the streets were empty so we just drove

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south this time because we had been everywhere.

the sun was there thanks to daylight savings

and there was no traffic because of a virus that gets in your lungs

and kills you.

at first they thought only people in their 80s were dying

but then younger and younger people were getting it

and dying and dying and dying

so they shut down everything. everything.

you cant eat in the restaurants any more but you can drive through or pick up. just go.

south we went.

we’re trying to go south to tj but my passport refuses to show up.

amber got hers last week which is nuts because we renewed ours at the same place at the same time on the same day on the same order.

we want to go down there to get her insulin and any other drugs she needs for her diabetes

cant even get clorox wipes up here, the fear is insulin might be scarce one day

if the mexicans are smart, which they are, theyd jack up the prices a little

cuz they know we are terrified. theres a costco in tijuana.

people are flooding there from san diego to get tp and other things that are out of stock in san diego

im tempted to go there for that stuff too but i dont wanna cross the border with my car. i just want to get there early in the morning, walk across. get the shit. come back.

wrote a little about my old pal nate, and then he wrote 10 movie suggestions for things to watch while on lock down.

im busier than ever on lock down.

today is just wednesday.

dear log, the world is ending

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if the Future is around still to read this,

currently we are in the middle of a pandemic, nbd

people are dying in italy and china and even here in the usa

terrible situation that has the entire bay area on lockdown

and here in LA they shut down the bars and told the restaurants they can only serve things to-GTFOH

which is fine.

amber was let off work early today so i got her and we drove straight home cuz you die if you get too close to anyone else.

i talked to the security guard across the street and then to my neighbor, but we all kept our distance from each other.

instead of meeting at this nutty coffee shop in echo park, today my work had our weekly meeting via the phone

and i basically said id write everything i can as much as i can all the time all night, but im mentally frazzled

because this isnt the way i expected things to go

which is fine.

but they are moving baseball to may, which is nuts, it’ll be july if theyre lucky

nba and nhl will probs go straight to the playoffs whenever that happens.

poor king james is 35, he really wanted to do it with the lakers but he might lose a step

unless he works his ass off erry day during this time out.

movie theaters are closed. amc said theyd suspend my account there temporarily which is fine cuz i pay a monthly fee to see the movies and i love it.

called my dentist cuz i have an appointment thursday and said i was cancelling and i asked the young lady if the dentist’s mom was there, she was, so we talked and i said, i convinced my mom not to work at the illinois elections, something she loves, what do i have to do to have you go home too?

this lovely woman is older than my mom.

she said, oh i feel good.

i said ok then.

and i told her how nice it always is to see her. which is true.

i kid about we are all gonna die because we are not, but everything is shut down and theres not a lot of food and finally today the president got his head out of his ass and started taking this seriously probably because the stock market sunk faster than even the worst day in 1927

and all he cares about is that scoreboard.

and today it did

not

say ice cube’s a pimp.

it said donald j asswipe done fucked up and keeps fucking up fuck him.

which is fine.

everythings fine.

this is fine.

what can you do

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is there anything you can do?

ambers been watching all these shows talking about the cornyvirus and its freaking her out

so this morning bright and early we got up and went shopping for supplies.

and let me tell you, trader joes was packed. i asked the cashier if it was always like this at that hour and she said nope.

we got all sorts of water, tp, and all this stuff that put her mind at ease. and then we went to whole foods 365 which is like if whole foods took it down a notch and chilled out with the bullshit.

she got more stuff there and it didnt rain too much today so we were able to get things done.

and best of all i nearly finished my piece im writing about a radio reporter.

it’s loooooonnnnng.

but very good. im very happy, for once in my life. happy about something im writing.

usually im all, ok thats a funny line, or this tells the story leave me alone

but rarely am i like, you might be good today.

so its 3am. i should just finish but im so tired.

my cats are so funny. i try to keep them out of my room. also, they dont like their nails being trimmed.

so now any time they come in here i trim a nail or try to. and they run off.

but they never learn. they keep coming back. they got the whole house whats so great about this one little corner?

and now prince is asleep, one foot inside the room.

am i always glad shes there

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yes

but for some reason theres a wolf in side of me

and it is never satisfied

theres an engine revving in him

he wants to roam

dont matter where

but its better at night

why can i see better then

why am i so calm

shes a good girl especially in the rain,

snoozing as the metal pings out there

looking good in her sleepytimes

but in a perfect world id have a monster truck

creeping along the slick back roads

soaking it in

seeing whats up

eating

every thing

along the way.

 

My predictions for the rest of this month

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– Everything will be cancelled

– Hotels will slash prices for locals

– Congress will shut down

– Amazon will send lucky Prime members free TP and hand sanitizers when they order Amazon products

– Mike Pence will resign after Trump disputes the numbers coming from actual official sources

– Rage Against The Machine will do a free show at the Coliseum where Kaiser will administer free testing of the coronavirus sponsored by Corona

– Bernie surges in the primaries after getting on CNN yelling NOW WHO IS LAUGHING AT UNIVERSAL MEDICAL CARE?

– Rand Paul becomes the second senator to quarantine himself

– Mexico closes its borders to the US

– Led Zeppelin reunites

– Weed becomes legal nationally

– No federal judges are approved

– Canada sends boats of meds to Washington state

– U2 plays an unforgettable concert in the empty Coachella polo grounds that’s broadcast live to the world which raises money for the DNC to dethrone Trump who has bungled this medical emergency

– Netflix offers a month free because everyone is home, scared to go out to the movie theaters

– Streaking returns

– Nobody pays attention to any of the Kardashians until one of them gets the sniffles in a very special episode

even though the illness is over

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that was a bizarre week.

I couldn’t function.

I’m just regaining some functions.

I left the house a few times but in retrospect should I?

I went to the movies twice. Late.

free parking.

I’m thinking about covering an incredible song.

It’s almost impossible to do it justice.

Maybe I’ll take a few cracks at it.

heres the plan

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we start small.

off the radar.

under the clouds.

in through the out door.

wish you were here.

then, as things do, it’ll grow.

the question is, can you wait

do you have patience

do you have means

and worst of all

do you have time.

i once had this little

99 cents store plant

stuck it in a pot

and ive lived here 19 years

now

and it’s climbed up my wall,

up my neighbors above me

and should hit the roof

any day now.

i never did anything special

to it

water,

spit

sunshine.

things are meant to grow

my mom told me

pointing out a plant

she had that grew out of

the cowboy hat it arrived in.

it was enormous.

when i was interviewing for jobs last year

ppl would say how did you do it

how did you make those things grow

i said

sometimes the best thing you can do

sometimes

is just make sure the sunshine gets to it

since, as im sure you know

we live in a land of shade.

advice from the king

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My thoughts on Joe Biden

If you’re like me, you were up until the wee hours last night, sick, coughing, sneezing, wondering if you have the cornavirus and using that nervous energy to find your missing phone. At some point it became 4am and the Stern show came on live, so you turned it on as you turned your apartment upside down.

Like many of you I didn’t vote for Joe Biden. His health has seemed to have deteriorated rapidly over the last few years. What was once funny little guffaws are at times now sad. You see flashes of that charming Obama sidekick, but as Matt Welch said on Kennedy’s show the other day, “we all have aging parents and we know what we are seeing in him.”

At the same time there are all these idealistic candidates. I watched Elizabeth Warren last night do a rally / town hall from Michigan. She was the opposite of Biden: she was full of life. She was literally running from one side of the large stage to the other. Almost a characteur of herself on SNL, any time anyone asked if she had a plan for this or that she would laugh, tell a quick joke and explain that not only did she have a plan but it was on her website and fully understood the issue.

She was engaging, lovable, and probably could have dropped down and done 20 push ups.

Then there’s dear Bernie. God love him. He can announce a rally in L.A. on Monday and 20,000 people will show up to stand in a convention center hall on Sunday. Like Warren, he thinks America can break the chain of Big Pharma and deliver this great nation the health care that other countries have shown are NBD.

As Sarah Silverman said moments before he spoke here, “what an asshole.”

Amy Klobachar has never lost versus a Republican. Mayor Pete is a well-spoken calm intelligent gay veteran from a state that doesn’t produce a lot of those types of folks. And sitting on the sidelines is Kamela Harris, who if she had been bankrolled by a billionaire would probably be giving Biden a run for his money at this stage.

But Howard this morning put it all in perspective.

America is scared. It cannot believe the avalanche of bullshit that it has gone through over these past 3+ years. Every day it’s one thing after another. Lies, unprecedented baloney, lack of transparency, foreign interference, a GOP senate that will sacrifice everything holy to keep the charade going.

America just wants something safe and stable.

As fucked up as Biden’s health is, as un-PC as it is that he’s so touchy feely — America knows that he means no harm. America knows he’s an honorable man. And America knows he’s not going to be up to some back-channel shenanigans with our enemies off the record because they’ve got some wild pee tape in a lock box somewhere.

As Howard said, America just wants a return to normalcy. And unfortunately Warren and Bernie and Mayor Pete are too punk rock right now.

And that sucks. Which is why so many people are sad today. But what would suck more and make people sadder is if Middle America and the South in November were too scared to vote for actual change and either didn’t vote at all or re-elected the pussy grabber.

Howard said, and I didn’t expect him to be this rational, that Joe Biden would be the guy who most of America would feel ok voting for, so get over it and win the Senate back and do your miracles there.

And once again the King of All Media put me at ease because he’s right.

If you can’t be with the one you love, honey, love the one you’re with.

Turning the corner on this cold

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So i did the unspeakable, around 11:30pm it dawned on me that tomorrow might just be a madhouse with people voting

And they have all-night voting tonight in a few places in LA

So i hopped in the car and drove over to Brentwood to this fancy hotel

And did some early late night voting.

I noticed someone who looked familiar in a shirt and a tie and it turned out it was one of the weathermen here who had just voted

He took a selfie of himself right in front of me.

I was pretty shocked when i saw it on twitter. Apparently we follow each other.

But I’m glad he did because i still cant find my phone in my home.

That has been a bit weird. You never realize how important it is until you dont have it for a couple of days

Anyways the computerized voting was easy, quick, and best of all they had my address wrong which is why I hadn’t gotten my mail in ballot

And the guy right there at check in was able to spin his screen around and say “correct any errors” and i was able to put my correct address in there

Bing bam boom.

There were maybe 8 people at the poll at midnight and about 6 people working it.

No waiting.

You coulda had 20 voters in there maybe 25.

Plenty of free parking and a nice bathroom afterwards to wash my hand of all of it.

Now i have insomnia because of the meds I’m on.

I hope to be 100% by Thursday but you never know. I felt unbelievable terrible this morning.

Ive already fucked up my Lent

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I promised i would blog every day on the world famous and i failed you yesterday. I got sick. I lost my iPhone. I lost my mind. I was puking. I thought i had the corona virus. I was supposed to go somewhere cool today but i had to stay at home

I fought with my gf. I fought with my neighbor. I drove to the valley last night and fought with the walmart lady because it was 11:15pm and the website said they would be open till midnight and she kept pointing at the sign on the door and i kept pointing to the words on the internet.

THE INTERNET IS THE OFFICIAL! I said

NOTHING ON THERE IS TRUE! She said

I wanted pills. I had allergies. Not the corona virus. When i was on Venice Beach it was windy it was dusty i could feel the pollen get inside my sensitive body.

I may be the toughest man in the world, XBI trained through and through but deep down I’m a sensitive poet and when I’m ill I am the biggest baby alive.

Drove all the way to another valley walmart way out in the midst of nowhere. But on the way there i got a Jack n the Box munchie meal. Ate a few bites and my stomach was all, hell no.

Couldn’t find squat in that walmart neither. But on the way to the freeway i saw this homeless guy. It was midnight. This was the darkest valley location. He must have been the only homeless guy in town. I said are you hungry? We were buy an In n Out. He said, my doc said I cant eat in n out any more. I said take this jack in the box. Take this water. Here’s a joint. Here’s a lighter.

I ESPed you could be homeless anywhere in LA why here?

He ESPed back, the pussy.

Which is why I take it easy reading people’s minds.

Like Supertramp I took the long way home listening to American Dirt on audio, the controversial novel about Latino life written by a white lady who everyone hates. It was well written but it was so negative. Then I moved on to Georgia Hardstark;s murder book.

I had met Georgia once or twice during the Alie and Georgia days. The last time was on a super hot day at the Hotel Roosevelt. I was at the pool with Moxie and I noticed them on the other side. I walked over said hi and Georgia noticed my fingernails. She said omg cut those! Do you know how much damage you would give a girl if you fingered her with those?

Incredible advice. I am happy with her success. And the first few chapters that I listened to were delightful.

Then in Los Feliz i saw a billboard for a porn star’s web site

And it may have well said

Tony you are in a magic period.

All is possible.

Be you 100% before someone sneezes on you wrong and you curl up and die.