theres a new wordpress im writing this on and its so terrible i may go back in time to a different version because mama mia.
anyways today amber and i got soup.
the end.
it rained it poured then it got sunny
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LOL
i will never be this cool, or this Russian
During the 6th Soviet Antarctic Expedition at Novolazarevskaya Station, the only doctor in the house suddenly became the patient
when Dr. Leonid Rogozov realized his appendix was going to burst unless he did the unthinkable: OPERATE ON HIMSELF
The date: on April 30, 1961
His assistant: a mechanic.
Length of operation: Two hours.
How he did it: He positioned himself so that he could see his own body using a mirror when doing the surgery. But as he notes, that meant he was seeing things on the wrong side.
He made a 12 cm incision through which he found the appendix.
He published a short note about this in the Soviet Antarctic Expedition Information Bulletin, no. 37, pp. 42-44, 1962.
I did not sleep at all last night. It hurts like the devil! A snowstorm whipping through my soul, wailing like a hundred jackals. Still no obvious symptoms that perforation is imminent, but an oppressive feeling of foreboding hangs over me … This is it … I have to think through the only possible way out: to operate on myself … It’s almost impossible … but I can’t just fold my arms and give up.
I worked without gloves. It was hard to see. The mirror helps, but it also hinders — after all, it’s showing things backwards. I work mainly by touch. The bleeding is quite heavy, but I take my time — I try to work surely. Opening the peritoneum, I injured the blind gut and had to sew it up. Suddenly it flashed through my mind: there are more injuries here and I didn’t notice them … I grow weaker and weaker, my head starts to spin. Every 4-5 minutes I rest for 20-25 seconds. Finally, here it is, the cursed appendage! With horror I notice the dark stain at its base. That means just a day longer and it would have burst and …
At the worst moment of removing the appendix I flagged: my heart seized up and noticeably slowed; my hands felt like rubber. Well, I thought, it’s going to end badly. And all that was left was removing the appendix … And then I realised that, basically, I was already saved.
Two weeks later, he was back on duty.
our schedules are screwed so i never have a day off
she works every day but monday and tuesdays
and those days im usually on the phone or writing
even sundays i have to work which im sure doesnt please the Lord so i try to do that work after midnight which makes Monday a groggy day
but at least i have work. which is a blessing. even though unemployment is very low one should always be grateful of work. i say that as someone who has found himself in dark places economically, as many of us has
and ive also found my self once upon a time, with his cup running over. it’s a strange dynamic because when youre broke you think it will last forever and when you’re doing good you foolishly also think that this is how it will be until you die
and then you die.
yesterday amber and i took a walk on a quest for food. and halfway through she nearly passed out from low blood sugar and when she got a fix from some coffee she was a totally different person.
is the xbi behind this? are they switching robot babes on me who are running out of battery life? what evil lurks inside Starbucks’ that this one goes in like a dying bluetooth signal and comes out all raring to go? it wouldnt be so shocking but the quick change happens in minutes.
we ended up at Thai Patio, the former home of Palms Thai and she loved it. all i could see were its past glories. over there is where Thai Elvis once sang, on those walls where decorations once hung now theres nothing. the tables that you used to have to wait outside to sit in are now empty. true we were there at 4:20 in between lunch and dinner rushes, but still. the food was good although the soup seemed a bit watered down.
the best was a butch lesbian woman with a crew cut and a xxl tshirt and baggy jeans accompanied by her very femme, thicc, african american date wearing a long red dress. they moved from a window seat to one in a darker corner. two instagram influencers sat near them. how do i know who they were? they told the lesbian couple who introduced themselves.
near us was a table of four Metro bus drivers devouring their meals.
we should have come earlier for the $6 lunch specials.
ashley was right, im never pleased
etienne was right, im bossy
emma was right, her dad should kill me
the favourite was fine, but
theres always a but
heres my big problem with so many movies:
if you have action, you can’t have romance
if you have powerful women,
theres no room for powerful men.
star wars is great because everyone is great
except for the star troopers
so they made them look fantastic.
the favourite looks fine, is fine, is better than most
but is that what we should be shooting for? B-plusses?
when you have such fine performances, costumes, framework
would it kill you to go that extra mile?
i have spoken. exeunt.
what if im losing my super powers
what if i dont have the magic inside of me any more
what if everything before this was luck like they said
what if they were all being nice in the past and i have no talent
what if my isla vista sex drugs rock intro was really just a set up to a downward spiral into misery heartache poverty and tragedy
what if the caged bird doesnt actually sing for thee, but instead is tolling a bell yearning to be set free?
what if my buckets got a hole in it
these are the thoughts that go a mile a second into the head of a writer as he simply tries to do his work, and im sure it happens to musicians and artists and ballet dancers and tuba repairmen
but i heard the best thing the other day. who said it. who said it?
whoever it was said you can have these thoughts come to you, but you have to let them all slide through. don’t give them a home in your head.
dont let them live there rent-free. move them along, little doggies. move along.
have them, hear them, note what theyre saying,
but then bring out the broom and sweep them out, make room for the new thoughts, the weirder ones, the crazier ones
the thoughts that bring about peace and love, peace and love
oh yes, it was Ringo who said it!
because ambers allergic to the cats
for the last year i havent spent a lot of time with them, but now on this project im home a lot more
and at night she sends me off to the living room before she’s about to fall asleep
so i am out here on the couch with my music and huge tv
and these two are so happy because i pet them and scratch them and
constantly push them away from me.
it’s a weird little dance.
and because they are competitive, one waits for the other to fall asleep
and then crawls over to my lap like nbd
they are very lovable animals who have slowly started to get fat.
and even though it goes against my best nature, because i dont know how to stop feeding them
i bought an automatic feeder thing for them.
it’s their christmas gift.
i hope they dont hate me forever for it.
a good man died the other day
reminding us that this jug of milk
has an expiration date.
when i say be yourself i mean really yourself
but then that means know who you are
and thats a far more complicated situation.
i can be the nicest person in the whole world in person
but on email or text im the worst.
if there was a job where i could just write people venomous emails, the type that make you want to throw your computer out the window after reading it, i would be the king of that world
or if i could be the sweetest greeter at the fanciest restaurant.
oh you look so lovely, welcome to Chez Frank’s. what perfume are you wearing? it’s ravishing.
but real life is a combo of the two and all the shades in between. i find myself in battles all the time. situations i never expected to be in, and yet there we are. what do i do? what do i say?
evil tony wants to come out and bust heads the way he was taught on the mean streets of suburban illinois.
but sweet tony is infused by the grace of the holy spirit. we are all children of God. perhaps everything that happens on earth is just a complicated test to see how we will perform in Heaven, if we are allowed in there in the first place. thus check thyself. else, wreckith thy own.
as luck would have it i am usually gentle with the ones i should be strong and not strong enough with the ones i should release the kracken with.
i dont have the most clear memories of receiving my super powers, but i do remember this faint voice
was it a dream?
anyway it goes on a loop in my head from time to time, quiet and then louder.
dont use this for evil, only for good.
this black dude who used to work at Facebook
quit his job at Facebook because he said the environment there wasn’t good if you are black.
he said that security guards harassed blacks at night, that they were dissuaded from having black backchannels, and they were even asked not to do “black things” after work with each other.
i dont know the gent, and some of these accusations seem outrageous especially in northern california but who knows, maybe he’s totally telling the truth.
he even said that 2-3 times a day, every day, he noticed people clutching their wallets tighter whenever he walked past them.
am i weird that i usually left my wallet in my desk? also, why would you need a wallet if all the food is free?
but lets say he is telling the truth and it sucked being 6% of a huge company and the environment made you feel intimidated to speak up else youd lose your gig?
i think that could be fixed. and i dont think it would be hard. you just need an african-american in charge with actual power to fire people if they, indeed, tried to tell people who they could hang out with after work and what they could do.
if the culture there is so backwards that even bright young tech workers are terrified of a black man walking through a campus in menlo park then there are actual things that can be done about it and a filthy rich company like Facebook should be the ideal place to invest in that sort of shift.
clearly mark z has other fires popping up all around him, and maybe he still wants to be a major political player, but as they say, how you gonna tell me how things should be when you got problems in your own house?
could i fix the culture problem at Facebook? of course. easily. and with style. i hired hundreds of people at PeopleSupport. the crew was diverse, talented and respectful. parking sucked though.
is that something that i would want to spend my energies on right now? no.
right now im working on a secret project and wondering why my tax man hasn’t called me back.
even i have a problems in my own house right now.