steve mazan on letterman video

Gage: Where have all the good times gone? you can only eat 3 things for the rest of your life, what’s it gonna be? Worst high school job?

the good times have moved to the scarier places. apple juice, chicken breasts, Oreos

John Wayne Maioriello: What are your top 5 heatwave solutions that do not include air conditioning?

since i dont have air conditioning this is easy for me. currently im in a room with the window up, the door open, and a little osculating fan, and everyones topless.

bukowski liked to soak in the tub

mookie in do the right thing not only took a shower at the beginning of the day, but when he came home to make love to his baby momma he utilized ice cubes

when i was an ice cream man guy id put ice cubes in a rolled up shirt, slide it in sombrero, and drive around in just a sombrero, hawaiian styled shorts, and flip flops.

or you can just say eff it and sweat like a pig and see how sweaty you can get.

Matt Welch: Why is the L.A. Times now the slowest-to-load website on my computer, post-redesign? Spite?

Clearly East Coast bias blinds folk quickly else you’d had realized that you’re talking about the nation’s #1 fastest growing big newspaper website. almost every month we’re breaking one record or another. back in the days when you sat in your swanky office here the blogs, for example, were getting just 3 million page views, last month we were just shy of 20 million. thats just the blogs. then theres the photo galleries and the special projects, and the breaking news and add that with a beautiful redesign you’re gonna get what the hippies in berkeley call “hella” traffic. which slows down your journey to Angels Unplugged for your vlad fix. what can i say? steal better wifi.

zona: what are the odds?

of me going to my 75th high school reunion this month: no chance

of me going to my 90th grade school reunion this month across the street and a day before the high school reunion: sure thing

of me taking this young lady to see springsteen play born to run in its entirety in chicago: excellent

of her wearing that white bikini to the show: never know

of Da Bears beating the Steelers at Soldier Field a few hours before the Boss: i think the spread will be the world champs giving 20 points.

Jetson Stamina: Who would you rather have answer the 5 most important questions ever asked. Perry Farrel or Whitney Houston while on crack? Why? Also… should Minotaurs where pants?

it’s interesting that this will be just the first of two questions this week concerning Mr. Farrel, and for that reason alone we should exclude Whitney from this competition. also, perry has aged beautifully, if not suspiciously. whereas Whitney has tragically fallen from super sweet “how will i know” to druggie diva “hell-to-the-no”. and although the trainwreck is usually more spectacular, in this case the wild genius is far more entertaining. only the girl minotaurs should wear pants.

CNN: Any comment on this breaking news?

saddest thing ever. she was our worst kept secret. my best boss ever. the main reason why we’ve been so successful so quickly and in such an honorable way. she exudes class and has the most calming spirit. meredith launched, then went to the internation herald tribune to do it en francais just to show off. then she came here and bingo heres a perfectly strong web site, with lots of great blogs, lots of great special bonuses, and now with a brand spanking new gorgeous design – and shes out. like a house flipper except she didnt double the price of the thing. its still free, just better because of her. i feel like the red sox just traded babe ruth to the yankees. but i guess its good for cnn, cuz now they’ll finally be on the map.

Alyson: Best food to pair with movies, video games and alcohol that ISN’T pizza?

this is an excellent dilemma because you cant have anything too messy because it will gunk up the controllers unless youre playing wii. but even still, it sounds like you might be moving around some, so you dont want anything too complicated that could either spill or get knocked over in a messy way.

so id say sushi, like the kind gage eats.

timmay!!!!!: were you at this show? how about this one? how many of you people are rubbing your crotches against the barricades?

i was at the Jane’s Addiction show because Nothings Shocking had come out and as you know it was the jam. Janes played 10 sold out shows in a row in LA and i couldnt believe that they were going to play our football stadium for free. i remember how mtv was there and they were trying to take a little ownership of the thing, but it was far too raw and punk rock and perry was swearing and being crude and the kids were throwing things and he was just so great attacking them with cutting jabs and… Janes Addiction. i did not see the Lips because i dont think i had moved up there till late 95 or 96.

g/d: wonder who what where when why? wow.

i do which is why i always wanted to work for a newspaper as it answers all those questions every day.

xtx: Where is my elephant story mothereffer?

it takes a long time to push out a baby elephant. but i think the water broke. yes IT HAS!!!

jackassjimmy: When suffering with fear and adversity, one should?

realize that some people pay a lot of money to feel the way youre feeling. either they buy expensive drugs, or date expensive women, or get themselves involved in situations they shouldnt be in to. if that doesnt make you feel superior and mellower, remember that this is the time that spirituality is yr friend. pray to whatever spaghetti monster your believe in and see if this trying time can actually be the impetus behind some spiritual growth. as the pegged legged old lady once cackled “tis hard to bake bread in a cold oven”.