i never go out to see comedy.

hell, i never go out.

only reason i took the job with Buzznet was because i knew itd get me out of the damn house and id quit being a lazy bastard.

i also never advertise many things in this, the fat part of the busblog.

but this weekend i will drive the three miles down santa monica blvd and venture down the street from the famed Hollywood Memorial Cemetery to finally meet, and then see, the comedy stylings of Mr. DC Pierson and his troupe from NYC: The Wicked, Wicked, Hammerkatz.

i dont know anything about these people, i dont want to know anything about these people, all i know is i have enjoyed DC’s blog, ham fisted theatrics for what, three years now, and he’s a friend of Alecia’s and i even think madpony kristin had a little crush on him back in the day, which is close to the goodhousekeeping seal of approval or some shit.

and afterwards i plan on going to the del taco where all the transvestite hookers hang out, as popularized by the famous weezer tune hashpipe.

if you too would like to see what all the hubbub is about the show is at 10pm on Friday and Saturday, it’s either $8 or $10, i forget.

heres a map to the Lillian Theatre.

the address is: 1076 Lillian Way, in Hollywood

the Hammerkatz web page is here

this weekend’s shows are part of The LA Fest of Sketch Comedy which runs every night through the 13th.

and if it sucks i have a bag of rotting tomatoes and im going to be aiming at the lanky dude with the hair in his eyes. and then i will have a fish taco with the heshes. and fries.

heres what people who have actually seen the troupe think of DC’s posse

“Hammerzatz is a heavily armed troupe that continously knocks audiences on their asses with original material.”-Matt Zaller, National Lampoon Networks

“Best Sketch Comedy Troupe”-Emerging Comics of New York Awards 2005
“Best Director” (AJ Morales)-Emerging Comics of New York Awards 2005
THE CHOSEN ONE-1st Place Heeb Magazine’s Comedy Competition 2005
“Critic’s Pick”-Time Out New York
“Winner”-Dirtest Sketch in NYC Contest 2004

so there you have it – 1st Place in Heeb

so thats what im going to do on my first real weekend in years. im gonna go out of the house. and if that bastard doesnt make it worth my while you’ll read about it here. thats for sure.

dear dirty laundry in my trunk,

i know that you want to get out of there and be clean laundry but the mexicans in this hi rise loft are working against me and i knew i shoulda came into work early to beat them at their own game, but alas im slow. i wish i knew what slow was in mexican but i dont.

how are you laundry? did you have fun in canada? some of you got to go to the great white north with me, so holla to you, but for the others who didnt what can i say, you missed out.

some clothes are my favorites but they get worn early in the clean clothes cycle and didnt get to make the trip with me because they were already dirty, so sorry. i’ll make it up to you when i go to chicago in two weeks.

two weeks. my does time fly.

do you like being my clothes?

i would imagine you would. i mean youre pretty ugly and cheap and wrinkly and horrible. most of you i got free and i imagine on a regular man you’d be nothing more than workout tshirts or rags to wash their mercedes, but on me youre like my daily shit. you get to go to cool concerts and on hot dates, and if youre lucky you get to see me dance around all tom cruise like after said events as i sing along to bob segar and the silver bullet band.

oh clothes. do you like it that i never iron you or does that get you depressed?

its funny i havent been depressed in a long time. knock wood i havent been sick in years. i dont see how thats possible. as you know, now that i have had a car for a few months i eat almost exclusively from drivethrus and dollar chinese joins.

last night i got some chinese at a donut + chinese place and it smelled so bad that i ate it super quick before i got grossed out. i didnt even spill any on you, clothes, thats how fast i ate that shit.

and now i smell the mcdonalds breakfast from this morning even though its 2pm. i smell it cuz i never eat my whole serving of hashbrowns cuz the grease just eats away at my large intestines.

clothes are you happy or sad that i dont work out and get you sweaty? are you happy or sad that girls who sleep over steal you away from me? are you happy or sad that i dont fold you or put you in drawers, but instead stack you in sloppy piles in the closet or keep you in the laundry baskets that i folded you up and put you in after washing and drying your asses.

do clothes have asses?

do clothes wish they were something else, like upholstry?

do clothes have dreams of being turned into something cool and wonderful like AIDS blankets or axl rose scarves or patches in designer jeans?

do clothes ever want a little jelly spilled on them, or a little blood so they can keep it real?

is bleach your enemy?

do you secretly hate the hot water option?

oh clothes do you deep down wish that i would donate you to good will so you could make a nice poor person warm or an nice hipster super hip and ironic?

clothes, thanks for costing less than $5 normally.



anna’s enrique to develop extra small condoms + vodka pundit + rockit + snarkette