pete townshend rang me up,

but he knows that i only accept calls from hot young babes, so he left a message. he’s in town to play the Bowl tonight.

it was a long message, so i called him back. im terribly impatient, since the operation.

tony, do you think we’re doing the right thing? you know, oing on with the tour a mere four days after our comrade of 30 years john entwistle’s sudden passing?

no, i think it’s really bad form.


yes, and counting crows as your opening act? what, was dave matthews busy?

counting crows is good!

counting crows is good the way flaming diahreah is good after too much texas chili. you really are deaf, aren’t you, pete?

changing the subject, what’s up with ken and matt calling it quits?

i dont know, i think this is a good time to AOL interview them and find out.

i thought you were mates, don’t you know?

turn up the volume of your phone, old man. i said i didnt fucking know! they’re probably just a little burnt out.

it is the summer time. and they might either be inking a deal with Dick Riordan to run his new paper, or they’re pooped after getting teased by him. either way, they deserve a vacation, they both have hot wives, and whats better than hanging out with your wife in the backyard in your bathing suits?

i see that your links are up to 84 now, of those who havent linked you yet, who would you like to be linked to?

Good question! Definately Little Green Footballs. ive met charles on a few occassions and he is a swell guy. not at all what i expected.

what did you expect?

i dont know, but he’s just a super cool, mellow, long haired musician who just seems to know way too much about computers and music.

what about Andrew Sullivan or Postrel or Stryker or any of them?

well, it would be nice, but i really dont read much of them so it would be hypocritical.

but you link to them.

yeah, but thats a courtesy to people who might not like what i have to write about and who are looking for your big names in Blogging.

aren’t you a big name in Blogging?

no, not even.

don’t be like that, you know you are.

im not being like that. im a freak. i write about myself and interview celebrities in my head. why on earth would that appeal to andrew sullivan?

so those goth girls, that one sister really got pissed at you.

yeah, well, who can blame her, she caught my site on a bad day.

how so?

well, on the main page was a picture of lil kim next to a poem about a kid asking the town slut if he could finger her.


so, then theres all these pictures of half naked women, and in the post the day before i wrote about the real goth twins is an entry about “fake” twins who have sex with me with a third girl.

why did you put fake in quotes?

because my life is way better than i let on.

so that entry is true, then?

no, pete, nothing in here is true.

but your life is better— your sex life is better than you let on?

way better. and not just that part of my life.

then why wouldnt you want to write about it?

because then that little girl’s head would have really exploded. if she cant even grasp the idea that Maxim might not be as bad as all her trendy-lez-friends convince her that it is, how is she going to be ok with a single man pushing the boundaries, with the help of totally together, totally independent young women pushing their boundaries?

what is it about you that allows you to have such an interesting life?

hmmm, hell if i know. maybe it helps that im single, im alive, and i live in LA.

thats all it takes?

pretty much.

so you say all the right things to the ladies, is that it?

i say some good things, but i say a ton of the wrong things too.

how do you get away with it then?

i keep smiling pete, just like youre about to do, except you smile all the way to the bank.

piss off.

same to you.

84. Get Your Drawers On

today is Canada Day

which, of course is the day the canadians celebrate their independence from america.

i really dont know too much about Canada other than the fact that i get an inordinate amout of traffic from our neighbors to the north, and for that i am quite grateful.

from what i have heard even though there’s a lot of land Up There, there are just as many people in Canada as here in California.

wacky, eh?

All I have learned about Canada i learned from Second City TV and Much Music, so i think i have a pretty good grasp of life there.

famous people i can name from canada off the top of my head? ok, lets see, Pam Anderson, Bryan Adams, Michael J. Fox, Peter Jennings, Wayne Gretzky, Tommy Chong, and Helen Reddy.

How’s that?

ok, heres some that i had to look up:

Actors: Dan Aykroyd, Conrad Bain, Raymond Burr, John Candy, Jim Carrey, Phil Hartman, Tom Green, Lorne Greene, Eugene Levy, Rich Little, Norm MacDonald, Howie Mandell, Rick Moranis, Mike Myers, Matthew Perry, Jason Priestly, Keanu Reeves, William Shatner, Martin Short, Jay Silverheels, Donald and Kiefer Sutherland, Alan Thicke, Dave Thomas.

Actresses: Neve Campbell, Kim Cattrall, Margot Kidder, Carrie-Anne Moss, Catherine O’Hara, Mary Pickford, Dorothy Stratton, Jennifer and Meg Tilly, Shannon Tweed, Fay Ray.

Authors: Margaret Atwood, Saul Bellow, Leonard Cohen, Douglas Coupland, William Gibson, W.P. Kinsella.

Directors: James Cameron, David Cronenberg, Arthur Hiller, Norman Jewison, Lorne Michaels, Ivan Reitman

Entertainers: Monty Hall, Doug Henning, Art Linkletter, Alex Trebek

Musicians: Paul Anka, April Wine, BTO, Cowboy Junkies, Crash Test Dummies, Celine Dion, Maynard Ferguson, the Guess Who, Jeff Healey, kd lang, Gordon Lightfoot, Guy Lombardo, Sarah McLachlan, Joni Mitchell, Anne Murray, Oscar Peterson, Robbie Robertson, Rush, Paul Shaffer, Skinny Puppy, Hank Snow, Shania Twain, Gino Vannelli, Neil Young.

Wow! Thanks, Canada.

Sorry about all the pollution.

yesterday was Steve Coulter’s birthday

Coulter, when he isnt a gullible San Francisco police detective, is the finest rock drummer in all los angeles. he’s also and excellent bartender, hilarious drunk, and semi-secret genius oil painter.

steve and dan and greg and keith brown grew up together in manhattan beach, california and went to high school there and everyone came up to Santa Barbara to go to college.

Except Steve.

I’ve never asked him why, but Steve stayed in LA and went to Cal State Northridge, which i didnt know for the longest because everytime i turned around i saw him standing next to me in line at the keg. Infact, my favorite Isla Vista band, the Wonderfuls starred Keith, Dan, Greg, and Steve.

Indeed, Coulter played drums with two of my other favorite IV bands, Mons Pubis and Truck, and probably played in more but my memory isnt so good when it comes to Isla Vista rock n roll history– which our belated birthday boy is firmly entrenched.

Another interesting little tid-bit about our pal is that of all of our friends who are famous writers, Coulter is the only one with a journalism degree, which he got at Northridge.

And did you know that before Ken Layne married her, Steve dated the lovely and talented Laura Crane? Yes, for a long time. Infact im not so sure any of us would have ever met or known Laura if Coulter hadn’t plucked her out of that sorority and showed her the magic of rock.

But the coolest thing I ever remember Steve do is join Tsar.

At the time Steve was in another band signed to A&M Records and Tsar was starting to hit their stride. Everyone knew that Steve belonged playing with the Jeffs and Dan. They played a show or two with him as the “special guest” and then he played with them when they appeared on KXLU on a midnight radio show.

Tsar had had a nice drummer before Steve, but he wasnt the wild man, the animal, the fall-over-the-drums keith moon john bonham alex van halen who was only missing the flaming gong that Coulter is.

I don’t know how he broke the news to his old band but he got the courage and jumped ship.

And on that night rock and roll was ripped a new bunghole, thanks to a painfully shy native californian named Steve who was born 23 years ago.

you go, girl.

83. clifton gray

hi, monday

hi tony, you look groggy.

am groggy.

do anything fun this weekend?

same old, same old. you know.

let me guess, you did your laundry, watered the plants, cut the grass?

yep, pretty much. i did see that new adam sandler movie though.

oh shit, isnt it awesome!

it is good!

tony, why do these critics get it wrong so much?

well, think about it, how many movie critics do you know who are particularily intelligent?


cuz if they were they’d be getting paid like ten times as much working for the studios as consultants.

or as, oh, i dont know, directors.

or writers.

i never liked ebert when siskel was alive. i like him less now.

seems to me that they’re nice enough film geeks who got lucky and fell into a job where they can be wrong all the time and not have to write well.

sounds like a perfect job for you.

pssst, nobody likes you, monday.

shhhh. but did you really expect them to really like an Adam Sandler remake of a Capra classic?

no, Capra is one of the eight directors they all reference. he’s untouchable. now if their boy Tom Hanks redid Capra and had Meg Ryan costar in it they would fall all over themselves slobbering all over it, but let someone creative and funny and original like Adam Sandler truly go for it…

and they’ll bitch slap it.

i went over to, and nine out of ten critcs hated Sandler’s “Mr. Deeds.”

how much money did it make this weekend?

$37 and a half million dollars.

did people at your theatre like it?

fucking loved it.

guess the critics don’t know shit.

couldnta said it better myself, my friend.

you should make a list of all the critics who loved it and got it and said so last friday.

sounds good, but it will be a short list.

speaking of short lists, how come you dont have anyone proofread your site?

yeah, i know. i do my site super late at night, and last night i didnt even click through the new photo essay once to make sure it all worked.

that woulda taken you a whole two minutes.

i know, i know, i suck. just, when you get to page 23 and whenit wont let you click to page 24, just type in 24.htm at the end of page 23.

so that it goes to ?


you’re losing it, dude.

i know. i lost it a while ago.

have a good me day.

i’ll try.

82. compulsive