quiet and sensitive and freaked out by the world, heartbroken and golden and hotter than most girls, lindsay wrote me emails that i ignored because no way would a shouldbe supermodel be writing me.

one day she said why do you ignore me? i said cuz no way are you the girl in the pictures.

she said i am. i said sir… please… im too busy for these shenanigans.

she said how do i prove it?

i said fly out here and remove all of your clothes.

she said how about i call you first.

i said how about you make a video first.

she said fine.

then she made the video.

then she called me.

then she flew out.

then i examined the situation

very carefully.

then i was revived from fainting.

then i did what i always do when i meet damn near angels from heaven or somewhere lower: i thanked the Lord and asked her to marry me or something lesser.

lindsay is a complicated girl with many difficult choices to make in the next few months. one of which includes taking my hand in matrimony, one of which includes sending me photos of the exotic variety, one of which includes meeting me in las vegas.

hopefully one of her decisions is to write on her blog more often because i love how she writes and i love her tales even though they rarely include me, even in passing.

aquarius on the capricorn cusp – i hope she finds much more than lust.