i do.

and some of my friends are not only great pals, but sage advisors. amy langfield (pictured) is someone whose ideas i always take to heart.

recently she has been pushing me to retire from the xbi and join her into the world of journalism.

i keep trying to tell her that journalism isnt ready for tony pierce and she tells me that im wrong, so wrong.

i told her that im far more interested in blogging and that i believe that blogging could be a professional gig very very soon, so she asked me to write up a proposal for playboy and blogger to which i posted yesterday.

this morning she wrote me an email saying that she loved both proposals and suggested that i write one every day.

since amy was the editor in chief of the nexus when i was writing three articles a day, she was quite aware that i would never turn down an assignment, so here goes.

dear chicago cubs,

my name is tony pierce.

i think you should have a blog.

i know you probably dont know what a blog is, but thats ok. i do. and i will write it for you.

basically its like a newspaper column except its on the web and there are links that will take you to different web sites. and its chit-chatty like this, and its run and gunny like this, and it’s quite probably the future of rock n roll

like this.

what id like to do in the cubs blog is give people an idea of what it’s like to be on the road with the most loved team in sport. what the grind is like, what the lifestyle is like.

how bull durham it is.

of course i would write every day, several times a day. i’d interview the players, the fans, the coaches, the bartenders, the opponents, the celebs, the politicians, the vendors, the parking lot dudes, the merch sellers, the coppers, and the hall of famers, and of course they would all tell me cool stuff that just doesnt make it in the daily paper (that owns you) every day.

but it would fit quite nicely in the cubs blog.

and, no offense, to cubs.com, but theres lots of people who love the cubs who would Never go to a website to read about them because theyre not into the daily sports page thing.

but they would be into the daily blog thing because its different, its more man-in-the-street, but in this case it would be man-in-the-bleachers.

would i be willing to relocate to chicago to handle this one year assignment?

glad you asked.

yes.

yes, i would trade in my hollywood bachelor pad lifestyle and move into my moms basement to cover my favorite team for a year.

yes i would put all my friends and all of the hot chicks who write me and call me so i could follow them on the road and report on all the major league cities and their fans and the good places to eat and the accommodations on the road

because i lubs the cubs.

and this year is the year.

in fact thats that the blog will be called.

the year the cubs finally won the world series.

write me back,

tony

kate’s back + science blog!!! + bukkake

which is funny cuz neither of us like the phone and whenever we’re on we dont hang up. we just sit and blab and blab and blab.

the other night we were talking about beyonce’s legs and i am fully in love with beyonce and i couldnt care less about a hot girls body parts since parts is parts, etc.

but beyonce has some thick thighs and i cannot lie.

so because the world is far more judgmental about body parts of sexy sirens, i was telling karisa that beyonce needs to either quit dancing so much that her legs look so mighty, or she needs to stop wearing skirts like the one pictured.

and then karisa reminded me that in her Crazy in Love video she was wearing pants, and she still looked sexy cuz beyonce is one sexy beyitche.

and i knew i was probably going to write about this because i know there are lots of girls who would do anything to look like beyonce, thighs and all, and i cant blame them.

and i also wouldnt blame some if they misunderstood this to think that unless a woman is anorexic shes not attractive.

thats not what im saying.

what im saying is j.lo has a booty and we all love her, she might be the most famous woman in the usa right now.

what im also saying is beyonce has some legs that i wouldnt mind wrapped around my ears (with the expressed permission of jay-z, of course), but she is pushing the limits of what we typically see from our 22 yr old songstresses.

im ready for that jelly, but is iowa?

i know, i know, fuck iowa.

especially since beyonce would be the hottest chick in des moines, without question, even if she was 15 lbs of muscle heavier.

so yeah, when i say that karisa and i blab and blab about nothing, this is exactly what im talking about.

noah + ryan s. + muscle 68

i keep telling him that although nothing in here is true, theres no way i would mess with the comments other than delete the racist, and/or stupid ones.

and i must admit that i have a hard time believing some of the praise that gets heaped on me, but im getting used to it, maybe thats not the word, more comfortable is probably the phrase.

but i do need it.

i have terribly low self esteem.

hot young girl from an exotic land took me up on my dare and called me last night. cute drunken breathy voice.

i cant believe im talking to tony pierce, she said more than once.

love that.

i have a feeling she wanted to talk dirty but you wouldnt want to have someone tape me talking dirty and posting that shit as an audblog post, would you?

i wouldnt.

i can talk a good game on the phone. especially if the girl has a few things to say. but, come on, i dont even know this little angel and it could have all been a goof.

then my girl linda called. everyone called last night. it was nice because my home computer is still at my buddys house being worked on, so i found myself at home playing playstation, flipping through the tivo, being bored as hell.

i love writing, and i love working on my website and blog when i come home. i have so much to write and it’s totally freaky when i cant write. its like not having electricity or not having running water.

so the phone rang all night and last night i answered it for once.

linda was telling me this terribly romantic story of her and this guy she just started dating. i love linda. shes a prison guard. she kicks ass.

so the story that she was telling me started getting really graphic, and i like to do my dishes when i talk on the phone and i havent done my dishes in a while so i just let her tell her story which was pretty amazing.

problem i had with on the road was it wasnt dirty and it wasnt even in the least bit sexy. life is sexy. sex is sexy, sometimes. i had all these high hopes for kerouac and their freewheeling sixties adventures and maybe he was staying in the closet, maybe he was trying to be too cool, but i wanted more. i wanted a little spice in my chili. i wanted a little edge.

then anna kournikova called and im not talking to her. but she called and i still had some dishes to do so i picked up.

she didnt have much to say, she just wanted to talk. she knew the fires werent anywhere near hollywood but she used it as an excuse to call and ask.

do you miss me at all, tony?

i have to go, anna.

please dont hang up.

you know i have to hang up.

no you dont, i wont tell anyone.

i will though.

and here i am telling.

and to whoever said that blogger has a blog on blogger.com, if my blog was like that theres no way that any of you would ever come back here again.

and i wouldnt blame you.

cup o goodness + ben’s daily blarf + rabbit blog