dear deborah

jamie told me that yes indeed i insulted you when i said in his comments that i didnt recognize you with clothes on and im very sorry that that joke fell flat. im an idiot. ask anyone.

when i met you the other day at my booksigning/drinking contest i was blown away by how hot you are and how nice you were to me.

i dont know how much you know about me, but ive lived a very charmed life. like jamie, i have had the pleasure of knowning pretty much the hottest ladies of the world. you easilly rank in the top 5.

walking around new york these last few days ive been shocked at the wide spectrum of beauty in this town but you clearly have it going on and im so sorry that my little joke hurt your feelings.

to be honest i havent seen many of your pictures that jamie has taken of you because he posted them on flickr, and i work for flickrs competition buzznet, and most of the pics that he took of you that werent on fickr were nudes. so when you had clothes on i was all holy crap who brought in miss new york instead of thinking, holy crap its debroah!

ive also killed a shitton of braincells over the years so my memory isnt very good, and my memory of other peoples girlfriends is even worse, so again i apologize and i dedicate this post to you,

for who you are beneath your dazzling good looks,

and for what good things the future will bring you.

deborah today i went to 5th avenue and met with my book agent and she bought me lunch, which i understand is how the publishing world works.

we were both running a little late and left each other messages on our cell phones and it was all so very adult and you have now met me so you know im not really an adult.

which is why i ordered green eggs and ham.

actually it was her suggestion and typically im all, sure why not, no matter what the offer is.

so we ate we talked and out of it came a great book idea even though the meeting was to talk about two other books. because im an idiot i have resisted this whole process. like jamie, i like publishing my own shit and selling it to my readers. i also dont like splitting the pie up in too many ways. not because im interested in being rich, i just only like to pay people if they actually perform a service.

anyways my agent set me straight and told me that some people might not go to my web site and read me and get me and then go buy a book, but they might pick one up if its right there at the book store, and the point is to let these stories free, and once theyre free to get read they will get read.

we also talked about queen with the dude from bad company singing.

and since she also publishes sci fi and sex books we talked about those things too.

it was all very exciting.

debroah when i think of your name i think of the beck song. do you like that song? i listen to it almost every day and now that i have seen your pictures on flickr i am so very sorry that i have caused you pain because you were very sweet to me when we met and it kills me to think that i came to the big apple and i was destructive in any way. all i want to do on this very short ride is make people happy. so it hurts me to know that i made you sad, even for an instant.

you have a very good man in jamie and i hope he has gone through my archives and shown you what an idiot i can be and how sometimes my jokes arent very good so that you can see that indeed i was just trying to be funny and i failed.

if theres anything i can do to patch this all up i will.

even though the new book is going to be about bloggers, i will name it deborah if it put that smile back on your face.

west coast love to the east coast ladies who have been nothing but spectacular to me,


today is my last day in new york.

yesterday was killer. i was hungover most of the day but i used to have a boss at Sears who said the good thing about being hungover is throughout the day you feel progressively better, whereas if you wake up sober you only feel progressively worse.

got to the conference at a leisurely 1:45p. listened to some i hate to say it boring panels while eating a roast beef sandwhich. as marc and i were getting ready to catch a cab to the Daily Show a very nice guy came up to me and introduced himself to tell me that hes been a fan for a long time. if theres one reason that i like these conferences its getting to meet the fans. i believe he told me that he worked at a pretzel store.

i know i dont get as many hits as jeff jarvis or the instapundit or Stuff on Cats but i get the right hits. i get read by super cool people, dudes who buy my saddam tshirts and hot chicks who will make out with me even with my morning breath. but if i had to pick one member of the audience that ive always wanted to appeal to its the dude at the pretzel store at the mall. no shit. its why i put up pics of sexy ladies, its why i occassionally reference popular sports, and why i talk about music. i love my audience and its nice to see that the feeling is mutual.

while waiting in line for the daily show we saw lewis black. i got his picture. then we called our buddy jason who writes for the show and he came down and we took the picture to the right. fucker still looks young and great. he was the editor in cheif of the nexus and i told him that one of the nice things about him writing for this show is, to me, its the natural progression of what we were all trying to do at the nexus – cover the news and party with it. jason was always a step ahead of us in the partying department, but he had a solid understanding of the news and comedy. im sure a lot of your favorite daily show moments are from him.

thanks for the tickets bro – and what a great show, i got to personally boo bill o’reilly, who was the guest of last nights show.

afterwards we took a taxi to the lower east side. we ate indian food with ms ann ferris who among other things is a channeller and medium. she said i had something wrong with my chakra right above my eye. i was all hmmm i dont know what that could be and then i told her about my meeting with my book agent this afternoon and i said could it be that i really dont want to write a book for a publishing house, that i just want to make my own books and she said she didnt know but she definately sees something that needs a little realignment

and i said is it that im a little gunshy about getting into a longterm relationship with a hottie and she said i dont know but we should really get this handled and i said is it that i and she said shhh we need a few minutes to do it and it will just come out. its fascinating but scary cuz im pretty sure the good book is against it but i totally wanted to do it right there and then but the restaurant was closing and i didnt want to blow off marc and aj who were with us so ann said she could do it over the phone of all things and me and marc and aj went to avenue a with the punkers and drank at a great rock club where the kid was spinning ramones and the dead boys and all your favorites.

later aj drove us home to brooklyn and even though i wanted to go to bed early i failed at that and didnt hit the hay until 2am. so now i have to may like a tree and get the heck outta here for a lunch meeting with the agent which im pretty sure is gonna be great. she has been really supportive of me for almost a year even though every house has said, pierce? fuck pierce. but theyre just pissed that i dont want to share the cut with them.