did we really think mexico was gonna pay for it?
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Monthly Archives: January 2017
leah is putting pregnant ladies in milk filled tubs
and then taking pictures
exclusive interview with leah
busblog: what the!
leah: it was her idea!
busblog: what’s that, 10 gallons of milk?
leah: just three, i think.
see the whole shoot here
if i was Trump’s Secretary of Twitter
are we going to die? yes. is it ok? yes.
for here is what happens when you die:
if you werent a total jerk to people
you get to fly
theres pie
you have the most incredible body ever
but people know you because of your heart.
like the shade of color it is
how strong it pumps
what some of your interesting veins look like
if it knows any jokes
what sort of beer it brews
how much it really cares about the less fortunate
and of course, if it believes a woman has the right to decide what happens with her body.
you’re really good at skateboarding in heaven
and skiing and surfing
and the water is always warm
and your soda never loses its carbonation.
to eat, they make you star in musicals, but you kick ass at singing and dancing
and you remember all of your lines always.
afterwards you have to kiss your way out to the alley
where theres a limo waiting
made of pizza
im the oldest man in the stratosphere
radiohead, meh
kendrick, meh
only beyonce can captivate that giant audience.
im not sure if i was even half my age if i would spend $1k on this.
which is a lie, of course i would. it’s rarely about the headliners.
my favorite memories about coachella were rarely about the people on last.
it was about the good times in the tents, the people i met, the people i went with
the entire weekend.
i would love to see Lorde.
and Banks
and the XX.
one day there will be a night where you just lay on your back, stare into the stars
and the music washes right over you.
almost forgot
im so bored of doing nothing i cant wait to get back to work
there are many perks to working at the academy: the water fountains are filled with champagne, we get to walk around in tuxes and gowns all the time,
but best of all they give us the week of christmas thru new years off for free.
last year it worked out to two weeks, this year it was about ten days and i did pretty much nothing and it was perfect because now i wanna take on the world.
i had a little homework to do and here it is 1am and i am 95% finished. and i dont think i will finish it tonight, because thats what sort of weirdo i am. i hate finishing things. i dont want that feeling that it’s over. i hate things being over. i want them to tick tock and dont stop.
pretty girl came over the other day and wanted to roller skate and i was all baby its raining out there and she said then lets roller skate inside your house.
which any normal person would say are you crazy super model?
but just like how i hate finishing things, i super hate turning down a challenge.
we will roller skate the shit outta my tiny apartment. it does have hipster hardwood.
speaking of hardwood i need to go on some actual dates.
i was talking to someone today and i was wondering, am i even any fun any more?
do i have anything to offer someone?
what do people do to please each other these days?
what if i missed the train to where im supposed to be and this bus is heading elsewhere?
why didn’t anyone tell me Tapestry is fantastic
cnn was showing their giant deal called “The 70s”
we’ve seen it all before.
VH1 used to do it better (RIP VH1)
but there was old CNN plugging away and they were bouncing around from this one to that one, curiously never showing clips of the subject at hand talking about their success or making the work or anything, but whatevs
and they get to Tapestry and Tom Hanks pops in and says that when that record came out, if you went somewhere with friends in two groups of cars… and if one was the boys car and the other was the girls car… if you got in the girls car this is what theyd be playing out of the cassette deck.
i guess i was never in the girls car because even though i had seen this record name-checked over the years, i never bought it.
for some reason i never knew that this was the record that had “You’ve Got A Friend”, “So Far Away” and “You Make Me Feel Like A Natural Woman”. and for damn sure i didn’t know it had “I Feel The Earth Move”.
so here i was on a lazy Monday, not really wanting to do much more than order Chinese and listen to some music and I said oh we live in 2017, I can just go to Apple Music and play all of Tapestry if I want. lets see what this is all about.
and not only are the hits great, but the album as a whole is a real thing on its own. and who knew she wrote that Shirelles tune “Will You Love Me Tomorrow”. i even like her version.
so maybe once a week i’ll listen to classic records that i shoulda probably have heard by now but i wasnt in the girls car enough.
stand out once in a while
the night started slow, it was cold, it had rained, but there i was driving a french dude and his rich girlfriend from brentwood to hollywood
and they were fighting.
every now and then he’d switch from english to french
but i parlez frances une petite peut
so.
at issue was the fact that he had texted an ex gf something along the lines of “it’s too bad you have a bf or else i would…”
the girl in the car said, “or else what? what would you do?”
he was cornered. he answered the only way he could – by not answering
“zo, you are checking my phone now? voila!” he fired back.
she ignored him. “what would you do? did you tell her you had a girlfriend? how many other exes do you say these things to?”
at some point he successfully changed it to how she didn’t seem pleased with the expensive meal he had just treated her to.
“of course i liked it. i even gave you money because you overspent on me. it was unnecessary,” she said.
we were getting off the freeway and exiting on a long off ramp. as i slowed down to the stop light to fairfax he rolled down his window, which was odd because it was so cold outside and nice and toasty in my ride.
he reached into the breast pocket of his blazer and removed his wallet. then he took out $40 and threw it out the open window!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING JEAN MARC? she said
“i dont need your money, im not with you for your money. i only want you to be happy. you take lobster, i pay for the lobster. you take champaign, i pay. you take a nice dessert, d’accord. i have my own money. i dont need yours.”
we still had 5 more minutes to go to get to the restaurant and i promised myself that if jean marc threw out any more money i was going to run out and collect it. i wasnt driving out in these wet streets for blog material.
but it was nice to have some.
for once.
welcome to 2017, the year we all die
usually at this point i stare at the ceiling trying to figure out what some good resolutions would be
eat better, walk more, give more to the poor, blog more, take better pictures, link more
but in a few weeks russia will have access to everything.
change your passwords? move to canada? repopulate asap with everyone?
the best part is you dont even need to throw away any money on a tombstone or a plot
we are all going to evaporate
like a thief in the light.
we wont even see it coming.
it’ll even be quiet.
just a flash.
st. peter will not ask how many steps you’ve walked.
he’ll wanna know what was in your heart.
was it fear and ignorance and ugliness and shame
or was it love and openness and charity and peace?
it’s pretty simple, he’ll say looking down at his clipboard
withholding for a minute whether he sees your name on the list
and waiting for you to answer.
surprisingly patient considering he has an entire planet to interrogate.