i mean seriously, if you have a nice couch, and a big tv, and delicious foods and beverages, no matter how hot your date is, stay at home.
i may start a blog called altatony which is what the opposite of my life would have been like if i had just trusted my instincts.
today altatony woke up, kicked the girl out of his house on account of it being not just holy but super bowl sunday. but first he cooked bacon and eggs.
then he took a little walk to the mexican bakery and he picked up some breads and orange juice.
then he shut the drapes and watched television all day and all night.
for lunch he made a sandwich. for dinner he ordered chinese.
he kept his phone off, he kept his doors locked.
occasionally he twittered. things like
“best catch since last years catch!”
in real world life tony barely saw much of the first half, only some of half time, and just a little of the incredible end.
now how on earth could this be, you might ask? well, maybe its because for some reason tony has an odd way of attracting young women in his life who cant handle their booze and get violently hammered by halftime.
last time this happened i had to delete a post from the world famous busblog.
this time, at least, i was smart enough to tivo the thing.
now that ive gotten to see it unmolested, i think jennifer hudson lip sank beautifully. i think only bruce can get away with playing darlington county – the single that ushered in the feminized springsteen era, and i think the team of al michaels and john madden should be allowed to do every football game that they like.
i dont remember seeing any of the one second miller lite ads. were they there?
In its third full month on the air, “Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell” posted HLN’s largest 7PM audience since it launched its primetime block in February 2005. For January 2009, “Issues” averaged 531,000 total viewers and 221,000 Adults 25-54, a 50% increase in total viewers and a 46% increase in the demo over Beck’s January 2008 ratings.
Velez-Mitchell’s January ratings also represent an 8% increase in total viewers and a 19% increase in the demo over Beck’s last (and best) month on HLN. Beck’s last full month on the air there was September 2008, when he averaged 492,000 total viewers and 185,000 in the demo. Velez-Mitchell took over the time slot on October 17.
BobD: I’ve been offered a fantasy basketball trade of Corey Maggette, Zyguneris Igaluuskis and Mike Conley (from a team called Yum Yum Donutz!) for Jason Terry and Andres Biedrin. Should I accept the trade? Why or why not?
z is back but who knows for how long. maggettes points are going to be affected by moped ellis’s return, meanwhile jason terry is having a career year. give away your third best player for magette and z.
well first i was gonna go to vegas. then this girl told me about this party happening today then the cougar and clipper girl decided they wanted to have super bowl parties then i realized i had to return my laptop to best buy before it was too late. might already be too late. then i got really sleepy and went to bed early. then i woke up after a bad dream and got scared, so i guess its good i didnt go.
Ian Sutherland: Could/should a 45 year old white male lawyer from the Canadian prairies that just happens to be in Palm Springs at the right time get tickets to Coachella?
should, yes. could? seems to me that there are two sorts of demographics who would like it the most: the kids who would really love “camping” out on the polo fields with their high school friends, and the adults who can afford a jacked up palm springs weekend. book a hotel asap, and wait for coachella to announce the vip three day passes. shade, short beer lines, celebs, way better (air conditioned) bathrooms, and a pretty good view of the main stage. save up, then pay up, then go. bring sunscreen.
Sharp: How is it that The Killers managed to get their names the same size as Paul McCartney? Do people really miss Joy Division that much?
girls love the killers. be happy the text size of the killers is that big.
Linda: I am flying in to LA next Friday for the weekend can I stay with you?
yes but youd be better off staying at the free hotel. the one thats free. and has a hot tub. and has the you, know, clean comfortable bed. help the economy. we will party, have no fear.
sass: Suggest 3 occupations I could feasibly get into if I move to LA considering the current unemployment rate?
running the american apparel blog, exotic modeling, being the lead blogger of the playboy blog, being lcs new bff, starring in an mtv reality game show, dressing up as lucy lui in charlies angels 2
Matt Welch: What’s your opinion on the octuplets stimulus plan? Are you the father of Paul McCartney? Do you think Obama needs a haircut?
i think all women who have six children under the age of eight and lives with her parents should go ahead and have octuplets. especially when they want one more girl. ive wanted a new tv in my living room for over a year now, so i should probably just go buy eight of em while im out. i was gonna pick up a keg for clipper girls super bowl bash but i think i’ll just pick up eight since im there. see what hope does to people? obama needs to get a power fro.
YesMan: Any comment about the cuts as reported in the Times?
occasionally people are forced to show their true mettle, sometimes thats when the magic happens.
M@: I really miss the stories of the xbi and chopper one and Anna. Btw, did you see my email?
i miss those tales too. yes i saw your email. id love to have a drink as long as im in town and not in the midst of something insane.
Unsilent Majority: Do you have a favorite The Arcade Fire song and what is it?
there are so many. but because i love drama and dramatics in my popular music, id have to say my body is a cage, from the neon bible. it just keeps on growing and getting richer and bigger and stronger even when its pretty much up there it gets grander.
dont ask me what it all means though.
Jordan Catalano: Am I going to get laid off soon? And if so, how am I supposed to pay my rent and stuff? Any wisdom/advice is MUCH obliged!
the percentages say no. even though everywhere you hear about 10,000 being cut there, 5,000 there, the odds are still pretty good that you’ll not be laid off. i have a friend whose company gave them a 20% salary cut, but they dont have to work on fridays. that would be pretty interesting.
timmay!!!!!: 1) have you seen my 25 things note on facebook? 2) is it ok that i tagged you? 3) how are you coping with the frequent LA Times bloodletting? 4) does the LA Times copy desk allow Pig Latin in the newspaper? 5) when – and how – did Public Enemy’s font size get so small?
1) of course 2) i would have said no, but someone else tagged me too. 3) prayer and fellowship 4) it’s a pretty surprising desk. yesterday i asked about “fart”, and off the top of his head the main guy said, its been used 12 times. my guess on pig latin is yes 6) 1997
Kris: How do they get the caramel in the Caramilk bar? And does anyone actually care?
dave: in these times of economic depression and woe, what’s your drink of choice? rum? absinthe? old grand dad? On that note, what do you think of people who don’t drink alcohol at all? Scared of letting loose, or simply their choice?
2008 was all about whatever was unusual on tap. but now that i take the subway more, im finding myself enjoying rum based tropical drinks
Jay: Should Jays fans be happy that Dempster signed with the Cubs, instead of his second choice north of the border?
the number one problem that the blue jays have is that they are in the american league east. now that the expos have said adios theres no reason for the jays to feel forced in staying in the junior circuit. move away from the dark side and your future will be beautiful.
TJ: I have a blogger account yet can not blog from my I phone. Why is this? Sometimes I have important thoughts on stuff when I am not near my macbook yet I can not blog them. This upsets me.
you can blog from your iphone. just open safari. type in blogger.com. insert your user name and password. only thing you cant do easily is add photos. just add those later. your iphone can most definately help your genius get realized.
bloopy: do you ever regret lagging on answering the questions ‘cuz then they keep piling up?. . .
regrets, i have a few. but none include giving the good readers of the busblog some extra time to ask pressing questions of the day.
she started reading it, then she started laughing and reading it out loud.
then she stopped readng out loud and just read it.
then she made some tea and came back and read the whole thing.
somewhere in there she asked what made me write it. and i said it was cuz i was really freaked out at work cuz they had moved me to a new department and i thought id get fired.
but then i remembered that it was actually one of the ponys that got me into the original concept of what would happen next if i died.
i believe it was the younger pony who wrote in their blog that there was a murder and i died and all these other bloggers were suspects. it was supposed to be funny and it was.
so to be part of it i started writing these posts where i had died and gone on a busride to hell with kurt kobain.
she said, wait you made this book because of some college girl?
i said, well kristin (pictured) was in college, but i think her sister was still in high school.
this week four different people have asked me about things in this blog that werent true and were somewhat shocked to be reminded the tagline of this thing, which may be the best thing ive ever written.
a long time ago i wrote very sad poems. great poems, but very sad.
at the time i was very poor and i had a lot of friends and i wanted to get them all christmas gifts. so i made these little poetry books like “a house on the hill”, “say your prayers” “merry christmas” and “ilka” and gave them out.
because i knew i would be giving one to my mom, i didnt wanna freak her out, so i inserted a drawing of a stegosaurus on the back of the book and under it i wrote nothing in here is true.
that line can psychologically give you great freedom when you write, and i say anything that you can do to psych yourself into being creative and open and expressive you should do, as long as it doesnt hurt anyone.
when the busblog started i was having a pretty interesting life, i was working at my favorite tv station, i was dating incredible women, and almost immediately this thing was wildly popular. if you can find the archives and look through the comments i was getting so many comments on every post. i felt guilty about everything, but i had to tell the stories, so nothing in here is true sorta made me feel like it wasnt bragging in a way.
especially when i wrote about the xbi’s helicopter, chopper one.
and my true love.
i always admired the way that writers in the past were able to say “its fiction” and everything was cool.
over the years i have seen otherblogsout there use the phrase to give themselves a little freedom and it makes me happy and makes me wanna read closer even. because if hes truly an unreliable narrator, even the most mundane things can be fun because who knows whats really going on.
for example
tonight i went to the tiki ti and we had the most delicious rum punch. nine bucks a glass and so worth it.
one of my all time favorite bloggers, has not posted this year
i never know how much of her blog to believe. sometimes she seems really sick. sometimes she seems perfectly healthy. sometimes she seems like one of the best and mysterious bloggers of all times.
i dont know how to motivate her. should i email her? should i write a blog post? should i promise not to update the busblog until she updates her thing? should i threaten to remove the governor of illinois from office until she at least tweets?
i wanna give her her space, but on the other hand, i want her to do the one thing she does better than 99% of mankind. does that make me selfish? i am selfish. i am flawed. i am afraid of all the things that scare her, but i guess the difference between she and i is that i believe in the invisible man in the sky so if something bad happens to me then who cares cuz i will (hopefully) be shagging flies in the big wrigley field in the sky.
anyways i heart flagrant, i hope alls well, i hope shes happy, i hope shes safe, and i always feel better when shes in LA.
but im gonna steal one of her pictures that she took every day till she posts. so there.
i mean seriously, if you have a nice couch, and a big tv, and delicious foods and beverages, no matter how hot your date is, stay at home. 
this week four different people have asked me about things in this blog that werent true and were somewhat shocked to be reminded the tagline of this thing, which may be the best thing ive ever written.