crazy!

so yes i love you, thank you for being part of this busblog deal. it really wouldnt be the same without you, and together we can do some incredible stuff and dont think for a minute that im not grateful and thankful for your contributions.

it’s out of that respect that i try not to ask too much of you, other than to be patient with me as i try to keep this caliope rumblin down the road.

and btw, although i do have a hard time replying to email all the time, or phone calls, i do appreciate you trying to help the content of this blog.

for example, yes i have been noticing that the instapundit hasnt mentioned BrownGate in the last three days (his resignation, Bush’s lie to the press that he didnt know he had resigned, or the fact that DuctTapeMan will replace him). yes i understand that the Roberts confirmation process is important, but FEMA suddenly isnt (isnt that sort of thinking what got Bushie in trouble in the first place?)

and yes ive noticed that the good professor hasnt mentioned the President admitting for the first time in his two terms that he fucked up.

and yes ive noticed how many times in the last three days he’s mentioned The Busses in the flooded out lot: 5 times.

and of course i saw how the Instapundit found the one poll that made it look like his numbers are “improving”.

thats some serious blogging over there, kids. thanks for the heads up but im way ahead of you.

now watch this drive.

britney has a boy + homeland security chief to blame too + zulieka

vote in the comments of this post,
for larger views of the entries click on the numbers below
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6

voting ends tomorrow at 3:33pm pt

today for the bullshit that went down in new orleans recently.

“to the extent the federal government didn’t fully do its job right, I take responsibility.”

which is sorta as lame as when people say, “if ive upset you, i apologize.”

just fucking apologize.

everyone knows how to apologize.

“my bad.”

“im sorry.”

“i will never be able to forgive myself for what ive done to you and for the lives that were lost because of the fuckups of the people who i put in charge and of my own fuckups.”

oh, heres an aplogy…

“Your government failed you, those entrusted with protecting you failed you, and I failed you… We tried hard, but that doesn’t matter, because we failed.”

but i shouldnt knock bushie that much, bro has a hard time admitting failure of any sort (even though Google doesnt) so this is progress, right?

we can only hope.

although file this under wtf (or tmi):

“Are we capable of dealing with a severe attack? That’s a very important question and it’s in the national interest that we find out what went on so we can better respond,” Bush replied.

you know what dude, sometimes it is ok to lie to me.

“you dont look fat in those jeans.”

“you look great with a bald head.”

“we are capable of dealing with a severe terrorist attack. in fact four years after 9/11 we’re better than ever.”

people say im a bush-hater or a liberal or a partisan, im not. im an American who is the boss of these people and when they fuck up i get to say stop that.

so im happy the repubs are actually paying attention to the polls – aka the people – and their fuckups.

and im also happy the Dems are getting off their asses and stepping up.

witness what a Dem leader said after Bushie made his apology:

This Administration still hasn’t figured out the difference between spin and leadership. The President has done the obvious, only after it was clear he couldn’t get away with the inexcusable.

President Bush has accepted Michael Brown’s resignation and admitted the buck stops in the Oval Office. But there are a lot of survivors who want to know whether this will change anything.

Does the White House even understand the problem?

The Administration had four years after September 11th to get this right, and they were caught unforgivably unprepared to deal with a major emergency here at home.

Do they now understand that our government’s efforts and resources have been going to the wrong priorities?

What are they doing to make sure this never happens again other than talking tough talk?

so who was this angry/bitter/righteous leader?

howard dean?

ted kennedy?

hillary clinton?

i nearly choked on my mcnugget when i found out it was john f kerry.

the f of course stands for about fucking time.

theres a shift in the force people and its good news for all americans and therefore the world: the president has decided to act like a grownup and the democrats have decided to grow a pair.

now lets see what they do about DuctTape Man running FEMA.

ryan mcgee + travis + scott + zen for lunch

and it couldnt have been for a better cause (third bulletpoint down)

update: whoa… and my first link from Davenetics!

thanks saidy! + zoner + sk smith

I just have a quick question I thought maybe you coud answer if you have the time.

Concerning copyrights on books, what chances if any do you have of releasing a book with the same title of another already released book if in the same category of fiction and on the same market?

For example say you were to release Stiff on Amazon, and there is already a fiction work much like yours (although with significant differences) on Amazon. What are the chances that somone would sue? What determines if they can sue?

Just wondering.

-Andrew

+ + + + + + +

hey andrew,

first of all i would never release anything on amazon. anyone who would be nterested in any of my books would know me from my blog, so why would i give amazon a cut? i would only sell my books through my blog online or through a bookstore.

as for Stiff, i know theres a non-fiction book that was released several years ago, so im not too worried about that. and if worse came to worse i would just change the title to its subtitle “The Escalator to Elsewhere”.

im sorta stuck now though because of all the people who made such cool book covers.

also i only hope to sell 666 copies. if i sell more that would be awesome, but in all reality i will probably only sell about 300-400 books, so i doubt i get any attention from anyone who would sue.

from what i understand, the only way someone would sue would be if i confused people in the marketplace, for example, if my book was a non-fiction book or about cadavers.

fortunately my book is about dying and meeting kurt kobain.

which is another legal matter, probably.

also there are even companies with the same name as others. Apple computers for example had to make a deal with the Beatle’s Apple Records that they would never sell music.

all of that wnet fine until Apple computers came up with the brilliant idea to create the iTunes store.

and as we see even they worked out some sort of deal,

so im not too worried

today is the last day to submit covers for the Stiff cover contest.

for instructions on how to submit, just go here, its super easy.

happy tuesday,

tony

the entries so far + instapundit has had 15 posts today, none about brownie or duct tape… developing…

yeah, i heard the bad news that you got fired, er, had to resign.

tough luck bro.

i sent you flowers and a care package but it got sent back, along with 17 tons of medical supplies.

stop doing that!

it’s also a pisser that everyone found out about your doctored resume.

you said you were a professor?

nice, dr. brown. i love your soda every time im at canters.

but seriously, to have your lies outted in Time magazine must truly suck. especially after you just came off a bad week where because of your blunders hundreds of people died and thousands suffered.

talk about rubbing salt in a wound, huh doc?

well at least you have a few brownie-backers, two that i can think of, the first being the President of the United States who a) never fired you (which means you can put this experience on your resume, proudly) and b) bought a few Brownie, heck of a job tshirts from my cafepress store – profits go to the red cross – hurry supplies wont last long.

oh wait, and c) totally proved that you werent the fall guy, you were the straight man in this neverending comedy

Bush at 3:39 pm EST:

Question: Have you accepted the resignation of Michael Brown or have you heard about it?

Bush: No, I have not talked to Michael Brown or Mike Chertoff – that’s who I talk to. As you know, I’ve been working.

Bush at 3:42 pm EST:

I can do more than one thing at one time. By the time I’m finished president, I hope you will realize that the government can do more than one thing at one time, and individuals in the government can.

– via thinkprogress

and then of course youve got the Instapundit, totally bro-ing you.

not only has he not mentioned your firing, i mean resignation, but he hasnt even uttered your name in the last two days.

which of course means that he hasnt told his gazillion readers that the president replaced you with that brainiac who two years ago told the country that the best way for them to defend themselves was through plastic sheeting

and duct tape.

thats right, duct tape man has snagged your job and the worlds greatest blogger is keeping it on the down-low.

thats a true friend if ever there was one.

i guess professors stick together.

and brownie, enjoy your Stiff margarita(s)

vivian + aaron clemens + fox force five + attack kat