and here are the winners of the gmail invite contest.

miss montreal

chad from chokey chicken

and mr. howard owens

i appreciate everyone who voted and participated. ruzz, travis, and jared, you all got a bunch of votes and if i get three more invites i will send them straight to you guys.

in health news, i went to the doctor today.

the xbi workers comp doc. same one i had two years ago when i experienced a similar problem.

he said he recognized me, even though i didnt have my afro any more.

liar.

then he examined me, which included weighing me and measuring my height. two things i will never understand when the issue is about hands.

he said that i have acute tendonitis.

i said is that better than ugly tendonitis.

he smiled but didnt get the joke. i think he was from armenia. then asked me if i told a lot of jokes at work. i said yes. he said, no more jokes at work and no more typing.

i said part of my job is typing. that chopper one’s controls involve something that looks like a joystick and a huge keyboard.

he said, ok, well your job is whats causing this problem.

i was all, great, i dont want to quit my job though.

he said, you wont have to quit. just take these pills and for every hour that you work you need to get up and walk around and not do any typing.

i said doc, i fly in a helicopter. i cant land it and walk around for 15 minutes.

at this point i thought he was going to say what i would have said which was, take these pills and dont work for 6 weeks and dont type at all and we will see if it gets better.

instead he sat down next to me and whispered

you are everything

then he said

suck it up, agent.

and then a nurse came in with a basin of hot wax. i put my hands in it, took them out, put my hands in, took them out. i did this ten times. soon i had wax all over my hands. it wasnt messy. then she wrapped them in plastic. then she wrapped that in hot towels. then they put electro wires on my forearms and put a big pillow on it and told me to lay my head on the pillow and take a 15 minute nap.

then she turned on the electo machine and said wait are you The tony pierce.

and i said uh

and she said you are

and i said uh

and she kissed me on my forehead and said you’ll get better, i promise.

and i prayed while i dozed off and when it was over i went back to the office and tallied the votes and realized that as long as im in this “therapy” i wont be blogging like i should. like i want to.

and then i realized that the nurse had given me two wrist braces, and i put them on, and i wrote to you.

the bus will never stop.

sksmith + splink + miniskirt marketing

of the get-a-gmail-invite-from-tony contest

you, the reader, will pick three (3) winners out of the people below.

vote with your comments on this post of these semi-finalists:

ruzz

howard owens

travis from the xbi

chad

miss montreal

jared

p.s. i wont be doing any other blogging today due to the return of my suddenly chronic carpel tunnel

blog blog blog + kate + she’s krafty + madpony is back

destined to be the first jewish california governor, jeff instead chose to play bass for the best band in all of hollywood, tsar.

probably the nicest man you will ever meet, i have had the great good fortune of being jeff’s friend for about 13 years.

we’ve been in business together, we’ve written front-page news together, and he’s fixed my computer on many occassions.

the busblog would not exist with out him. period. (and os.)

this year he became a proud pappa, last year we threw this suprise party for him, and hopefully next year you’ll all see him accept his first of many grammys.

happy birthday to one of my very best friends, jeff s. who rocks

Tony, I’ll sign my name. No problem.

And I’ll say I’m disappointed in you. Not surprised.

We’ve had some good times together and I think you’re a great guy. Bright. Fucking great writer. Good tastes in all aethetic things in life.

I’ve always been silent on your rants against Bush. I didn’t vote for the man. I’ve usually had doubts about him. But there are also things I admire about him. One of the things I admire about him is that he knows what he believes and he sticks to his guns. He has a belief system, and he sticks to it. Among those beliefs are a few that I share — the value of freedom and a strong belief in the future of the free world.

These were also Reagans beliefs, which is why I came to admire him. Among many reasons, not the least of which is he was absolutely right about the Evil Empire, which was not something that I recognized back then. If Reagan did indeed fuck up in every other manner you care to name — you can’t take away from him that he was right about communism, and he killed the biggest communist dragon. For that alone he should be called a saint and a hero to all mankind. In that one stroke, he saved more lives than any number of millions of dollars that could have spent on AIDS research.

I know your whole “none of this is true” schtick, but when you write that you’re glad an American citizen is dead, and that you wish he’d never lived, I wonder about you. If you believe it, I’m dumbfounded. If you don’t, it’s irresponsible to feed the bile of people who do.

It used to drive me crazy during the Clinton years when the right wing would demonize the man. It’s beyond any reality that a Bill Clinton or a George Bush or a Ronald Reagan is 100 percent evil. People that argue against these men in these terms do not argue against the man in fact; they argue against a the man in fiction. They argue against a characture of a demon they have invented in their own minds. That’s what you’ve done with Bush. That’s what you have done with Reagan. The truth is far more sublime. I know you’re capable of grasping such complexity. I wonder why you don’t do it.

It may not win me any brownie points with you or our mutual friends to be so unsophisticated as to miss the possible irony of your post, if there is any, but I think it goes a bit further beyond good taste than what I can let pass without comment.

Howard,

I also enjoyed the great times that we’ve had together and I hope that we have more.

I can understand how you can be disappointed by me and confused and not suprised by what I write about Bush and Reagan and how I’m glad that one of them is dead and how I would be glad if the other died too, but I’ve learned to live with being misunderstood, and ive grown used to walking among the dumbfounded.

Still, I humbly respond to you in good spirits and with respect despite the amount of brownie points you may have with me or our mutual friends. (Which by the way remains high with me because sharing free baseball tickets is priceless, and I thank you for your genoristy and hospitality.)

but fuck ronald reagan and the readmylips turd that followed him and the corn in the greenest part of shit who now occupies our white house.

motherfucker dragged us three trillion dollars in debt, back when a trillion was worth something.

cut everything except the military, and wanted to spend even more on star wars.

and everyones all, but he brought down the wall but he brought down the wall.

you know what, fuck the wall.

plus it was still standing a year and a half after dutchie left office. so nice catchphrase but seriously, wtf?

plus eastern europe was fucked anyhow, the soviets could barely take on afghanistan without coughing up a lung (and some say it was that 10-year not-so-cold-war that brought the collapse of the soviet empire) and im supposed to just sit here and watch the kids today get fed the same heap of shit that i was served up as a lad?

which was the soviets all hated us and couldnt wait to nuke us and their army was just as mighty as ours and they were totally on par with us in every way, if not stronger, because Everyone there were ready to destroy us, whereas lazyass americans like me were getting distracted to atari, pop rocks, and ac/dc.

turns out, infact, reagan was absolutely wrong about the evil empire. they were broke, they were dumb, they had painted themselves into a corner, and put all their money into the wrong things: ammo, gymnastics, and booze. and today they are dust. not because of reagan reading laughable lines in germany,

but because they lived by fear and then died by it.

if reagan was such a badass mofo why didnt he also swing over to bejing and ask gorby to bring down that wall too.

and wait up mccarthy, but wasnt reagan exactly wrong about communism after all?

certainly not right about trade, for all i need to do is take a little walk down to my local 99 cent store, to see that not only do the commies in china know how to make friggin anything, but they can do it cheap, and they can do it in such a way that the average american only sees price and doesnt give two craps about alleged quality.

its a fucking boiled egg slicer. it’s 99 cents, if it doesnt last forever i think i’ll live.

and you cant point to cuba because mlb sure are buying up cuban players, and we both know that if we were playing fair with castro you and i would both be sipping cuban rum right this damn minute.

meanwhile when we do play fair, as for example like we do with our most favored nation, the us trade deficit against china, call it commie or not (it is), has swung in favor of the nuke-bearing dictators, mightilly. 3:1 in recent times. and im to believe that no form of communism works?

but fuck all this fucking bullshit. the bigger problem that i have with reagan, and in a much larger sense against bush is this: america, by pure numbers, should have a brilliant, powerful, charismatic leader who you dont have to quibble about to agree upon his brilliance.

shit we should have dozens, if not more.

out of nearly three hundred million people, one or two friggin geniuses should have risen to the top over the last twenty five years by now, capable of not only holding his own during the tough times, but able to lead this nation into a land of milk and honey during the good times. but instead you invite me to tolerate these knuckleheads. and you want to pretend that youre dumbfounded by me?

surely there should have been a visionary who could enunciate this fine country’s dreams and organize a team who could make those dreams come true over a period of 8 years.

instead you ask me to not only settle for this bullshit but respect it? while trying to convince me that this is better than average? not only is all of this insulting, but a slap in the face of what could be the greatest country in the world.

that sort of blanket automatic forgiveness blind trust fosters the situation that we have today where a gallon of unleaded at $2.19 seems like a steal.

just because youve sold out, my man, doesnt mean that we all have.

some of us believe that america deserves better. and it might begin with allowing those who vote to have their votes actually count.

mr. reagans death should be a bedtime for bullshit, but how can we even get out of this murky morass of mediocraty if you insist on watering down the genepool of eligible candidates by suggesting that theres something about the incumbant thats admirable.

whats admirable is that he gets out of bed in the morning without bumping his head on the nightstand.

howard, this is america the beautiful. the land that i love.

i shouldnt be able to beat the holy fuck out of the commander in chief in scrabble, let alone economics, common sense, or trivial pursuit.

an alleged Christian, he couldnt even figure out a way last week to be on time for his audience with the fucking Pope, and you want me to acknowledge him as being something special simply because 47% of the nation voted for him.

you know what, fuck the 47% of the nation who voted for him.

and fuck them harder if they do it again.

the irony that you hope you’re missing in my writings is surely there. and its hermetically sealed with the venom thats laced with the contempt, hate, and vitrol.

all these things were taught to me by the president who we will bury tonight.

he taught us to hate our enemies. to constructively engage racists. to flip flop and fire striking air traffic controllers. to turn our backs on the AIDS crisis. and to bypass congress in order to run guns to nicaragua.

yes there is a wall that must be torn down

and if i have to fucking do it my own fucking self i will.

but its not in berlin my friend.

there is a wall right here in the land of the free and its like a plank in the eye of freedom that shines sparkling like excalubur and it must be removed

never to return again.

i respect your support of these mediocre men, but i bet if they were doctors you’d avoid them, if they were horses you’d bet against them, and if they were beauty contestants youd pity them.

if they were pitchers one would have a curious change-up, and the other would have a hard time finding his way to the mound.

and i bet you they wouldnt even make it to the show.

but in the world of politics where image is everything and results are happy accidents you want to convince me that theyre all-stars and i just say no.

and i do it respectfully, with good will, and best regards.

makeout city + jaime + missie + popie

and climb into chopper one you feel like a superstar. a hero. a crimefighter.

indestructable.

sometimes you sit in there and you look out at hollywood underneath you and all you see is evil.

you dont know why this is the case, but sometimes it is, and everything bothers you and nothing goes right and you just want to print up your resume and find a better place for a better day.

and weirdly its not enough that reagans dead.

and oddly its not enough that most intelligent people, or enough people old enough to remember that horror show agree with you that the original forrest gump is gone.

not tom waits on the winamp

or the hottest girl in class sitting on your desk kicking her legs slowly showing off her new pastel capris.

and whats so ironic about all off this is its not the ulcers that are going to kick me out of the xbi, or the miserable job reviews, or the lousy pay, or thankless work, or the wizzing bullets, or the lack of oppportunity

its going to be this gd carpel tunnel.

what a pussyass way to have to leave this, the toughest most badass undercover underground vigilante group of superheroes since the lonesome masked men of the dark ages.

its so pathetic

im so ashamed.

theres a great pension that the xbi gives to guys who get hurt in the line of duty and i dont even want it im so ashamed.

its like getting paid for an ingrown toenail.

i almost want to tell them to cut my hands off at the elbow and give me some bionic shit to be able to get my shit together again

but i wont

cuz they will.

and maybe i will have to start looking at how to be a highschool substitute teacher after all.

like a bitch.

jane has a fake blog and she linked me + splinky added pics from her trip + kitty also has cool pics

starring Charles Bukowski, Bono, Tom Waits, Sean Penn

directed by John Dullaghan

busblog rating five stars (highest rating)

i had a killer weekend.

my true love came over. she threw out her back and was reacting poorly to her meds. it was awesome. super hot chick at my house who couldnt move and was so doped up that she couldnt say no.

we watched tv. we renewed our vows. we ate. we went shopping. we kissed. we hugged. it was beautiful.

i have never had a relationship where the feelings that ive had for someone when i was dating them remain exactly the same after we broke up.

we lay in bed and tell each other all the sweet things and we hold each other and we look in each others eyes and its magical. and its bizarre.

the bizarre part isnt the love. its the lack of jealousy. its the lack of wanting our relationship to be more than just friends. of course i want more, i would marry the ho if she let me, but just being around her is awesome. its like my anti-krytonite. its wonderful.

yesterday we woke up early and went to see the Bukowski documentary, which was wonderful. she asked me if i noticed all the similarities between my favorite writer’s life and my own and i said nope.

she said, he even had the same zip code as you.

i was all, so.

she said, wasnt he wonderful and more gentle and more sensitive in a nice way than you expected?

and i said yes. very much so.

and she said, and all the girls he got once he started getting popular, didnt that remind you of someone?

and if a black man could blush i woulda right then but instead i put on my sunglasses

and we got out of the Showcase Theatre on la brea and the sun kissed our faces and we held hands and three ninjas jumped out from behind a hasidic man and i beat all their asses and we kept walking and she put her head on my shoulder and i said would you like to drive or would you like for me to drive

and we then drove down melrose and we listened to the new beastie boys record and it almost felt like both of us were on meds, but no, i was just at peace. i was happy.

some of the other girls :cough: anna might get upset but she shouldnt. this is real love. its something that cant be seeked out. its something that cant be contrived.

my true love and i had a one night stand early on in our relationship and i wanted to blow her off afterwards. the sex was great but i didnt see a future for us, and to be honest i wasnt completely 100% attracted to her at the time.

but cupid didnt care. he aimed and got my ass and i fell in love with my truest hard.

im still in love. im so in love i tell everyone im in love with her and fortunately the hot chicks know that its blind love which means i’ll still give everyone a chance cuz theres nothing else i can do.

sometimes i wonder if my truest went to the voodoo woman and had her make me drink the love potion but put in way too much and it wont wear off for a few hundred years.

or more.

not even a hedgehog + negrophile + paul frankenstein

and on that day i hope that if you respect me you will do the only thing that i have ever asked of anyone

and thats to be honest.

on the day that i die, if you happen to talk about me, tell the truth. if you always hated my fucking guts say you know what, i hated his fucking guts.

if you loved me to no end say i loved that peice of shit.

say i couldnt spell or i was lazy or my uncapitalization of letters drove you crazy or my objectification of women dissapointed you

if you kissed me and my breath stank say to the world that you kissed me and my fucking breath stank.

to me the highest respect that you could give to someone is truthfuless and the lowest diss you could make is to lie.

for in lying you are saying, “youre so fucking stupid i could sell you a load of bullshit and you’d buy it.”

and by being honest and truthful and forthcoming you are saying, “i trust that you will take these truths and make something positive from it with me, because i want to make something good with you.”

dont kiss my dead ass on the day that my spirit is lifted from this mortal coil.

if you liked me, tell me so while i can hear it.

if you didnt like me, have the nads to say so, and when people call you classless tell them to suck your big hairy black cock.

of course im happy when bad people die.

and if youre honest with yourself, let alone, me, you’d admit that youre happy when bad people die too.

and some people will inevitably say, oh i might have disagreed with his politics, but he was a super nice guy to me and my kids and gave us all his autograph

as if being nice and giving autographs means anything.

its what you do when it matters that counts.

i could be so “nice” to you but if i was a shitty writer or a shitty blogger or if you kissed my stinky mouth and i was a shitty kisser, those are the things that matter.

and if youre a shitty president of the united states of america, then fuck you, i dont care how bright your smile is or how many autographs you sign for the kids.

easist thing in the world to do is to learn how to bullshit people.

to learn how to smile, and remember peoples names, and have a firm handshake, and dodge questions, and make backroom deals.

hardest thing in the world to do is learn how to be super honest with people.

to learn how to communicate clearly, and trust people, and deal with the consequences, and accept the strange looks that people give you when they realize that youre actually being “real” with them.

which is why so few people in the spotlight are even truthful.

because its risky

and scary

and lonley and vulnerable.

unless youve done it for 100 years

and then its a peice of fucking cake.

theres a hot chick laying on my couch right now and its not miss montreal and its not clipper girls cousin and its not anna kournikova and its not the tan eyed girl and yet they all know who it is

its my true love

and shes hot and i will now escort her to my room.

and when i die i hope you play tsar on your stereo whether you liked them or not.

and fuck.

zulieka + kat + today is anti’s birthday