we have virtually known each other for many years.

you have always been so generous to me, so nice, so forgiving, and so supportive.

theres no such thing as AOL Poetry Board fans, but if there was, you would have been mine way back in the day.

what a pleasure its been to watch you get your own fans on the blogosphere and on buzznet because you deserve it.

you are equal parts sensitive and strong. youre not afraid to keep it real about sensuality, booze, drugs, happiness and sadness, and i love that.

i also love the online relationships that you have with other rockstars like anti because it shows outsiders that LA isnt just orange county fakers keeping it unreal in their convertibles while shopping at gelson’s.

you let everyone know that being a thirtysomething mom doesnt mean that your life is over or that youre some man’s housekeeper with no opinions of your own. in fact i see you very much as that totally ready to party college senior who knows that she’ll pass her classes in the morning but tonight its time to rock.

very very few bloggers have been able to keep their anonymity in the blogosphere but youve done it excellently and i applaud that. i love how you write and how committed you are to the community and all the nice things that people say about me in 2005 is due in part because of all the encouragement that you gave me in 1994.

you might not think that your positive comments have that effect on xbi agents and stoners and rocket scientists, but they do, because its obviously heartfelt and unconditional.

im sorry i dont link you as much as i should and i have no idea why i never had you on my links page, but you’re now where you deserve to be over there, in the column “i will never be this cool.”

in a world overflowing with haters and fakers you are a shining star in dark night

and today i hope you have a happy birthday.

xoxoxTxoxox

“Subject: Rove/P&C,” (for personal and confidential), Cooper began. “Spoke to Rove on double super secret background for about two mins before he went on vacation…” Cooper proceeded to spell out some guidance on a story that was beginning to roil Washington. He finished, “please don’t source this to rove or even WH [White House]” and suggested another reporter check with the CIA.

today newsweek posts online what they will print in their july 18 issue that in fact whitehouse deputy chief of staff karl rove in order to get back at joe wilson revealed to several reporters that wilson’s wife was a cia agent.

the newsweek article + david corn last night laid it all out + buzzmachine

spaceland
july 8, 2005

tsar stood at the door of their private jet and waved at the screaming girls who lined up to welcome them back home from their trip to the UK and four hours later ripped silverlake a new one in a blistering 45 minute set as headliners on a friday night on their home court of spaceland and sent the sold out crowd into a frenzy that hasnt been seen since, well, since the last time tsar played spaceland.

except this one went to 11.

donning his heep sop-choi dodger jersey frontman jeff whalen led his quartet through a scorching set of material off their latest album band girls money playing one song after another barely taking even a beat for a rest. one song bled into the next because why stop the rock infact how can you stop the rock. it was a runaway train with no brakes. it was the spaceshuttle with too much nitrous. it was a stampede with too much postage. it was a rock slide of rock, and avalance of power. it was thunder from so far under that the devil himself knocked on the door and asked if they could keep it down and the crowd thought it was part of the show but it wasnt and even the smoke machine was smokin.

the cool kids of silverlake couldnt control themselves. the ladies danced and the men threw their hands up in the air like they just didnt care and the brothas did the rockaway. jeff and dan leaned back leaned back and gave us all a generous what for.

mania nearly broke out when during the encore the band did something that in years i hadnt heard and ive seen and heard everything. they played two songs off their debut album. calling all destroyers and i dont wanna break up, which was like pouring gasoline onto a fire. super unleaded. and friends it was like an alcohol fire. people were jumping around children were screaming and old ladies were fainting in the aisles. satan spit out his pbr ripped off his shirt and jumped on the stage and stage dived into the mosh pit and slapped at hands that tried to feel him up.

i seriously have not seen a greater reaction to five year old songs in all of my days of wearing tsar shirts.

why were the kids krazed? because when tsar gets locked in they dont look back. and as some have complained, on this last tour the boys have not reached back into their catologue of former hits, and they have never played two in a row because who knows what evil may lurk it you start splitting atoms like that.

there were reports of earthquakes, booty shakes, and locust but that was unfounded. what happened was rock rose from the dead and slayed the emo hipster stranglehold that has terrorized popular music oh these many years and tsar regained their throne and had a feast at the feet of the dead.

afterwards i bought a tshirt, i tore down a poster, i took a zillion pictures and i kissed a pretty girl who asked to be pinched to prove that she wasnt dreaming.

but yes virginia there is a santa claus and he gave you the gift of music in the middle of summer and all he asks in return is for you to show him your tits.

tsar now heads off to the east coast where they are #1 in syracuse new york, where they are #15 in buffalo and where they will play in front of tens of thousands of people during summer rock fests this month.

so east coasters, prepare for the dual guitar attack, the death of pussy ass bullshit and the return of rawk which the founding fathers set forth for your collective asses.

upcoming shows for you to feed the beast:

Jul 12 9:00P Bricktown Live Oklahoma City, OK
Jul 14 10:00P Jack Quinn’s Covington, KY
Jul 16 12:00P WKRL 100.9 FM’s K-Rock-a-thon Syracuse, NY
Jul 20 8:00P Springwater Supper Club Nashville, TN
Jul 23 8:00P WFNX Off The Radar @ TT The Bears Cambridge, MA
Jul 26 7:00P Ten Bells Grand Rapids, MI
Jul 28 8:00P Mercury Lounge New York, NY
Jul 29 9:00P Valentine’s Albany, NY
Jul 31 12:00P WEDG 103.3 FM’s Edgefest Buffalo, NY
Aug 2 8:00P Edge 102 Presents at The Horseshoe Toronto,
Sep 3 5:00P The Annex Madison, WI

more pics + get band girls money + tsar.net

because after a summer of undercover interviews with a variety of organizations, it looks like i might get the job that ive wanted for a while.

but until the paperwork is completed i will hold off on revealing the company who has won me over.

i did everything wrong, america, its so weird. i told the people i interviewed about my blog, i told them that i didnt get along with my old boss, i told them that hadnt had a car in years, i wore sneakers, i didnt really dress up, i never tucked in my shirt, and i told them that i was perfectly happy to sit around all summer and do nothing.

today i even cursed a few times in the interview, which was interesting, but allowed, since they cursed first.

perhaps it was the vibe that i didnt give a fuck that they picked up on.

obviously i wanted to work there, obviously i would be a good fit, but if they didnt want me no hard feelings i was perfectly happy to sit in the sunshine of hollywood and watch my belly grow.

seriously this was the question that i was asked repeatedly at this company and one other

are you sure you can work in an office of almost all women?

who knew creating that all-girl online zine Lick would be so beneficial to me? and here i did it for them.

several things i like about this new gig. its a great company. its only 6 years old. theyve been very successful this year. they do good work. i know about 1/3 of the people who work there and i have great respect for all of them. i will be right in the middle of everything. and i will get to work on their website. and my commute will be 11 minutes, which i could subway to if i wanted to keep it real.

the only bad thing is my summer will be over in about two weeks, but so what, i never really had much of a summer anyway, i just sat around the house and didnt finish Stiff and didnt do much on my website and definatley didnt blog any more than normal.

but one good thing happened. i saw my value on the open market, and it was good.

ive said it before on here, and its true. i have very low self esteem. i blame the xbi who im pretty sure cut that part out of my brain when they inserted the tracking chip in my skull. my lo-jack, so that they’d always know where i was.

its not like i look in the mirror and go, you suck, but its not like i look in the mirror and say fuck look at that stud either. so compliments of all sorts are helpful and girls who constantly want to hold my hand and tell me how good i just was are loved.

for example, when ashley and i were together even in our sleep she would hold on to me as tight as possible and if i even got up in the middle of the night – or for that matter even thought about getting up – she would protest with a whiny grunt and clutch me tighter. people would ask, isnt that annoying? and id say, i love it.

when i lost my job due to a “layoff” even though i was the most senior member of my department and even though i kicked ass their for many years and was one of the few people in the place who actually watched all the programming, i will admit, i was shocked and stunned and wanted to go to my cave and hide out all summer. i was rocked. what bothered me the most wasnt that my boss wanted me out but that the powers that be allowed it.

friends were all, dude you were feet away from eonline and from writing gigs there and they never ever came close to even considering you, so fuck em, you will go somewhere where they will say holy shit tony pierce wants to work here!

and my friends it turned out were right. and then other companies approached me!

it was very flattering and overwhelming and confusing because on one hand its great to have the security of a steady income but on the other hand it would have been nice to travel a bit and enjoy some freedom.

but freedom is in your head. every day can be a vacation if you allow it to be. on vacation i talk with people and play on the computer and try to be a useful member of society and the same can happen at the right gig.

i will drink heartilly tonight at the Tsar show at Spaceland. i appreciate all the words of support that all of you gave me when i was canned, and all of the leads you gave me and im glad that i didnt have to pimp out my blog too much to make ends meet. i was seriously considering lowering my ad rates to get more spots, but im glad i dont have to now. in fact i might raise em.

if anything this experience taught me that if someone wants to give me $100 to have a little sliver of the busblog for a week, i’ll give it to them. y not.

in other news i just walked past the mirror and my reflection said fuck look at that stud.

4-rilla + shane + ajax + anti

i just flew back from las vegas and boy are my arms tired.

i had a great trip and it was short and it was sweet but i cannot get into any details about my journey because tomorrow at 11am i have a job interview with the owners of the company who ive interviewed with several times and i dont want them to think that im some wacko dude who drives all night through the darkness of the mojave

without hotel reservations

alone

through a desert so hot that at 11:30p on the vegas strip it was 95 degrees

and winds up in a well-off-the-strip motel.

no sir.

and i certainly dont want them to think that i hung out at a gentlemans club until 7am having the greatest conversations with girls from all over the world

including one from hungary who recently (three months ago) had a little baby boy named Sean (?) who was so nice to me.

even when i said get up and let me look at that belly (she was on my lap at the time) in order to investigate her missing stretch marks.

this girl had no evidence of motherhood anywhere near her except for the loving eyes and sparkle whenever she mentioned his existance.

no hips, no marks, no odor of baby powder, no remnants of strained peas on her gstring.

id write about it but people might get the wrong idea.

i will also not talk about this black girl who had something about her that made me want to get a lap dance from her, which is weird because im usually not attracted to black girls but as soon as she approached me she said “what are you doing here?”

and i said, “im doing research”

and she said, “youre supposed to say, ‘ive been sitting here waiting for you.'”

so i said, “ah, ok, take two. ive been sitting here trying to get the courage to talk to you baby.”

and she plopped on my lap and we started talking. turns out shes from tennessee and new to vegas as of three days ago.

in real life i can be friendly but i can also be standoffish. i think most of you have seen both sides of me here. but for some reason in las vegas, especially in a gentlemans club im mr happy and mr honest and the ladies can sense that and open up and tell me their life stories. which is great cuz im all ears.

miss tennessee seemed to be a little paranoid about the size of her hooters.

by the way nothing in this blog is true, you realize that, right. k.

apparently in the clubs she used to be employed at her cans were fine. but in the competitive arena of vegas she felt that shed make a ton more cash if she got them pumped up a little.

i was all, baby baby baby! no! i was like, look at what youre wearing (a little chainmail onepeice) who in here could wear something like that and work it like you? what other black girl have you seen on my lap? none! what you should be concerned about is youre a nubian princess with a valley girl’s ass – they ran out of cornbread in tennessee?

ok that parts true. i did say that.

i also said what you have to do is do just what you did to me, touch their bald heads, make a little joke and show em what you got and they will scoop you up. and if they dont, fine, whatever, its vegas, theres more businessmen coming tomorrow. but if you put crap in your boobies to compete for a few extra dollars in this filthy industry you will hate yourself one day for ruining that killer body.

she had legs that went way up flared out in the right place

and then flared in the perfect place

so hard to explain, which is fine cuz this blog is fiction anyway so please hire me.

i met a punk rock girl who was awesome who molested me with her full boobies and told me to relax and i said baby im tense because if i dont watch it im going to push you up against that wall and do to you all the things that youre doing to me

she opened her mouth and smiled and the twinkle in her tounge pierce said everything

two girls offered to have breakfast with me and smoke pot but i told them that i was straightedge and they asked whats that and i realized the kids of america dont know what that is. so sad.

but i declined because i had to wake up early to drive home early so i could get home on time to go to bed to wake up early to go to this interview

which i will bomb at because i have to tell you about this one girl

who said why are you here

and i said im getting material for my new book

she said whats it about

and i said its about dying, meeting kurt kobain, and going to hell.

and she said i have notebooks full of stories and poems.

i said email something good for me and i will put it on my blog. and she said i dont have a computer thats why i have these notebooks, and i know that the purpose of strip clubs are to make you feel like youre the king and these girls want you, but

looking around that sad club at 6am on thursday morning, maybe tony pierce didnt look so bad after a long night of grinding on fat dudes and old men.

all i know is i went to bed at 6:11am and slept like a log and drove home totally unaware that the world series of poker was happening about 500 yards away from me, for if i had known i would have fully gone there to wish our pal wil wheaton good luck.

Live 8 broken into bite sized videos for you to download and/or view + this comment thread should be put in a time capsule because it perfectly describes the red/blue dialogue of today + sk smith + blogfart

being that everyone reads the busblog,
got any birthday wishes for him?

that she is now engaged to be married to mr richard delicious.

there is a picture of her beautiful ring on her buzznet page.

i knew how in love these krazy kids are when ms mcintosh flew out here to get a job on a cartoon network cartoon show. her favorite, if i remember correctly. one that i watched and did not understand at all.

someone said, you werent stoned enough.

so then one day i accidentally ate a half tray of hippie brownies. i didnt know they were hippie brownies. i just thought they were really bad.

i found myself pacing in my living room. then i saw that i was doing little laps around my place, so i sat down and turned on the tivo. i recalled the cartoon show and the advice my friend had given me so i turned on that cartoon show again.

it was still way over my head.

bunnys ahead of the game. thats one reason i love her. she is the cool artschool girl who ends up at athens living in an old folks home to save on rent. shes the one who was on the mtv game show where they went to her house and when they showed her kitchen she pointed to the eviction notice that she swears was just taken care of.

shes the one who has musical equipment in her room and lipstick on the mirror and 80s clothes and socks on her arms and a naked sister in the company sink.

the redheaded mormon got the gig at the cartoon show in la and decided that she loved her man too much to move away from him as he finished his final year of college and i said why did you interview then? and she was all blah blah blah which is latin for im in love dont bother yourself with silly details. and thats sweet.

if i was president of the united states id seriously make engagements five years long. if gays cant be married then there is no sanctity of marriage, therefore the government should be allowed to put all sorts of restrictions on marriage and therefore engagements should be five years.

im sure richard is perfect for her, but still, half of marriages end in failure and if the Right tell us that the bedrock of our country is the family and at the root of that is the sanctity of marriage. if half of our bedrock splits apart then wtf with the current rules?

by the way i agree that the bedrock of civilization is the family, and im far more hopeful for the likes of bunny and richard than i am for oh say ben and jen who would have to be engaged for seven years under my reign due to their celebrity status. and i would take away tax benefits for having children. unless they have mohawks. or really good blogs.

i finally found a housesitter so i am on my way to las vegas.

im going there to write a secret chapter for the upcoming book Stiff.

for your ass.

and to sit in a hot tub with a seventy five cent becks and see if enlightenment will bless me with a kiss on the cheek.

its very special place that place.

which is why id outlaw quickie weddings there.

congrats to bunny and richard, i’ll have a becks for each of you tonight.

melting dolls + verbungle + oakparkmaster + welch has a great story about to come out [UPDATE: it’s up, and thats how you write, kids]

i lean the seat back and lay low as i cruise through the streets of la with my beanie just below the eyebrow. my car has a tape deck so ive been playing my old tapes. tonight was the first suicidal tendencies.

normally id be listening to howard via the ipod, but hes on vacation and i hate his best ofs.

i have a perfectly good burrito place right near me thats open 24/7 and you have to order in espanol but you get a big fat juicy pollo burrito si vous plait for three dolores.

no taxo.

and no tip jar, which is very interesting because i would totally tip these people.

but i hadnt been out all day and there it was 8pm and i drove right past there and just went west down santa monica on my way to chipotle at the beverly center.

because yesterday was a holiday the streets are pretty nice. plus i caught all the lights from vermont to fairfax so i got there in like 15 minutes which is a dream. seriously. if i actually could choose my dreams they would include cheerleader orgies and driving in la with sweet tunes and no traffic.

and then my cell phone rang and it was tennis star anna kournikova on the other end

of all people.

bitch im getting my chipotle on.

i eat very slowly.

i eat so slowly its 442a and im still nibbling on it.

dude asked black beans or pinto beans

as if theres a choice.

now that bret boone was cut by the mariners, ive seen two generations of boones come and go. thats old.

its so old that i got a massage the other day.

i was walking down the street and saw a sign that said free massages.

turned out you had to listen to them talk about a timeshare situation on the beautiful island of aruba.

it was actually a pretty awesome value.

but i told them that id been to aruba and it was boring, and i was an unemployed xbi agent so stick em up youre under arrest gimme all yr money.

but just the change.

anna asked do you miss me

i was all i got a massage today

she said you miss me

i was all yeah

and we didnt say anything really interesting on the phone

or maybe she did you never know with shitty ass cell phones i cant believe its 2005 and i cant speak wirelessly to a girl who officially is still not married

you have to be sick of him by now

shuttup i love him.

o god.

you have no feelings for me what so ever?

no.

if you are lying i’ll allow you to come over to get spanked.

allow. ha.

i said come here so i can show you something.

but she didnt fall for it.

ive lost my mojo and i dont even care.

maybe thats when people should get hitched and breed, when they dont give a fuck any more.

i became addicted to this drink at the xbi called apathy juice. it killed all fear and tasted like grape juice. the problem though was it also killed anger which sometimes you need to get the adrenaline pumping properly.

whatever, i hadnt had any in a while, and i will say that although duh its ridiculous and dangerous, the good thing was, some of the streets we were walking in alone required it since so much of that life is about playing chicken and if some dude saying hes xbi whatever the fuck that is has a look about him that he seriously couldnt give a fuck then he will get what he wants for a limited time.

anna gets whatever she wants at any time including 3:45am when she called me and i was passed out and she said why did you get a massage anyhow you hate them

i said i know but i was hoping to get the not give a fuck rubbed out of me

to which she said something so funny that i decided to turn on the computer and write it down.

but now of course i cant remember it.

congratulations bunny! + fuck natalee holloway + more nike ripoffs + brooks

with the big j and the others who commented about my list below (the one hundred greatest american men), and said that kerouac should be on the list.

i said “once i was handed bukowski it made kerouac look like an abecrombie fratboy who had none of the superpowers that his peers milked so beautifully.”

to which big j said

Nice photo essay, Ton. Really enjoyed that.

But likening Jack Kerouac to “an abecrombie fratboy”, that deeply offends me. It’s also wrongheaded, man. It’s a bad mix of exaggeration and hipsterish arrogance.

Kerouac is a giant, his writing is aesthetically beautiful, inventive, ecstatic and undeniably heartfelt, so I’m stunned that someone of your stature would put him down so glibly.

Kerouac means so much to me that I’m personally insulted by your snide little put-down. Where that comes from I cannot even begin to speculate. He has made a lasting and significant contribution to not only literature but culture. Your comment speaks a lot about the scope of your intention as a writer.

first of all if i get called a hipster again im going to move out of los feliz. i dont drink coffee i dont wear man purses, yes im intentionally bald but only because the girls love it. i dont wear white belts. ive worn the same pair of shoes every day for three years. i dont listen to my bloody valentine radiohead coldplay or sleater kinney outside of bars talking about new order. fuck mac fuck jamba juice fuck coffee bean and fuck the nu art. fuck cinespace fuck silverlake fuck vice fuck piercings fuck the return of cocaine and fuck vinyl.

so definately fuck jack fucking kerouac

the pretty facade of the beats. who didnt have the genius of ginsberg, the creativity of ferlinghetti, or the muscle of burroughs.

simply put keourac is the simple plan of pop, hes the costas of broadcasting, hes the jay leno of late night. popular but empty. soft and spineless.

every time that someone compares on the road to huck finn mark twain gets to travel to hell and poke jack kerouac in the fucking eye.

his stories arent sexy theyre not funny theyre not enlightening theyre not innovative and history has not been kind to him.

howl alone dwarfs the entire kerouac catalogue, justly, and hollywood has yet to fully exploit burroughs, so wheres that leave your boy? in history books solely. one hit wonder. lucky to be there. neal cassadys buddy. period.

charles bukowski singlehandedly could take on a army of jack kerouacs, and he provided likeable characters. when you put all your eggs in one basket, that of making yourself the main character, you better hope that people will like you and will be rooting for you. sal paradise? give me henry chinaski and an ugly girl.

and for all those people who will say i just dont like kerouac because he was a closet queer, i will say i would have loved it if he was cuz then at least his poems would have an edge, instead he was a closet straight and thats why the kids today couldnt care less about the beats because the first person they get shoved in front of them is kerouac and then they think that anything beat is so damn dull and not at all psychedelic or wild.

its like seeing rebel without a cause for the first time and you say uh and the professor has to say no really its great really, for its time, really

“the scope of your intention as a writer”

heres my intention as a writer. its to write shit down. hopefully in a way that the right girls will say i want him on top of me.

people have lots of reasons for writing. bottom lines. people say oh i want to learn to write better, and i practice, and i read so that… so that what? so that you can make money writing a book? big whoop depack shoprack is a successful book writer. thats your competition. stephen king is your competition and you will never beat him.

here is my intetion as a writer: to not bore my reader. to have people believe. to have people envy and dream. to help people have hope. to make them smile or laugh or gasp.

on the road makes me so happy that i was not on the road with jack kerouac. i first read it when i was riding couchettes through europe as i was turning 21. it was a gift because thats what people give twenty year olds as they head across the pond for the first time. alone.

the second time i read it aloud to prisoners at gitmo who then flushed themselves down the toilet.

people read jack keroac because theyve never read william carlos williams’s white mule or hems garden of eden.

its the same reason they listened to pearl jam.

blogebrity + the huffington post is suddenly hot + fimoculous