and shes a girl, so i can definitely break a piece off. clippergirls cousin called me drunken and cutesy but she doesnt know that thats not what im looking fur. ive dropped the eighteen to twentyfives outta my friendster cuz they just dont get it. its noon its hot. last night she wanted to come over and watch tv which means makeout and i dont know why i push her away but i do. its the same as the other ones. some girls you want to make out with and thats it some gurls you want to girlfriend and thats it some gurls you want to marry and thats it. she i wanted to go to maui with and thats it and we did and we’re back and i just want her to go be her and me be me and of course i wanted to make out with her cuz shes great at it and has this magical way of kissing but im not gonna run around and kiss her and her cousin all summer and think im gonna get away with that. there are no free lunches and there are no free bjs you pay and pay and pay and some things are worth it and some arent and im not. its hot. hi summer. hi tony. hi smiley face. hi tony 🙂 does it bother you that youre always sideways. nope 🙂 does it bother you that people totally make fun of you and your cousins. nope 🙂 are you always happy? yep 🙂 can you do any imitations? yeah this is me being sad 🙁 🙂 i got the new playboy today in the mail. the one with the survivor girls in it. i think if i was more conventional and “with it”, i would do little reviews of stuff. like the restaurants i ate at and the products i used and the tv shows i watch and of course the magazines i read.

the new playboy makes me worried about the new playboy because it is now being edited by the former editor of fhm uk or maxim uk or something like that which on paper sounds like a perfect idea because for ever playboy had about 10 interesting pages out of 175 even though it was showing us the hottest girls in the world even though there would sometimes be naked celebrities even though they could talk about Anything in the world including ties briefcases british motorcycles jazz being cool and blah blah blah. they could interview celebs in a cool way, they could show us the sweetest clothes in a non gay way, and flow with the excerpts of books as yet to be released. semi sexy short stories, sexy advice, sexy news… and yet they hardly ever did. and sorry but the babes were rarely the hottest in the world. blasphemy? hardly. not only was there a humongous need for a breath of fresh air, but there needed to be a tent full of fresh air and i see that slowly thats happening as the new editor takes over.

but this months worries me because they have pics of that fat wilson phillips girl who stapled her stomach and lost a ton of weight. and she looks good. thats the surprising thing. she cheated and she worked at it and the makeup and clothes are right and bam there she is all famous and skinnier and still a little roundy but looking fine all boobies sticking out and everything and what worries me is playboy doesnt make any mention of it on their cover. people dont want to see how the girl looks? playboy doesnt want to advertise that not everyone is going to be a size 2? have they forgotten that anna nicole smith has been on the cover over and over and she was never a waifer? have they forgotten that… whatever… theyve forgotten. theyre so worried about their pigskin previews that they have put the boobies on the backburner. look no further than the centerfolder.

and the survivor girls look good. in real life. on tv. standing on a log begging for ice cream. and playboy used to do a great job of hiding the not perfect parts of their sweet tarts. but for some reason they want us to know over and over that jenna doesnt have the greatest boobs. they hide the fake tit scars of the blonde next to her, but they dont even think twice about posing the winner of the show like shes a winner.

must i teach the world to sing?

rule number one of playboys new management should be no old poses. its the female form. its the finest worksong. its the best money can buy and they dont even try. its all playboy pose #5 followed by playboy pose #6. its a reality show set in the woods. toss those two little tramps in the woods and have them out sexy each other. get twenty up n coming photogs to hide in the forest and gang photoshoot em. like a bukkake party but without the mess and degradation.

take the ten best pics and put them in the mag. then take the next ten best pics and put them in the back. then take the next ten pics and put them on playboy dot com for free cuz in the world of the innernet i am never on playboy dot com and thats how you get me there. but i like what you did with their hair.

cubs sox are on and my man sam wants me to see charlies angels with him after he wins a velvet armani sweat suit off ebay. its hot its summer im loving it. my sodas are chillin in the fridge and i have so much to do on the web site and blog that im thinking about saying fuckit and just taking that bus to the beach and taking picture after picture for your asses not cuz you deserve it but cuz i deserve it cuz it could have been so easy to just taken advantage last night and i didnt and it might not be tough for you but its tough for me and most the times i dont do it but last night i nearly did and by nearly i mean nearly as fuck.

alecia + the ward + azarok

no one really asked why i quit my job selling computers and tvs and stereos in a store where i was always in the top five of fifty salespeople.

ok, some asked, and usually i told them that i had been confused with all the money that i was making and instead i just wanted to serve mankind. and pumping their gas sounded like a good start.

in truth i was serving mankind, i was staked out at the unocal seventy six as the youngest agent ever in the xbi, twenty years old, black, and owner of a seventy six cadillac sedan de ville..

i was placed at that particular location because it was an all-full serve station, and it was also ridiculously close to the century plaza hotel, known for its elegance, famous guests, and helicopter landing pad on its roof.

perfect for presidents.

the xbi had no interest in the president of the united states, but the bad guys did. and the bad guys had stolen property many times, and the xbi was interested in stealing their stolen property and giving some of it to the proper authorities.

i looked good in that uniform.

dark blue undershirt that looked like a surfers shirt with alternating blue and orange stripes ringing the neck, nice patch with my name on it.

light blue overshirt with pocket and patch with my name on it.

dark blue jacket with pocket and sleeve for tire gauge. patch with my name on it.

nice hat that said unocal.

dark black shoes with steel enforcement above the toes.

clean towels in the back for wiping the squeegies.

and an endless parade of the finest automobiles in all of california that would roll up and ask you to fill it up and check under the hood even though the car only has a few hundred miles on it.

as the sun shone

and as bad guys did circles around the avenue of the stars

unaware as to just how many eyes were upon them.

weeks before the president would arrive.

coyote + chicha + adrants + funny

as you can probably guess some of the crime that we fight is cybercrime.

theres money there too. and where theres money to be made you will find criminals, and where there are criminals to steal from you will find the xbi.

some of us have been tracking the progress of the insane goings on of the ftc regarding privacy, namely telemarketers who call people at home.

we knew that they were going to be a registry of peoples names and phone numbers that the telemarketing companies couldn’t call.

we also knew that about 9 out of 10 americans with a phone number would send in their name and number once they heard about this magical solution. this marvelous list.

and we also knew that in the wrong hands, the list could be exploited, and used for a variety of nefarious ways.

think about it: its a fresh list of current names, addresses and phone numbers of people who probably have unlisted phone numbers.

we knew the bad guys would be all over this list.

but we didnt know the feds would be so dumb as to tack on a pirates booty of peoples email addresses too!

and if this isnt a cowbell calling in the evil doers of the internet, then nothing is.

all the people involved in the National Do Not Call Registry patted themselves on the back proudly shouting out the fact that today, its first day of operation, over 735,000 phone numbers were registered with the ftc.

many of the americans registered on the government agency’s web site which asked them for their email address for confirmation.

so let me ask you a question

if you were a hacker wouldnt you think that the best day to hack a site would be on its first day, as it was crashing repeatedly because of heavy traffic and untested spikes?

if you were a criminal and hired a hacker, or a team of hackers or a

gang

of hackers, how much do you think it would be worth if you could get a million fresh names with addresses and email addresses and ip addresses in one day?

and if you were a bad guy, would you simply intercept the packets or would you, i dont know, maybe redirect ten or twenty percent of them off the governments web page and onto yours where you would there take their information and provide simple ways to have that user provide things like social security numbers and email addresses of their 10 best friends which would be rewarded by a $50 amazon.com gift certificate which would be sent to their “alternate” email address, which they should provide in the box below.

whats twenty percent of a shitload?

rolled in a little early this morning because the 21 caught all the green lights flying down wilshire.

hottest latina girl ive ever seen on the bus, totally put together, thin arms, a pony tail that meant business, and even a little cleavage for the boys, sat up straight and scootched over when a lady wanted her empty seat.

i forget where she got dropped off but im going to have to get in at that time more often if shes gonna be on the bus i thought.

hopped off at my stop, cursed the soda machine for not taking dollar bills and sat at my desk and got im’ed by chopper one telling me that the script had broken.

which meant people in large amounts were leaving the ftc’s webpage and going to one ip.

we went to that ip, we hacked the server, we triangulated the mumuschantz, fired up the bird, sent out the cars, and beat down that mother fucker before regis had met his first guest.

bitch.

someone screamed where are the other servers.

the dude said what other servers?

these guys had done it all. they had not only hacked the ftc site, but also launched an email spam using previously stolen email lists which told people to come to the ftc site to sign up for the swell list, and even though the link said it was going to take you to the .gov email address it sent you to a different place instead.

a very bad place.

a boot was in his neck, rifles to his shrivelled nuts and a copter above, mine, letting out low frequencies of hyperdirected audio waves that was making everyone inside the dwelling without inner ear plugs suddenly quite pukey.

the xbi agent was asking about the other servers that this guy had used in past crimes and after he finished barfing on himself he shouted out the address of a highrise in westwood and reluctantly offered up the keys.

and from those servers we found previous crimes, smaller jobs, and trails to off shore bank accounts, and business partners, and financial records, and car titles, and emails to each other about their girlfriends and wives.

we had those fuckers broke and terrified before the pizza man brought lunch.

and since it was friday, and gorgeous, most of us left work early

like me.

735,000? + donotcall.gov + sahalie

Fri Jun 27,12:17 AM ET

By Deena Beasley

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) – Smoking marijuana will certainly affect perception, but it does not cause permanent brain damage, researchers from the University of California at San Diego say.

“The findings were kind of a surprise. One might have expected to see more impairment of higher mental function,” said Dr. Igor Grant, a UCSD professor of psychiatry and the study’s lead author. Other illegal drugs, or even alcohol, can cause brain damage.

His team analysed data from 15 previously published, controlled studies into the impact of long-term, recreational cannabis use on the neurocognitive ability of adults.

The studies tested the mental functions of routine pot smokers, but not while they were actually high, Grant said.

The results, published in the July issue of the Journal of the International Neuropsychological Society, show that marijuana has only a marginally harmful long-term effect on learning and memory.

No effect at all was seen on other functions, including reaction time, attention, language, reasoning ability, and perceptual and motor skills.

Grant said the findings are particularly significant amid questions about marijuana’s long-term toxicity now that several states are considering whether to make it available as a medicinal drug.

In California, growing marijuana for medical purposes is legal under a voter-approved law.

The UCSD analysis of studies involving 704 long-term cannabis users and 484 nonusers was sponsored by a state-supported program that oversees research into the use of cannabis to treat certain diseases.

Anecdotal evidence has shown that marijuana can help ease pain in patients with diseases like multiple sclerosis or prevent severe nausea in cancer patients, but the effects have yet to be proven in controlled studies, Grant said.

The UCSD research team said the problems observed in learning and forgetting suggest that long-term marijuana use results in selective memory defects, but said the impact was of a very small magnitude.

“If we barely find this tiny effect in long-term heavy users of cannabis, then we are unlikely to see deleterious side effects in individuals who receive cannabis for a short time in a medical setting,” Grant said on Friday.

In addition, he noted that heavy marijuana users often abuse other drugs, such as alcohol and amphetamines, which also might have long-term neurological effects.

Some of the research studies used in the analysis were limited by the numbers of subjects or insufficient information about factors like exposure to other drugs or whether participants suffered from conditions like depression or personality disorders.

“If it turned out that new studies find that cannabis is helpful in treating some medical conditions, this enables us to see a marginal level of safety,” Grant said.

jennyeah + snoop doggy blog

waiting for me to update throughout the day and was curious about some of the things that i was writing about yesterday.

they asked me if i could write “straight”. and the woman who was asking me this, i think was considering me to write for her one day. and i said of course i could write “straight”.

she asked me why i didnt in my blog.

i told her that it was because i was afraid that all the people who read it currently would go away. but then i retracted that and said that its not as much fun for me to write that way.

i explained that it was a lot like pitching in baseball. if you have a guy who can throw a great curveball and a great knuckler and a great split-finger pitch, “junk” as the pundits call it, you really dont need a 90 mph fastball.

to which she argued that if i could master that fastball it would appear to be a 98 mph one in comparison to that “great” sweeping 75 mph curve.

and i agreed with her.

and then there was silence on the phone.

and then i said, so how many pitchers and writers do you know with great “junk” and a great fastball?

and she said none.

and i said thats why im working on my spitter.

man was mumbling on the bus behind me today in spanish. i kept hearing a click after he would say whatever it was that he was saying.

silly me, i thought that he was talking into a tape recorder to capture his insights as we bounced down wilshire blvd.

when i got up to get off the bus i saw that his head was up against the glass, his eyes were closed and all along he had been talking to himself in his sleep and his dentures were clicking.

it was really nice driving karisas mr2 when we drove home last night in the dark and steamy night through the valley.

i shared this with her and she told me that i really need a car and i said i didnt agree with her.

she said, but you could go anywhere you want at any time.

and i said where would i go?

and she said anywhere.

and i said all i want to be is in hollywood or on the wessside.

and she said thats it?

and i said, well, and with you, of course.

and she smiled and a twinkle glimmered in her eye and like a shot we were through the valley and almost home.

jaime leigh + earth-info + brit coal

that you have to look closer and when you do you see youre surrounded.

paris canceled our date tonight which made me happy cuz secretly i wanted to take karisa to see beck. i get nervous around karisa but i get super nervous around paris cuz i dont know her at all. does anyone?

karisa makes me nervous cuz i always want to impress her. theres pretty much nobody who gets me that way anymore, and im getting over it because we’ve been close friends for going on, what, 40 years now? we’ve done tons of ridiculous things that if she still likes me after all that then i guess she always will.

tom waits is on my winamp and the riaa can suck my cock. santa barbara was warm tonight and beck was hot. speculation arose between yours truly and the mass girl as to whether mr. hanson had snorted a few rails of the pure stuff because the first four numbers were performed in a maniacal, decidedly herky jerky teeth grinding manner that isnt at all like his newest offering of easy listening drones.

i dont want to give up on our local genius but the salsa isnt as tangy as it once was but the kids at the county bowl didnt mind, they passed their joints around and dialed up their best friends on their cell phones and held them up to the sweet songs and karisa and i looked up into the night and the stage lights flickered but you know what, i dont go to beck concerts to slowdance which is too bad cuz there were plenty of moments for lots a that.

you may have known that beck fired most of his band after he decided to dive headfirst into the controversial religion that he has admitted to belonging to. me, im still pretty much in the closet about being a Christian, which is probably the most controversial of all religions. and if he had asked me, which he didnt, i would have invited him to hire a band full of satanists, since they always make the best music, instead it looked and sounded like the amish got the vote: they were nice, white, and forgettable. they attempted to keep up with their maestro and jerk around like his previous band but they were a pale imitation lacking of any soul or majesty.

when beck sang about two turntables and a microphone, there was nary one turntable on the stage, let alone two.

that is not to say that the show was without its warmth, and charm, and delight, and amusement. beck loves to dance, he loves to play crazy instruments, he loves to do the robot, he loves to rock the mic. and tonight everyone loved beck right back.

he played a lot of the crappy new stuff and lots of the classic old stuff. he played a cover that was so perfect i wont even reveal it’s title because he is playing friday night in irvine and i wouldnt want to spoil it for you. it was a great song selection, if only the band could play the music.

im hypercritical about beck because he is the new bob dylan and that is a lot of pressure, so what. we all have our crown of thorns to sport, write another Loser, blondie. and ixnay on the gram parsonsay.

we had pit seats. so close you could see the singers eye color (black). so close i could see that he had put his guitar pick in the neck of his guitar to produce a very unique sound when played through a series of pedals ment to produce the feeling of dread and itchiness.

theyve added restrooms underneath the stage in the 74 year old county bowl, parking is still suprisingly simple, and the people are soft and cheery and happy and lucky.

we saw the future of rock n roll tonight, karisa and i, and as soon as he quits fucking around with all the bullshit thats distracting him, he will rise again, regain his throne, and make music that theyd have a harder time playing in elevators.

we drove home down the 101, just 90 minutes and we were back in hollywood where we belonged. halfway down karisa let me take over the controls of her z cuz she was so tired and we had realized that beck had never said goodnight to the crowd, or introduced his band, or thanked the openers, and once again we had to forgive him.

hey buddy, quit your job blowing leaves.

bored housewife + kevynn malone + anti

weird day. weird week. weird everything.

i just got interviewed by my favorite magazine Black Webmaster.

ive been interviewed by them before, but things get f’ed up and i never end up in there. thats cool. i dont do this for fame, i do this for the ladies. but you know that.

the last person who interviewed me from there got fired or killed or quit or something, who knows and then they got someone else to follow up and then someone else, and today a super cool guy called me up and we had our little chat.

i sweat when i write and i sweat when im being interviewed. the literal juices flow, i suppose, its weird and now i wish i had brought another shirt.

he asked all the regular questions except for the ones that i thought he was going to ask me about.

the original article was supposed to be about the dearth of Black bloggers. and so i thought that this article was going to be about Blogger tools that i use. but i guess that wouldnt be much of an article cuz all i pretty much use is Blogger Pro, Dreamweaver, and Photoshop. And then of course YACCS for the comments, and Site Meter for the counter.

first question he asked was if i had a Bio on the blog and i said no so he asked, “so then who is tony pierce?”

stumped me on that one so we moved on.

i told him about the Daily Nexus were all of our friends met, and about the Creative Studies college at UC Isla Vista cuz that one-two punch got me excited about writing and provided me with the chance to write every damn day.

then he asked why i wrote. what motivated me. and i told him that it was nice to get immediate positive feedback, and presents from people pierce, 4845 Fountain Ave. #15, LA, CA 90029 , and donations, and dates with hot babes.

he said, really you do this for the babes?

i said, oh yes.

he asked, and how is that going?

and i said, amazingly well.

then he asked some more hard questions, like what posts im most proud of, and i couldnt think of any. it was tough.

i told him about the Dear Kids of Afghanistan photo essay and the Anna Kournikova photo essay but all i could think of for pure writing was my disses on Bob Costas.

so this is where you come in, generous readers, and this is the perfect time to ask because paris and i are going to santa barbara to see beck play in a few hours.

would you all mind letting me know if there was a story or a post or something like that that you remember being particularilly good, or one that struck you as funny, or touching, etc?

not only would i totally appreciate it, but if i get enough suggestions from you nice people, perhaps i can put together a new book.

holla!

i dont look at that as a bad thing. it’s determination. commitment. passion. desire. intention.

what we talked about isn’t important. nothing is important except that i admire her for sticking to what she wants.

lots of times people stick to what they want but what they want is so dumb.

im not entirely sure that ashleys quest to have me be in her life again is the smartest idea. i cant say im the best friend.

and i want to get with many of her friends. who are all gorgeous.

i want the best for her. i want her to have a normal life. i want her to have a boyfriend her own age. i want her to go to college and become an actress and marry a rock star and write a memoir and maybe then she can say some nice lies about how good i was to her when she was nineteen and twenty and twenty-one.

i tried to be good to her, but i think i was just being selfish.

i can be selfish to a lot of my friends and im sorry about that.

all of you.

my friend amy picked me up at work yesterday and we drove to my house and then to the fabulously old figueroa hotel in downtown LA. it’s the beautiful brick building right across the street from Staples center.

meticulous wrought iron gates, classy pool, outdoor patio, funky art, and lots of international tourists who dont know that in all of LA you really dont want to be staying downtown. but we all make that mistake when we travel to foreign lands, dont we?

it was great to catch up with her as we drove through LA and drank with the intellects.

my friend greg made a short film with me the other day and last night he asked me if i would go see the Hulk with him because his wife is way too smart for such a dumb flick and i gladly said id go with him, especially since its playing at my favorite movie theatre The Vista where they took out every other row of seats. more leg room than even yao ming could use.

my friend os was there and told me about a camping trip. my friend paulo was there with his brother and they took a lot of pictures of my beautiful attorney.

mc brown was in the house and he has a great new web site called Buzznet that i’m sure i will be talking about a lot in the next few weeks and months.

matt and emmanuelle were there looking perfect. infact the best picture that i took last night was of emmanuelle and her sassy short red dress.

welch overheard me calling him a sellout as he drank wine and had a shirt tied in a knot over his cuban button up and he protested that he has been drinking wine his whole life, and i said yes, but when you were keeping it real you drank it from a jug and your hair was as long as a girls.

luke ford was there interviewing our girl amy trying to dig up dirt but amy just lied and lied and you cant get anything out of big time journalists like her, and if you think you have something you dont, all you have is some red herrings. my best advice when interviewing my friends is forget about the so called facts and focus on the feature. zero-in on the atmosphere, the friendships, the love.

viva le rock.

i dont really want to get into it too much cuz then some of this might be true. so lets just say that one day i need to tell you that i have the greatest friends.

im thirsty. ive been drinking. ive been meeting the famous and the nearly famous. ive been hanging in some of hollywoods old school histroy. ive been drinking.

im not going to spell check this mofo or proof read it or anything becuase tonight i was aroujd some of LAs finest writers amd thjeres no way i compare to any of them other than the fact that i have you and i only have some of you.

some of you are just here for the ride adnd thats nice.

i met someone superfamous today at work and he met me and he said nice things to me and i wanted to say nice things to him but i dont lie in real life, just in here, just in the blog.

yesterday i wrote some sad stuff and the day before i did too.

i didnt do it for any other reason than to show a friend that wriuting sad is the easiest thing in the world. oh woah is me. poor moi. isnt life terrible?

a mouse can write about fear better than any man so why compete with rodents? its our job to talk about glorious things. my how time flies.

tomorrow i will be seeing our friend Beck in santa barbara at the county bowl, one of my all time favorite places to see a show.

i think i will be going with bi-coastal socialite paris hilton but only if she behaves and lets me drive.

if i had a normal job i would be able to surprise her and take friday off and get a room at the days inn near the beach and eat seafood and drink wine all night and play strip blackjack and not bang but just be sexy, cuz anyone can bang but how many can truly be sexy. the bone being balanced on the dogs nose, etc.

im drunk but in a good way. like my memory is here but distracted.

did someone call me today. yes, it was ashley. and chris. and jeanine.

three olde girlfriends of totally differnet personality tyupes and one thing in common, dunmb enough to kiss me.

kissmet

plummet

dummb it

fckit

katie + sk smith + leah + jenny