all i would end up with would be plaid skirts, leather pants, cheerleader sweaters, and go go boots.

nobody wants a line like that.

the academy sent over adaptation last night. i didnt have anyone to watch it with which was actually good because i was working on the website for my attorney. i watched it once and didnt really like it but i thought that was maybe because i was working as i was watching it. so then after i was done working i watched it again and still i didnt like it.

a movie about writing a movie is sorta lame. sorry. and did anything really happen? was anything resolved? i get it that thats what the screenwriter was talking about but, wtf, spike?

there were about two spike jonez moments in the whole film if you dont count the excellent trick photography during the scenes where nick cage plays his twin brother, but so what?

am i to believe that women would fall for a guy just because he’s a good writer? that it doesnt matter if he’s fat and balding and unattractive and lives with his brother? does charlie kaufman really want me to think that gorgeous women in hollywood really just want a man who’s smart and funny and positive and knows how to tell a good story?

like that would ever happen in a million years.

and then theres meryl streep, am i supposed to believe that she would fall for a toothless hick just because he gets obsessive about things?

who the fuck is writing this movie? this is no movie, it’s a nerd’s wet dream, but it’s not even that, it’s the story of a nerd writing about writing about a nerd’s wet dream. bullshit i say. bull fucking shit.

i want spike jonez to do better, please.

youre the best director out there. dont waste nick cage and meryl streep like that with that bullshit script.

i dont care that all of hollywood is falling all over themselves to get to charlie kaufman. a few years ago everyone was trying to get to arsenio.

plus the characters were all flat.

plus you cant have gurus in good stories. especially gurus who accept an invite to a fucking bar and help the protaganist over a brew and does such a wonderful job guruing that he gets a hug and changes the poor schmuck’s life. fuck that. it’s too easy. and it’s completely unrealistic outside of in bad books and movies.

in the wee hours after i watched the movie for a second time i popped in grand theft auto and ran over a bunch of people in my stolen cop car and went to bed forgetting that i hadnt locked my front door, but remembering that i got my first real life fan letter from a very interesting woman in new mexico who fancies herself a lithographer.

thank you for your letter and cool drawings!

and ashley im still waiting for my key

soundbitten

with triple d breasteses, a six pack, and an academy screener of The Good Girl.

the academy has figured out that i fall asleep during these movies if they get sent over too late in the eve, so ive been getting this shit pretty much right after i get home from the office.

im not a big fan of Friends. i probably have only seen three episodes all the way through. maybe four.

fuck friends.

but i am a big fan of the independent film office space which starred the friends chick and the good girl has a similar tone of subtle humor.

i wish i knew some subtle humor.

me and clipper girl were sitting around watching american idol the other night and she said, “you havent thought of a good video game in a while. think of one right now.”

shes a super cute girl and for some reason she always inspires me.

so i said, ok, its called Back From The Dead and what you can be is an assassinated hero like martin luther king jr. or ghandi or jfk or joan of ark or someone and you walk around the city and you get to blow away bad people and your goal is to snuff out enough of them that you get to go head to head against a giant version of whoever it was who assasinated you.

only problem is the cops dont know that youre Back From The Dead, plus you’re leaving a trail of blood behind you from your mortal wound, so youre pretty easy to follow, so its a good idea to ask someone nicely if you can use their car.

most people wont let you so you might have to steal it when they go shopping.

joan of ark is constantly on fire so you have to make sure that she doesnt get too close to trees or children else they will start on fire.

clipper girl yawned. not at all impressed.

sounds like a grand theft auto ripofff she said and inspected her toenail polish.

ah yes, but the real game is Back From the Deal Online where you can team up with some of your favorite martyrs and form a gang and roam the streets like a herd and become one of the strangest troupes around.

problems walking around with abe lincoln with a hole in his hat or jfk with most of his face blown off is that you not only attract crowds but also paparazzi who are constantly telling the press where you are.

so you have to keep moving.

dont stop.

today im getting a haircut.

mc brown’s super bowl party pictures

and here’s my non-spoiling report.

“Minority Report” is not as good as people are saying that it is.

It is very very good during its good parts, but those parts do not keep this zeppelin soaring throughout the entire adventure, which is a STINKING SHAME because it could have been awesome.

Borrowing a great deal from the Kubrick crime and punishment classic “A Clockwork Orange,” Spielberg has obviously surrounded him with spineless wanks who do not have the courage to say to the fine director that sometimes you have to EDIT the waste. I really liked a lot of this movie, but theres enough fat to trim this 2 hour, 17 minute sci fi thriller into a 90 minute work of art easilly. Super easilly. How easilly? Ever pee before? As easy as that.

But people in Hollywood are soft and dull and solely interested in their immediate financial gains and a Tom Cruise/Steven Spielberg/Philip K. Dick summer blockbuster is money in the bank, so why tip over the cash cow.

Because you can make tons more cash, gluttons, giving the people High Quality.

Nobody’s going to see this movie 3-4 times.

And another thing. Why no super hot chicks? There’s a character who’s interesting and floating in water most of the film and she’s bald. Do you know how many super hot babes dying to be known for being hot (even while bald) in such a non-sexual role? Tons.

Maybe when im not so busy will i make a list of actresses who would have been way better than Samantha Morton, who did her job well, but added nothing to what could have been a nice semi-sexual sub-plot to a film that lacks no sexiness. But I’m more than used to that on any post-Risky Business Cruise vehicle.

Tom wasn’t bad. Hardly annoying. Mostly believable. Almost likeable.

Was there music in the film? Can’t remember.

Was there awkward comic relief? Some.

Would I recommend this to you? Reluctantly, yes.

I am sick of encouraging geniuses, which Mr. Spielberg is, to continue down this path of sci-fi mediocrity. If you want to be Kubrick, bro, you’ll have to become a tad more of a perfectionist. Get an editor who doesnt care about your past.

And, jeeze, steve, Kubrick was known for more than his weirdness, his look was so easy to borrow from, the symmetry of the shots, the balance, the colors, the optical illusion of it all. None of that was present here. It never is. People borrow from Kubrick all the time, but they ignore the look, and thats a big fat mistake.

I give Minority Report a solid “B.”

59. Greatest

60. Englers

61. Moxie

62. Richard Giles

dont rush out to see it.