and i have texted her saying im here

in the past i might not have been here as much as i could have been

but since amber died im 100% here

which is ironic bc amber’s death taught me i can’t fix anyone or save them or get in the way of destiny or whatever you wanna call it

hopefully i made some of the last years of her life better than what her alternatives were

and i did love her and said so and bought her gifts and took her everywhere i could and i tried sooooo hard

i swear.

but sometimes someones number is just up

no one knows why them and why then

which is why im just trying to squeeze out everything i can from my head and heart bc one day i could go justlikethat

and in the meantime im here

while im here