Tag Archives: bible

while it’s true i read the bible for an hour every sunday

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it’s also true that i procrastinate my ass off doing it. and i dont know why other than i really don’t like doing things that i have done already and i have read the bible like 4 times now, and it’s not that i know whats going to happen next, i dont, i am always surprised by what is going to happen

BECAUSE EVEN BIBLICAL HUMANS ARE HUMANS AND THEREFORE FULL OF SURPRISES

i just dont like being told what to do even if i am the one doing the telling to myself.

a long time ago, in college, i was reading the bible for college and it hit me like a lightning bolt.

and when i was done reading the whole thing i said to myself, church is dumb, all i ever did in church was wait for the band to play and wait for the gospel to get read, so

i will make you a deal, Lord, i will read the bible every Sunday for an hour, with some jazz playing in the background

and this way i wont have to put on pants, go to church, kneel stand kneel stand shake hands and wait for the sentence to be over.

but for years now i have been doing almost exactly the same thing with reading the bible.

when i do it i learn stuff, duh, but the whole process is work. for me.

last night was no exception. i read, i procrastinated, i read more, i futzed with the laundry, i read more, i got my secret blog rolling, and then i saw Amber was coming home, so i read until she arrived.

then we snuggled and passed out.

i need to set a new rule that i dont get to eat until ive read the bible on Sunday MORNING that way my whole day isnt a waste and a burdon with some terrible deadline oppressing me on what is supposed to be the Day of Rest

A MEN!

hi future, it’s 2017 and we’re talking about nazis

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and whats weird is we have a president who is afraid and angry about

every damn thing

but he’s not afraid or angry about Nazis, Russia, or Vladmir P on the wheels of steel.

as you know every Sunday for the last 25 years i have read the bible for an hour.

and when i do i put on either Miles Davis, John Coltrane or Thelonious Monk

which might not always be the best idea because i love that music so much i sometimes fall asleep.

one of my favorite Monk records is “Underground” which I really should read up on because the cover alone is fantastic, in particular one aspect of it

namely the Nazi tied up in the corner.

the thing i don’t get about todays political climate is if we had seen the resurrection of the Black Panthers,

with black folk marching around with torches and mace and open carrying semi-automatic weapons

and Heaven forbid one of them got in a muscle car and killed someone

trump’s head would have exploded and there would have been marshall law.

instead we barely know this suspect other than the fact his mom is in a wheelchair and he has a history of being abusive to her. WHICH SHOULD BE BAD ENOUGH AND ENOUGH REASON TO SAY NAZI BAD.

we live in a politically correct world where there seems to be two groups of people: those who seriously dont give a fuck and those who try super hard not to step on any toes.

and both of those sides tend to be consistent with which political beliefs they eschew.

so unfortunately there is not much room in the Venn Diagram for discourse.

yet there should be.

maybe there isn’t room because when the IDAF speak, what they say is so hateful and ignorant that it gets to their bosses and they (rightfully) get fired because who wants a Nazi in the building with access to the server?

but we are not going to get anywhere until we hear the fears of our brothers and sisters and allow them to speak their minds.

because it isnt until they speak from their hearts that we can help their anxiety.

i mean, i wouldn’t know, as a black man born to parents from the South, but i can imagine if you and your family have been somewhere for hundreds of years

and all of you have been able to call most of the shots in your life and have privilege and live in the best neighborhoods and can travel unmolested

that you might be fearful thinking of the fact that those who have been oppressed over time might want a little payback once the tables turn.

but heres the thing they dont realize: minorities don’t want payback.

we want peace.

we want love.

we want all the things contained in the ideal of the American Dream

and violence and revenge might make for great Tarantino movies but they bloody the cul-de-sac, so fuck that.

there are great black neighborhoods all over the USA.

i yearn for a tv show where they assemble some of those Americans and sit them down with the freaked out white males and educate them that we have our own problems, we don’t have time to treat others the way we and our ancestors have been treated.

we want simple simple things: respect, opportunity, and the ability to move freely and grow our families.

if you don’t trust me, trust that Good Book you flip through on Sundays.

today Trump whined that the US doesn’t have enough nukes

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The weird thing about humans, and this goes all the way back to the Biblical times, is some of us want a Strong Daddy figure as King. The Bible has an entire book about it. It’s called Kings. God was all, why do you want a fucking king? I’m the King of all Kings. But the Jews were like, “but everyone else has a king.” So God went, “fine, you want a stupid king, oh you’ll get some kings.” And some of the kings were completely awful and some were pretty good.

Eventually Jesus came around: their actual king. Except he didn’t act like one. He lived extremely modestly, he preached in the temples and on the hilltops. He hung out with the sick and healed them. He felt best when he was around what is now known as “low energy” people. He preached about having faith and helping the poor. He rejected money as being something that was ridiculous and the opposite of Heavenly.

Then 2,000+ years later, people who swore they were Christians, voted for a king who had the opposite values of Jesus, who never talked about the bible, who never talked about helping the poor, who never espoused the power of love and friendship and hope.

Because these so-called Christians secretly didn’t want some other worldly hippie peace-nic. They wanted a Strong Daddy. Even though their previous leader actually was strong. Even though nothing bad happened to them when a truly intelligent Christian was in charge. Even though they knew this Strong Daddy was probably full of shit.

They didn’t care. And it will be interesting to see when they will care.

a trio of Ask Tony questions appeared on my Facebook

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jack and cokechris asks, Whats the protocol for calling BS on friends of friends racist posts? 

it’s so interesting that you ask this because im about to finish reading the bible for the 3rd or 4th time (but who’s counting?) and Sunday i read this line in 2 Timothy that totally reminded me of Facebook

23Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. 24And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, 25correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, 26and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will.

Here St. Paul (the author of the letter to Timothy is Paul) starts off by saying “just totally ignore the haters because you’ll end up in a flame war, and those are for sucker MCs.” but then he says if we are really going to try to be good Christians we have to be super chill with everyone, totally patient, and if you are going to correct someone do it in the smoothest way ever. which in a way is the opposite of a flame, and eventually it’ll work out.

Personally i have never seen a racist stop being a racist because of words on a Facebook wall. my experience of racism is it is the culmination of years and years of ignorance that starts with someone’s parents and friends and is fertilized over time by a fucked up environment. so i dont see where even the coolest exchange of facts, hyperlinks, and well-turned phrases could undo what years of bullshit formed. so i don’t even try very much any more, even though it can seem so tempting to jump in there.

Instead I think there are far better places to place ones energies within Facebook, namely the good people in your life who, for whatever reason, Facebook hides from you because you haven’t engaged with them very much. Chill with them instead.

Peter asks: Is it too soon for Brangelina jokes? 

on one hand, it is super sad whenever any couple breaks up, especially those with many kids, because divorce affects some kids very emotionally – not to mention the once-happy couple.

on the other hand, Comedy Is Not Pretty. some of the funniest jokes are dark, tasteless, rude, foul, biting, and OMG WHAT?comedy is not pretty

but we need comedy, particularly when we see ourselves in others who apparently are having it worse than we are.

the problem with bashing on Brad and Angie is for all apparent appearances they’re really sweet people. Brad built houses in New Orleans for the poor after a couple of those hurricanes. he produces films that tackle tough issues in artistic ways (The Big Short, 12 Years a Slave, The Normal Heart, Selma, etc)

And Angie’s list of charitable endeavors was so long that the Academy gave her a humanitarian award a few years ago where even her acceptance speech was selfless, touching and inspiring, focused on her mom who taught her early on that all of us who live a safe, healthy life are extremely fortunate and downright lucky because we could have just as easily been born in another part of the world devoid of clean water, plentiful food or peace. so those of us whose head is above water should help those who aren’t.

so since there are plenty of more deserving people to make fun of, i will be aiming my barbs at those who are far more selfish and foolish and worthy of my incredible barbs. perhaps you will feel the same way.

Asher asks: If Tony is at Wrigley Field for the Word Series, how does he react to the national anthem?

First of all, aint no way I’m going to be at Wrigley for the World Series. The cheapest tickets are going for close to $9,000 and even though i love the Cubs with all of my heart and wear a Cubs hat almost every day and have dozens of Cubs gear, and have lived this way my whole life, i’ve never had $9,000 laying around for such a thing and i sure as hell don’t now.

But let’s say a miracle ticket comes my way and there i am in the bleachers and someone great like Billy Corgan or Cheap Trick or Bruce Springsteen starts singing The Star Spangled Banner: as much as i am angry and dismayed by so many innocent victims of the police murdering black men, i don’t see how one blogger in a sea of 40,000 Cub fans kneeling or raising my fist would impact anything in the slightest other than making my fellow Cub fans around me feel uncomfortable.

What has made this protest so fascinating and powerful is it is coming from the players, most of whom have the cameras pointed at them. Because of these players the protest has gained momentum and kept the conversation going. Even if 1,000 fans knelt, the odds of the cameras catching it are minimal, especially on Fox, who will be broadcasting it, who care so little about the game or the viewers that they insist on having Joe Buck ruin it for everyone.

So no, for once in my life, I would not be trying to change the world. I would be entirely focused on watching my little Cubby world change.

after i finish the bible this time through i may put it down

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whatas you know i read the bible every sunday for an hour

it’s a deal i cut with the Lord that instead of going to church every sunday, i would read the bible for that hour, especially since that was always my favorite part of church

i became upset that they didnt spend more time on the gospel and instead wasted all this time with the ritual and ceremony and handshaking and money giving

and singing badly and the kneeling and the getting up and the sitting down

here you have a dude who is so into religion that he has given away all of his money, agreed not to have any sex or family

and the one big facetime he has with the public, 90 percent of it is scripted and a repeat of the week before.

i say let him talk. and i say let him talk about what it is in that bible that changed his life. and if he has seriously thrown away all of the earthly obstacles, then what he will say will be clear and honest and

maybe even a little inspiring.

but theres none of that. and if it is theres a motive. there should only be one motive: truth

so i read the bible every sunday, pretty much without fail, for like 15-20 years now.

hard to keep track, cuz really, whos counting.

anyways it isnt the joy it used to be. i know whats gonna happen. im not into it.chicago trib

you should be into something if youre trying to do it for holy reasons.

so i decided i will spend that time reading regular books.

i have a house full of incredible regular books, the kind i used to read in college

in isla vista, the most distracting place in the world.

how does anyone study there?

i used to think that i would give the college of creative studies a million if i ever won the lottery,

but even with a brand new building

yes in my world it only cost a million dollars to build

a sweetass building

but now im thinking i will just give it to robyn directly because

how do kids pay attention to anything in that world

how did i? and i read so much.

answer: there was no internet.

last night matt welch was in town because he was one of the guests in bill mahers hbo show, real time

i texted him and said if theres an afterparty let a brotha know

afterparty was in the courtyard of the boutique beverly hills hotel where everyone speaks french

fortunately for all of us i dabble in the francais

so i was all, matt welch, voila? and i pointed

they were all, oui!

and i was like merci baby

the bible is about heartbreak and mistrust.

its about anger and confusion and

Screen Shot 2016-06-04 at 12.34.40 PMmost of all,

disobedience,

for no good reason other than knuckleheadness.

after a while it gets depressing.

i took a lyft over to le hotel so i could drink

and it turned out hbo was paying for the drinks

so me basart and welch sat around and they asked me who i was gonna be voting for on tuesday

and i said willie wilson

and matt spit out his champaign and said

the speedy kc royal who swiped 668 stolen bases over his 19 year career?

and i said, yes and no

and i told them that i saw dr. wilson’s name on my sample ballot and i went to his website

and then his facebook page

and now im gonna vote for him.

and we toasted to our new friend

dr willie wilson from chicago

who never stole shit.

ali

what old school african women find valuable

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1Now when the queen of Sheba heard of the fame of Solomon, she came to Jerusalem to test him with hard questions, having a very great retinue and camels bearing spices and very much gold and precious stones. And when she came to Solomon, she told him all that was on her mind. 2And Solomon answered all her questions. There was nothing hidden from Solomon that he could not explain to her. 3And when the queen of Sheba had seen the wisdom of Solomon, the house that he had built, 4the food of his table, the seating of his officials, and the attendance of his servants, and their clothing, his cupbearers, and their clothing, and his burnt offerings that he offered at the house of the LORD, there was no more breath in her.

5And she said to the king, “The report was true that I heard in my own land of your words and of your wisdom, 6but I did not believe the reports until I came and my own eyes had seen it. And behold, half the greatness of your wisdom was not told me; you surpass the report that I heard. 7Happy are your wives! Happy are these your servants, who continually stand before you and hear your wisdom!”

– 2 Corinthians 1-7

the women are happy, everyones sporting sweet threads, and the fact that Solomon had a deep spiritual relationship with God knocked her off her feet.

happy 666 day.

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i live in hollywood and many of the prefixes here are 666 including my home number.

when i was signing up for a number the lady recommended something that started with 665 and i was all hey wait i just remembered this is hollywood, do you have any 666 numbers and she hesitated and then was like yep pretty much anything you need.

and i got an extremely easy-to-remember phone number

which i never give out since im never home.

its actually 1:39am on 6/6/6 and when i wake i will escort a cuban girl so that we can interview people in the six most evil parts of los angeles

orange county
compton
downtown la
beverly hills
hollywood
and chatsworth

i want to ask the people what 666 day means to them.

she told me not to blog about it before we do it because someone will steal the idea but you know what, theres not an idea that i have that i wouldnt love someone to steal.

why? because then i can take the damn day off and try to get with this girl!

its gonna take us all day just to drive from the valley to the orange curtain and then back over here. and she’ll probably want to see a movie.

so yes, i would have loved it if someone said that they were going to interview people in LA about what 666 day means to them. and have it posted that night. devils night theyre calling it. night of the dead.

heres why 666 doesnt bother me. as a Christian i have nothing to worry about. the number, which comes from revelation simply says that only 1/3 of the people will believe in Jesus and the rest are lost. 1/3 is .333, 2/3 is .666, therefore it makes sense that the mark of the beast would be 666 since he represents the lost. and of course i like to have theories that arent in wikipedia.

how many believers of Jesus are there on the planet right now? 33%

and so when people like my maid ask me if afraid to have 666 in my phone number i say baby im way more scared of hell than i am of any phone number. that number reminds me to be good. because its our souls that get judged not our superstitions.

do i even know anybody in orange county?

ok its 2am and im watching closer for the twentieth time. at this hour theres nothing more preferable than natalie portman in those outfits, which is funny because there are very few hours when that isnt the case.

the dutch are going to pray all day today

If you add the denominations of all Japanese yen coins available (1, 5, 10, 50, 100, 500) the total is 666.

Roulette wheel numbers add up to 666.

KNAC names it National Day of Slayer, and will play non-stop slayer all day.

summer beach reading! Ann Coulter releases her new book Godless: The Church of Liberalism today

to promote the new album strumming with the devil, bluegrass versions of classic van halen gems that comes out today, david lee roth and his new crew will appear on jay leno tonight.

Scott Vestal – banjo
Stuart “StuBob” Duncan – fiddle
Brad Davis – guitar
John Jorgeson – mandolin
Charlie Chadwick – bass
David Lee Roth – Vox 

american composer philip rhodes turns 66 today since after all he was born on 6/6/40

and happy birthday to my first california girlfriend who also happened to make me a man, as she was born on 6/6/66

and kissed like an angel

if you live in LA you might want to creep over to the Henry Fonda where you will be greeted by:

Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey, hispanic hollywood elvis impersonator El Vez, musclebound longhaired leaping gnome Glenn Danzig, the grandson of the legend Hank Williams III, and special guest Rudy Ray Moore also known as Dolemite among others in what they call A Tribute To Evil. thirty clams. hank iii is worth that alone. doors open at 6:60 for some reason and not six minutes later.

im gonna eat more pussy this year.

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im also gonna read the bible every sunday. those are my only two real promises to myself in 2006.

among those that i’ll probably fuck up on cuz deep down im a slacker who doesnt even deserve half of what i have, i will try to write three blogs this year other than the buzzblog at buzznet. the busblog, the new busblog, and a secret blog that will turn into a book that will only be on sale for two weeks in october. nine days.

i dont like selling books. i dont like writing books, i dont like compiling books. i dont like hardly any of it except for the cover contest. i do want another cover contest.

is it nice to have a book with my name on the side that can lean up against my other books in the bookshelf? eh. whatever. id rather make out with a nice girl up against a bowling alley in the parking lot. which is probably why so many books are being written by dudes who arent lifting up girls skirts upagainst bowling alley parking lot walls.

im home now from my two week road trip. it went fast. today i got home and had culture shock. my landlord greeted me with a note taped to my door threatening to kick me out of my apartment because of the satelite dish thats been where its been since before he bought the place, and for my houseplants being on my porch. obviously hes lonely and wants someone to remind him that hes going to hell.

i went through my answering machine messages and there were two frightening ones from the old lady upstairs, so i called her right away and went up to help her five days after shed left her messages. it took about two minutes. she said she thinks she may have had a stroke on Christmas but hasnt seen her doc cuz hes on vacation. i told her she looked pretty good for 92 with a week old stroke and she smiled and blushed a little.

i drove my car more than three thousand miles and it responded perfectly. not the high waters in oregon or the bad vibes from the homeland security dudes in canada or the crooked streets in frisco or the mud in the central coast made this car even blink, it chugged along and even sprinted on occassion and i played sirius nearly the whole way and yes its worth the money.

last night after midnight howard stern dialed up his new channel and talked for about an hour and he was so relaxed and swore a few times but because he was just chit chatting and thats how lots of people talk when theyre being normal. it was nice.

meanwhile i kept getting off the freeway trying to find some motel to steal wifi from so i could wish the east coast and then the midwest and then the rockies and then the west coast happy new year but best laid plans…

i even got lost right outside of the sacramento airport and ended up on a 10 mile wild goose chase in the dark along a scary road right on the water where you couldnt turn around really and my needle was below E and i turned down the radio to conserve gasoline and i seriously thought my car was gonna run out of gas right there a half hour before new years in new york

but the road intersected another road and i saw lights far away in the distance that turned out to be the sacramento airport and fortunately theres an arco there that people sorta hangout at until their friends call them from baggage claim and i pumped my gas and i thanked the Lord for answering my prayers and not making me have to call AAA from a marsh-side mansion whose street i didnt know and have to wait godknowshowlong for AAA to give me a tow or a gallon of gas.

so i promised Him that i would read the Bible every sunday this year and its a half hour left in the first sunday so let me get to it.

i will also shoots hoops more.

youre my boy blue + pancakes + crooks and liars links to great cartoons

If 13 people sit down to dinner together, all will die within the year.

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in korea townThe Turks so disliked the number 13 that it was practically expunged from their vocabulary (Brewer, 1894).

If you have 13 letters in your name, you will have the devil’s luck (Jack the Ripper, Charles Manson, Jeffrey Dahmer, Theodore Bundy and Albert De Salvo all have 13 letters in their names).

There are 13 witches in a coven.

Twelve gods were invited to a banquet at Valhalla. Loki, the Evil One, god of mischief, had been excluded from the guest list but crashed the party anyway, bringing the total number of attendees to 13. True to character, Loki raised hell by inciting Hod, the blind god of winter, to attack Balder the Good, who was a favorite of the gods. Hod took a spear of mistletoe offered by Loki and obediently hurled it at Balder, killing him instantly. All Valhalla grieved. And although one might take the moral of this story to be “Beware of uninvited guests bearing mistletoe,” the Norse themselves apparently concluded that 13 people at a dinner party is just plain bad luck.

the Bible tells us there were exactly 13 present at the Last Supper. One of the “disciples” betrayed Jesus Christ, setting the stage for the Crucifixion.

the Crucifixion took place on a Friday.

friday the thirteenth.

– from about.com

On October 13, 1307, a day so infamous that Friday the 13th would become a synonym for ill fortune, officers of King Philip IV of France carried out mass arrests in a well-coordinated dawn raid that left several thousand Templars ? knights, sergeants, priests, and serving brethren ? in chains, charged with heresy, blasphemy, various obscenities, and homosexual practices. None of these charges was ever proven, even in France ? and the Order was found innocent elsewhere ? but in the seven years following the arrests, hundreds of Templars suffered excruciating tortures intended to force ‘confessions,’ and more than a hundred died under torture or were executed by burning at the stake.

– Tales of the Knights Templar, Warner Books

Someone looked at traffic fatalities in Finland on Friday the 13th as opposed to other Fridays. They found that there were more traffic fatalities on Friday the 13th but only for women. I was asked to comment on this study. Clearly, it could be an anomaly. But my interpretation of the study was that it’s generally understood that women are more superstitious than men. If you add that piece of information to the Finnish results, it could be true that women driving on Friday the 13th were more anxious and may have been involved in more accidents because of their beliefs.

– seattle post

did you know that bunnie is back in america. yep. welcome back, baby.

last year i made several new years resolutions

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and i succeeded on about 25% of them. so that means that this year i should make a lot more.

2004 new years resolutions

1. i will write 4 times a day

2. i will only drink water while at work

3. i will cook dinner for myself at least twice a week

4. i will run around my property for at least 20 minutes a day, once a week

5. i will download at least one cd a week and review it for you

6. i will watch at least one movie a week and review it for you

7. i will write one post within 90 minutes of coming home from work

8. i will do at least 100 curls a week

9. i will read at least 2 pages from the bible each sunday

10. i will write a dirty novel

11. i will get a new job

12. i will make mix cds at least once a week for my true love

13. on the weekends i will go through my archives and update the photos, at least one week a week

14. each month i will learn one new thing in photo shop

15. each month i will learn one new html trick

16. i wont make out with any more teenagers from the internet

17. i will cut down on my magazine subscriptions from 30 to 15…. somehow.

18. i will go to the beach more often

19. i will get my bike fixed and ride around hollywood at least once a week

20. i wont give up on Lick no matter how hard it is to do

21. Blook II will come out, for your ass.

22. i will refer to this list once a week so as to keep up to my goals

jaime + hoo-ha + wKen