will

this is what it looks like when a gay male hooker
working for a fake news service
pretending to be a reporter
asks fake questions
using a fake name
in the white house

she always has a big smile for me. she always has a little treat from her office for me. she always takes my hand that i place on her thigh and moves it to her knee. she always makes me melt.

we drove over to the Beverly Center, the only shopping mall where the customers dress better than the manequins. she had to return some clothes for her auntie.

she said, lets buy you some clothes. i said k. so i walked into a boutique where the dummys had pink polo shirts or pink sweaters or pink pants and i said whats with the pink and the superhot sales chickie said boys are starting to wear pink.

so we went into another store and i saw some ripped clothes and some “distressed” clothes and some dirty sweaters and i was all right, my kind of place

until i saw a comma on one of the pricetags.

at that point i kissed her and we walked down to Chipotle my favorite burrito place.

we drove home and i asked her dozens of incredibly personal questions that unfortunately i cant share with you at this time, but trust me, they were painfully personal.

halfway through she said, i am so embarrassed answering these questions!

to which i said, please dont think that im judging you or cataloguing these answers so as to use them against you in the future. i just want to know your mindset and whats going on with you. and if you like you can ask me some personal questions too.

to which she declined because im an open book with large print text for the seeing impared.

we got to my hollywood hills hideaway and we ate our food and watched The Daily Show. Eric Idle from Monty Python was on hyping his new book.

we discovered that hadnt seen any python movies or tv shows.

i said, if you were my girlfriend, would you come over three nights a week and watch movies and tv shows with me?

she said, just three nights a week?

i said, yeah.

she said yeah.

so i said, will you be my girlfriend?

she sat there smiling silently so i took off my cubs hat and got down on a knee and held her hand

and she said yes.

and we watched american idol and yelled at the tv when they didnt let that skinny black chick through.

and i probably should feel different, but i cant say honestly that i do.

her parents are very strict so i said none of this is official unless your parents give us their blessing.

she said, ah, they will like that. they will consider it a sign of respect.

i will consider it a stoke if they approve, because maybe it will mean that they wont call 5 times a night asking her where she is what is she doing and who is she doing it with.

she will merely say, im at my boyfriends house. which hopefully will explain all.

developing…

tattered coat + simpleton + kate sullivan

that MaleWhoreFakeReporterFakeNewAgencyGate is much to concern himself with.

“I’m a libertarian — I’ve got no problem with gay male prostitutes. Or even gay female prostitutes (they have those, right?). Heck, I’d legalize prostitution — gay and straight — if it was up to me, and think of its practitioners as every bit as respectable as other professionals like lawyers, lobbyists and journalists. (Maybe moreso, as I suspect the client satisfaction rate is higher . . . .)”, Prof. Reynolds snickered last night.

Prompting a reader, Thomas Castle, to write in to correct him:

You are, again, missing the point entirely. The problem with Gannon isn’t that he’s a gay male prostitute, it’s that he’s a vetted WH reporter using a pseudonym and masquerading as a journalist when he is, in fact, merely a shill. THAT’S the offensive part. This business that he was booted because he’s gay, or a prostitute, or both is bogus, although I’m sure some of the fundies do indeed have a problem with it.

Glenn responded thusly:

(L)et’s see: “Masquerading as a journalist when he is, in fact, merely a shill” would disqualify rather a lot of the poseurs I see shouting at press conferences. As for the gay angle being why he was booted — that’s what Howard Kurtz said, and I believe it. And while you can claim that this isn’t really about the gay angle, a quick look at the juvenile gay-themed stuff on the lefty blogs suggests otherwise. I should also note that while Moyers did charge that Gannon was a gay male prostitute, I don’t think that’s been clearly established. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

digby explains why the Jeff Gannon/Jim Guckert scandal is important to him.

I personally have no problems with the Bush White House needing to blow off some consensual adult steam. It’s a stressful job. If gay hookers are going to help them relax then who am I to argue? I’m a liberal. I have nothing against gays or hookers.

But for a moment let me think as a Republican would, if the shoe were on the other foot:

So many questions so few answers. Just why did JimJeff get such special treatment? It’s not like they didn’t already have a bunch of ready made shills to ask softball questions. Les Kinsolving’s been throwing partisan bombs for years. They certainly didn’t need JimJeff to transcribe RNC talking points when they have the Beltway Boys to do it on national television.

Scotty said that the president called on JimJeff of his own volition. A coincidence? Or did someone request that JimJeff get a special treat that day?

And has it ever been logical that this nobody from a vanity web site would get access to the Plame story? Why him? JimJeff claims that he never actually saw the Plame memo, yet he clearly knew of it. Could it have been pillow talk?

I don’t have a clue. But, I do know that if this were 1998, we’d be knee deep in congressional investigations into the gay hooker ring in the White House. Every news crew in the DC area would be camped out on JimJeff’s front lawn. A wild-eyed Victoria Toensing and panting Kelly Ann Fitzpatrick would be crawling up on the Hardball desk rending their silk teddies and speaking in tongues while Matthews’exploding head spun around on his shoulders.

But, it isn’t 1998 and it will probably not even be mentioned. And I’m not a Republican so I don’t think, as they would, that it’s necessary to dig into every single White House staffer’s sex life to find out who leaked a confidential memo to a gay hooker.

As a Democrat, however, if gay hookers are running around the White House I do find it somewhat frustrating that we have to put up with this shock and horror bullshit from the right wing about average Joe and Jane gay person wanting to get married and have a family. Please.

stay tuned to see ifinsty write just as flippantly about BushCo cockblocking former US POWs from suing Iraq for torture, or see if he supports the troops.

wil wheaton on the set of csi + volume 2 + perils in 3d