and prettier and nicer and id drive a blacker car.

if life was fair when girls say i read your blog every day, usually twice a day, theyd follow it up with and now im gonna kiss you. if life was fair id have interns writing this shit.

on my radio in my car, a car i wish i was in right now, driving me out of town, they have the e! channel. yes on the radio. and the other day when i was in connecticiut they were telling the true hollywood story of frank sinatra. and frank they said cried a lot. all the time. and when he was done crying hed write a sad song.

everyone loves the chairman of the board but if thats what it takes to write well then i will be stay satisfied with writing poorly. im not going to sigh over eva gardener, and i sure as hell aint gonna cry over anna kournikova or clipper girl or even cipper girls cousin for that matter.

or at least i wont show it on the blog.

what i will do is stay in amazement that one fellow who is supposedly liked by all these women has the hardest time with pretty much all of them.

but they say nice things when i arrive and they say nice things when i get the fuck out. both are not what im looking for, which is for them to say dirty thing during.

sometimes you just wanna go home. sometimes you just want your big old bed andn your big old tv and your big old fridge filled with cold air and promises.

sometimes you just want to build a basement and hide out.

no one believes tahat im shy no one believes i have feelings no one believes that rules, just like records, are meant to be broken.

im exhausted. i walked a lot today. i was rejected again today. i was heartbroken again today,

now i just want to sleep and not wake up until april. ’09

they say you shouldnt grocery shop when youre hungry. you probably also shouldnt come to new york if youre single. everything looks delicious. everything looks lovely. everything looks good enough to walk up to and say hi my name is my name is my name is wickawicka.

for some reason i was intimadated in coming into manhattan the other day which is why i spent the night in Conn instead of NYX. if felt like i had to get my hair cut correct like anthony mason. i felt like i had to get my laundry done. like i had to get my car washed waxed and detailed. i felt like i had to get all the miscellaneious shit out of my ride so some crackhead wouldnt say oh look its bob dylans blood on the tracks on 8track i gotta break this fools window and snatch it.

however when i turned the corner and rose up from the on ramp and saw the skyscrapers in the horizon i let out a huge scream and said NEW YAWK WOOT WOOT.

then i got scared again, then i judged everyone again and said how do these people live here. why would they live here. its so expensive. the freeways arent free. they just charged me 4.50 to go across a bridge whose name ive never heard of. the crime. the traffic. the overcrowding.

then i got off in manhattan and i couldnt find a place to park. then i found a place to park and i couldnt find a place to pee. then i found a place to pee and i couldnt find a place to sit down. and then i found a place to park for $27 and i found bicycle mark and we walked around for maybe 4 minutes tops and i said

i want to live here. forever.

every girl was hotter than the next. every girl smiled when i smiled back. every person looked intense and serious. except for the old ladies and kids. everyone was cool. everyone honked as they drove. i loved it. and everyone was dressed amazing. it was warm here yesterday. i had to turn on my ac as i drove around.

the pedistrians have no fear of jaywalking so if youre driving down the road there are tons of people on each side waiting to run across the street. its anarchy. if you hesitate you get cut off. so after about 2 minutes i started cutting people off as a howdoyoudo. they loved it and honked in approval. i think it was approval.

mark and i walked around union square looking for the new trader joes that just opened, but all we could find is the new whole foods that just opened. so then we walked to cooper union to meet some dutch friends of his. turned out one of the guys Sebastian was one of the guys that signed me up for the Bloggers in Amsterdam trip that i took in February where they sent me to holland for a week and put me up in a 5 star hotel and allowed me to meet cool people including bicycle mark and my secret black girlfriend JaG.

so we drank dutch beer at a wine bar on st. marks and 1st and karisa called me and ashley* called me and the hot babe from tonight called me and the dutch travel board probably thought i was cooler than i am which is nice and then i had to leave to get picked up by aj who teaches right off union square. and she looked amazing and because i had been drinking i let her drive which was a smart idea cuz whoa man were people agressive during rush hour.

and we passed CBGBs which is still open somehow! and we went over a big bridge and we were in brooklyn and then we were at her pad and then we were eating and drinking and smoking and thai was consumed, and then sean wallace appeared from the basement appartment and then we saw AJs killer documentary about health professionals who teach gynocological skills to young doctors by letting the doctors practice on them. like breast exams and pap smears. very intense. sorta funny. AJ asked how i liked it and i said i dont remember much because the one lady had huge bazooms and i was all distracted and she punched me in the shoulder. but i was just being honest.

at midnight i was exhausted. but i still knocked out some LAist stuff and went to bed at 1am and slept until 6am until i thought i heard my phone. but it wasnt. then i went to sleep again until 9am until i thought i heard a huge bulldozer. and it was just ford prefect. and then i heard another huge bulldozer and it was just a house they were working on. lots of construction. but i went back to sleep and at 4pm i will walk with amy collins slash langfield across the brooklyn bridge to manhattan.

and tomorrow i will meet one of my bosses. and she will give me my check for the month and tonight i will party with a young asian girl whose roommate molested me the last time i was here. and i will take pictures for you because youre worth it.

photos by Gothamist because buzznet is being poopy and i cant upload for some reason