todays music is trash and i feel bad for the kids

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there are very few exceptions. this tune from Walk The Moon is one of them.

stupid name, stupid look, weird mix of The Edge and the Jackson 5 guitar riff

freaking synth solo near the end of the song

but ridiculously catchy.

the official video has over 160 million views, but none of their others come even close to that.

truly a one hit wonder, who could have easily come out with this and the video in the 80s

and had just as much success.

perhaps thats why this works so well: it’s an 80s song

todays music is doomed.

heres the thing about me and love

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ditkathings start off great. in monopoly you get money, a car or a thimble or a hat, and you get to roll.

with me, i pretty much already love you. why? who knows, why do you get money in Monopoly? cuz you just do!

but as time goes by if you treat me poorly i will start not loving you. this can spiral.

but odds are i love you. this can increase if you make food for me, clean my apartment, treat me like a human, or let me put my hand on your thigh as we drive down PCH.

i’ll also love you if i just drank a bunch of Mexican Coke.

or if the Cubs just won a close game.

or if theres something good playing at the Vista.

or if someone just hands me a bowl of banana creme pudding.

or if theres something good on the radio.

or if the Muffs are about to play the Echoplex

or if the taco from the taco truck doesnt get me sick.

or if you text me nudes when i least expect it.

or if you let me put a washer dryer in my apartment after 15 years of having to go to the coin laundry.

or if you put Pete Rose into the Hall of Fame where he deserves to be.

or if you dress like a hooker and get me chinese food on my 30th birthday because im freaked that ive entered old age.

or if your band truly has a dual guitar attack.

or if you retweet my tweet instead of like it.

or if you legalize weed and stop the war on drugs.

or if you win the super bowl for walter payton.

or if you love the poor and give them good things.

or if you skateboard over a broken down car thats on fire.

or if you make a movie that gives me hope and has me singing the theme song in the parking lot.

but if you dick me over royally i’ll hold it against you forever even if it kills me first.

they dont want you to enjoy your weekend

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5zNTgbti have a lot of things i have to write this weekend

a couple are for LAist, and one is to save college journalism.

theyre actually not that hard to do which is maybe why ive been dragging my feet on them.

procrastination is such an interesting phenomenon.

i wonder if it’s truly what separates us from apes.

do you think monkeys see a banana tree in the distance and say, yeah as soon as i watch this here sunset then i’ll monkey my way over there and eat some damn bananas?

i sure know with my cats if they see i forgot to tuck in the strings from my hoodie they waste no time leaping across the room to attack it.

and chew it. and get it stuck in their claws and slobber all over it.

but humans, we think of other, less important things to get in our way to achieving our goal.

i woke up sweating this morning which is something i used to do all the time when i was younger.and it sure is weird to have that happen in the winter with just one blanket and no hot babe next to me.

back when i was in frisco living with the truest i used to soak the bed with sweat all the time. poor girl. in the middle of the night she’d wake me up and id go get a towel and put it over my huge disgusting sweat spot and sometimes we even did a quick sheet swap. she was an angel about it and never complained. the problem back then was i was spooning her too much and all that body heat would cause it

or so i thought.

maybe invisible angels were in my bed last night, keeping me warm, telling me its gonna be all right, that no way would baseball be so stupid as to institute the DH in the national league.

dear tony, what should we do about global warming?

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bowieexcellent question

1. throw any politician out of office if they “disagree” with the scientifically proven fact that it exists.

2. since it literally is a matter of life and death, create a federal department whose sole purpose is to curb it.

3. give that agency actual power.

4. stop giving hundreds of millions of dollars annually in federal subsidies to cattle farmers. “According to the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations, agriculture is responsible for 18% of the total release of greenhouse gases world-wide (this is more than the whole transportation sector).”

5. buck a gallon global warming tax on gasoline to pay for the agency

6. reforest the rainforest and if they don’t let us do it, invade them.

7. pull all of manufacturing out of china until they get their shit together with their pollution. (president trump would make it happen.)

8. require all new homes and office buildings to have solar panels that make a real difference.

9. zero income taxes for three years for anyone who has a fully electric car as their primary vehicle

10. no more night games at wrigley field

 

we just had the hottest year on Earth ever

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we're all gonna die

we’re all gonna die

i love you.

enjoy Wrigley Field and Old Style beer while you can.

and whatever you do, keep voting for liars who swear this has nothing to do with mankind

and theres nothing at all that mankind can do to fix it.

your bible tells us that mankind can do anything

anything

anything

but it starts with saying oh fuck im sorry i was wrong.

belle de jour (1967)

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belle de jour

i thought i had seen the Luis Buñuel classic, but when i saw it was on Hulu Plus the other day and watched it i realized i’d only seen photos of it and clips.

it’s a fascinating film starring the ridiculously beautiful Catherine Deneuve as a woman who is unfulfilled sexually in her marriage SO DECIDES TO BE A HOOKER.

or does she? the film does things that in the College of Creative Studies they taught us never to do: explain away everything as a dream.

there are scenes that happen and we realize they were just fantasies. and as the film moves along we never know whats real and whats a dream. even until the end.

Bunuel said even he didnt know what was real.

is that art or an easy way out?

we at school were taught that its the wrong path. that it’s lazy to work that way. that you should know and at some point your audience should know otherwise you’re just playing with their head for no good cause.

in the end i couldnt keep my eyes off Deneuve and i was glued to every step in her walk through being a prostitute because it was super interesting.

but im glad film didnt follow this path.

three stars

one of my new years resolutions is that every week imma see a classic movie i aint never seen before, last week was love in the afternoon and before that it was imitation of life.

do you know i love you? i do.

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jimi

i also love movies. and music. and sitting all weekend in my bed doing jack.

but starting next week imma catch up on all the Oscar nominated films that i havent seen yet.

heres my gameplan

tuesday – Room

wednesday – The Martian

thursday – The Revenant

friday – Trumbo

saturday – The Big Short (in the day)
saturday – nominated Animated Shorts (at night)

wish me luck

today is martin luther king day

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Martin Luther King Jr.

one of Americas greatest heroes.

a hero not just because of the words he said or the achievements he accomplished,

but how he did it.

he didn’t take anyone hostage, he didn’t gather dudes with rifles to occupy federal land, and he didn’t kill anyone in the name of any cause.

in fact he didn’t threaten anyone with violence. ever.

just the opposite: he spoke from a place of love.

love was his secret weapon, but it wasn’t a weapon at all, it was an adhesive.

love is what unified his message, his dream, and his goal with the hearts of others.

mlkwhen he was jailed, he didn’t fight, when he was punched, he didn’t punch back, when others around him were struck, he didn’t strike back.

it was the gutsiest, most punk rock move he could teach: take it.

love them for they know not what they they’re doing.

forgive them because they’re actually helping move this thing along.

it’s painful for me to see elements of this country have such a hard time accepting our first black president, because it shows me how much modern racism exists.

shrouded simply in politics, but it’s straight up ignorance and fear.

but dr. king’s ideals hold true just as much now as it did then: take it.

absorb it with love.

unite with peace.

live the example of where we want to go.

be punk rock

by being the opposite of the ignorant.

so learn.

speak so that others get it.

and come from a place of kindness.

we might not ever achieve a smidge of what mlk did individually, but if we simply walk along that path

together, we’ll get there,

love in the afternoon (1957)

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love in the afternoon

one of the great things about being a man in america is no matter how old we get we can still fool around with babes in their 20s.

that, to me, is the theme of the gary cooper + audrey hepburn + billy wilder romcom

do i buy it? do i think that audrey has daddy issues when her papa is maurice chevalier?

no. it is not established why shes into the cavorting, forgetful, bland cooper.

gary cooper and audrey hepburnthe only other love in her life has no game, but cooper does? he’s got so much money he’s able to pay a quartet of gypsies to perform live music anywhere he wishes, but audrey doesnt seem impressed by material objects

except for that fur

and that hat

if anything i think shes attracted to his style. it is carefree and simple. and stylish.

because when you’re a handsome man with money, no matter your age, life is a parade of women of all sorts

why wouldnt you soak it all in?

which is where the gunman comes in. the only interesting part of the film to me. most of it is damn audrey’s gorge or damn coop got old.

but as the nra says: when theres a gun – theres always fun.

there werent enough guns is the problem. not enough stumbling blocks.

youre telling me fine as audrey is, theres no other men knocking on her door? theres no other husbands trying to get at coop?

theres no other songs those gypsies can play???

there were some moments of LOLs and decent lines, but for the most part i was all what a waste of talent.

two stars

one of my new years resolutions is that every week imma see a classic movie i aint never seen before, last week was imitation of life.

as you know i rarely have dreams

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Taylor Swift but last night i did.

and the guest star was Taylor Swift, who my mom does not like AT ALL.

and we were talking and i had lots of questions and because i keep it real i told her that when i first heard “Shake It Off” i hated it and couldnt understand what was going on in her life that she felt like she had to make that song

and her face scrunched up

and i told her, it reminded me of the first time i visited LA. the year was 1984. i was here for the Rose Bowl to see Illinois play UCLA and – i’ll never forget – i was in the parking lot at the little outdoor mall in Marina Del Rey. they used to have an arcade there. now it’s a movie theater.

and i was in the parking lot and the dj said, “and now get ready because we have something here that you wont believe, but it’s true, it’s the new song from Van Halen. you have to believe me that it’s really them, because this sounds like nothing youve ever heard before”

and they played “Jump” and at first i was all, what the hell is wrong with eddie that he thinks he needs to put synthesizers in Van Halen of all things. and it was weird and poppy and it turned out to be their biggest hit of all. just like Shake it Off became your biggest hit of all.

and taylor unscrunched her face and smiled and said some stuff that i couldnt hear BECAUSE DREAMS ARE RETARDED.

and when i woke up i thought to myself, holy crap, taylor swift is going to do a surprise set at Coachella this year!

thats what this dream “means”. thats why Coachella hired Calvin Harris. that’s why they dont care if Guns n Roses turns out to be terrible like they were when they opened for the Stones way back when at the Coliseum. taylor swift is gonna full on do a little show and of course it will be a surprise because if they booked her for realsies everyone would take shit about Coachella, but if she just la la la oh hi im here, whats this a mic, whats this my guitar? oh hi. heres a little song you might know

and they do Shake it Off in the desert and then Bad Blood and all her mfing squad shows up and struts around

and then Slash struts around

it will be the biggest thing of all.

weekend one only, naturally.

and the only thing that could ruin this great plan is if i actually get tickets for weekend one, so to preserve this, i will just stay at home so all the kids can have their minds blown. youre welcome. ps f dreams.