i should be sad, but im not

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i should be mad, but nope.

dont be in awe, i am not in control of my emotions.

the only therapist ive ever had challenged me to examine my emotions. i told her i do not have their phone numbers or addresses.

i wouldnt know them if we passed each other in a dark alley.

 

hey paul

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i was nearly home but i hadn’t been to the movies since puss n boots two weeks ago.
the only problem with the movies is they charge you $7 for coke,
so when i saw a trip request to burbank, sorta near the batman statue amc, and it was paying $20 bc it was rush hour. i took it.
the pickup was four blocks from my house. my weed vape was on my nightstand and it was getting chilly, it sure would be nice to have a jacket if i was gonna be out at night.
so as i was heading toward “paul” i got the courage to do the impossible: to ask him if it was ok if i swung by my place so i could get my jacket. andmyweed.
paul was in a jean jacket, jeans, work boots. the place i picked him up was a house getting a remodel. not the greatest, but a house, nevertheless.
i asked him if i could swing. he said sure man, of course. and i was so grateful. did the thing and we were on the road.
so were you working at that house? i asked.
no, i work in compton, thats my homies’ place. we were celebrating bc he just got out of jail.
what was he in for, i asked, definitely feeling i was crossing a line, but shoot your shot mj
some bullshit, he said.
i was never good at getting people to tell me why they were in jail.
theres a few areas of los feliz and silver lake where during rush hour traffic is near stand still. i was eluding those and somehow catching every light as it was about to turn yellow.
and then he said, as a matter of fact, i was in the same joint he was at.
the supermax in valencia
i turned down the ted nugent and said
go onnnnnnnnnn
he laughed and told me about a failed armed robbery he had nothing to do with other than being in the wrong place at the wrong time
for you, i asked every question and he gave me every answer.
q: on the tv show Oz, everyone is seperated by race – the Blacks, the whites and the mexicans. is that true?
a: no. the whites and the latinos are teamed up against the Blacks and the Others. also, i have never heard of Oz.
he was 21. seemed older. but trusted me for some reason. maybe bc he saw earlier how the bike security guard from the church next door was waiting for me at my car outside my apt when i returned with my jacket andweedthing
q: Oz was hbo’s first great series before the sopranos. it was about a penitentiary. in Oz the whites were white supremacists even if they weren’t. they had to fit in. so some played along.
a: even the real white supremacists had to partner with the latinos because they would be outnumbered by the Blacks and Others.
i told him i appreciated him being cool with all of my questions. he said it was chill. and, you know, it was.
q: if i was in jail id want to do shitloads of drugs and work out. how do you get drugs?
a: the best way is Happy Mail. the guards check everything that gets sent to you and they read everything. so you can’t have them write you anything other than they miss you and they cant wait to see you again. and then they’ll be a picture of them in there. that picture has been dipped 100s of times into heroin or pcp or meth. when you get it, you put it in hot hot water.
q: and you drink it??
a: no you lay on your back back, and slowly snort it.
q: and that gets you high?
a: it fucks you up. hardcore.
i had done 15 trips up until then, most of them really good, this one though. woah.
q: please tell me rape in jail is a terrible myth.
a: at the supermax there is only one small shower, and only one man can be in there at a time. at county it’s a different story, big showers, lots of people. things happen if you haven’t played your cards right.
q: what was it like being in there during covid?
a: the a/c was broken and they never let us outside. i never saw daylight because the one little square of window we had in our dormitory faced the hill.
i asked him if he would be a guest on my podcast. he said yes. they all say yes.

haters call it the university of spoiled children

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which i think is unfair.

just like i don’t agree when people say the younger generation who attend this private school are “entitled.”

ive driven lots of kids, who attend various colleges in LA and they’re all different.

i did run into someone the other day who was either entitled or just not with it.

USC has a Target across the street from its campus. Next to it is a Trader Joe’s. The complex is called The Village and it is very popular day and night.

To get into the parking garage under these establishments, one must get in a line of cars, that extends a good block some times. I was there during one of those times.

Now if I was a smart college student I would walk across the street to where the fire department is because then the rideshare car can easily pick you up at the curb. But these students don’t do that. They stand at the curb next to the Target next to the lane of cars trying to enter the parking structure.

Drivers like me have to drive in the center lane and usher the passengers in, illegally. Dangerously.

Wanda was waiting at this precarious location Saturday afternoon. I got in the center lane, yelled at her to come on in. She obliged, got to me, opened the door, tossed her bag in and said, “my friend is up the stairs with two cases of water, can you park at the curb there?”

She pointed to the lane of cars waiting their turn to turn right into the parking garage.

If this lane was this empty at the time, I would have had no problem picking her up at the curb. However, it was not like this at the time. Nor is it ever.

“You want me to loop around and then block all these people from turning right?” I asked.

By the way, minutes before we had this discussion I called her when I saw the traffic jam and asked her to wave her hand so I could see if she was truly in the worst spot imaginable. She was.

“I’m wearing a red sweatshirt that says USC on it.”

If I had a dollar for every person wearing a red USC sweatshirt going in and out of the Target and Trader Joe’s, I would have $100 dollars.

When she realized that, yes, it would be very rude of me to block traffic so she and her roommate could eventually get their cases of water in my car, she looked at me dumbfounded.

I said, “I’m going to park across the street and wait. You two figure out how to get your water from Target to me.”

She pouted.

“This exercise is easier than getting into USC, trust me.” I said.

Half hour later they were in my car. A male Target employee, carried the water for them. Hero.

No tip.

For either of us

watts ride it

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as my uncle, rip, would say, “he was Black as night.”
picked him up at the Southeast LAPD station. two miles from Watts. so, yes, the Hood, as I would say.
why was i in the Hood picking up someone at the police station at 9am? the cool answer is: bc danger is my middle name.
sadly my middle name is hugh and the actual answer is: if you drop off a passenger at LAX at 8am, it’s quicksand all around there. you want to go north to Santa Monica or Venice or lord help you Brentwood, because all of those areas are surging bc all those people are going to work via uber.
and even though those places look close on the map, after 7:30 they may as well be in milwaukee. the traffic is so bad you’ll be lucky if you even get to the 405 let alone traverse. tra-goodluck.
so i went east down Century through Inglewood. stopped off at burger king bc their croissanwich is underrated and sometimes they’ll over do it with the bacon, which’ll kill you, but lol no one thinks of death in the hood. youve never been more alive.
did a ride or two and kept heading east in part because these are all streets, not freeways. and ppl in the hood are already at work at this hour. streets are calm. then i noticed it was surging in watts.
watts is poor and crime ridden. the average income for the whole household is $25k, which seems impossible, but anythings possible in los angeles.
which is the real reason i accepted the ride from the southeast lapd station to the 77th street station today. it could be a cop, it could be a crook, it could be the mom of a guy who needed to get released and she went to the wrong spot. for all i know it could be the most ballsy graffiti artist of our time who loves tagging ‘hear in la’ on police station walls.
turned out it was a guy Black as night, wearing a covid mask around his chin, and waiting for me as i approached the station.
he ran to my car and got in.
“glad Pookie busted you out,” i said, wearing my mask correctly, over my mouth.
“Pookie?” he asked, and then getting the joke, laughed and said, “fa sho” and laughed.
big guy. handsome. great hair. but it wasn’t done. it was uneven and it made me wonder how long they had him in the holding cell.
he told me he was in a car with two of his buddies and “a female.”
the car belonged to the parents of one of his buddies. let’s call him Dumbshit. Dumbshit is in and out of the System so often, his own father forgot he was no longer in jail, so when he noticed his 2018 Honda Accord was not in front of the apartment, where he left it, he reports it stolen to the cops. turns out his son Dumbshit asked the mom for the keys, which she gave him, and he went out with the boys, and the female.
a few hours after reporting it stolen, the dad asks the mom why she’s cooking so much food. she says, because Dumbshit is home.
when did he get out? the dad asks.
this afternoon. he’s partying with his friends right now and when he comes home i want him to have a little treat.
oh shit, the dad says and calls the cops to unreport the car as being stolen but guess what, Dumbshit, his friend, my passenger and the female were already face down on Figueroa Avenue with cops surrounding them when the dad realized he should never call the LAPD for anything because they seem to drag their feet until they don’t.
and not only didn’t they drag their feet last night, there was a copter above the scene where my dark as night passenger was asking himself what on earth is happening here?!?!
were you scared they were gonna shoot you?
i was positive they were going to shoot me, he said. even though no one was arguing, no one was resisting, no one was refusing to hand over ID. nothing. he knew that because they had been drinking and smoking in the hood with people who look like he does, that makes cops make mistakes sometimes.
just like the dad did
just like i did being at LAX at 8am.
luckily no mistakes were made last night on Fig. so this morning my man was picking up some property the cops had confiscated from him when they searched everyone.
and he thought it was at southeast but it was really 77th so thats where i took him
and the next ride was with this well dressed mexican girl and her multi face tattooed bf and their dog who were going to union station to get on a train to then go on a cruise.
the french bulldog, one year old, weezed the entire trip. i felt so badly for him.
they paid $4,000 for him, she told me.
no tip.

today is ashley’s birthday, she’s 40!

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do i miss her?

of course. i miss everyone.

this blog has been around half of her life. i wonder if she ever comes here. doubt it.

some people aren’t sentimental about me. some are. some are just mental.

pretty sure im mental.

20 years ago people asked what i had in common with a 20 yr old. weirdly, lots. now that i look back, it wasn’t so weird. some people just get along.

meanwhile some people who you’d think would get along dont at all.

ashley has recently married hubby #2 and is expecting bb #2.

she also has an excellent podcast with her bff anne called How do you Drew

it’s all about Drew Barrymore, which is how she and I met.

i dont listen as often as id like to because i have a podcast of my own to get out of the ghetto with.

something is telling me that hers is already more popular than mine

which is fine.

she’s a good person.

prayers for Damar Hamlin

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i am heartbroken over a 24 year old player id never heard of before or seen or would recognize if he walked past me next month

today he was trying to tackle a guy, got hit in the chest with the helmet of the runner and fell, got up and fell again. he stopped breathing. for 9 minutes they gave him cpr.

he started breathing again and they rushed him to the hospital where he is now.

the league wanted to get the game restarted 5 minutes after he was being wheeled off the field.

players on both sides were crying. the announcers were having a hard time keeping it together too because the hit was hard but we’ve seen those a million times.

but this one was different somehow and the players walked off the field, the game was suspended, and after a while both teams said they weren’t going to go back out there tonight.

the league and one 71 year old talk show host on espn wanted the game between the two excellent teams to resume because of playoffs and blah blah blah but the players basically said are you kidding fuck you we’re going home.

and they went home.

except the guy who hit damar with his helmet.

he took an uber to the hospital.

 

 

tomorrow will be a challenge

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tomorrow is new years eve.

i havent driven all week because theres been no demand and the prices are super low. so ive been cleaning my apartment – not very well – but making some dents.

i dont like driving at night. i dont like driving drunks. i dont like driving in the rain.

tomorrow promises to make me $300-$400 if i do it right.

the problem is is it will be cold and rainy. so will people even be going out?

in order to make that sort of moola youve gotta work from 7pm-3am and average $50 an hour. To do that it has to be surging $10-$15 from 7-10 and then $20-$30 for the rest of the night. Will Uber allow that?

one reason i didnt drive this week is the low demand might be due to tons of typically employed people doing uber during the holidays for a few extra bucks. if those people drive tomorrow night, those surge numbers go down.

not because theres not demand, but because uber will decide they can take a bigger cut until the drivers log off.

the prettiest girl said the nicest thing to me today about that she wants me to write my uber book.

it would be the easiest book to write.

it would also be an easy netflix fictional series, based on the book, but different bc tv is a different canvas.

and just imagine the guest stars that could hop in the back.

i took this picture after a glorious dump

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on a crazy day where i drove damn near 200 miles.

im gonna do something a bit risky this week. im going to spend as much time as i can cleaning my apartment. my neighbors are out of town so the garbage bins are empty. i need to fill those bad boys up.

I want to spend a half day per room. Then a half day per closet. I have two closets where I really have to purge.

It’s a risky thing to do because i need to make money this week and by not driving instead of cleaning i am gambling that i can have a bang up night on New Years Eve, which is also a risky night because drunks and pukers and it might be slick road conditions.

so that is where we have to trust in the Lord.

who i know loves me

in part because when i think back at the people ive gotten to know over the years, i have been blessed sooooooo well.

it’s ridiculous.

im terrible at cleaning so lets hope i can do this as planned.

finally a hooker admitted to me what she was up to

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for the second time this month uber did not offer me a weekend goal for a bonus so today i took long trips.

i nearly took one to ventura for $80 but what a commitment. what if you and the passenger(s) dont hit it off? most of the time i totally jibe with them but you dont wanna suffer like that for an hour if you don’t. mama mia.

little did i know i would do two, hour-long rides today.

one was with a prostitute who was going to charge the guy $900.

she had a mini panic attack when i picked her up at her place bc she was afraid i was going to drive off without her. i offered to go in my trunk to get her a bottle of water. she said no, im late, lets go.

i said, we found each other. you can relax now. you got the best uber driver in LA. all will be well.

we talked and talked. she was amped up and emotional. her stories were fantastic and sad.

halfway there she asked me to pull over at a liquor store if i didnt mind. typically i would have minded but she was really freaking out. she called me sweet for being cool about the impromptu stop and asked me if i wanted a Gatorade or anything.

sure, some m&ms.

when she got out i was able to get a good look at her. she looked like a typical college girl with tight jeans and a short leather jacket. not the uniform of what was about to happen. more like what a young lady would wear going with her best friend to a movie in a small town. nothing she wore said sexy.

when i saw her eyes it looked like she had been crying. she had very little makeup.

she pounded a mini bottle of vodka next to a light pole. put the empty on the curb and got back in and called her dude.

“remember i told you i get bad breath when i snort rails? so crazy.” she said to him, “do you have an extra tooth brush? i stopped off at the liquor store and got m&ms and totally forgot to get gum.”

because i turned down the radio so she could make the call, i could hear him. he was being really nice.

“oh yeah i understand. the same thing happens to me,” he said. “i have a spare tooth brush.”

i forget if i asked her or she told me.

jk i asked, “how much do you charge a guy like this?”

“$900,” she said with no hesitation. ”im a high priced bitch.”

do you ever worry the dude might be too rough on you?

“never. i have nails. i’ll scratch his eyes out and kick him in the nuts. i might seem like a softy but guess what, im a bitch.”

she did most of the talking as we traveled side streets across LA. she told me everything. too much. we even got into astrology. when she realized we were the same signs she asked me if i ever met a virgo with body dysmorphia.

i said in LA? doesn’t half this town have that?

do you? she asked?

i probably should but no. im glad i dont have rock hard abs. i want to know people like me for me.

i like you, she giggled. and told me about the love of her life who was obsessed with his body to the point he was spending hundreds on huge jars of wheat germ and nonsense at gnc and it turned him crazy which turned her crazy and he left her because he didn’t believe he deserved her.

when we got close to the spot she asked me to turn on the hip hop station on the FM radio. then she said, im not sure i want to do this.

i said, i can turn around if you want. i wont even charge you for the ride back bc its sorta near me.

she quickly called her bff who told her its gonna be ok.

he met us outside his swanky condo. he was tall, maybe in his 30s. seemed safe. she handed me a $20 and a $5.

you really are the best uber driver, she said.

and hour later she tipped me another $10.

never got those m&ms

do you know yr loved?

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even me. crazy.

this weekend was fantastic. lots of driving including to this condo leaning over pch

i hit my goals, i went to parties, i drove in the rain, i did the things.

i drove every day last week because i didnt drive any days the week before.

today im taking a day off by writing for bree

and when i get distracted ill write the summary of the hear in LA year in review 2022

for some reason i forgot i took the first three months off of hear in LA

because i wanted to set a good example that we should be hunkering down at home

because of the black plague.

then we got back to things in march with a tons of episodes

im not sure if i wanna include LA Taoc and LAist doing a terrible job of being competitors but it was part of the story this year. they did announce they were gonna gank and then hedged. poorly.

yesterday i drove so many ppl because i didnt wanna try to do 29 rides on a sunday (because its damn near impossible) but thats what i was up against.

heres some ppl i dont wanna forget

these two little black kids and their aunt or sister who were selling chocolate in Beverly Hills

a singer from a death metal band who was going from rodeo drive to john varvados in weho

a 29 year old named Jane who had never heard of Jane Says or janes addiction

a bald gay guy who was waiting for me and i thanked him for being prompt and he said his mom takes hours to get out of the house so hes always tried to get out quick. plys he said, “janet youre 62 and still serving, relax.”

a guy who ran out of gas who had me take him to the beverly hills gas station to get a gallon  of gas. as i was dropping him off he asked if he could give me some cash to drive him back. i said no. who wants a gallon of gasoline in their car?

an apple executive getting some ramen in ktown

also ate latkas