four years here, four years there

taught by the greatest teachers

studied from the best of all books.

sometimes you can hear a lecture and it sticks to you

you can see a picture and its there forever

you can kiss a girl or drink with her

or simply hold her hand and all the truth of the universe will radiate inside you

vibrate your innards

and reveal all you can handle.

almost everything i know i have been shown.

sometimes through visions sometimes through wrongs.

almost always while i was being silent

almost always unexpected.

theres so much good in people because they have gone through some of the same dark and wild woods and met the same dark and wild souls and held the hands of the angels and were spooked by the fear and tempted by the demons

and tested by the testers

and judged by the shadows

and lifted by the winds.

i have seen and done things that even a grown man would call remarkable

yet i still feel like im a teen

who cant believe no one is calling bs on this fake id

so lucky theyre letting it slide

so happy to be invited

but why

i was trying to think about when i was 15.

i was so awkward. weirdest hair in school. shit always got in it.

as a Cub fan id walk down the hallways and people would say Cubs suck left and right.

but fuck them.

in all my classes id get Cs.

except gym and music

and art.

they gave us standardized tests when i was 13 and they said i was gifted

and put me in some gifted classes instead of homeroom

but i still got Cs in the classes.

i knew i was the only black kid in school and i was gonna have problems with girls.

and i did have problems with girls.

but i also had a little luck.

still,

if i was outside after dark

laying in the grass on a summers night in illinois

id look up at the stars and say

any time you wanna pick up yr boy

here i am.

but heres the good news.

aint nobody picking any one up.

aint noone going nowhere.

we are here.

now.

working this thing here out

with one another.

it’s a puzzle so big that no one can do it alone.

not even God.

even He was all, maybe if i made a whole bunch of little scientists

in my image

maybe they can all work together

and do the things and sing the songs and bang the gangs

and in the end everything will be better.

better, not because the tall ones or the pretty ones or the rich ones or the ones with perfect hair had the answer

but because everyone added their weird little perspective

or weird big secret

or not weird and not little flavor

maybe thats why so many of us are here and why so many of us are twisted in unique

freaky ways

she said

and tossed me out of the space ship and into the grass

then flew away.

justlikethat.

which even today

i call bullshit on.