how could anyone concentrate

yesterday I interviewed an inanimate building for Los Angeleno

not the first time I’ve done such a thing.

maybe 20 years ago I interviewed an escalator at the Vermont Wilshire subway station

sadly that escalator is no longer there as that station was remodeled years ago, which may have been why Metro often failed to repair it back in the day

Then maybe 10 years ago I interviewed my belly for the LA Times

the only thing I don’t like about that piece is it was published on the papers CMS and it lost the picture over time which to me brought it home

do you know what its like to run out of gas

the struggle ive had over this pandemic isn’t like any that ive read from anyone else.

im stuck. im empty. but not in a zen way.

my job is to pour out the good stuff.

but i sit down at the keyboard and my mind goes off in a million places.

i smoke but that doesnt help.

id drink but amber loves it that i dont drink.

my music isn’t inspiring.

my hands are literally telling me to stop.

but heres the saddest thing. my lovely friend has hired me to do some side work

and in this economy who wouldn’t accept that?

and i love the work, and she is a sweetheart to work for.

but i can barely do what im supposed to do.

i cant even with the extra.

i cant watch movies.

i cant do anything except organize baseball cards.

yesterday amber asked if i had any baseball cards for her niece.

i said hand me that black binder.

and i flipped a few pages and there was a card of a little girl who had thrown out the first pitch at ball parks around the country.

and a few pages later was a nun who had also thrown one over the plate.

i put them in plastic sleeves and she said

how on earth do you know where everything is?

i said its the only thing i know right now.

my mind is in lock down.

i’ll write two pieces for los angeleno next week.

but the second one will be a struggle.

is this it for me?

do i need adderall?

do i need subtractall?

am i closed on Thursday

do i need a longer vacation deep into the desert.

this time absolutely no phone. no social media. just books. just paper. just two pens.

just one pretty girl. just 7 pizzas. just 37 mexicokes. just 4 gallons of rocky road.

just my imagination

once again.

the other day my buddys brother died

and it reminded me how fleeting life is and how we should truly milk it for all it is

walk that extra block

say hi to that extra person

write that one extra email telling that loved one how important they have been to you.

when will we say that?

should there be a day?

shouldnt there be one day where we say i know i havent talked with you in a few years but your picture still hangs on my wall and i think about you all the time, fondly?

we facebook twitter instagram youtube

but we’re always looking for that new follower that new friend that new thing.

i think it’s ok to reach back a little and say, you helped me get here, and you were one of the really good parts of my weird journey.

related: these kids were 9-10. that was THIRTY years ago.

these kids are all turning FORTY

i thank God for allowing me to be placed on this planet because it’s the craziest experience ever

which is why i try to write it all down because people in Heaven are not gonna believe it.

i was in junior high when i heard women and children first

some kid brought the record to school.

there were no turntables in school.

but he brought it because he had just seen the light. he had heard the incredible sounds and jungle rhythms of Everybody Wants Some and he was going to spread the word to his brothers and sisters.

and im glad he did because even though i had no money to go to the store and get the record, somehow i heard it too and i too felt the wildness it contained

who were these golden gods?

as much as i loved AC/DC, there was a looseness to van halen. it wasn’t so scripted.

if anything the pattern was: guitar, hook, breakdown, david lee roth saying something sexual, and then a giant climax.

works for me.

i saw van halen play exactly three times.

the first was over the summer in illinois when i was in college. tracey d, who i had dated while being an ice cream man got us tickets.

that girl was a true leader. no girl had ever bought ME tickets to a concert. but she knew i loved them and she did too. sadly this was the Van Hagar era and even though i didnt really love the new tunes, Sammy was entertaining and afterwards tracey asked me to spend the night with her, something i had never done before so, hubba hubba.

the second time was with karisa at Staples Center decades later. for some reason we were fighting. was she late? was i late? who knows. but we missed the opener Kool & the Gang. but were in time for the middle opener, Cheap Trick who i had never seen before for some reason. they were fine.

this was the reunited Van Halen with DLR back. he had a weird little sliding area up front. strange tap shoes kinda. it was like a vaudeville guy fronting a hair metal band. it was awkward. but the music — oh lord the music soothed everything.

the last time was with jeanine at the Hollywood Bowl. she was sleeping on my couch and was a guitar god herself. we had good seats. the stars were out. and it was a much much better show. soooo long. they played everything they could. wolfie was on bass. it was a perfect night.

when amber announced that Eddie had died, i rushed to TMZ where she had read it and then to Twitter where I saw Wolfgang’s tweet and I wrote a quickie little obit for Los Angeleno’s FB and Twitter and i realized i needed to call Scott Sterling who never picks up the phone

but he did with a “this day is like when Prince died.”

Scott had written a little book about being the only Black kid at the Women and Children First concert in Detroit. so we talked for 20 minutes and i recorded it so i could quote him for the real obit i wanted to write.

then i emailed Parry Gripp who wrote and performed “Van Halen” for Nerf Herder many moons ago. he wrote back very quickly, and kindly. he too should be in any obit of that great band.

and then i wrote it as fast as i could because i had something important to do at 3:30pm

something life changing, potentially, that i hope to reveal later this month.

finished it at 3pm. and felt good about it. particularly the way Eddie’s Frankenstrat looked on our page.

the young editor who copyedits me found a generic pic of Eddie with short hair and asked if i wanted to replace the image of the guitar with the pic and i was all, yeah no.

ah the kids.

throughout the day i wanted to cry.

i knew he had cancer. hell, in 2000 before the busblog even existed i made this photo essay about it. (click the pictures)

over the most recent years i had heard Eddie call in to Howard Stern. the two were friends IRL. i knew he struggled with booze. i knew 65 is way past the expiration date of rock stars.

but he’s still a guitar hero who was at such a level it almost seemed like a cartoon. otherworldly.

eddie van halen, like jimi hendrix, was someone you couldn’t even put in a discussion because it ends the debates. it’s not fair. he’s the high score you have to toss out with the lowest score so you could properly find the average.

he was the opposite of the average.

and he became that legend on his very first fucking record.

whose demo was produced by Gene Simmons of KISS because when he first heard Eddie, he too was instantly all in

just like that nameless kid in my junior high.

just like me.

what do you do if you think yr gonna die

do you just lay in the hospital and listen to the beeps and the boops and watch people stroll around and whisper to each other?

or do you go see your friends.

the people with the flags that have your name on em. big and blue and red.

and what of the people around you who are being paid to protect you?

do you worry you might infect them?

do you believe them when they say, it is our duty to protect you so anything you want to do is fine with us.

our family will understand.

especially the children.

once theyre old enough.

and speaking of family, wouldnt it have been a tad more romantic

and even downright beautiful

if instead of driving around the block a few times to wave to random strangers

and instead of having your doctors lie on your behalf

and get caught lying because doctors are terrible liars

you drove back home

fast as you can

better yet, use the copter – that big fat green whirlybird

and you fly back real quick to the white house

and you walk off stairs of marine one and there you are met by your wife

your ridiculously beautiful wife.

the one who probably hates your guts for getting her the disease that has no cure.

it doesnt matter how few people it kills, on average

it’s still deadly

and she says if i dont die i vill kill you for doing this to me

and there you two are

on the white house grass

hair blowing in the wind

and you plant a big old sloppy wet kiss on her

and hug

and you kiss her again, but on the cheek

and walk back to the copter

whose blades never stopped

hop in

and fly back to walter reed

and when they take a picture of you signing a letter

tell em it’s to yr girl

begging her forgiveness

for everything.

dear people from the future

today the cubs were eliminated from the playoffs.

they had won their division but because this is the year 2020 and there are DHs in the national league,

if you win the division you still have to play a wild card series

and they got swept

they were not playing well

they did not play well

and the national league has some buzz saws in the west that were waiting

and the thing about me and the cubs and the playoffs is i am useless for anything else when they are going on which makes their sad pathetic sweep to a team that shouldnta even been in the playoffs a silver lining because i need to be working on my own stuff right now

in part because the world is melting down and i need to be focused on documenting it

but also because bread and circuses are whats needed when the king needs the people to have a form of distraction

not when every little thing is fascinating and historic and without precedent and sports should take a back seat right now because who the hell cares about fernando tatis jr

when his old man hit two grand slams in the same inning so good luck trying to get my attention

when the president of the united states is in the hospital

and not tweeting

and not getting people together for his rallies

because he has put himself in more than political danger

and the people all around him.

he has the rona, his wife has the rona, his evil press director has it, a couple of senators

a reverend

and they all caught it probably when they were patting themselves on the back in the rose garden rushing their supreme court justice into the still warm seat of rbg.

it was almost like the gods were saying

over your dead body.

future people, shits going down right now and the days speed by

but the election seems to be creeping closer at a snails pace

today is october 3

its 414am

gotta take the girl to a baby shower in the afternoon

and between now and then

it’s anybody’s guess what will happen.

that is how wild this time is right now.

i failed again this weekend

last weekend i tried, this weekend i did better but still failed.

it’s damn near impossible to not go on twitter or instagram or facebook

for me, at least

i mean i wasnt on it long – about an hour for the weekend but the goal was zero

i was procrastinating.

so next week lets try to make it less than ahalf hour.

also a bunch of stuff went down and i wanted to feed the Los Angeleno twitter account.

also its a habit.

a weird weird habit.

tonight i finished a story that i thought up today and who knows maybe people will like it maybe they wont.

all i know is i thunk it up, did it and it’s done.

maybe it’s easy for you to do that but lately it’s been soooo hard.

all weekend i was working on a thing for Sass but my mind

what if i need adderall?

yikes.

for some reason that scares me.

i did succeed at something though. i won the toughest fantasy league i am in.

i think for 10 years ive played in this league and never won.

whats weird about this championship series is are manyboth of our teams couldnt hit over .200. we both struck out like crazy.

his complete game was the Worst, it was a double header game, so his pitcher only had to pitch 6 innings AND HE LOST

i would have been so pissed if i lost by 1 point because he got a CG out of such a sham.

thank God my pitchers were on fire.

whats really weird about this win was i wasnt even in the draft and i only kept like 3 of the players the computer picked for me.

whatever = W

gonna try to unplug this weekend

it’s already hard. im addicted. and im procrastinating.

i have so much work to do and a hard out on Thursday. maid’s coming, so i have to skedaddle outta here.

two weeks worth of work boiled into six days.

how will i do it? am i that amazing?

i gotta say this about my first year with Los Angeleno, i always wanted to write more since leaving LAist way back when and it’s nice to write again.

it makes me really appreciate those who do it every day or damn near every day. it’s not easy.

my problem is not in the story ideas. i have 10 a day. good ones. perfect ones.

its: can i remain excited about them 20 minutes after theyre approved?

the answer is rarely yes. so i try to write as fast as i can before i get bored to death.

my brain zips around so much these days FOR OBVIOUS REASONS and social media does not help because each page refresh or full screen scroll leads to two new moments of agita.

thats one thing i miss about not being in Chicago, even though i havent been there in ages, i miss the italians

today at the grocery store this black guy passed me and said nice hat.

turned out he was from the South Side. super rarity to have that happen.

most younger black dudes from that part of town are Sox fans.

they view Cub fans as entitled white boy fratty dudes — and they’re not 100% wrong.

so i asked him why a Cub fan and he said his grandma always had WGN on back in the day.

i wish more networks understood the secret trick that WGN did to us:

Ray Rayner cartoons in the morning, Bozo at noon and the Cubs at 1:20pm.

it tricked millions of us kids to get addicted.

i still dont know how a kids show at noon stayed so successful when most of their target market – pre TIVO – was at school, but thats another story idea for another media outlet.

what will you do when your dreams come true

and what will they do for you

what if your dreams have already come true

what if all of this is second desert.

there are a lot of things i miss very much

near the top of that list is driving uber lyft.

for a little while you could say i was addicted

because in a little way it was competition with drivers on facebook

but in another way it was the greatest paid tour of my city

where i could ask anyone anything about their neighborhood

and they would go on and on and on

pointing along the way.

i drove so much my arms and legs hurt after a while.

i drove so much and had a near perfect rating

not because im an incredible driver

but because when people talk about their neighborhood

theyre talking about themselves

and who doesnt like that?