also for the packers to lose
and for the patriots to lose
and for there to be lots of snow in these games.
and if not snow, rain and mud.
may mud fall from the sky
and unto this playoff gridiron.
and may cam newton laugh and smile
and throw bombs into the super bowl.
ive been wearing a Cubs hat since i was a lad.
when i was in high school id walk down the hall and people would pass me by and say
cubs suck
cubs suck
oh god the cubs suck
cubs lost yesterday
cubs suck
cubs rule!
cubs suck
in college i would wear it and people would say omg are you from chicago? and id say the burbs – represent! and we’d talk about the cubs or chicago or where they were from or whathaveyou.
but nowadays i wear my hat and dudes mostly say your team is great or your team is doing great or things of that nature.
today i was at a Panerra Bread and i saw a dude with a black Cubs hat with a white C on it and i said, nice hat.
he didnt notice my blue Cubs hat (Post Season edition) and said, are you from Chicago?
i spun my hat around and he was all ooooooh hi!!!
he told me that most people make fun of him i said, i dont know anything about that.
the good news about the Cubs getting ready to win the world series is this year im ready for it. i have all the hats i need. now i need one that says world champs. or greatest team of the 21st century. or f you white sox on the side.
or this ones for you, harry
it will be a very special day. i’ll probably cry and propose marriage to the first girl i see. we’ll probably make out right there in the street.
there will be humping. who knows. consummation. fluids of all sorts.
a child will be conceived. one that will be called
champion.
or pion for short.
and she will rule us all.
and of course when you ask one good question it usually leads to more good questions.
and since their question was about diversity, let’s keep asking questions.
first off, of all the writers on the front page of the LA Times this morning, how many are not white? how many are not white in that lead story?
of all the people who edited those stories, as in their bosses, how many are not white?
is the news editor white? is the person in charge of entertainment white? is the photo editor white? what percentage of the masthead is white?
and since the examples used in their story really centers about the lack of african-americans, something near and dear to my heart, let’s keep asking questions down that path: how many african-american editors are there at my favorite local paper?
how many african-american editors-in-chiefs have there been there? how many african-american entertainment editors have there been (digital and/or print?) how many african-american publishers have there been?
how many african-american blog editors have there been? how did they do?
are these unfair questions about a paper that serves an incredibly diverse city? do they matter at all in context of this dramatic front page story? about film? (speaking of: how many black film critics has the times employed?)
the great thing about good questions is there’s never a lack of them. how many black opinion editors has the times hired? how many black sports editors have they had in their 100+ year history? how many black ad sales vps have there been? we could even ask: of the people who run the parking garage – how many at the very top are black? would our guesses be correct with all of these questions?
trust me, i am thrilled that questions about diversity are asked in 2016, especially when it concerns african americans,
but at what point am i allowed to say to my bffs in the press: pot, kettle?
at what point can someone say, doctor heal thyself?
is it bad form to quote matthew 7:5 which teaches “first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye”?
im sure the LA Times, just like Hollywood, knows that progress can often take a long time to achieve
but some industries,
and companies,
and entities,
are easier to turn around than others.
the question is, why haven’t those easy ones changed quickly either
especially after they’ve taken the log out of their own eye?
those are the questions i can’t wait for them to ask
and answer.
one of the unexpectedly great parts of working at the times when i did was getting to work with sooo many talented writers and editors.
one of the coolest was the very laid back dean kuipers, who i knew had previously worked at spin, my favorite magazine, but it wasn’t until tonight that i learned that he worked at Raygun, which for a while was the coolest mag in the world.
naturally dean had befriended David Bowie back in the day and the pair were working on an avant garde movie(?!?!) when this fascinating exchange happened, dean writes in today’s times:
On the second day of working together, with no one else in the room, Bowie took a long look at me and said, “Dean, do you think my work is still relevant?”
My heart broke. He worried that his surreal vision was too obscure, his many personae too fragmented. I reassured him that when your art is one of the root references of the present, you are always relevant.
“I wonder,” he said, unconvinced.
so yes, even david bowie, the man we are all remembering fondly, and missing, and fawning over
had real self doubts about the one thing he had been doing beautifully his whole life.
im so grateful dean wrote about this today.
this morning was noms. i got to sleep around 10:30pm last night. woke up at 3:13am!!!! took a quick shower and hit the road.
very proud of myself because i do NOT get to sleep early on command.
but one thing led to another and boom i was asleep.
once i was on the streets of Hollywood, it was a dream.
not a car in sight!
so i cranked the Metallica and shot this little snapchat for yr ass
there was so little traffic that i just took Sunset all the way down to Doheny which is usually a suckers move cuz you’ll get stuck at La Brea and then Crescent Heights and then for surely along the Strip.
but when no ones there you can pass the Rainbow, see that all of the sweet flowers are still out for Lemmy
realize that one can still turn around, and take a picture and be on time for work
so there you go Motörheads.
got to the garage there was a security guard in front of it, which is odd.
i rolled down my window and said, xbi
and he stepped aside.
parked in the best spot in the whole place
that i took a picture because that never happens
got to the office and totally forgot that we give all the press delicious breakfast
(in my mind the breakfast is for me)
and took a picture of them because every other day that i arrive that room is empty
got my breakfast, did my job, high fived ppl after we didnt screw anything up
and as i was driving home a huge wave of fatigue hit me
even though i had slept well the night before i was pooped.
so i got home and took a nice nap with the kittens
and was very happy that JJL, the screenwriters of Straight Outta Compton, and Mad Max got nominated.
one thing ive learned from being around and studying the history of the Oscars: theres always surprises.
i like where i work. im surrounded by very nice, smart people. we get to get dolled up a few times a year and celebrate excellence, creativity, and fun.
but once a year we have these nominations at 5 o’clock in the morning.
which means i should go to sleep right about now.
but im a grown ass man, unless im reading a book or on a plane, aint no way im falling asleep at 8:31pm
i lucked out, i dont have to be in there till 4am.
not everyone has it like this. in fact the guy i sit next to gets in there in a few hours.
the good news is it’s electric to be in the building when all those names are being called out.
and also, the breakfast thats provided, is delicious.
they look good on my shelves.
the ladies think im smart.
the crooks never know which ones have cash in them.
im sure many of them are good, especially the ones written by my friends.
but come on, people.
hows a man in 2016 supposed to work two jobs, binge watch television, blog, keep up with current events
go to concerts
date east side super models
participate in several fantasy sports leagues, and create something cool for the LAist, which by the way will start poppin sooner than later so hang in there.
hows a brother supposed to do all of those things AND read all the books in his many mansions?
heres what i suspect my life will be like after i win the powerball. i suspect i’ll be doing more traveling and less driving. and on those trips i will read more books.
especially in those planes where they let you lay down in yr cocoon.
and poolside
and oceanside
and beachside.
i had to wake up at 6am this morning to work. today will be interesting.
and i’ll never produce “Walk on the Wild Side” for him
i’ll never be the coolest dude in a photo when the other two are from the Stones and the Who
i’ll never always have the perfect expression on my face
my second wife will not be a super hot somalian super model who stays out of the news
i’ll never wear clothes that makes my eye patch seem like the obvious perfect accessory
i’ll never write “Fame” with John Lennon
i’ll never write “Under Pressure” with Freddie Mercury
i’ll never look menacingly ice cold in my mug shot with one blue eye and one brown eye
when i take my baby out on a stroll i’ll never look ridiculously amazing
but i do hope to shake hands with iggy pop in red square one day
so thank you david bowie for the inspiration!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eL-aV556HzE
RIP, Starman
ramie is a beautiful woman who loves mcdonalds nearly as much as i do. tonight i was all i hear they have a new thing going on over there. she said what, i said i dont know thats why i wanna go and find out.
i thought i heard they had this thing where you could get two small things for $2 and it turned out to be true.
you could get small fries, a chicken sandwich, a mcdouble, or three mozzarella sticks.
mozzarella sticks?!?!
indeed. so i was all fuckit i want like those, some fries, a mcchicken and some mcnuggets
the sticks were fine, but petite. sorta not worth it even for a buck. maybe if you have a kid.
and the weird thing is they dont have any options to get any larger size. like id pay $5 to get 20 of them. brotha needs 20. they also have to figure out how to make them stringier. the marinara sauce was fine, but any time im sitting down at a mcdonalds – which is rare – and i ordered something dippable, i’ll ask for hot mustard.
hot mustard is something no other mcdonalds has. they should exploit that.
they should introduce a new character
something sexy, and yellow, and spicy and delicious that adds a punch whatever it’s spread on.
angry drunk marge simpson?