and maybe she isnt but there are very few people who make me feel the way she does.

in a perfect world everyone would make me feel the way she does because for some reason she can do pretty much no wrong. she was all, hi tony i know its early but if youre there pick up.

and i jumped outta bed and ran for the phone and it was day light savings day

the one morning where you can sleep in one extra hour. and its a sunday. and it was a sunday where the bears werent even playing. so fer sure i was gonna sleep as long as i could.

but when its a telephone call from africa. the mother land. the wild jungles. and its yr baby, youre happy to almost slip on a little note from another saying shes tired of your bullshit.

join the club baby. ive been tired of my bullshit since the start which is why im hoping you cheerleaders can change something.

hello baby. hi. hi baby. hi. the delay isnt bad. shes telling me about how she got whiplash but how the drugs have started to kick in and how this african woman gave her the full blown swedish massage of all time but it was like lifesaving.

she told me about how the queen was coming to town and all the kids from the hospital the ones with no legs or one leg were all getting read to dance (!) for her because africans gotta dance and because when you have soul, you gotta roll.

and she said the no legged aids kids were making her cry cuz they were so awesome and she was saying that her bootleg video shop down the road just got the Heroes season 1 dvd and she watched them all and was all omg omg OMG

and we talked about everything and after a half hour i was all you deserve your next massage to include a happy ending and she laughed and said nah and i was all i cant wait to see you im gonna do all the things a man should do to a woman

and she was all tony! and i was all baby i saw two girls get it on right in front of me and she said where i said in canada she said get out i said no its called ooooot get ooot. and baby two girls together hi they get their ears wet. she was all im sorry i think our connection is bad. i was all, baby no wonder we broke up i never got even one ear wet.

but she was being honest, the connection was bad, so i called her back. i was all, baby they get their elbows wet too. and she laughed. and laughed and i dont know about a lot of things. like maybe i know one thing or two things about blogging. but i do know about love. and i love that girl with my entire heart. and its nice to know some things. sometimes.

she said oh but ive gained so much weight and i was all gain more. i was all bring all of afrique back to me. in yr ass. i said i dont care if you have to be wheeled home in a wheel chair, as soon as you get to baggage claim im gonna knock over that wheelchair and do you right there in front of the screaming kids.

and we were disconnected and when i called back she was still laughing because in every joke theres a grain three full inches of truth

i really dont get as much tail as my writing staff portrays me as receiving.

so when i go to canada and my cup overfloweth, oftentimes right in front of busblog readers, the myth not only continues but it grows at rates of 5% just like the looney to the dollar.

which is why i shouldnta been shocked to receive an overnight international package from the great white north containing a super sweet zippered hoodie from a super sweet unzipperd hottie. but there it was yesterday on my doorstep and it was just one of the nice little unexpected nice things that happened to me this week.

the other was, out of the blue, one of the hottest babes on my gmail buddy list just came right out and said that she was “attracted” to me, but that there was a small matter of her boyfriend.

as many of you know, recently i celebrated my 101st birthday. so to receive such a compliment from a girl nearly 1/5 my age was slightly amazing.

and sometimes my friends the thought does count. especially since i cant even remember the last time any one actually said that to me. in america at least.

last night i took a teenage runaway from the valley to ucla to see … And You Will Know Us By The Trail of Dead at ackerman’s grand ball room, as they opened up for Adult Swim’s metal cartoon band Dethklok.

now if theres one school thats soft in LA it’s UCLA because where else can you get tasered in the fucking library by a rentacop and you take it? if that shit had gone down at UCSB there would be a bloody if not dead rentacop next to the keg on the 8th floor stacks.

so it was pretty funny to hear the kids chant Dethklok after the very first song by Trail of Dead.

and you know youve brought the wrong chick when instead of laughing at the hilarity shes adjusting her hot topic plastic skirt.

however its hard to hate on a girl who made up her face to look like a zombie, poured fake blood in her hair and ironed on white letters on her black way tshirt to spell out Explode Me

which raymi if you do go to the show when it travels to TO i recommend you do

likewise i also suggest that you brush up on your Guitar Hero III because they are the cosponsors of the tour and they have a little pre show competition where the winner gets a free game.

was it fun? yes. am i too old for this shit? Nevah!

now go forth and die.

every now and then im gonna talk about laist cuz its rare that you can write about your job and not have your boss get all freaked out, which is one of the benefits about having a job where youre blogging and your bosses are bloggers. great ones even.

the last week we were projected to barely hit a million, but anything can happen over a week and one day something can happen and noone comes to your party, so you are constantly trying to tweak things and add things and do things that will be of interest.

last night i went to sleep and all we had to do was get our average and we would hit our goal, but because it was halloween i had no idea if less people would be online today or more or the same so i sent emails to other websites with posts on laist that they might like and nobody liked anything. i was dying.

every hour i did little calculations and all day nothing was happening, which is so scary because to get a million you go pretty much zero days where nothing happens. every day something happens which is why you’re getting so many hits.

even though at 4pm it looked like we would just barely go over, i couldnt go out, i couldnt leave, i couldnt stop trying to add things to maybe get noticed on google news, maybe get linked by some message board, anything. i just needed one link i felt and it would be fine.

and then at 9pm i remembered drunken stepfather sometimes would link to us so i emailed him and twenty minutes later he put his links up for the night and bam there the link was to us and a nice steady stream came over and at 11:05pm on the last day of the month we went over.

it was such a relief, such a joy, such a happy happy moment like i havent had in a while – not since last month at the end of the month 🙂

i felt like a jockey heading down the home stretch just constantly whipping the horse fearing the finish line but it never seems to come and then when its about to happen the horse gets one tiny second wind

tonight im thinking about seeing this

photo of har mar superstar by kid paparazzi