i get interview requests all the time

usually i turn them down. i ain’t got nothing to say.

sean penn, though wanted to interview me for Bikini.

i said, isn’t that magazine kaput? he said, might be, i don’t know. anyway, how you doing?



no, not really. i just had a good lunch with my boss’s boss. really inspiring.

name some of my movies that you liked. sean penn asked.

shit, man. i like most of your movies. racing with the moon, bad boys, fast times, colors, even that one that you directed, the one with the guy from american beauty.


totally. loved that one.

ive been noticing that you’re not getting many comments? what’s up with that?

i really don’t know, sean. i guess people are busy.

people seem to be leaving notes for everyone else, like moxie and meesh and dawn.

well, they’re all hot babes.

vodka pundit gets tons of comments, so does lil green footballs.

doesn’t matter, sean. part of being your own thing is you cant compare yourself with the others. some talk about politics and discuss. i don’t really discuss with the readers here. i just write stuff down and hope they like it.

but dude, they’re not even buying you beers.

dawn flowed me a buck, that was nice. she shouldn’t have. she broke the rule that says no one who has met me can flow the buck, but its cool. shes a nice woman.

did you see her naked on her blog this weekend?

no, sean, i don’t look at naked women who are married.


well, i try not to. in fact i wish that they’d label the porn at the video store so you’d know that none of the actresses are married.

it’s a sin to look at married women having sex and not unmarried women?

yeah, i think so. its sorta adultry in my warped mind.

ever do coke, tony?

no, im too hyper.

i think you shoulda done coke with meesh that night, bro.

sean, there was no coke there, meesh was just trying to be scandalous.

ever do an asian?

ive had sex with a couple asian young women. two, actually. one was chinese, one was half japanese.

how was it?

like i have to tell you, mr. shanghai surprise.

i was married then!

all women are unique and wonderful, sean penn, you know that. for example my friend carlisa and her sister and her friend just launched a new fashion line and—

karisa, i thought she was polish.

no, carlisa. different girl entirely, same dot com, but different girl. carlisa got a college scholarship to play hoops back in the day.

what’s their line called?

Pink Cookies.

get out.

i swear.

what do they sell?

airbrushed tshirts, cool stuff like that.

i don’t wear airbrushed tshirts, tony.

me neither, but they’re cool girls. i spent last halloween with em.

what did you dress up as?

an fbi agent.

you ass.

ha. yeah, i know.

rabbit’s been down for ten days: will today be her return?

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