why the president is a fucking retard

george w by tony pierce, 110

if you ever go to the special olympics you will see a spirit that is absent from any other sporting activity you’ll ever witness: unconditional love and reward.

even the slowest, most fumbiling child who finishes a race gets a hug. a loving embrace for participating in the event. a symbol and an action that says, you tried and thats all that matters.

you are loved.

the only institution that mimics this behavoir is the united states of america and it’s relationship to the president of the united states, george bush, and the people and things that he supports.

they treat him like the retard that they know he is

the tard inside of us all.

and regardless of what his results are, the attitude that they take is

you know hes a fucking idjit, give him a break already

while looking at you like youre the asshole.

if you say the economy is fucked the gas prices are ridiculous and the job market is in the pits, they will say ah but theres a recovery cant you see it?

even though bush is on track to be the first president since the great depression to have a net loss of jobs over his term.

if you say the war on iraq was unneccessary, too expensive, a failure, and a shortcut toward a new vietnam, they will say but the world is a better place without saddam.

if you say great, well we got saddam, so lets leave, they will say cant leave bro, too much unrest. we have to stay in there till everythings chill again. democratic elections and stuff.

and then if you ask, well what if these people elect another saddam? they will say, oh they wont. dont worry. they wont.

and they smile.

and theyre so certain.

just as certain as they were that we would find weapons of mass destruction in iraq.

and democrats love it when republicans are certain.

and the republicans said that it was a slam dunk that we would find wmd in iraq and so the democrats believed them. after all, who knows more about weapons of mass destruction more than republicans. shit, they probably sold them to saddam on the low down.

a month ago.

and they will say, dude we found a weapon of mass destruction last month. fucking bomb full of sarin! beeyootch!

sarin, of course being the man-made nerve agent first manufactured by the Nazis in 1938 and is part of the organophosphorus family of chemicals commonly used as pesticides.

sarin of course being the gas that was used in the terrorism in 1995 in the japanse subway system.

sarin of course being the agent that was instantly reduced from mythical heights to ho-hum lows after that very terrorism in 1995 because it proved that even in the highly dense enclosed envoirnment of the toyko subway system during rush hour, 6 liters of sarin will “injur” 6,000 victims but only kill 6, and thus a highly ineffective weapon of mass destruction.

sarin of course being a subsequent worthless “weapon” when used in the open battlefield or worse, the desert of central iraq, particularilly when only traces are found in a 155mm shell.

the 155mm shell with trace of sarin is the weapon of mass destruction that many conservatives point to as being the ah-ha smoking gun proof that iraq really did have wmd’s even though Army Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt admitted upon inspecting that “It’s virtually ineffective as a chemical weapon,”

the 155mm shell with the small amount of sarin gas, of course being the retard hug at the end of the long race that bush’s supporters give him before he sucks through the straw on his juice box.

and anna kournikova who was over tonight said you know its really not cool to compare retarded people to the president.

and i said why.

and she said cuz its unfair to retards.

and this time, damnit, shes right.

welch + gorilla mask + buzznet

today is angelina jolie’s twenty ninth birthday,

so she asked me to write a post about riding the bus since she says its her favorite part of reading the busblog.

its funny she had such a request because today was a fascinating day on the los angeles metro rapid transit system.

since i spent the night at clipper girl’s house i walked over to the los feliz metro station and waited for the elevator to take me down to the subway. the mexican lady kept the elevator button mashed in as if it would speed things along. now you know why the elevators are always broken i hissed in spanish.

que?

nada.

two things that irritate me when i ride the subway. one is dudes with bikes during rush hour in the subway, the other are people with suitcases. they clog up any open space. if youre taking the la subway to the airport youre a loser. and as sk smith would say, i hope you get the clap. and if youre riding your bicycle after you get off the subway during rushour youre a double loser. a loser squared. i hope your bike seat racks you in front of a park bench full of hotties.

sat on the cement bench and waited for the train to arrive. i cracked open a book i just got off ebay, mooch by dan fante. hes awesome. i should bake a pie for my neighbor for turning me on to him.

train finally arrives and a woman runs down to the far end of the train to get a seat. dumb ho. theres lots of seats on the subway, no need to run to the less-crowded cars. cant avoid the minorites anyway, lady. we’re going to sit next to you no matter where you try to hide.

“what book are you reading,” this kid asks me.

i tell him.

“mooch? is that a bad word?”

there are no bad words i tell him.

“sure there are, nigger, spic, fucker…” he says. hes got a white undershirt on. big, baggy, xxxl black pants. shaved head. gangster 101 outfit. wifebeater underneath his undershirt. huge gold crucifix around his neck. tattoo of the virgin mary under his left ear.

those arent bad words, i tell him. those are great words.

now everyone is listening.

i continue: theyre good words because theyre descriptive and powerful. if three white guys are playing bridge with a black dude and someone says, hey wheres juan, and someone says, oh my nigga is right over there with those jagoffs, then you know immediately which one juan is.

the train stopped at wilshire and western and i got off to a car full of gaping mouths.

but i was right and my new friend and i touched knuckles and took on the day.

aluminum foil cubicle + zulieka made it home safe + i will never blog for nike

if anna finds out she will be pissed

but tonight i actually left my home and drank at a bar with karisa.

and i had a great time.

anna gets a little uptight because she says i never want to go out and party with her or her friends. and she gets the way most women get and tries to compare situations with other women that i know and she will say something, im sure, like, “sure you go out to bars with karisa, but why wont you do that with me?”

without realizing of course that for three years now, whenever karisa and i hang out its usually at my place, its usually boring, and its usually in front of the tv. just like im with everyone. just like im with her. just like im with my closest and not-so-closest friends.

i do get stuck in little ruts. i do like consistency. i dont like spending $12 on two shots. i dont like fighting the crowds. and i really dont like it when ms kournikova compares herself with any of the young ladies that i hang out with. cuz everyones different. and even im different with everyone.

karisa and i havent seen each other for ages. i was beginning to forget what she looked like. but when i walked into our secret favorite little dive bar off hollywood blvd i was all oh yeah, shes hot.

waiting in front of her was a mostly full pitcher of natty light. one glass almost full, one glass chilled empty. the doors were playing on the jukebox. what more could a man want at 10pm on a thirsty thursday?

karisa had a baseball shirt on. sleeves cut off just below the shoulders. tight. some sort of pants. low cut everything. i usually dont look at her for fear of finding her attractive, but i wanted to make sure that it was really her and not just some of the other many thousands of super hot babes who end up in bars in hollywood on any given night and if you think im exaggerating you better check yourself.

tony pierce, she said.

karisa j. i said right back.

we hugged. we smiled. we went right at it. we drank. we yapped. we bore confidences. we did lemondrops. we listened to the good tunes. we did all the things that two super good friends do who havent caught up in what must have been a month. shit had it been a month? maybe it was a month.

karisa asked how it was going with anna. i told her it was pretty good. i told her it looked like she was done with old whatshisfuck. she told me about her man. about this cool thing theyre going to do at cinespace this weekend. movies, wine, food, etc. theyre high rollers. she told me about her job. i told her about this new book i got off ebay, john fante’s son’s book. time flew.

and in the end i said we really cant be spending months away from each other and she said youre so right and i said good and she said lets hook up next week and i said ok not meaning it but karisa if youre reading this i mean it, next week is cool.

although i have lots of friends there are a few that mean so much to me, and karisa is right there. i have my college friends and somehow karisa snuck in that mix as far as super important friends.

anna is a whole nother beast. she and i have the best sex. she told me she loved me the other day. i was started. i said what about gayboy. she said i like him and hes cute and i said yeah but he doesnt deliver does he and she didnt say anything and i want the best for her. and its weird that i dont mind that she dates him or others, but maybe i just dont feel worthy. maybe i see her and i think fuck youre anna kournikova you could do so much better than just an above average blogger. but maybe thats all you get when you have everything else.

so tonight anna and i have a little date and she said you better seal up the windows cuz im going to make some noise. and yesterday i got a postcard from bunnie which i almost typed as being a boastcard, which is actually closer to the truth. then i made a kickass guns greatest hits.

Yesterdays – Use Your Illusion II

Patience – Lies

Don’t Cry – Use Your Illusion I

Live and Let Die – Use Your Illusion I

Raw Power – The Spaghetti Incident?

You’re Crazy – Appetite for Destruction

Since I Don’t Have You – The Spaghetti Incident?

Welcome To The Jungle – Live Era ’87 – ’93

Paradise City – Live Era ’87 – ’93

Nightrain – Live Era ’87 – ’93

Sweet Child o’ Mine – Appetite for Destruction

Rocket Queen – Appetite for Destruction

Mama Kin – Lies

Knockin’ on Heaven’s Door – Use Your Illusion II

November Rain – Use Your Illusion I

Used To Love Her – Lies

tyranny + greg vaine and the carter family

this week in rock in la

tonight 6/3

stan ridgeway, knitting factory

aquabats, troubador

bang tango, club vodka

sam phillips, largo

friday 6/4

ben lee + jason schwartzman + sean hayes, knitting factory

keane + minibar, troubador

eagles of death metal, amoeba (free)

don mclean, hollywood park

tortise, henry fonda

the shins, wiltern

blood sweat & tears, cerritos center

saturday 6/5

prince, staples center

prince, house of blues (midnight)

krs-one, el rey

franz ferdinand, avalon

sunday 6/6

tenacious d + kevin nealon, knitting factory

pedro the lion, troubador

franz ferdinand, wiltern

monday 6/7

TSAR – Viper Room $5 (pictured)

Tsar at the Viper Room.

Since the club came under new management, the Viper�s bookings have left much to be desired, but this new weekly show just might prevent the famed rock spot from becoming another pay-to-play-level club casualty. Put on by the suddenly ubiquitous 103.1, �Check One . . . Two Mondays� kicks off with Silver Lake�s Tsar, a band who surely could�ve benefited from the station when its Hollywood Records debut came out a few years ago. It had just the kind of zesty pop hooks and glam-ish arrogance that�s all the rage these days, but it never broke through. Since then, the band have been in limbo, biding time till � or if � Hollywood releases its sophomore effort by giving out samplers at shows, which at times have been with groups that went on to surpass Tsar (Jet opened up for them last year). Still, the quartet chug on, if the sampler is any indication, with even heavier but no less haughty (see �Band-Girls-Money�) stabs at rock supremacy. – Lina Lecaro, LA Weekly 6/4

dmx, house of blues

pedro the lion, troubador

tuesday 6/8

filter + danger mouse, viper room

velvet revolver, wiltern

wednesday 6/9

b-52s, avalon

velvet revolver, wiltern

richard cheese, tower records (free)

the break-up, silverlake lounge

thursday 6/10

sonic youth, troubador

j mascis, house of blues

mission of burma, henry fonda theatre

my gorgeous wife moxie + dos boheinde and seymore + steph + candied ginger

i saw the blind leading the blind today.

it was killer.

got out of the subway and saw this blind dude wearing a backpack walking down the street with his cane doing his thing.

holding onto his backpack was another blind dude.

made me wish i didnt have my camera in the shop.

* * * *

got an interesting email last night. very nice. here it is:

Tony,

Why haven’t you sold out yet? You have the talent and the connections to make a ton of money. Why is selling out a negative in the first place? You should use everything at your disposal to be successful, if that means catering to one group or another from time to time, then do it.

There is no reward without sacrifice, and sacrifice in and of itself is never pleasant.

Sacrifice is the penance we pay for getting to do what we want.

You write a pop album that is going to sell, so you can make that experimental acoustic album that you’ve dreamed of.

I respect someone who has sold out far more than someone that stands on misplaced notions of principles.

If I had a lick of talent I would have sold out years ago.

Sell out or not it’s ultimately your decision, but either way keep writing and I’ll keep reading.

– M

Dear M,

There are several ways to sell out, in my opinion.

The first way is what you alluded to, and thats working for someone or pandering to a group that i dont like. For example, if the RNC was to hire me to write and then never run my stuff. They’d own the work and therefore prevent me from publishing it. If I was a sellout, I’d take the money and let them do whatever they wanted.

Another way would be if they paid me a shit-ton to write positive things about the president, and the war, etc.

I wouldnt do either of those things. To me thats the equivalent of being a whore. It’s the lowest form of selling out.

A way that I would sell out is that I would consider writing non-opinion peices or fluff for magazines that neither add or detract to human life. Like I would interview skateboarders, or chefs, or write about travel. Things lots of people could do. Things that wouldnt utilize my strenghts and creativity. But I would do it in order to be a better writer and get paid for using my skillz.

Selling out to me is a big deal. My heroes are guys like Bob Dylan, Neil Young, Tom Waits and Charles Bukowski.

None of them ever sold out or had to write pop albums in order to make their experimental acoustic record.

They just produced their shit and if people bought it they bought it. If they didnt, big deal.

One thing about all of those guys is they only got better with age. Very very very few artists do that. Especially musicians. And my belief is that they were able to be consistantly creative because they always wrote what was real for them at the moment and didnt suck the cock of the almighty dollar.

Since i’ve started the busblog i’ve had millions of readers. millions and millions. i’ve blogged hard fast and strong for years. ive taken good pictures, ive introduced and dominated the photo essay, ive kicked ass with design and done my best to foster and promote community.

in three years ive gotten exactly one offer to blog for a living. the offer was to blog for a big time publication, full-time, but only get paid part-time wages.

i’d like to say that i would “sell-out” if given the right offer, but it appears to me that no one is buying what im selling. and right now im cool with that.

the final way to sell out would be to get Google Ads or Blog Ads and make a few hundred bucks a month in revenue. but id much rather keep the busblog ad-free right now.

money isnt everything.

and one day it might be a good thing if a kid walked through a cemetary and saw a gravestone that said, “here lies tony pierce. fucker never sold out for pussy power or pesos. too bad the cubs never won while he was alive.”

sha na la + more please + danielle

when i think of the president of the united states,

this is what i see.

i see a fucking retard.

one of the reasons that my wife moxie and i get a long so well is that shes not jealous of the girls i date, and she and i dont discuss politics.

i kid her that even if she did blab on about why she’s republican it wouldnt bother me, cuz everyone loves dumb blondes.

but i am feeling good today, so since i know that i have a lot of people who are in favor of the president, nay, want him to actually give us four more years of this, i want to find out why tonight.

please tell me why you think President Bush, pictured, deserves four more years.

tell me what he has accomplished over the last four years, especially since all i see are bad things (3 trillion deficit, highest gas prices ever, a billion dollar a day iraq habit, no wmd, no obl, etc).

tell me what you think he will accomplish in the next four years.

tell me what you see in him that im missing.

tell me how he will help not only the USA but the world.

tell me how he will improve jobs in the usa.

tell me how his so-called Christianity will influence the nation in a positive way.

tell me how he will work with the fcc to benefit free speech and choice on the airwaves.

tell me how he will improve healthcare.

tell me how he will make america a safer place, and not just from terrorists, but from normal criminals.

and/or tell me how he will help the country via education.

tell me how George Bush will do any of these or all of these or some of these and i will listen and it will be here in the comments, for the record for all to see.

thanks!

yes it’s true i just had breakfast

with the mysterious and glamorous zulieka from zulieka dot com.

i am not all that crazy about meeting people from the blogosphere generally but i have been known to make exceptions. and when you have revealed your soul in your writing And revealed your flesh in pics, and you contribute to Lick and send me sweet emails then my arm has been known to accept the twisting.

zulieka is in town to make her dreams come true. her nights were booked as were her afternoons so we agreed on a breakfast meetup at the pantry, which is very close to the standard downtown, where all the cool kids stay when theyre in town.

for some reason i always expect people to be taller in real life.

zulieka isnt what i’d call tall. probably normal sized. very smart. gorgeous eyes. i liked the way she did her hair. much thinner than her nudes. she had pancakes and eggs and bacon. eggs scrambled. grape juice.

i had the eggs, also scrabbled. bacon, hash browns, sourdough toast that i didnt touch cuz we were yapping away too much.

we talked about blogging, and hollywood, and sex. even ventured into some not-really-meant-to-be-talked-about-sex-over-a-meal topics and she not only hung in there but smiled and encouraged the conversation to stay over there.

i think if she moved to LA she would do very well here.

again, very smart. im very happy i met her.

and i didnt get into the office too late so alls good in the hood.

she did ask me about the xbi and after i told her i erased that part of her memory with a sprinkle of “Splenda” in her juice.

sorry, hottie.

og blay + jozjozjoz + jeff mcmanus

A Letter From Chad

of Chokey Chicken

Tony –

Just wanted to say that I watched the Miss Universe 2004 competition tonight, because it’s all you’ve been talking about lately. It was a good time – and for the record, I picked Mrs. Australia from the second I saw her. Great choice. Anyway, in the light of Miss Universe, I came up with a few questions that you are welcome to answer on the busblog: I figured, if anything, should give you good writing material:

** Q. If you could hang out with one famous person for a day, who would it be and why? (Dead or alive.)

A. Jesus. I would like to know what he likes and doesnt like about modern times. What if he doesn’t care about pornography, but really hates tooth decay? I think He is probably the most misunderstood historical person and I would like to know how we’re misunderstanding Him today.

** Q. Who are the top 10 underrated bloggers on the Internet?

A. this is bound to hurt some feelings, so thanks for putting me on the spot. by “underrated” i will say that i dont see them getting the same amount of praise and recognition that i do. and all of these people kick my ass in several ways and i enjoy watching them do it. they’re all regular reads of mine and i love what they do. So, in no particular order:

1. flagrant disregard

2. raymi

3. anti

4. YYY

5. sk smith

6. jaylex

7. angelina

8. raspil

9. bunnie

10. zulieka

and there are dozens more…

** Q. You claim to be a devout Christian, and a priest, as far as I know. Yet you constantly cuss and have sex before marriage. Whats up with that, Mr. Priest?

A. First of all Priests are generally ministers of the Catholic church. I was baptised Catholic and raised Catholic but I am no longer Catholic. I am simply Christian.

As for cussing and having sex before marriage. There is nothing about either of those things that is wrong in the eyes of the bible.

there is a passage that says “it’s not what goes into your mouth, but what comes out of your mouth” (that you should be careful about.) But that is usually understood as meaning, “who cares if you eat kosher, veggie, and take your vitamins, how about not being such a fucking sexist racist loudmouth judging prick.”

we struggled with the concept of dont eat the fruit of that tree or you will die. so i imagine God knew that if he told us not to say certain words our head would probably explode or we’d name all our kids fucky out of spite.

language is one of the most wonderful parts of being a human, one of the coolest things that the Lord blessed us with, and if you ask me the best part of what seperates us from apes. without a healthy understanding and respect of “cussing” we would never have reached this, the era of wtf.

Sex before marriage is allowed as long as you aren’t doing it with a member of your family, animals, or married people.

(Divorced people are sometimes still considered married people since in most weddings they say things like “until death do we part” and “let no man tear apart what God has brought together.”)

And it’s not the sex part that is the sin, it’s the breaking of the commitment to your spouse and God that’s at issue.

Even the most active humans ending up having sex less than 1% of their lives (divide minutes of having sex into minutes alive). It’s not suprising that it’s talked about approximately that much in the good book as well.

** ** Q. What’s your top 5 favorite movies of all time?

A. 1. The Blues Brothers

2. Jurrasic Park

3. The Jerk

4. Old School

5. Ferris Beuller’s Day Off

Q. What’s your dream girl?

A. a cross between raymi, karisa, miss montreal, tiffany, and my true love. except super horny.

** Q. If you could be born in one time period, what would it be and why?

A. everything cool that has happened in technology happened as i was growing up at the perfect time for me to understand it. similarilly theres no way i would have been able to study in college if the internet was around. and without my college degree i wouldnt have been considered to be in the xbi. so even though im older than a lot of the kids in the blogosphere, i really am glad that i grew up in a simpler time before cable and before the web, because i was able to do little things like use my imagination and write stories on paper. sometimes i would even read a book.

** Q. Why don’t you have a contest with the prize being the honor of taking over the busblog for a day?

A. ive had guest writers on the busblog before and it wasnt received as nicely as i was hoping it would be. plus i think people come here to read what i have to say. i think i do a better than average job of spreading the love in other ways.

also its sorta like saying, heres a contest with the prize being the honor of fucking my wife for a few hours. fuck your own fucking wife.

🙂

thanks for the email Chad.

dear the pope,

even though i despise anonymous comments, there was a good one the other day. the question posed was why should the pope be concerned with the legalization of marijuana.

and the answers are suprisingly simple.

the first being, biblically the good book is pro-marijuana stating clearly that ALL the green seed-bearing plants are here for our use:

Genesis 1-29 And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb bearing seed, which is upon the face of all the earth, and every tree, in the which is the fruit of a tree yielding seed; to you it shall be for meat.

30 And to every beast of the earth, and to every fowl of the air, and to every thing that creepeth upon the earth, wherein there is life, I have given every green herb for meat: and it was so.

every. bitch. every. also see Genesis 9:3.

and of course he meant the happy weed that does make some a little sleepy at times, but so does turkey so chill.

so of course the pope should be upset that the world has gotten all freaked out on one of God’s most natural creations. especially the green herb that chills people out, mellows them, makes them laugh, and helps prevent a lot of the violence that riddles this beautiful blue globe.

the second reason the pope should be concerned about weed being illegal is that if it is true that 60% of americans in jail are in prison for “drug”-related crimes, and if it is true that most of them are minorities, then it is probably also feasable to assume that most of those minorites are probably african-american and/or mexican-america and/or latino. and therefore a very high probability that they are Catholics.

therefore the pope should be concerned that there are tens of thousands of Catholics in american prisons over something that shouldnt have been illegal in the first place! and theyre in prisons being exposed to far more deadlier sins than smoking the wacky tobbacy.

plus many of them are in those jails being converted to other religions.

like the muslim faith.

the third reason the pope should call bullshit on the war on drugs is because of the enviornment. everyone knows that hemp, the non-smokey part of the marijuana plant, can produce six times the amount of paper than trees do. and they regenerate faster than trees. and you dont have to use as much land as you do for trees.

the fourth reason the pope should focus his last breaths on legalizing weed is because of the economic windfall that it would create once america quits acting like lazyass stoners. if america legalized it, they could tax it. once other countries followed suit, america could export it. all of this means jobs. a strong dollar and a economically strong america means a more prosperous and less-violent world.

think about it, during a recession, like now, what are the best american exports? bombs and guns and cigarrettes. all wars are are infomercials for other countries to see how fucking gnarly our exports are.

wouldnt it be better if we were shipping off cargoships full of greenbud from oregon, northern california, and hawaii? america is far better suited to grow the sticky green than any other country in the world. and with our riches, we will actually donate to charities more.

especially if the pope reminds us who helped make it legal.

so do the right thing, the pope, and read your bible and let america know that the Lord doesn’t like it when you tell Him that His creation should be illegal because theres something wrong with being happy, and He doesnt like it when you tell Him that His children couldnt handle smoking something that hasnt ever killed anyone.

and not only watch the world become a better place, but watch your churches fill up.

in search of utopia + seabrook + melting dolls