those times usually coincide with the end of football season.

yesterday i visited our good pal danielle down in san dieger, a town i loathe. why do i hate it so? why do i wish it would break off and sink into the pacifico? for several reasons.

a) my first girlfriend ever moved there and met up with her husband, who in return treated her very poorly and broke her heart.

b) the 1984 cubs met their doom down there, no thanks to Steve Garvey and the space between leon “bull” durham’s legs

c) the once lovely and safe mcdonalds was the tragic scene of a shootout back in the day

thus giving me the impression that san dieger is nothing more than a place to piss before heading further south down to mexico

anyways danielle and i had a lovely time yesterday drinking expensive shots, downing craft beers, going to adult stores and scoring whippits, and making fun of people who she dated while watching them on new dates in old bars.

ah danielle. gorgeous as ever. maybe moreso. fun as ever, probably more so. and still single because san dieger is lame. maybe more than ever.

but it was pretty.

and moderately warm.

and into the night danielle and i ate ice cream and watched dvds of the sara silverman show and laughed and spaced out and mama mia did she look great in her sleeveless dress.

drove home late late late on the empty freeway and listened to howard stern and thanked the Lord for great friends, lack of traffic, and satelite radio – the things that separate us from apes

then in the morn i caught up on Big Brother After Dark and all i can say is omg omg omg

danielle’s blog + danielle is hot + danielle and flagrant share the same bday + first pic i ever took of danielle

on victoria island in beautiful british columbia, canada.

she was having a bad week, and she has a bad job, and strangely shes still single, somehow, so i dont even wanna ask her how her valentines was, cuz you never really know if that will bring up something bad or sad or whatever

the worst thing about her twisting her knee up so bad today is snowboarding was one of her true joys in life other than cooking, blogging, posing for hot pics and being rad

so because i know i have an inordinate amount of readers up in canada, if any of you are on the island right now i was wondering if you would do me a flavor

keira anne is blue, her knee is blue, and she cant even move off her moms couch

meanwhile victoria island has natural remedies up there if you know what i mean

so… if any of you wanna bring any over to her today or tomorrow or cook some up in some brownies or whathaveyou

then go over to her site and email her and hook a sista up

and if you wanna bring over some flowers for me i will pay you back instantly via paypal

keira, besides being a knockout, is super fun and extremely nice.

the last time i was in vancity we had a beautiful time together, we drank, saw fireworks, took in a movie, we ate, we played xxx arcade games

what Didnt we do?

therefore if you could help one of your own canada, this weekend would be the right time and keira would be the right girl.

xoxoxo
tony

really funny stupid chicks are slightly irresistible too, especially ones with southern accents.

heres your American Idol, Kelly Pickler and an interesting NYT piece about how this country is embracing ignorance.

yesterday several times?

and also, a liar many times.

shocking, i agree, but nothing was more shocking this week on tv than jane fonda saying cunt on morning television when children could be (and were watching)

but the most shocking part of it all was when meredith verio LIED by saying it was “a slip” and then LIED AGAIN by saying that they would do “nothing to offend” their audience.

pardon me, but lying to my fucking face is pretty much the MOST offensive thing you can do to me, and the clearest example of (as my bro sean quotes judge judy of saying) “peeing on my leg and telling me its raining”.

fonda was talking about the vagina monologues and describing a scene called cunt. she said it. it didnt slip. she meant it. i want nbc fined for as much money as howard stern would have been fined if it had happened on the radio. but it wont happen because the government and big business are in bed with each other in a blissful state of fascism.

Chris Carnaghi: Tony allow me to be the first to question. As a long time reader,fan and friend, I noticed for a long time you stayed away from Politics in the Blog. Over the last few years that has changed. Do you feel a bigger weight or greater challenge I should say, in writing, blogging in the clasical sense, as opposed to hard hitting journalism or even news reporting? How do you so uniquley and effectively blend all the different forms of writing? I would think it is dicotomous and not even really possible. And yet somehow you really have made it work. !

this year writing about politics was super easy because it was really just two things: ron paul and barack obama. everyone else was either George Bush or Not George Bush. i uniquely and effectively blend all types of blogging together perfectly because i have cheerleaders of all different sorts emailing me or IMing me daily telling me to write about this or that. im fortunate.

martin morgan: What are your thoughts on contacting old flames out of the blue?

i try not to contact old flames out of the blue, but i dont mind if they contact me. i was watching one of my favorite movies High Fidelity the other night, and you just dont wanna be *that* dude in the midst of a midlife crisis going backwards in time trying to relive the past or trying to excavate old treasures. move forward, walk fast, make out with new babes. if the past wants you, answer the call and do what you can, but it probably wont work out. with that said my “true love” comes back from africa this summer and i cant wait. but i have no hopes for things working out. at all.

The Holywriter Bill Clinton will be campaigning for Hillary in my area and I will be covering the event for my newspaper and as a radio journalist. Got any good questions I should ask him?

1. does he feel like he and his wife are cockblocking Blacks.
2. does he still eat greasy foods?
3. does he ever feel like he and hillary should have had more kids?

Ciavarro: Those arms look like they could reach into outer space.

True or false.

they were reaching into the inner space of the pleated skirts of the cheerleaders. so false.

Dan: What would it take to bring you to Canada permanently? (post-LAT of course)

global warming

d: if chicago were an alcohol, what kind of alcohol would it be?

i havent lived in Chicagoland for a very long time. when i lived there it was a delicious malt liquor – inexpensive, unpretentious, smooth with a little bite, but ultimately refreshing and intoxicating. now its Amstel Light.

jimh: Is that a three-hole belt you’re wearing in the photo? I had one of those and it was my favorite.

why yes it is! i believe it was also reversible.

keir: Name the 3 best bands in I.V. from when you were there.

in order:

1. The Wonderfuls
2. The Shawn White Band
3. Mons Pubis
4. Rogue Cheddar
5. Ugly Kid Joe
6. Bad Neighbor
7. Popsicko

timmay: who will be playing in this year’s NBA finals (besides the Celtics)?

Shaq needs one for his pinkie. Shaq will get one for his pinkie.

Matt Welch: Russ Stanton?

Yes he beat me out by one vote!

kali: what book are you holding?

my favorite of all books – a tiny empty notebook waiting to be doodled in

PatZ: fries or side salad?

<3 fries! Travis: Is Victoria Williams a drunk then? I don’t get why I’d love her.

you’d love her because shes unique, funky, beautiful, talented, odd, and can write and sing better than all the trashy little hos out there today combined. also cuz she was once married to Peter Case of the Plimsouls, and beat MS.

so go for it

and yes, this is me on my first day of high school, 1888

you will love her

victoria williams
“you r loved”
loose

Man takes his cane to a waterfall
Has a vision
Starts talking baby talk
Understood by a girl in Peru
We read about it in the daily news
Lines of poetry
Revealing mysteries
Still some can’t swim
Jesus walked on the water
He turned the water into wine
He went down to the drunkards
To tell them everything is fine

You R loved
You R loved
You R really loved

I cannot decide
Who should die or live
I do my best to forgive
Falling backwards in the eventide
Listening at the riverside
Lines of poetry…

one of the benefits of being a gazillion years old is that you are bound to find yourself in love a few times. because the Lord loves me, i have ended up in love way more times than i deserved. i have been lucky enough to have been in the loving gaze of all types of girls and women, most of whom were way out of my league, in fact all of them were.

because of those amazing experiences, i did my best to write down the miracles that were befalling me so that if it was all a beautiful dream at least i would have practice writing before i woke up.

the only advice that i could offer a young man who finds himself currently single and looking for love… is to stop looking. every single longlasting relationship that i found myself in was the result of events that i had zero control over. i dont believe in luck, but every girlfriend, lover, hookup, fling was the happiest accident of that year. either they simply walked into my life or i into theirs. which doesnt mean that i didnt have to work a little magic once i became attracted, but the original meeting was completely unplanned and natural.

like i said, over the years ive written down stories and tales and yes friends, even poems, about my times with the weaker sex. i did this not to brag or bitch but to try to figure out how i ended up in such a wonderful situation so one day, if i were down on my “luck” i could recreate similar opportunities. but im here to tell you that no matter how many times i tried to plot a map around the mysteries island of Love, the coordinates changed and angels laughed at my folly.

today i will punish you all with some of my favorite stories and rhymes and photo essays that celebrated love, but for now, check out my favorite poem, one i wrote for one tracey degrazia, who i met while on a bus to iowa to check out colleges way back in the day. as you know i chose not to study in the midwest, but here in southern california, however one summer i went back home to illinois and had a fine month and a half with our girl while i was an ice cream man, and wrote a 13 page epic poem about her called The Stamp, which would help me get accepted into the college of creative studies at ucsb.

the stamp was supposed to be a story about a romance between a prince of one country who fell for the princess of a rival nation. because their love was doomed due to the politics of their families, and because they knew that their correspondences would be intercepted and censored, they contrived a signal that would defy the ignorance of their parents. they told each other that as long as the stamp on the envelope was upside-down, it meant that the sender was still in love with the recipient.

the poem was so long that it never got to that part of the story, but sometimes it really is the thought that counts.