today is my favorite teacher, robyn bell’s birthday

i have been blessed with many great teachers, but my favorite one was my last official one.

a fan of bob dylan, lou reed, the clash, and less popular stars like emily dickinson and others, robyn had the unique ability to make you feel like you were actually teaching her something every now and then

the college of creative studies was an oasis for many young people like me who struggled in traditional classrooms with bizarre structures and concepts like “grades”

at UCSB’s secret college, creatives were encouraged to allow their minds to roam free and promised that they would not be punished if they colored outside the box.

and yet, guidance was administered. in robyn’s case with the most gentle of nudges.

one young man whose name escapes me was raised in the midwest, which despite its charms, was narrow-minded when it came to matters of “alternative” sexuality. and so in a poem or a story this lad had a character rip into a series of gay epithets,

instead of saying “i get it that you’re 21 but do you not know the first thing about some of your heroes and the names they were called? why would you lower yourself to such base and predictable dialogue from the mouths of your characters? and, indeed, why must you insist on being a basic bitch?”

robyn instead wrote in a little note next to the quotes, “you can do better tony”

and that young man never wrote such things ever again.

while many of my heroes are controversial and divisive and burned bridges here and there, somehow robyn was loved by every single person she came in contact with. which isn’t to say there was not conflict in her classroom. i remember more than one student who felt uncomfortable in a class of hers and acted out, causing quite the scene.

and it was shocking watching her handle the students. her smile became stern. her voice lowered. and lasers shot out of her eyes, hypnotising the young demons right there in their chairs.

i saw one youngster levitate and then fall when he raised his voice to the professor.

he asked to be excused and scurried down the hall past the free pizza and disappear into the sky.

but mostly i watched how in just a matter of weeks students who were incredibly distracted by all types of things at the beach side party school, read the books she assigned, hand in the papers, and grow as writers.

the things i learned from her i use every day in almost everything i write. and when i teach i do my best to steal everything i can remember.

today is her birthday and we are all so lucky to have received the blessing of her presence. the next statue they tear down they should replace with one for Robyn.

as The New England Mystic once said,

spark one up for the woman who gave your life zing. you owe her almost everything.

 

it’s 6am

A lot went on yesterday. A lot.

Work, unemployment, Amber, mom, AMC theaters, my internet, my car.

Because my phone is also an issue, if I have to take an important call I go outside.

Yes, I live in a major US city in 2020.

My dream is to one day own a Tesla because it drives itself yet I cannot make a phone call from my bedroom.

While outside I spotted the family who is parking in front of our apartment who intentionally take up two spots with one car so that they have a spot for the second car when they need it.

The mom and daughter Bridgette saw me looking at them. I stared them down. Because I was on the phone I couldn’t say anything. But also I had made a deal with Amber I wouldn’t say anything.

So I just stared and shook my head.

Being on the phone I’m sure I looked like a male Karen but weirdly not saying anything was more unsettling to them.

First the mom then Bridgette defended themselves as they unpacked the mini van.

“You have parking behind your building. We do not!” Said the mom.

Then she said,”don’t move your head like that!”

“We pay for these permits too. We have the right!” Said Bridgette. Soon she unbuckled a small child from the back seat and they all walked to the next block where they live.

I had many arguments to rebut. Like, we only have a few spots behind our building. Stop being selfish.

But it turned out that was not the biggest problem I faced.

And maybe Ambers right. Maybe that family has it so tough they feel like they’ve gotta cheat to make it.

When the Good Book says the way you treat the least of mankind is the way you treat Me, maybe it’s not referring just to the poorest of the poor. Maybe it’s referring to all of us. Because at any moment we could be struggling and it seems so desperate, so anxiety-ridden. So dire.

My fucking internet craps out every 15 minutes and I feel like the world is gonna end.

Imagine having real problems that seem insurmountable.

Imagine graduating high school and you’ve got a 2 year old.

Or worse, you gotta always take care of one.

the biggest problem i have right now

there’s this parking spot near my place that can fit two cars if you do it right

sometimes we have to put a note on someones car because they park in the middle taking up both spots but after a while everyone figures it out.

at the beginning of the pandemic parking was scarce because no one was going to work and everyone was stuck at home

and no one had to move their cars because the mayor had ixnayed street cleaning.

so every now and then youd have to circle the block a few times and eventually youd get a spot

one day we noticed that this family was parking both of their mini vans in the double spot,

but when one of them left, they’d inch the other car up to the middle to save the other spot all day.

well, let me tell you, there were some sharply worded letters left on their windshields, mister.

of which were roundly ignored.

to rub it in, at some point, their daughter bridgette graduated high school.

i know this because they wrote on the back windows of both minivans

donald trump star on hollywood walk of famecongratulations bridgette class of 2020!

one of the neighbors asked a cop what can be done.

cop said

it’s not against the law to be an asshole.

because im an idiot, i always think you can reason with people

what you’re doing is not cool, i told the mom, who ignored me.

amber said later, leave them alone, theyre poor.

i said, we have one car, they have two.

amber said, they have three, bridgette got a car for graduation.

they wrote on the back of that car too.

amber said, this is not worth it, youre going to get shot over a parking spot.

today i saw the dad.

walk up the street, amber, i said. she reluctantly did.

why are you doing this? i asked him.

he finished putting the sun shield on the underside of the windshield.

there’s parking all over. there’s a spot right there, i said, pointing at actually the best spot on the street because you secretly dont even need a permit on that spot because it used to be a meter.

not only did he not answer me but he didnt look at where i was pointing and he walked away.

where are you going? i asked like i was his mother.

i go home.

and this is where i feel ashamed of myself because when i was in junior college, working long hours and going to school and trying to adjust to LA, and not having a bunch of friends for the first time in a long time,

i made a very good amount of money selling tvs.

but i quit because idealistically i had a hard time getting negotiated down by smart white guys,

whereas many of the minorities would save up their cash

cash

and be the most delightful customers of all sorts of audio and video

typically at full hit.

so i started pumping gas at the last full service gas station in beverly hills.

i wanted to help the people, not rip them off.

and at first i thought id do it for a little while but i loved it.

and i advanced a little, and got tipped, and dated a few of the patrons

which is tougher than you think when you have 5 minutes to pump the gas, check the fluids, and get a phone number

when you don’t exactly look like brad pitt.

and youre in a gas station guy uniform.

and one of the things that i learned there was… well let’s say there were about three of us black guys, two white guys, and everyone else was Latino.

like bridgette’s parents.

and working those pumps, outside in the sun, for eight hours a day

dudes of all backgrounds

talk.

and some of what you learn are truisms that stick with you forever.

well i used one of them on bridgette’s dad as he walked down the street

ignoring my conversation

which even he would probably admit is insulting.

and i said, what you are doing is selfish.

do you know that word?

and i coulda said ask bridgette, but that’s unnecessary

instead i said

black and brown people need to stop living in a world of scarcity.

which im pretty sure he didnt hear because i was wearing a mask.

and thats the biggest problem i have right now.

do you know i love you? i do.

the world is going through some interesting phases right now.

it reminds me of how i am when i am sick. i get angry and bitter and then sad. then i think imma die. then i get real quiet.

then i promise to God Above that i am gonna change if i survive it all.

then i get even MORE sick and eventually puke all over everything. then i sleep for a while, clean the whole house, eat right for once, and return stronger.

i think this country is in the puking stage followed by the burning of police stations and Wendys’

i must say this is the first time i have ever seen a nation as a whole go through this together, and it is fascinating to watch some resist it. but if i can return to analogies about bodily fluids: when you have to puke, putting your hand in front of your mouth only makes it spray.

this is change we are going through. real change. change for the better. and hopefully what will soon follow is change for women and immigrants and on and on. i hope it’s like dominoes. i hope it happens one after another. because the thing is, all people who have felt like their growth has been stymied dont want to take the sunlight from others, we just want to share it.

and theres enough for everyone.

white men can relax. there will always be room for them at the table. Larry Bird taught us that. as did Eminem. as the great Lizzo said, If I’m shinin’, everybody gonna shine.

also: if everyone on the team is hitting their marks, and performing at their best, things are easier for everyone and life is better. dont we all want life to be better for everyone? are there people who truly want to be the only successes? i want to meet them. i wanna see whats up with them.

ok its 1026pm. dinner time.

dear people of the future, hello

if you look back at your history books you’ll see that this period of time starting in may of 2020 a lot of weird wild shit went down after an otherwise unknown man, George Floyd, was murdered by a group of police in Minneapolis.

it’s really fascinating how some movements start and how others dwindle quickly.

but the perfect storm of so many of us being holed up due to the coronavirus lockdown and the fact that Floyd’s death was documented on handheld video while several yelled at the cops to stop, became the last straw for people… around the world, to say that racism is fucked up, the power of police is fucked up, and the fact that rarely do cops get punished is fucked up.

meanwhile theres a perfectly good quarterback being shunned from his job because he dared to peacefully protest about these very same issues.

here’s some good news though, today the LA Times said they will start capitalizing B in Black.

ive had two really good days in a row

Sunday was fantastic. i wrote an important email, had a very good phone call, got some laundry done, talked to my mom and had a fantastic heart to heart with Amber.

she has done a lot during this shut down. A LOT.

at first she resisted this thing. massively. she hated it. she’s such a workaholic so to be locked into our little apartment drove her nuts. she worried they wouldnt hire her back. she fretted over everything. she wrote so many emails and called so many people.

plus unemployment was a nightmare. they still havent paid her everything on time.

but then something happened a few weeks ago and she just clicked into the next gear. now shes accepted that shes at the mercy of so many things outside of her control and she’s ok with it, cuz fuck it, they’re gonna do whatever theyre gonna do no matter how many hours she waits on hold for this or that.

in the meantime she visits a half dozen homeless people every day and posts memes on her instagram. Also, she’s learning how to edit video. which i love her for.

today we went to walmart for a $9 can opener. left spending $101.

on the way i interviewed a community organizer from lansing michigan. a black girl who was so honest with me. we bonded beautifully and her idealism was genuinely inspiring.

we could have talked forever but im trying to keep these interviews down to 35 minutes or so because the long ones make me hate life when i have to transcribe them. and with so much happening every day i want to turn these around in a day if i can.

that’s my goal. which is tough. but tough goals are the best.

it wouldnt be so bad if my electronics could keep up

i write and record and upload and download.

i have a new laptop, a good phone, speedy internet, two tvs.

but everything is against me. the internet especially. on saturday i was trying to do so many things and everything was all NO TONY NO

outside theres the Rona and Rubber Bullets and weirdos

inside the pretty girl wants to talk to me but baby i have like two stories a day i should be doing, the world is ending. we are the documentarians otherwise OAN gets to have the last word.

fortunately my old eyes and bones and body and fingers and gut are all LETS FUCKING DO THIS G MONEY.

shes pretty and she tries to cook but just now the fried chicken i ordered was ignored in the air fryer and they may as well be rubber bullets. but its ok because its the thought that counts.

today my article about the house call doctor got published. if it comes across as an infomercial, im sorry. i had two others that i wanted to talk with but either they were too busy or scrammed outta town so i only had that one guy and thats ok. you get the gist.

yesterday i did this story about the LA Police Commission getting reamed in an 8 hour Zoom session. people seemed to like that one.

i am getting the nicest text messages and DMs and Debbie Urlic even sent me a little care package. is my exhaustion showing? on one hand i was built for this but on the other hand i would really like to take tomorrow off but i gotta finish this super huge thing i started today and would like to sleep now because its 1am and the helicopter outside could be the Guard, the LAPD or the Childrens Hospital

but it cant drown out the Marvin Gay the pretty girl is blasting in the kitchen as she tries to whip something up so i can watch the news with her even though ive been seeing every tweet and FB item anyone could have made.

but still it’s fun to see how you do on the Final.