once i was in college i stopped going to church

partially because once i started reading the bible in Isla Vista i learned that a lot of what i was taught in the Catholic Church wasn’t in the Good Book, which ends with it saying, “anyone who adds to this text will get the curses written herein” or something.

but the Catholics just wrote new crud anyways like nbd.

a few years ago a guy i hired way back in the day told me about a church in Koreatown that plays really good music. he invited me to come and who doesnt love good music? so i went and it is now my church.

but because of the Plague ive had to watch via YouTube and it’s super good. maybe better than IRL?

YESTERDAY the gospel was from the Sermon on the Mount, which we’ve all read a million times but it wasn’t about how the Meek shall inherit the Earth which i wrote about just the other day, it was about The Children of God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

so here’s the crazy thing about the Bible. they say you should read it over and over because little things that don’t mean squat to you when you’re twentysomething in Isla Vista during the Grunge Era will totally ring true to you once you are old fat bald living in Hollywood.

as i have revealed to you, sometimes i go on Twitter and pick fights.

im currently undefeated and find it rude to refuse to engage if i am called out.

we didnt do that in the streets, why avoid it in the tweets?

but… i want to be a child of God.

that sounds a ton better than inheriting a ruined, desolate, scorched Earth.

and all i have to do is be a peacemaker? done. DONE!

but that means not having twitter wars, flame wars, or wars of any kind.

that means not even having wars in my heart.

when i realized this, and trust me, it hit me hard, i immediately went to Facebook where i had left some verbal landmines on a rival Howard Stern group that has been overtaken by Trump supporters, and i deleted them.

because modern warfare, in my life, is not actual guns and actual weapons, it is the battles that i have about this or that where we are verbally sparring. sure my goal is to change people’s minds, but really it’s just crude ways of me saying “you’re dumb, im smart, and here’s several reasons why you should be ashamed of yourself.”

that is not being a peacemaker.

which means i will not be considered a child of God when my number comes up.

Black Sabbath will sound and i will be introduced as a War Pig, probs.

fuck that.

the good Lord has bestowed me with a nimble mind, a sharp tongue and a semi charmed life. why am i fighting on the stupid internet, probably with bots?

to hone my skillz? those skillz BEEN honed.

the skills Jesus is daring us to hone are not to dunk on each other, but to be the alley for some stranger’s oop.

you cant fuck around and score a triple double simply by hanging from the rim, shaq.

in conclusion: challenge accepted.

while at the house with the spectacular view i was asked if i am a born again Christian

and i hesitated because im not sure

for me to be born again means that as an adult you choose the religion

and it helps if something magical brought you to the conclusion.

thats me.

but we all know the world rarely fits into the tony pierce definition for things

the world probably says you have to be baptised again and several other requirements.

but being born again isnt something thats in the bible so to me it’s all made up and therefore insignificant but i dont want to avoid answering questions simply because it’s complicated.

but the mere fact i was considering saying yes seemed to surprise the gentleman asking

i guess because i dont come across as a born again Christian

which, i hate to say,

is probably a compliment.

which is sad because i bet you there are tons of believers who, like me, aren’t stereotypical in the negative way.

and arent trying to convert or debate or judge.

if anything i think i am religious because religion was never forced on me.

one day in college i decided to take a class called the Bible as Literature

and the more i read the stories the more i was shocked at how different they were from what i thought they were. how much wasnt in there. and how short they were.

so i ended up reading the whole thing to see what else i thought i knew that i didnt know.

the best part of the story is this: i ended up taking two classes about the Bible,
became super into it
and i still got bad grades in both classes.

neither teacher appreciated my interpretations.

i remember one guy

we were studying the new testament. Jesus giving the Sermon on the Mount.

He says that the meek shall inherit the Earth.

so my paper was something like “I Still Think The Meek Are Screwed”

and in it i gave example after example of how Christians and Jews are instructed to aim higher than just the mundane things: money, property, idols, the flesh. Story after story about guys who want material things — or gets them — and they’re still unhappy.

everyone is being told, turn away from the things of the world, you treasure will be in Heaven.

then here at the mount we are told the Meek will get the Earth in the future.

i was like, in Revelations they said the earth is going to be uninhabitable, locust everywhere, worse than Sodom and Gomorrah. so who wants to inherit that?

i wrote, unless the Earth means The Heavens, why should anyone want to inherit something theyve been told is a red herring?

well this teacher flipped out.

my paper was jackson pollock of red ink.

fortunately it was pass fail so since i did the paper on time he couldnt truly punish me for actually reading the book and writing down what i thought.