morgan j freeman, the former daily nexus county editor, sundance winner, and dawsons crick director, etc., created a series set in hawaii for mtv

which of course he directed in maui with hot surfer chicks and their dudes.

maui fever begins tonight

so tell all your friends that our boy figured it all out, because if shooting a reality thing on the beaches in maui isnt figuring it out, fuck if i know what is.

tomorrow morning i will hopefully have a little list filled out by one of the castmembers of the show to run on LAist

but if that doesnt happen i believe the show is on at 9pm unless its on the ten spot

hell if i know whats going on these days.

i got an email from my bff in africa. i will put up some of the pictures soon.

for some reason even though i know that shes basically been living on the equator for a year, i am surprised that she has such a great tan.

at LAist we havent had a spike in almost two weeks and yet today we will have more page views in january than we had in any months other than the last two.

my boss likes posts. i think a good day is 15. yesterday there were 27.

we are popular because we are good and yesterday this chick totally fast tracked me on eharmony.

and that night i was wasted and dont remember much of it other than the fact that her hair reminded me of mine when i was a little kid, and the fact that she was ridiculously hot, and the fact that most the time im playing footsies with girls either half my age or three times out of my league.

with that said i thought the black folk did very well for themselves at the golden globes last night. im sorry but thats the way i look at things when i watch them which is something that last nights young lady from the academy pointed out to me. which was odd since she, as a matter of fact, is a woman of color, as they say.

which is why i felt comfortable sharing with her.

if you recall, each year around this time of the year the motion picture academy of arts and sciences send young international ladies to my home to have me watch the movies that are being considered for nomination etc.

the ladies come with dvds.

last night i was watching the globes when this dark skinned girl with a very tight dress and a very tight jacket and a very tight jaw tapped on my door and i thought it was the police who had busted a young man who looked like director spike jonez, the other day, but it was chickie.

i told her that she could leave the dvd with me but she said that the other girls said that she should hang out with me. and i said, did they, raised an eyebrow, snapped my finger, which turned off the track lights and ripped off my toupe and lit my six footer and inhaled

and held it

and held it

and exhaled

into her awaiting mouth.

globes were good. i was surprised that vanessa williams got away with extentions And a damn fur coat but thats what weve learned from W, just go for it, people too lazy to say anything.

i thought ugly betty had nice cans

i thought reece witherspoon looks like she hasnt eaten since she broke up with dude

i thought that borat was funny

i thought that joan and melissa today were totally off when they said that beyonce wore that gold dress to the wrong award show.

maybe you have to be gay to understand fashion.

right before the show started a russian woman was being interviewed by melissa and she said she was in Bobby and she had the best silver dress on and melissa asked whose jewlery, and the russian chick said oh thats mine

and melissa said, thats your bracelette?

and it was huge and sparkly and ginormous

and she said yep.

and melissa said wow

and academy girl said men buy me jewlery all the time

and i said i bet they do baby now lets see what this pans labyrinth is all about

but we adjourned to the bed room to see it in there which is a huge mistake

because movies never get finished in there and how can you just dial up the academy and say hey whats the name of the black girl who was over hear last night

and toronoto, i will totally go bring back our socal skunk

martin luther king jr., american preacher

no i cant believe how it went down. no i cant believe that they really won. no i cant believe that seattle fucked up every time that we needed them to fuck up and no i cant believe how non shitty sexy rexy played.

i was a tad distracted because there was a foreigner in the house who came to LA to see america for the first time and i didnt really want to have to deal with her and play tourguide but i also didnt want to give the bears bad luck.

in fact i was so serious about being a good person and having my shit together that i overworked to make sure that everything was finished that needed to be finished, every conversation, every everything was done so that when it became gametime i could focus up and there was no unmade beds so to speak.

i knew she was going to come during the playoffs but what was i supposed to do. there are no good times to come here. everything is happening at all times.

heres where the problems come in. time and honesty.

if someone comes here to hook up with you, lets say, and theyre only going to be here for a few days, a long weekend, perhaps, then they better tell you what they want like on thursday night.

try not to reach your hand down a mans dark side of the moon pajama bottoms when the game is about to go into overtime.

perhaps theres no overtime in australia but theres overtime in the playoffs and its sudden death which im sure is what the look i gave her could have been named.

maybe age has a tiny bit to do with it because teenage girls as hot as some of these are, have never been turned down in their lives. even at 100 years old, a man still believes that hes got a few more decades of boning left in him. time is not of the essence. oh shit they loss the coin toss.

i dont know where these people shop. i dont know where these clothes come from because they fit so tightly that sometimes they look like they were custom made for the most perfect girlshapes youve ever seen.

do some people have like tailors? is that what theyre for?

i was all, see the corner of the rug over there? stand on that corner for i swear five minutes. i promise you that in five minutes i will attack whatevers on that corner of carpet but baby weve gotta focus up and shit in this piece.

some people take direction very well.

i have yet to meet those people.

i hit pause on the tivo.

we talked honestly. i honestly told her that tivo is of no good because people are going to call me if anything crazy happens and they will tell me via the answering machine before i can see it.

so she walked over to the answering machine and unplugged the power cord.

i said i will be text messaged.

she walked over to my phone and turned it off.

i said the neighbors will scream and i will know.

so she went over to the stereo and turned it up and took off her pajamas.

cubs win.

saying it wanted to poop, but nothing would come out as i read my magazines on the can.

so i went back to bed. only to wake up a few minutes later.

it took four visits to do what it took.

that will teach me for eating oreos all night with junior college students.

seroiusly, i think i ate an entire bag over the evening. that much will turn your poop black. jet black. try it.

when i made it to my front door around noon there was a Playboy bobblehead next to my favorite plant. and next to the bobblehead (it was Kendra) was the september 2006 edition autographed by all three of Heff’s girlfriends.

what a great day.

then i opened my email and my buddy Chris told me he wanted to take me to the Laker game tonight and show off his new seats which are way closer to the court than they used to be.

and then i got an email from a troubled young lady who wrote to say she wants to vacation with me in march but i had to shoo her away because in march i will be in austin for sxsw and im not much of a gentleman in austin during that event. i get drunk, i get aggressive, i eat and drink and excess to excess.

its not pretty.

today i also got an email from the department of defense asking me to help distribute the video above to distract the nation while we prepare to invade iran.

i was high so i said k

that i shouldnt feel as though im irreplaceable. its a very mean song. very.

to the left to the left.

she has an all girl band going.

you must not know bout me.

the good lord has given us some warm weather to remind us that we live in a great town, but now in order to get us ready for playoff football hes gonna put a lil chill in the air.

id be lying if i didnt say that im a little worried about the bears this weekend. i dont care who theyre playing. that fool grossman is a wildcard.

ive been online dating.

two out of three women they try to hook me up with are elementary school teachers.

at first it was cute but now its a bit troubling.

most of these women consider dan brown their most current favorite author.

i believe i filled out the paper work incorrectly.

i have no problems with elementary school teachers, its just so many of them.

if Sirius was smart theyd figure out a way to sneak their system into those iPhones.

Your Busblog readers want more Tony, and your Laist boss wants more hits. How about creating an email list, a subscription list, and send out an email once a week to Busblog readers who will Digg whatever Laist story you want us to. If enough Busblog readers Digg a story at the same time, it will get to the front page of Digg and you will have enough hits that you could take the day off and write exclusively for da Busblog. And you should only write for Busblog on those days.

Tell your readers to sign up for Digg and tell those who want to get email blasts from you once a week to email you with their email address.

Signed,
Not a Dumb Blonde

+ + + + +

dear NADB,

first of all we didn’t have a problem. However, i think this is a GREAT idea. and i would be happy to take a day off any day LAist gets on digg.

so yes, go for it, sign up for digg, email me at busblog at gmail.com with your email address and put Sign Me Up For the Blasts in the subject header so i know that you’re good, and maybe this might make for way more busblog posts.

very interesting.

and if you wanna stoke LAist, today, we have this post about toilet seats that seems to be pretty close to getting on the front page.

someone whose name i do not recall tagged me for one of those internet meme buddies. but a lot was happening around christmas so i wasnt able to do it however now i am sorta cuz its 220am and im about to hit the hay.

but im on a slow machine thats downloading gigs of adult materials so i cant really use technorati properly.

[update: this fine chick was the culprit]

i think the thing was “five things you dont know about me”.

1. when this blog started, and it was truly the busblog because i took a bus everywhere, i ate far less fast food than i eat now that i have a car. the thing is when you get used to using the drive thru you’ll actually wait there for food to get shoved through your window.

today i sat in the longest drive thru line in LA, the In N Out line on Sunset near Highland. the line is so long that they put a young lady at the end of the line to take your order but it still takes forever to get to the front of the line.

Lord only knows why.

but the burgers are better than average ones.

2. I don’t think In N Out is all that.

blasphemy in most of LA, and possibly the world. but In N Out are not juicy, their fries are paultry, and you pay way more than you should for a cheeseburger and fries ($5).

3. The Original Tommy’s is my favorite LA burger joint.

preferably the original one, but they all hold special memories for me.

4. I was at a bong store the other day. Really just looking. Not for me, mind you, but looking. It was beautiful outside and I didn’t really want to look at clothes. So I asked the dude about a particular water pipe and he said it was $40 but he could knock the price down to $20 and it was a little midget bong that in the olden days i would have thought would have singed by afro because you have to hold it so close to your face. and i told the guy yeah thats nice, but its not really what im looking for and i was headed out the door.

when all of a sudden this middle eastern fellow said, give it to him for ten, fuck it.

and it was such a great deal that i had to buy it.

5. the weirdest things can make me very happy.

and just get into the home building and auto manufacturing business.

theres enough people who totally love the apple macintosh ipod style and would definitely buy whatever product they came out with so apple should just go for it while the love is flowing.

the apple car would of course be one of those hybrids. it would have a slot to directly plug your ipod into the dashboard, and it would have a little wifi system built right in along with evdo connectivity. why fuck around.

but the reason to by apple cars would be the genius bar inspired service centers that make the customer feel good about their product fucking up instead of miserable.

Get some Photoshop tips while you wait for your first five free oil changes.

So do i want an apple phone? hell yes. i hate my phone. i hate phones in general. but i definitely hate my motorola verizon bs nonsense and would very happily switch over to something better.

and i will pay.

the only thing i can imagine better than an apple phone would be an apple phone that allowed me to receive my Sirius subscription.

huge new york times article on sirius today and howard stern’s one year anniversary on the satellite station that had signed up over 5 million people this year, mostly to listen to the king of all media uncensored.