today is mary’s birthday, she’s 24

mary hugging bearas you well know by now she was my first girlfriend when we were in high school in illinois

i havent heard from her since she sen me a little toy truck several years ago

and we havent seen each other since there were fires in san dieger, where she has been living since forever.

when we were kids we would write each other every day using stationary and colored pens and i would draw things and she would say the sweetest things and i would say them right back.

every day the biggest thrill in the world was going to the mail box and getting one of her letters. it was like getting a message from Heaven itself.

maybe im still writing her with this blog.

maybe i moved to california the day i could just to get her back

maybe i never moved out of california so we would maybe one day run into each other and say oh hey

would she even recognize me?

maybe i wear a cubs hat every day so she would

maybe ive never gotten married or had kids or gone to jail so the door would remain open and we could finish what we started in schaumburg and hayward

which was making out in the back seat of my cadillac right before the cops broke it up because why would a beautiful, tall blonde girl want with a skinny dude with an afro?

maybe life is figuring out the answer to that.

what if she moved away to hawaii long ago and im just a dog going to a bowl thats been empty for ever

and right next door is a damn dog food factory but hes just sniffing that empty bowl

that used to be filled with pork chops

and apple sauce.

hawaii it is

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