when i tell you that its buttcold

it means even your butt says wtf, fool?

you want to be sweet to your momma you want to be sweet to the illini you want to be sweet to the lady youre holding the door open for, but at some point you say fuckit youre all on youre own im going to where its warm and you shut the door and run for it.

yesterday it was blah blah blah below zero. numbers really dont matter because anything below zero is fucked up. today it was 40 degrees when the sun went down, which means when i make it to the buzznet meetup its gonna be below freezing.

you wonder how people can live this way but then you see the incentives – you can buy houses without having to rob banks, you can buy big houses without having to “know” someone, and you can have a little land around your house without living two hours away from the city.

and the people are the nicest in the world.

outside of that, you’d still have to sucker me to move back here, which i know hurts my mommas feelings but what can i say, i like wearing shorts, i like keeping my windows open as i sleep, i like chewing the air.

when i get back to a wifi situation as opposed to this dialup test of wills i will upload some of the many water towers that i have photo graphed.

im not exactly sure why they have water towers here in the midwest and they dont in the west but it must have something to do with everything freezing for 1/3 of the year. like a dipshit i left my ipod in my mom’s ferrari and this morning when we drove from my sisters house i turned on my ipod and instead of seeing the familiar black apple, i saw a sillhoutte of a middle finger.

but then luckilly it faded away as it defrosted so i could play my devil music for mi madre.

when we got home i popped in the Chapple Show season one on dvd uncensored and she asked me if he was popular in california, i said thats rick james! hes worth $50 million to comedy central and she looked closer and didnt see the value, insisting that i was worth at least $20 million if he was worth 50.

but what was shocking to me was my beloved Stratford Square.

when i was a lad it was the newest, coolest, hippest shopping mall in town. it was built so that the good people of Roselle, Bloomingdale, Itasca and Hanover Park wouldnt have to drive a whole 21 minutes to go to Woodfield Mall.

we saw all the latest movies and hung out there and met girls and ate at the Sabarro’s pizza. now id say 1/4 of the shops are empty and the JC Penny has lost its shimmer. my have the mighty fallen.

so if youre reading this and youre in the chicagoland area, we’re meeting at Uncommon Ground on Clark near Wrigley Field so come out and have a pint with us and if not, fine, i dont blame you, its cold as a witches tit and on Monday im going directly to the beach right after getting off the plane cuz this shits insane.

it is nice though seeing Ditka on local tv.

tim + paige + monique + after before and before after