we had our work company party yesterday at BOA steakhouse and when it was over they let us go home early which is always nice.

but instead of going home i started Ubering and the first ping i got was on Uber Select and it was a mental health doctor who wanted to go to Newport Beach which was almost 2 hours away.

it was gonna cost him about $175 and i would keep about $135 of it. thats the good news, the bad news was the traffic would be brutal and he didnt wanna talk that much. but when we did talk it was great.

first thing i asked him was if he thought Kanye was crazy. he said he grew up with Texas hip hop and reeled off a half dozen names, said he saw the Watch the Throne concert at Yankee Stadium which was Kanye vs Jay Z. and he said yes Kanye was probably a little sick and could def use help. but he also said that massive creativity edges insanity.

crazy people are just hyper sensitive to the things around them, the doc said. it was nice.

i told him about a girlfriend i had who was probably bipolar and how much i loved her but there wasnt anything i could do about it. he said there isnt anything people can do. we can recommend things like diet and exercise but if they dont want therapy on their own, they’re not going to trust anyone.

this doc was against meds. he thought meditation and hypnotherapy does wonders. he said theres a theory that 85% of our consciousness is subconscious and we can tap into it, but only if we can numb the conscious and the best way to do that is to hypnotize it, not in a magic trick way but in a temporary clinical way. he said he had done it and it was fantastic. he said so much of the unproductive things in the sub conscious are learned and can be unlearned and lead us to clarity.

then he asked me what i did when i wasnt driving.

i said i fight crime.

he said, yeah but what do you do for fun?

i said, social media for the academy. and we talked about targeted facebook ads.

but then we got back to craziness. he said he has offices all over the country and he said ppl on the East Coast are waaaaay crazier than those on the West. i asked is that bc our weed is better out here? he said, a little!

but he also said the weather can psychologically fake you out. he said imagine you live in Boston and 10% of the year you literally cannot get out and do things, after a while you’ll start believing that 10% of the things in your life are impossible to overcome.

meanwhile in California theres never a day where you cant go out there and go for it. because of that people out here think theres nothing they cant do. and that positive outlook bleeds into other aspects of their lives.

also he says families can make you crazy because its so ingrained. he said people back east who never move away from their families get rooted down and stymied. whereas if you are on the west coast away from your past you can reinvent yourself or — be your own kind of crazy, which is way healthier.

he took my business card because he wanted to talk more about social media.

and i was all, take two, i might be bipolar too 🙂

i was trying to drive over at USC but i got caught up at this Church’s Chicken drive thru.

the squawk box was broke so everyone had to wait in line and order at the window – in your car – it was a mess

and the weird thing about having your Uber Select radar on in the hood is you might be the closest person to a

smokin hot, super skinny, probably on coke, wild-minded, sex-on-the-brain new yorker

who is going on a blind date in Beverly Hills.

David? I asked whe she got in.

David is the gentleman who did the right thing and ordered this car, I’m Carla.

within minutes we were talking about sex, models, not eating at fancy restaurants, anorexia, bulimia,

and threesomes.

“im the star of the show, honey, it’s all about me.” she laughed.

and it was.

some drives i have to lead the conversation. sometimes i have to pry.

with Carla i found myself going backwards

now wait, you just said XYZ, lets delve into that more.

she laughed a lot. so much energy. she asked for a water. people never do that. of course i had it.

when i dropped her off she walked a few steps in front of my car, incredibly tight jeans.

turned around and winked.

and i was all, David, i hope to hell you’re ready.

and i look at myself in the mirror and i think, now i could understand if i got this offer at 20, 30 or even 40

but how is this happening now that im knock knock knocking on heavens door?

maybe shes trying to get in my will.

right now my will is being rewritten because previously i had left all of my worldly possessions to the Cubs so they could sell them and buy a left handed starter

but now that we’re world series champs, all i want for Christmas is my sink of dirty dishes cleaned.

so i appreciate her, and what i hope are some inappropriate uniforms, coming over to take care of them.

last night i drove around USC, and speaking of inappropriate, it was an Uber Pool, meaning you pick up someone and before you drop them off you pick up someone else.

in the front seat was this frat boy surfer dude

in the back were two chinese computer science majors.

surfer bra goes what sort of weed do they have in china?

guys in the back laugh and say they have never smoked pot.

we’re heading to the off campus apartment complex called the Lorenzo.

surfer goes, you live in the Lorenzo and youve never smoked pot?

china guy says, only the Americans smoke that.

i laugh. Americans.

chinese guy says, isn’t that addictive?

surfer says, havent you ever been addicted to a video game? like you cant stop thinking about it. your hands get sore playing? or what about a girl, have you ever been obsessed by some hot chick? both of those are way more addictive than weed.

then the chinese guy goes our parents told us not to do it.

surfer says, didnt your parents tell you not to wack off?

everyone laughs.

loudest of all: a muffled voice in the trunk.