today is the birthday

of two of my favorite people in the world. miss danielle k and miss flagrant dis regard.

danielle and i worked together at the xbi several years ago. often times people ask me why i believe in the Lord and sometimes i will tell them that its because He knows when youre low and will send you an angel.

when i was undercover at E! i was working in a department for a boss who didnt respect me, champion me, help me, nurture me, or stoke me in any way. i was on my own and behind the eight ball from the get go.

out of nowhere my supervisor, who i love, said oh tony youre gonna like this new girl over at Style. and people say those things and you think, oh it must be another of the long line of hotties they got over there but wait are you saying i only like hotties how dare you!

but then danielle came bounding off the elevator dressed all classy in her bohemian chic with that long blonde hair with those dazzling eyes and her goofiness that some people dont get and i was all damn bitch youre awesome.

we talked about books and poems and music and cali and finally we were told to break it up that we were supposed to be working, aka hating life.

so we exchanged emails and two weeks later we were hanging out every day at lunch at breaks and sometimes even after work.

my life sucked but hers sucked worse and because shes not a sadist she got the hell out of the job and got into grad school and moved away from me and now lives on a boathouse in la jolla.

shed often wonder why i never girlfriended her and id say its cuz youre a Sag and Libras and Sag’s never work, but i will take a gazillion pics of you and she was all DEAL and she’d pose, america, in any way that i’d ask. she’s a sweet girl and a perfect model and has a heart of gold and i miss her dearly.

now she has a surfer boy bf and theyre in domestic bliss and she wins trophies and she spends his winnings at anthropologie and on $8 salads and thats why she hasnt updated her blawg in two months but you know what — good. cuz if you read her blog 9 times out of 10 she would post when she was super sad or super mad so if shes not going there to vent that means shes happy.

which is what she deserves to be. so bro must be doing her right.

now flagrant disregard is a totally different ball of wax entirely.

ive never met her, ive never exchanged more than a half dozen emails with her, ive only talked on the phone once with her, and for all i know it was a total put on, but i dont think so.

flagrant continues to keep the shroud of mystery going on her blog and i love that. i have been one of the very few people that shes ever linked from on her deal and yet she wont return most of my emails or requests to be interviewed podcasted or anything. shes a cheapskate but she wont take my bait and allow me to send her a copy of Stiff free.

Tsar plays Saturday at Spaceland and as much as she loves good music i doubt that she will go.

but now that i have a car i hope she knows that if she ever needs anything like a drone to go to Target for her in the middle of the night for some corn-free vitamin C i hope she will email me or call.

typically the rule of thumb with blogging is someone who doesnt show their face but claims to be a model probably isnt a model, but every time you start to lose trust in ms disregard she flies off to cuba and brings back a few killer photos in her unique style and you go shit that lil ho went off to see castro without me!

ive met pretty much everyone who ive ever wanted to meet. from elvis costello to paul westerberg to hillary clinton to mc marc brown. theres a part of me who wants to be flagrants best friend forever and theres part of me whose very happy with this weirdass relationship of me talking about her and linking her several times a month and her ignoring everything that i do and say and instead focusing on the demons in her head.

in a perfect world i would have a mansion and she would live in the haunted guest house and she would ring the bell and my assistant would be at her beck and call and she would make art in the courtyard in the dark late at night with noone to bother her and if someone did she would bang the gong and that person would be fed to the crocks in the moat.

i have no clue really who she is but shes fucking awesome and i love her and im glad she made it to another birthday.

at least im hoping she has, bitch hasnt updated in a week.

happy birthday ladies, youve made my life far better because of your presence.

first interview with flagrant + danielle poses, a film + a hot photo essay with danielle

2005 anna award winner – best female blogger: xTx

i dont link her enough, i dont talk about her enough, i dont praise her enough

but this year’s winner of the anna award is totally worthy of the highest praise

not only is she a committed writer, but shes real with her feelings, and takes risks where others dont.

so many people who dont know californians claim that the people are fake. xTx isnt fake, she lays it out there, she goes for it, she rules, and we’re all very lucky that she’s blogging.

shes crude, shes funny, she gets drunk, she gets high, she goes to strip clubs in vegas, she watches porn, she sits in her favorite hot tub and lets the jets do her, she loves the jerk, and just this year she discovered the eagles.

but best of all she writes down what she goes through which is exactly what bloggings all about.

heres a nice little post she whipped out last month:

i hate that things take time. i hate that it took three hours to do something today that I didn’t know would take three hours. i hate that things are changing. i hate change. i hate that drinking a tasty slimfast shake for breakfast and another for lunch with healthy snacks in between and a sensible dinner does not make me lose wieght. I hate that i can’t spell weight. i hate that i can’t do math. i hate that the new girl who started working for me, who actually liked Howard Stern, quit after two weeks because she had to move to Texas. i hate reading resumes. i hate reading resumes with spelling errors or resumes that tout skills like, ‘have a valid california drivers license’ or ‘can access web pages’. i hate that i won’t be a millionaire until my dad dies. i hate that i won’t win the lotto or super mega millions lotto or a lotto scratcher. i hate that i can’t cook dinner every night. i hate that i downloaded a free trial of cinema tycoon and the stupid icon is on my desktop. i hate that i can’t play video games all day long and get paid for it. i hate that stephen king doesnt have any new books out except for this one that i just bought but it’s like a 50’s detective mystery shit. i hate that certain people have too many activities. i hate that they’re coming out with the movie of Narnia cuz now kids won’t read the book fuck that. i hate that i don’t have a master bedroom. i hate that santa is posting on my blog just kidding clausy. i hate that i dont have any friends anymore. i hate that i can’t paint or sing. i hate that i gave a survey person 15 minutes of my time today for no reason. i hate that i might have to update my resume. i hate that life isn’t predictable. i hate that i don’t have an earthquake preparedness kit ready. i hate that every time i pet my dogs enthusiastically i get slobbered and dog smelled. i hate that i can never think of what to blog and then it stresses me out and that is wrong. i hate that people can’t see how great i am. i hate that i don’t think i’m great at all. i hate that i haveta make everyone like me. i hate that i clear my throat all the time like a tourette’s retard. i hate my thighs. i hate that i am not a girl. i hate that i had to walk under a prickly bush to take out the trash and parts of the bush fell into my buttcrack and now i have bush particles in my crack. i hate that people hate. i hate that children’s beauty pageants exist. i hate feeling stupid. i hate every room in my house. i hate not sleeping at night. i hate my hair most every day and am perplexed and awkward when people tell me they love my hair. i hate that i am ugly. i hate that i am a slob. i hate that i am lazy. i hate that i enjoy tv. i hate not going to the movies everyday. i hate never watching the news. i hate not living in new york. i hate losing a hundred thousand tokens on pogo playing texas holdem. i hate people who wish you “gg” or “nh” on pogo cuz that’s gay i don’t know you stop being nice. i hate that i waste a lot of time on worthless things. i hate that alluva sudden my digital camera at work won’t upload pictures to my computer so now i have to walk all the way down to the studio to upload pics. i hate that the famous rapstar guy didn’t talk more. i hate that my washer and dryer are outside in the garage and i have to leave my house to get the laundry. i hate folding clothes. i hate that i will never be on price is right. i don’t know how to end this so i just am going to end it now.

2004 anna winner flagrant disregard + 2004 anna winner raymi le minx + no time to say it

my hundred monkeys broke out of their room last night

while i was passed out and they went straight for the garage and cracked open the soda fridge.

i caught them this morning trying to defrost some rib roast.

they flung feces at me, but i had some of my own and im a better shot.


corralled most of them before kickoff this morning but i think theres one around here hiding cuz i can smell cigarette smoke.

during their rampage they knocked over the tommy chong bong and got bongwater all over my computer and now my box needs its button pushed and held before it will turn on.

and no, im not talking about clipper girls cousin.

so i tried to burn my porn real quick off my hard drive just incase this thing has a short thats dying to pop and fritz out this whole mo fo and the computer shut off about 5 minutes into the burn, so this might be my last dispatch till tomorrow.

this all might be karmic payback for not picking up the phone when the 90 year old landlady called.

it was her on tuesday who the firetrucks and ambulance was for.

on thanksgiving day she called me while i had a fork full of hot steamy soul food and she wouldnt tell me why but insisted that i come over.

i did.

she said her backdoor was open and unlocked.


got over there and she had me adjust her pillows.

she had locked herself inside her room. instead of a bedroom door she had a screen door. it was ripped by the handle so she could lock it from her side but if someone needed to come in they could slip their hand through the rip in the screen.

she really isnt that crazy.

she told me she was making a will, what did i want.

i told her i wanted some of her mothers original paintings.

she said, which ones. i said the ones youve been looking at all these years, and i pointed to the ones behind me.

there was a totally uneaten can of wet cat food on top of a table. it had been mushed at a little, and its consistency was sagging so at a quick glance it looked like a heap of shit on a plate. but it was just cat food.

her cat cowered beneath the table.

the place smelled of piss and she told me that she couldnt walk any more, that it was right where her left front pocket would be if she wasnt wearing a housecoat.

she said she couldnt walk anymore and showed me a little trash can where she said she would probably use

she said her new girl was black and good but wouldnt be around until monday

she said her doctor was out of town until monday and he had left the number to the doctor who was going to cover for him, but she didnt remember his name.

she asked if i was going to be in town this weekend.

i lied and said no.

just then the phone rang. it was her best friend in illinois. she had told me about him before. she said hi cliff to him and told him to call her later and he slowly said that he would.

i looked around. i liked her place.

she told me to go look in the living room for anything else that i would want.

she had old records, great old books. i wanted everything.

i returned and she told me to make sure i had closed the screen door in the living room.

i told her all i wanted was this old book of mark twain stories.

she said, is that it? that i had been so nice to her.

i hadnt been so nice.

she bought me a chocolate tort once.

she had me write down the numbers of people like this animal rescue guy who she wanted all the left over stuff to go to.

she wanted him to have most of her money cuz she loves animals.

good thinking, i told her.

she called a few hours later. i didnt answer. she knows a lot of people.

she also knows 9-1-1.

she said her biggest fear was what would happen to her cat.

when she called 9-1-1 on tuesday they told her that they would have to take her to the hospital. she said what about my cat, they said who cares about your cat.

so she didnt go to the hospital.

next day she realized that the animal rescue guy would take care of her cat.

i know if i promised her that i would take care of the cat she would give me everything that she has, records, books, new tv, 100 year old original american art that really is good

cases of ensure.

but i dont like cats.

even mellow ones who pretty much just hang out.

i barely like monkeys.

originally posted two years ago today on the busblog

today is danielle‘s birthday + and flagrant’s + awwww the Christmas spirit lives