could be life changing.

could just be another sign that i should just keep doing what im doing, as is.

either way, it’s a 30 minute call.

they say in sales if you are talking more than the customer you’re talking too much.

so what can i say in 14 minutes that will get this to a second, hopefully longer call?

• what’s in it for them
• how is this for the greater good
• are the risks smaller than the reward
• is it worth the money
• is it worth the time

so maybe i should figure out how i can spend two minutes on each of those bullet points

even though id rather be talking about anything else

tiny little store but they seemingly have everything.

i went in there today to get my laptop back

and there was a guy getting helped so i didnt mind walking around a little

listening to them playing REM’s first record

when i saw this on the front window

and the thing is it would be great to sell stereos and computers again

but im pretty sure i have to go all in on this podcast thing

but it is tempting, lemme tell you, because that place seems so great.

i may quit going to therapy.

its the only gloomy thing in my week each week.

she rejects me. every week. i dont need that right now. i need emotional support.

i need her to say crazy things like omg i talk to a lot of people every week and i look forward to hearing from you and asking you hard questions and watching you answer them.

kurt vonnegut tells a story, i think this is it, where on this planet the humans are in cages in the zooo

and the inhabitants of the planet are hands with an eye in the palm

and when the humans try to entertain these Tralfamadorians

they close their hand, so they wont have to see the idiocy.

i feel like shes closing her hand on me every week.

im trying to pull off a miracle.

podcasting is impacted with super talented, interesting, famous, stars.

how on earth am i going to be any reasonable sized hit in the near future?

and by the time i realize im destitute will mikeys hookup even need another person

im surprised they even need a sign that place is so great.

my only Plan B is to dress up as Darth Vader, go to Venice, and get tourists to sit on a folding chair

then i sit at the canvas and paint

but i only have one color

black

and it turns out im not painting portraits of them

im painting a death star

and when they ask how much

i point to a sign that says

everything.

then i flip it around

and it says

give me everything.

which im pretty sure you can do if youre dressed as darth vader

me, you them, all of us are fortunate to be here

now

sharing this tiny sliver of time together

on this miraculous rock

where the air, water, temperature, oxygen levels are all at the right point

yes theres famine and pollution and crazy economic disparity

but we are here together.

and so many of us want to help.

and we are helping.

and as my preacher said today via YouTube

maybe it seems like everythings upside down right now

because maybe things are finally turning right side up

i am lucky that you are here

via the crazy internet tubes

which are filled with both plus signs

and negatives.

zeroes and ones.

you and mes.

me and yous.

lets try to do one more good thing this week

than we did last week

for someone.

it’s called Exit Interview.

what you do is you build a facebook group of Yelpers. people who are totally used to reporting back at what they saw in great detail.

and one day you say, check it out, in a week, on this one particular day we are all going to go out in our neighborhoods at 10am and do this one thing, for one hour and then write about it. who’s in?

and every one who says theyre in refreshes the page and exactly at 9:30am theres a post on the page. something like this:

go to the motel closest to your house. wait for people to check out of the motel and as they are putting luggage into their cars tell them you’re part of a large group of facebookers who are asking these 5 questions to everyone leaving their motels right now. your names wont be used or your pictures. we just want you to be brutally honest.

then ask questions like, was the room clean, was it loud, what was the best feature, what was the worst feature and how much did it cost. something like that.

they do this for an hour trying to get as many people as they can get in that hour and go home and post the results and a picture of the place on the FB group.

can you imagine if you could get 1,000 people around the country to take a sample of something like that, that quickly?

my Howard Stern group has 17k people, if only 10 per cent of them did it it would be an enormous number.

but it could be done for italian restaurants, movies, rent a car places, bars, burger kings, nail salons, hospitals, any thing.

exit interview.

yr welcome.

my personal life is at a noine.

and i see some light at the end of the tunnel for my professional life.

ive got two things out there that may come true.

one is the longest shot youve ever seen.

but the good thing is i am dictating exactly what it is, down to every detail, it probably won’t be approved because it’s basically saying

hi im christopher columbus, im gonna sail the ocean blue, with three ships, the pinta and minta and the gloria bell and i know all the maps say im gonna fall off the edge of the world

and there might be dragons

and as the doors said, no one here gets out alive

but i think i know the exact route. and when i get there im gonna plant my flag in Ohio and theyre gonna love me. and imma come back with exotic plants and animals and everythings gonna be different forever. and ever. for all of us. and its gonna cost a ton of cash, but i think i know where to get it.

the other thing is super fun too because it’s almost just like what i have been doing for the last five years, but different in all the right ways.

my odds of getting another interview for that one is high. mostly because i am uniquely qualified. youd think they would have just stopped the search after i applied but my luck isn’t like that. ive gotta work for inch. which i fine. you get stronger that way.

so the other day i was reading wikipedia because thats how bored i have been. and i learned about the tallest stack of pallets in the world (pictured). this guy i guess was super despondent that his little daughter had died. so he got all these wooden pallets and stacked them on her grave(?!) it grew to like 2,000 pallets.

eventually some of them fell down and a few others were cleared out. but then one day he got the wise idea to make it a historical eyesore or something, i mean, a landmark. and the city okayed it.

later one of the commissioners said they must have been drunk that day.

the city?

the city of angels.

former home of the tallest wooden pallet stack in the world.

(when the dude died his kids sold the property for millions and they took away the pallets and built condos.)