lets rock.

zona: when are you going to bitch slap some cubs for wasting my nephew Ted’s stellar performance on the mound in his last start?

as a cubfan if i ever were to have bitchslapped any cubs, this wouldnt be the year that i would begin the practice. this team is getting it all together. im very glad that the pitching is relatively strong and deep and healthy.

raymi: why won’t losers on the internet just leave me the heck alone?

when youre on top youre visable for everyone to aim at. when youre topless it’s even worse, id imagine. but you might be forgetting that all the winners on the interwebs love you massively. even pitt. or do you consider him one of the losers?

Andrea: What’s been your favorite birthday so far?

when i turned 90 i was sorta freaking out. it was the first time that i ever felt really old. fortunately i had a hot girlfriend and a lot of friends around. so the friends got my old band, Chopper One, together and i found a Pokey costume and we jammed, and afterwards my girl got us a little hotel room and she dressed up like a dirty girl and we ordered chinese and got wasted and loved each other until the morning. sure beat the time when i turned 21 in florence and stepped in poop.

Pete: Asking Tony… Are you a fan of self-publishing books? Any tips for someone looking at doing it?

im a huge fan of self-publishing books. i cant say i understand the real book publishing world, but i truly love the self publishing world. i have been relatively successful with Cafe Press. the price is right, they’ll ship to your readers, you have full control over every aspect of the book. if you have a relatively popular web site or blog you dont even have to sell them through Amazon, just sell em to the people who already read your words. there are other companies out there like Blurb whose books ive seen and they look like… books. so we live in good days.

timmay!!!!!: have you met xeni? if so, where and when?

i met Xeni while we were panelists on the famous panel where Ev announced that Blogger just got sold to Google. she was beautiful, smart, taller than i expected, very well dressed, and an excellent representative of the blogosphere.

sass: Between which Olympic athletes (sports, or specific) do you think would have the hottest sex?

all these athletes seem pretty hot, but when Blogging becomes an olympic sport id like to see the canadian and american bloggers get to know each other in the olympic village.

Bigg Mike: What was your favorite concert/show ever?
How will you celebrate the cubbies world series victory…can i come? why don’t you get a dog? you seem like a dog person. Will obama win?

my favorite concert was the Replacements 1986 at the Roxy. Thelonious Monster opened and it was the best full on hard core rock show id ever seen before or since. and mind you ive seen pretty much every rock band who ever lived.

i hope to be in Chicago when the glorious day happens. right there on clark and addison, drinking an Old Style and letting God know that every other part of my life is extra credit now cuz my life would be complete.

i dont have a dog because i enjoy the freedom to jet to vegas any time i want, i enjoy the freedom to spend the night at a nice girl’s house any time i want, and i enjoy the peace of mind of knowing that when i come home there wont be turds or ripped up items awaiting me. animals should remain jailed in peoples back yards.

Carrie: Do you still read LAist every day? Do you think Zach has been doing a good job as editor?

i do and i love it. not only that but i talk about LAist almost every day at the Times. it remains a great example of what lots of blogs could/should be doing. i dont know what it is like to work under Zach, but the product that i read every day is pretty damn good. i love the LAistorys, i love how the news coverage has improved, but i miss the music coverage dominance. but thats probably my fault because i didnt leave a music editor behind, and music is tougher than most people think, which is why theres so few great music blogs in the world.

Sarah: What do you do when someone in your office doesn’t like you? Give them the evil eye or kill them with kindness? Why are good looking guys the worst ones?

ive had run ins with coworkers before. once i didnt even speak to the dude who sat next to me for months and months. it was juvenile and awkward. and it probably wasnt very healthy physically or emotionally. which is why i say go to lunch with the person and work it out. life is really short. and usually work is hard. no need to also have personal issues f’ing things up.

pretty boys are the worst because they dont have to work for it and makes them cocky. the only person who has been able to pull off cockiness is kanye. and maybe michael jordan.

lindsay: what’s your favorite restaurant in la? you can only pick one. also, who’s a bigger asshole: john edwards or eliot spitzer?

contrary to popular belief, ive got no love for john edwards. i believe in this very blog i gave him a hard time for cockblocking the chances of either the first female president or the first black president. if i recall i gave him a hard time for being a young white pretty boy with a dying wife at home and possible history was happening in his own party and he wanted to stick his … nose in it. now that he admitted to cheating on said dying wife, i say hes the bigger ahole.

my favorite restaurant is Kanpai on lincoln near the airport. great sushi. expensive though.

adriel: ooh i really like sarah’s question about coworkers. i’ve got a couple of em making my undies bunch these days. what’s one of the most important things i can teach my boy right now?

teach him how to dance, how to cook, and the importance of reading books. if he can learn to love each of these he will have a line of women around the block waiting for him.

(if you can get in)

it is also Ask Tony

as always feel free to ask your questions in the comments below.

topics on the table may include:

do i know how many houses i own?

am i really 16, therefore old enough to compete in the gymnastics?

do i agree with sass’s foolish decision to get a blackberry instead of an iphone?

am i shocked – shocked – that our LA Times critics havent said one word about our amazing olympics coverage, 25+ killer photo galleries, 40+ beautiful and informative graphics, and our gold medal worthy blog that has over 1,000 posts and is totally on pace to get 2 million page views this month? or do i think that some folks just love to hate on hard-working people?

am i starting to believe the hype that the cubs are the most well rounded team in baseball?

do i understand how the usa hoops team with all those all stars dont win 400-18 every game?

homemmade video of “Silver Shifter”

WITH A NUDE NEW BASS PLAYER!

from their PR hype truth-telling machine (from the future):

KOALA-ING ALL DESTROYERS!!
Tsar will be performing with Thomas on bass. Thomas is a good-looking and funny Austrailian musician-type friend of theirs that they met in just-pre-9/11 America while their bands were on tour together (he was in Vast, they were Tsar). He was hand-selected by Solomon to be Solomon’s replacement in 2004 (he learned the songs and everything), but then couldn’t do it, and none of them can remember exactly why, but it was a real good reason at the time. He is currently the touring guitarist for She Wants Revenge and experimenting with a beard.

Grow a beard NOW to show your support!

see you at the gig!!

when i was in high school, every semester i took an art class. drawing, ceramics, art history, but for some reason never painting. drawing yes. hell yes. sadly as time went on i stopped. maybe its cuz i didnt have a sweet bar like “The Bronx Zoo” to practice my unreal skillz.

check out this sweet lede by Jessica Galt:

THE MAN had been flirting with the woman by the bar for a few minutes before blurting out, “Is that a gorilla mask between your legs?” She stared at him, silent for a moment, then grinned broadly and said: “You know, it really is.”

Myung Chung of our badass video team produced the video above and Jessica’s piece is here in the underrated Guide in a perfect example of teamwork in a lighthearted way to approach part of the artistic charm of LA.

directed by ben stiller
starring robert downey jr., jack black, ben stiller, nick nolte, bill hader, matthew mcconaughey, tyra banks, and tom cruise as les grossman

hot chick wanted to go to the movies. ended up at the vista by my house. 7pm show. good sized crowd for a wednesday night.

got in a little late cuz chickie was being a chickie. turned out some of the previews are actually fake previews for the movie. dont be late.

didnt realize till at the end of the movie, but ben stiller directed this. pretty damn good for a guy whos last shot at the helm was zoolander, which wasnt bad either.

tropic thunder isnt all that. its better than most, but thats nothing to crow about. when you have robert downey and jack black and half of hollywood trying to be funny, it should be funny shouldnt it? plus ben stillers funny so you’re half way home.

tropic thunder is a love story about a man who has lost himself. hes having an identity crisis and it takes the chaos of war for him to reach self discovery. thats what i told dategirl as i was trying to take her bra off left handed in the vons parking lot.

she disagreed.

tropic thunder is an action movie, she said, where the only person getting any action is gonna be your right hand if you dont step off and let me dig into these gummi worms.

dont call it a gummi worm i pouted.

i used to have a manager at e! whos word i always relied on, especially about movies because she is a stuntwoman. she said that when jack black is the lead in the film its a meh film, but when he has a supporting role hes super funny and everythings perfect. gotta say it was hard to choose whether black or downey stole the show more often, but i think its gotta go to ironman cuz he was able to do the blackface thing without being offensive, which is almost an impossible trick.

sadly the film sorta fell apart halfway through when it became a parody of itself which is why i give it a reluctant thumbs up, mostly to encourage people to watch the mastery of downey, who actually gave a better performance in this movie than in ironman cuz really how hard is it to act like ironman?

this is one of my faves from them. its about you.

“Startime”
Band, Girls, Money
(whalen, kern)

L.A. is the place to be and if it ain’t as shocking as it used to be
take the bullet out your head, put it back in the gun get your finger on the trigger

Welcome everybody to the city of sound
they feast on your fears to turn the city around
all they want to do is get up on your action…let em go

My brothers are all proud rockers…wild and aloof…trippin on acid
My sisters are all stone stunners…wired to the roof…and rolling on adam

Baby you live like a suicide
Hell, somebody’s gotta stand up and die

Won’t ya, figure i’d live down in Hollywood, never liked no fraud who
wear his money for food for fifteen minute freaks, to fan the flannel flame…
Cuz they use you man!

Come on!…Pass the pipe and take the test
Cuz your the young Lee Harvey, man your David Koresh
And if you don’t dig that, why don’t you go home and
watch some Tivo f**ker!

My sisters are all nice rockers…shoes to the roof and lookin up at my way
My brothers are all jean cutters…glued to the tube and jumping like an osprey

They never let it down, they heard the sound now get it around

And we say oh…American girl wo wo
Fill my heart with gladness Lord
You gotta save my soul wo wo
Clean my mouth of sadness oh oh oh
oh wo oh oh
oh wo oh oh

My brothers are all proud rockers…tripping on acid
My sisters are all stone stunners…rolling on adam
My brothers are all proud rockers…tripping on acid
My sisters are all stone stunners…wash these devils off!

Startime rock-n-roll make up your mind cuz this won’t come off
Get ready to let it rock on!
Startime and steal the show so many miles to go!
and let it rock on
Get ready to let it rock on
Get ready to let it rock on
Get ready to let it…Rock On!!!

was posted by merlin mann. and because i wrote the original list called “how to blog“, of course my mailbox was filled with people asking whaddya think.

with all due respect to mr mann, and i mean that, bro lost me at #1, Voice. Says Merlin:

Good blogs have a voice. Who wrote this? What is their name? What can I figure out about who they are that they have never overtly told me? What’s their personality like and what do they have to contribute — even when it’s “just” curation. What tics and foibles fascinate make me about this blog and the person who makes it? Most importantly: what obsesses this person?

I’m sorry, but next to making money, Voice is probably the most overrated goal in blogs. A good voice is good, but a blog with informative or interesting posts is far better and will be far more successful.

The concept that a voice is necessary for a successful blog just hasn’t been proven. Blogs like BoingBoing have 4 different bloggers who are very different from each other. The success of that blog (Top 5 on Technorati for years) is due to its content, not its voice.

Huffington Post has hundreds of contributors and has been #1 on Technorati for most of this year, not because of it’s voice but because of its content. Same could be said for Engadget, Gizmodo, Post Secret, or even icanhascheezeburger.

One can try to be the next Mike Royko or Jim Murray or Steve Lopez all they want. And a group can attempt to all write in a particular style or tone all they want. But the most successful blogs simply try to provide the best, most newsworthy, most interesting posts in a timely manner and don’t distract themselves with subjective ideals.

Of course there are exceptions to the rule: Dooce, Perez Hilton, Gawker, but when I was at LAist we went from 2000 in Technorati to 600 in six months with 50 people writing exactly the way they wanted to.

Likewise Top of the Ticket went from 2000 to 94 on Technorati in a short period of time with several vastly different styles of blogging. I don’t think anyone confused an Andy post from a Don post regardless of the fact that Andy utilizes “attitude”. Don doesn’t, and that blog is still climbing the charts.

i know it might be weird for the author of the busblog, a solo blog with tons of attitude and voice claiming that voice has nothing to do with what makes a good blog, but sorry, i saw it first hand at LAist: good content trumps “voice” any day of the week.

unless youre maddox.

on the sunset strip

if youre in LA you should get your tickets now.

“Band Girls Money” (whalen, kern)
from the album Band Girls Money
TVT Records

I’ve seen the President’s feet when he walks down the street
He’s gotta stovepipe hat, he’s got wooden teeth
Gonna make a big scene with a nuclear bomb
gonna rent a limousine with his sunglasses on
His girlfriend’s name is Kathy Fong
She blew his mind from the here to beyond
She sold him out to the LSC,
they cleaned him up, put him on T.V.
and that’s why,
I wanna testify
It’s as easy as this!
He’s gonna show up and get his kicks!

He’s got the band, (the band) the girls (the girls), the money
He’s got the band, (the band) the girls (the girls), the money
Alright!

They threw him up cuz they could not wait
to see his Penthouse face on a dinner plate
They shot his heart full of electrolytes
but check the calibration was not quite right
Well that’s right!
He’s lying on the floor
and then they want somemore
He’s flying high and looking bored!

He’s got the band (the band), the girls (the girls), the money
He’s got the band (the band), the girls (the girls), the money
Oh no!

Everyone will rock Los Angeles
Ya gotta live with your mom and dad!
This guitar is a lie,
love is alive,
get while the gettin’s good!
Heartbreakerrrrrrrrrr!

He’s got the band, the girls, the money.
He’s got the band, the girls, the mahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hey, I saw a letter from you! It’s got profit and why it’s wrong!
And it’s time to shed your skin!
And then it said that love is war!
I said, he’s got the band!

i went over to her plush apartment and she was sitting there stretched out on the couch.

little pink fuzzy slippers on.

little shiny smile on. said, whaddya wanna do?

i said eat.

she said whaddya wanna eat?

and the problem with some babes is they really are too young. i think im starting to learn that. they havent figured out how to talk in a sexy way so they really shouldnt practice with a senior citizen.

its like trying to pull away from the curb in a little car that has stick shift and jumping from first gear to fourth. not only isnt it meant to go that way but you really should squeal before you moan.

said suzy q’s.

she was all, whats a suzy q?

poor girl wasnt schooled in the world of hostess baked goods?

this is whats wrong with america.

they dont tell you this but los angeles is a far more diverse place than pretty much anywhere other than new york, but in some cases even more diverse. this one was from a planet i cant even pronounce. but i’ll try.

iowa.

she wasnt as hot as miss iowa ’99, but close. but looks are the devils three card monte. you think you have the game won and all of a sudden life flips over the truth and youve lost. so the best idea is to look into their heart.

lemme see your heart baby, you say as you lean down to kiss her clavicle. she jerks away surprised cuz your stubble has grown in but hell its 12:30 at night. one of us hasnt shaved since 8am and the other one of us is probably too young to shave anywhere.

you root down in search of the heart and yes that sounds like second gear,

maybe i should release the clutch.

or whatever that is

as the shadows start speaking the international language of hi.