she didnt mean any harm. long legs. short hair. didnt care.

hopped in the back seat, verified where we were headed and just sat there.

sometimes if they are looking out the window i’ll say something like

so whats happening where we’re going.

and they’ll tell me just going home

or theyre going to a party or

and sometimes they will tell you the saddest thing in the world

like theyre going to a funeral or a bar

or theyre gonna just go to a park and sit and cry.

one girl told me, sometimes i just want to get out of my own neighborhood

walk around where no one knows me

and just think about all the things i did wrong all week.

id say baby you didnt do anything wrong.

and she’d cry super quiet back there.

and id turn up the jazz louder so she could have some space.

and id drive super fast so we could get their quicker.

and give her five stars when we got there.

i have been blogging since the begining of time.

i was handed a macbook pro, and some blazing fast internet

the Creator said, do your thing my dude

and right away i was documenting the comings and goings of hollywood, isla vista, and all points in between.

with a twist.

in the last 16 years alone i have authored over 11,000 posts and made friends from all around the world due to this humble URL.

weirdly i tell anyone who will listen that nothing in here is true, and yet they still believe it all and root me on.

no one more heartily than my dear mother and closest friends.

i am so blessed i cant even believe it sometimes. it’s disgusting. im sick to my stomach now. hold up. brb.

the trick to success, as i have seen it, is to utilize the fact that we have two eyes two ears and just one mouth.

aka listen and learn before type type typing.

trust me when i tell you this is hard for me. because i have 10 fingers AND 10 toes.

and believe me when i tell you that there is plenty to see and hear and learn from here in LA,

so this blog has been a constant battle of waiting and writing.

for the first 12 years i didnt do much waiting and learning and seeing.

lately i have been doing a lot of soaking in.

especially the uber stuff

which initially was just a way to learn and watch and listen

but now has turned into something weirder and more loving

and something that i think about every day

in a good way.

which is to say this. if you follow me on instagram, you will know that i have been watching a movie every day. and then writing a sentence or two about it.

when i am in the theatres the weirdest thing happens: i think about work. never uber, but my real job.

even last night, during Paddington 2, something that had nothing to do with the innerworkings of my gig, there i was trying to figure out how to be better at it as that cute little bear worked out ways to handle Hugh Grant.

i dont know why its easier to blog about uber, but it is. and this blog could be 100% that.

i also dont know why i never think about uber on my down time.

but i dont.

maybe it’s because i already know im the best in the world at it.

no question.

no offense.

which is weird because life is short

and im always gonna win.

been kicked around from one H&R Block to another these last couple of weeks. have i told you im being audited?!

whoo boy.

so at HRB you can get this insurance for $40 that says if the IRS audits you, they will help you win

and they will even go to court with you if it goes that far.

as a former electronics salesman who was harassed by management to sell the extended warranties, if someone offers me one these days i just say fuckit and pay.

life is short.

render unto caesar whats caesars.

sometimes you get lucky and the insurance pays off. like right now. only problem seems to be that none of the agents wanted to handle my case because, i dont know, maybe they dont get paid for it?

so i went to glendale first but they said we’re in glendale, you gotta do this in LA. which im pretty sure isn’t true, but one thing i know about life, if someone doesn’t wanna help you, thats not really the person you want in your corner when taking on the IRS.

they sent me to k town. but that dude didnt show up. at all. then they sent me to wilshire but then that dude said he had to wash his hair on saturday could i come by during the week before 5? i said i work for a living Leroy, no i cant get in there before 5. so i went in there during lunch and demanded the manager.

i said what in the hong kong is going on in here? i said every year i give you people $380 plus $40 insurance to do my dumb taxes and now that i actually need you, now that the government is saying you effed up im getting the cold shoulder?

let it be known i said this in an uncomfortably loud volume so everyone in the joint could hear me.

i was quickly given an appointment for today. and the woman i got was so good i wanted to hug her. we laughed and laughed and she complimented my attention to detail and i told her that its weird but everything i do for uber lyft i do 100%. super bizarre.

and she said ok im gonna do what i gotta do and if you come back next week we will submit it and you will probably be perfectly fine. i said, are you kidding? she said nope. i think i already see the problem and all will be well.

then my car’s engine light went on and i said i guess we’re going to the dealer now. and i went and the guy said we dont have any loaners today can i call you an uber? i said i have a lot of errands to run today will you be paying for my uber all weekend?

and suddenly a brand new benz rolled out with a bow and my name on it

for the weekend.

so fast.

you steer with your index finger.

I have a short fuse. Especially with those closest to me. Which is crazy because those are the best ppl. Why am I like this?

It’s a terrible condition. I can be so cool, so sweet to strangers in my uber but with ppl who actually know me and Still love me I can be so pouty

and bratty

and demanding

and snotty it’s ridiculous.

This has to change.

But I’m not sure how to do it other than seeing a shrink

and I’m too cheap for that.

Plus where does that end.

I’d tell her to read this blog but nothing in here is true other than the uber and the xbi but that’ll distract her

and then I’ll be pouty with her.

Seeing a movie tonight.

Hopefully we both don’t fall asleep first.

and the weathers right

and your car is just floating a little

and you think, it’s good to have a good car.

sometimes the radio will play something good

and unexpected

like dinosaur jr or janes addiction

or an old metallica tune will remind you of where

shredding

peaked.

i was on the radio the other day and the person asked me

if the fcc destroys net neutrality

what do you think will happen?

i said, there was this character in the Firefly movie, Serenity, named Mr. Universe.  he was a reclusive tech nerd who lived on an empty moon with his smoking hot robot “wife”, Lenore.  he was maybe the smartest guy around. so when someone asked him about the bad guys trying to “stop the signal”,

Mr. Universe said, “you can’t stop the signal.”

when Uber started appearing in cities, people saw it’s glorious value and unlike many new things, politicians got out of the way because The People were not going to be without decent transportation at the right price.

The People will not be without fast Internet at a reasonable price.

the web is not a red blue thing. the web is for everyone.

not only will the offending ISPs and the politicians who support them go down, but new ISPs will sprout up and leapfrog today’s giants.

where there is darkness, comes the light.

and then we took calls.