day nine

sox still suck. youd think after waiting close to 100 years to win their world series, sox fans would be satisfied with going back to their lives as plumbers and garbage men and bottle collectors and street cleaners, but apparently some of them have decided that this is the time to rub it in that their cross-town rivals were snake bitten by injury. class act all the way which is why michael barrett is so beloved on the north side for bashing the sox catcher in the jaw for being the bitch that he is.

the other day some loser sox fan googled “sox suck” or some shit and found the world famous busblog and took offense at the obvious and tried to pick me apart for growing up in the suburbs and for being a loyal cub fan. i suppose when you live in the worst part of town and root for one of the most disrespected teams ever youve got nothing else to do other than start virtual arguements about zip codes and which colors you fly.

i saw his post on his blog and ignored it because that sort of shit bores me, but when he commented on this holy blog i had to reply and then he replied and because i have to wake up early tomorrow to tailgate and then enjoy the bears regular season home opener, i figured id post our dialogue so that you’ll see that decades after moving away from Chicagoland aint nothing changed other than Comiskey being uglier.

the gentleman first quoted this line from my post about driving halfway across the country and being greeted for the first time with toll roads, of which i wrote: fuck richard daley jr. fuck the white sox. and fuck tolls.

to which he commented: Who asked you?

which i then said:

from the look of things, dan, thousands more a day than ask you.

poor sox fans, always jealous, always ignorant, always pissed off at something.

hell if i rooted for a team who played in the crappiest park, who had the dumbest fans, and the lousiest tradition in baseball i guess id be constantly bitter too.

and then he wrote:

Bitter about what? Having a World Series and a future? The Cubbys and their group and their North Side transplant fans will always be second best in this town.

And what would you know about Comiskey? You’ve never been there. You couldn’t find the place if you tried. Try again, sparky.

unfortunately for the hapless fellow i had been to Comiskey, plenty of times. the old Comiskey, back when it was dubbed Chicago’s Largest Saloon because it served hard alcohol and attracted… people interested in going to the city’s largest saloon. i was just a grade-schooler at the time, but those memories never left me and solidified my allegiance to the Cubs. not because i didnt enjoy drinking, i just didnt enjoy being around people who couldnt drink and thought that the designated hitter was something worth paying money to see.

so i replied

if you actually read the posts that i wrote here before you opened your big yap youd see that i live in LA and i am traveling around the country and i have made my way back home to the town that i grew up in, a place i left 20+ years ago.

with that said, you are the epitome of sox fans: delusional, bitter, and jealous that the Cubs are loved by people all around the world and the Cubs fans are loyal and clearly the #1 team in Chicago.

as for your obsession with finding places in chicago without a map. what are you a cab driver?

anyways its always been easy to find Comiskey without a map: roll down your window and follow the scent of shit and vomit. as you get closer you’ll notice the undeniable aroma of spread open ass and there you’ll find Sox park.

nose bloodied, but sack emptied thanks to his sister, he rolled off her and asked:

Isn’t that everybody’s story? Is your hometown even chicago? Or some burb? Come on now—be honest.

[in reply of the Cubs’ world-wide and city-wide status of being Chicago’s #1 team:] Hardly. Just as in the days of Lee Elia, cubs fans are almost entirely full of shit. They actually thought Mark Prior was a good pitcher and that Kerry Woods was the Messiah. And now they sit, firmly in last place while the White Sox (which coincidentally, have real fans that are really from Chicago) are enjoying some relative success this year. Not quite the ya know….World Series from last year. But better have won one in ’05 then…wait…when was the last Cubs series?

[in reply of how to get to US Cellular Field aka Comiskey Park:] Like I said brother. You definitely wouldn’t come South of Madison to say that. Posers like you try it once in a while, and end up getting their asses whupped.

Ignoring the fact that he doesnt know that Kerry Wood doesn’t put an S at the end of his name i ended the discussion thusly:

Ass whupped? like the one Michael Barrett delivered to your guy?

Look, i didnt come into your blog and start talking shit, you came to mine with all your bullshit about “omg i live in THE CITY i am therefore cooler than you and i root for a team that took 95 years to win a pennant while your team is taking about 100, therefore my team despite its criminally insane history is better than yours who are beloved.”

i realize that these are the days of Sox fans pounding their chests and believing that their cocks are bigger than Cub fans’ but the difference is Sox fans are just cocks.

Why on Earth would i be ashamed of going to school in Hanover Park, IL 60103 from K-12? did i have any choice in the matter? would i have rather grown up on the South Side? you’re the faker if you’d say yes to that.

but i did have a choice of which team i pulled for and from day one i was a Cub fan and those were the days when they spent more time below .500 than above it, and i took shit from loser sox fans then as well as loser Lee Elia. when he said that, me and my buddies ditched school, got $5 bleacher seats and let him know the idiocy of a manager taking out his frustrations on the fans.

so you can have your pathetic stadium that nobody talks about, you can have your projectile vomiting fans that no one except gang members and rednecks want to associate themselves with, and you can have your Black Sox and midgets and shorts and bowl haircuts in centerfield.

theres a reason theres a shower in Comiskey you know, its because i was dead right about how to find the way to your beloved park, its because the best way to find sox park is to roll down the windows and follow the stench or simply drive south and look for the horseflies.

as for going south of madison to talk shit about the sox, same would happen to you if you came up to clark and addison,

only difference is you’d simply get your ass beat outside the cubby bear, while if i went down to your neck of the woods, i would first get offered crack from your uncle-father or suckysucky from your momma. so i suppose in that sense the south side rulez.

yay you.

and now you know why i left the day after highschool and rarely return. because most days here are like the day after highschool.

either way, enjoy the pics i took of Wrigley Field on a Friday afternoon as real fans enjoy their team despite that team being 30 games below .500 – an image you see nowhere in the major leagues during the last weeks of the regular season, particulary if the team is on free local tv, and especially during a year when their three best players were hurt for a huge chunk of the season and their best pitcher was recently traded away.

what sox fans hate about cub fans isnt just that wrigley is a gem among gems, nor that harry carey jumped ship and had his best years on the north side, or that Sammy Sosa didnt produce shit while a southsider and then hit 500+ homers for the cubs,

the white sox fans hate cub fans because the white sox will always be in the shadow of the cubs whether the cubs win or lose, not because babe ruth called his shot at wrigley or because of the famous scoreboard at wrigley, or the ivy, or the neighborhood, or the billy goat, or the organ, or day games, or the tradition of throwing the ball back, or the lack of drunken imbeciles doing the fucking wave,

its because there are no finer sports fans in the entire world better than cub fans. no one has taken more shit, been dealt a worse hand, or put up with more rotten luck than us and we only become more loyal and attract more well-wishers. meanwhile the only people who root against us are our jealous neighbors to the south, and our inbred rivals in st. louis.

theres a reason why after bill veeck sold the sox he returned to the bleachers of wrigley and took off his shirt and drank beer with his wooden leg. because rich and poor, black or white, anyone who truly loves sports knows that theres only one place to watch baseball in chicago: 1060 w. addison.

you can come home again, but be prepared to remember why you bailed.