youre not going to just show up and sweep the atlanta braves.

not when youre leaving men on base, not when dave veres is on the mound, not when randall simons on the basepath, not when sammy sosa is that close to a homer but not a homer, and not when youre giving up 400 foot doubles to noname secondbasemen like mark derosa.

the bad news is the cubs lost.

the good news is they only have to win two games and hey, lookit, the next two games are in the friendly confines of wrigley field.

and the best news is mark prior will be pitching, and he pitches for the cubs.

the team of dustiny.

the team doomed to get into the second round against frisco, who also lost today

also to make the ratings better

also the Team That Shouldnt Be.

still that doesnt mean that im not depressed and confused and frustrated and uptight cuz i didnt even know what channel the game was going to be on until way too late.

still that doesnt mean that im not mad at myself for not praying to the lord above last night to help the cubs win tonight and instead floated away to zzzzland in the arms of the hottest cheerleader in east hollywood. forgetting my priorities. lost in the heat of the moment. drunk in the euphoria of recent victory.

so now the boys go back north where they belong for two games that will be loud and historic and full of energy like baseball hasnt seen in a mighty long time.

and they will go back knowing that they can beat this braves team and they can even do it on the road. if they have to. which they might have to. but they wont have to.

unless they have to.

but they wont.

cuz they’ll stop going to dumb dave veres. excardinal. and secret enemy.

mindy is the most beautiful cam girl around

even though im a deeply religious man

when it comes to the cubbies i can be quite superstitious. blame it on baseball.

last night i was wearing one of my favorite shirts, a beastie boys basketball reversible short sleeve. it says something like Tony’s Barbershop or something, i dont know. i do know that karisa has the exact same one. but i look better in it than she does so she doesnt sport it as much.

anyway, it was the perfect shirt for last night watching the game because, as you know the cubs didnt score for the first four innings despite filling the bases a few times.

so when whalen went to the bathroom i got up and reversed my shirt and also closed the window shade. anything to change things up.

and as you know the cubs responded with four big runs that inning and everything went great.

youre welcome.

so now i havent shaved since the cubs clinched this weekend. im wearing the same hat. im trying to do the same things. i invited the same people over. if need be i will order the same pizzas (one sausage and peperoni for us, one pineapple extra cheese for the cubfans who aint here), drink the same beer (mgd) and drink the same rum (bacardi light).

ive even arranged to have the same girl come over after the game and do the same stuff to each other.

anything that needs to be done will be done, and if things arent working out i will adjust.

but tonight i might not to do much adjusting as carlos zambrano, the personality of the cubs pitching staff, climbs the mound at turner field.

funny thing about turner field. as you may know Ted Turner the owner of the braves is also the brains behind CNN and TBS. when he got the olympic committee to pay for his $250 million park he had a lot of people he could name the sparkling new park after: brave great and home run king Hank Aaron, georgia native president Jimmy Carter, or even atlanta-native Martin Luther King Jr.

but ted decided to name it after his favorite person instead.


karmas a bitch.

watch zambrano shut out teds braves in the field that shoulda been named after a brotha.

jeff p. mcmanus + happy belated birthday, libra

some times i dont want a lot of people over at the house.

sometimes i like to watch games by myself. last night i didnt want anyone over but whalen from tsar was so excited about all of this that i said fine, then os called up, then basart wanted to join in, and i didnt want to be mean to anyone or be negative or anything at all incase it would bring about bad karma, so i got off work a little early, took a shower and opened my home to my friends.

whalen is a rock star, and looks even moreso with his newly dark dyed hair and had all these funny theories. he kept saying that his dodgers would have done a lot better this year if only the pitchers would have hit better.

i blame the pitchers, he said.

and we laughed.

and then kerry wood, one of the two pitching aces of the cubs got two super-important hits and i screamed THE WHALEN THEORY IN FULL EFFECT! and we high fived each other and drank beer and rum and ate pizza and laughed and laughed.

ah, thank you atlanta for making me so happy.

jeff hasnt been watching baseball for all that long, but recently he has been watching it like a hawk, and was asking me all these questions about the rules.

hey tony, can a pitcher shave off his goatee in between innings?

hmmm, yes, i guess so.

can he return with a big fake moustache?

hahahahaha, dont think so.

but he did stump me on this one:

hey tony, if a pitch hits the ground and bounces before it crosses the plate, what happens if the batter hits it?

i wanted to say it would be a foul ball, but after thinking about it, the batter would be punished with a strike or a strike out if he swung and missed, so now im thinking if he hit it it would count as a hit.

any experts out there?

so today i didnt shave, im wearing the same red-billed cubs hat that i wore yesterday, i have invited my friends back over to the pad, and we will imbibe on more beer and rum.

and this time mr. carlos zambrano will take it to the braves and the flukey mike hampton.

cubs all the way, people.

totally awesome + future world ruler + prison guard tells all